It’s time for some soft power diplomacy. Instead of bombing the enemy, soft power diplomacy is when you make them really like you. For example, you could build them a school on the ruins of whatever you’ve bombed. Or apologize for the noise you made.Culture can be also be a form of soft power. The reason Laos will never start a fight with us is that they like our lakorn too much. Cambodians, on the other hand, are obviously not watching enough Thai TV.

Popular gay hookup app Grindr will soon be going straight. Whether it’ll catch on here is another matter. A program that identifies all the available people within 400 yards of where you’re standing would surely overload pretty quickly, what with our soaring singleton status. Besides, we’re sensitive souls here in Singapore (or at least that’s what it says on our Grindr profile…)—is a quick fumble in the bathroom stalls really what we’re after?

(Bangkok, Thailand) Columnists Hail Preah Vihear SkirmishesColumnists from leading local dailies gathered at Hyde & Seek last night to chink exotic cocktails and toast the ongoing firefights at the disputed Khmer temple on the Thai-Cambodian border.“We’ve been sitting on our asses calling for peace and, so far, the response has been phenomenal,” one columnist said, adding that the number of comments on his stories has gone up 4,000 percent. “Readers are asking that I run for UN Secretary.

Dear Sexpert, I have these two friends, Film and Anne, and they’re using the natural contraception method. My other friend, Hia Hor, claims they are/were actually in an open relationship. Is that risky? What’s natural contraception? Does it involve being bi?—Worried ‘Bout my BuddiesDear WBMY, There are a lot of nasty diseases out there and if you’re going to screw half the town—or screw someone who has—you really need to do it with more protection than just good Catholic timing.

So Chinese New Year approaches and the city grinds to a halt (though it’s really only the taxis that halt and our teeth that do the grinding). With all this time on our hands, and family members we’d previously forgotten coming round to toast the New Year and drive us insane (hi Gran!), the temptation to stay in touch with the outside world via Twitter will be hard to resist.

Hi. This is Lin Ping, Grand Master Baby Panda of the Universe. (Shut up. I’m still a baby.) And I have got a message for you, earthlings:Lin Ping is upset. You worship fake idols. You obssess with Preah Vihear. You let the Prime Minister bore you for hours with aerial photos and talk of demarcation lines and then talk some more while sitting in front of fake books. Hello? I AM HERE. Her Holy Cuteness. Her Adorable Fluffiness.

Hey Hellooo BK, it’s Pancake. Your favorite dek inter.Can I just say something? It like totally sucks being rich. There, I’m the only one brave enough to say it. You know, I totally support Mark, have the FB badge, the works, but I’m so having a hard time understanding the whole Pracha Wiwat thing—it’s not just because my Thai sucks (hey, my nanny was Filipino, OK)—it’s because I’m just not poor enough.I’m like totally trying to feel the pain. I even left my driver at home all week. And, OK, it must really really suck to be a taxi driver.

To all the restaurants implementing bans on young children,I am a delightful four year old who has never so much made a squeak in public. (What’s that? You think this is my mom writing and pretending to be me the way she does with those sickening Christmas cards and creepy Facebook posts? How dare you! It’s really me. “Implementing” was one of the first words I learnt how to say.)Anyway, I’m writing to complain about this disgusting new policy under which you seek to exclude young children from your premises. What gives? You were children once too, remember.

The trouble with Bangkokians who drive to the office and eat KFC egg tarts is that they already vote Democrat. Abhisit’s nine handouts were designed to win over new voters—but where does that leave his middle class supporters? Social security for workers in the “informal sector?” That doesn’t concern you (even if you don’t wear a tie). Using less than 90 units of electricity per week? Not with four air-con units running 24-7. A registry of motorcycle taxi drivers? Well, that won’t help the price of European cars.This is why we’d like you to threaten Abhisit and his Democrat cronies.

You’re alive! Thank god. With all those hot 15 to 18-year-old daughters of hisos driving at top speed on the toll way, we were a tad worried that our plans to drive drunk would be marred. It’s one thing to be nearly passed out at the wheel, but it only works if the people surrounding you are seasoned, experienced motorists, not a khun nuu BB-chatting at 130kph. We were so worried about our fellow motorists, we vaguely considered such radical strategies as drinking at home or eating a mint before leaving the bar.