Dear Pry Ministur,How are u? Do u no who I am? Its me! Daeng! I am 7! U remembur now? Wow you been pry ministur for long time now. Are you boring? Maybe some 1 else want to be ministur? Did you ask Samak? 555 I am joking na. He had big funeral already.Where do we go when we die? Can you essplain? My mom and dad fight about the ded baybies 2day. My mom said ded baybies come from men who get drunk and the girl doesn't want stoopid daddy. "Like you!" my mom said to dad. 5555.

Welcome to the first issue of the Audit and Service Section (ASS) of the BadGas Co., Int. Ltd. newsletter. I’m Somkid Boonsirisomboondeemongkul but, please, call me El Presidente. This week, we have really great news and some bad news. First of all, we’ve fixed the hole in the women’s toilets in Sales & Marketing (S&M). Yes, that’s the bad news. Personally, I thought watching the secretaries taking a leak was hilarious and kinda sexy. I may have studied at Triam Udom and then Harvard but I’m a man, too.

Never let it be said that we don’t know how to give people great ideas in this city.

An interesting footnote in the news recently about a vending machine in Nanjing that dispenses live, chilled hairy crabs. The company behind this innovation boasts that cutting down on staff costs means more affordable crabs all round.

In light of all the incriminating videos involving political, judicial and athletic figures recently available on YouTube, The Ministry of Information and Magic regrets to announce new limits on YouTube usage in Thailand. (Reports that is only happening because a senior official got his ten-year-old son to show them how to log on, are allegedly “completely unfounded but did you know that funny thing by the screen is called a mouse.”)The MIM has created a simple list of just a few million video clips to be permanently blocked to all viewers in Thailand.

Amid the recent brouhaha surrounding the clampdown on modified school uniforms, it didn’t escape our attention that this was a perfect metaphor for the state of the nation. People accuse us of being too robotic, too samey, too uniform all the time. And yet here we are saying, “No. Don’t alter that uniform. All must look alike, lah.” Kids wanting to look different is hardly news, and we have some sympathy for the authorities trying to avoid the situation degenerating to the point that kids roll up to school in slippers.

Today, the National Corruption Commission chairman was seen taking giant brown paper bags stuffed with play money from T-Cash, the mascot of the Corruption Expo, a huge pink pig with dollar signs in his eyes.

Floods, in Thailand, happen for a reason. Taking innocents as collateral, they wash us of our political colors, rejenuvate our sense of nationhood and reaffirm our Thainess. How? Namjai. It doesn’t matter if it’s a bucket to a monk, or a goody bag to a flood victim.

Everyone’s bitching about the haze. Pointing the finger across the water. Buying face masks. Not exercising outdoors. Honestly, the PSI crosses the 100 mark for the first time in four years and folk start acting like we’re under attack.

It was the story that got the entire world talking. The rescue of the Chilean miners was allegedly watched by a billion people around the globe, created 33 instant heroes, made the country’s mining minister an shoo-in for next president, and saw every other country scramble to claim credit for its own role in the miracle, however minor. A country last in the spotlight for a devastating earthquake now basks in goodwill, new hope and the attention of a hundred ravenous Hollywood screenwriters. As rebranding exercises go, it was a risky one, but it seems to have worked.