Hi. This is Lin Ping, Grand Master Baby Panda of the Universe. (Shut up. I’m still a baby.) And I have got a message for you, earthlings:Lin Ping is upset. You worship fake idols. You obssess with Preah Vihear. You let the Prime Minister bore you for hours with aerial photos and talk of demarcation lines and then talk some more while sitting in front of fake books. Hello? I AM HERE. Her Holy Cuteness. Her Adorable Fluffiness. Who cares about a bunch of old stones when you’ve got the most awesomely snuggly panda baby in your midst?OK, OK, that guy flying back to Thailand with cockroaches in his hair was kind of funny. But look, I can lay on my back and show my tummy. See? Cute, right? Granted, the part where Thai Patriots asked for Abhisit to be beheaded was vaguely entertaining. But look, this is my sleeping face. I’m sleeping. Adorable, no?What? You don’t care? They spend two weeks in jail and it’s like they were kidnapped by the Taliban for four years. You want to read the book? Do the math. Each day will have to be like 20 pages long if they don’t want it to be a best-selling pamphlet. Surely, watching me sleep is more entertaining than that.You want a story? I’ve been behind bars since birth. And frankly, I can’t wait to go back to China. I mean, Thai people are OK, but jeez, the press. One day they’re flooding you with interview requests, the next they’re obsessed with seven clowns hiking in Cambodia. Was there nothing else going on that week? Grown men threatening each other and communicating through signs carved in stone is interesting? I must REALLY come from a different planet.So I guess this is my warning to you, dear subjects. If you really love me, you know what to do: dedicate your next hour to http://linping.truelife.com/, a show with no borders, nothing to kill or die for and no religion either.And one last thing. Screw rabbits. Every year is a Panda Year for True believers. Wishing you luck in this auspicious year of the Panda,Her Holiness Lin Ping the Fuzzy and Munificent.