Welcome to the first issue of the Audit and Service Section (ASS) of the BadGas Co., Int. Ltd. newsletter. I’m Somkid Boonsirisomboondeemongkul but, please, call me El Presidente. This week, we have really great news and some bad news. First of all, we’ve fixed the hole in the women’s toilets in Sales & Marketing (S&M). Yes, that’s the bad news. Personally, I thought watching the secretaries taking a leak was hilarious and kinda sexy. I may have studied at Triam Udom and then Harvard but I’m a man, too. Just ask my senior VP who was the last man standing at the last outing to Kinkee Plaza for our weekly DO-Unify-CHange-Enjoy (DO-U-CH-E) motivational sessions. But the HR department, under the Let’s Keep Lawsuits to a Minimum 2010 campaign, were a tad worried about cell phone pics circulating on the company’s intranet. So there. Hole plugged. I only wish it were that easy with budgets and faulty oil rigs! (Laugh or you’re fired.)Now the good news. We can go back to raping Burma with the international community’s blessings. It was kind of taboo to do business with the junta for a few years and that was totally screwing our bottom line. At one point, we were so desperate, we considered building a port right here, in Thailand. I know, hilarious, right? I mean we’re good at smiling at tourists and selling tickets to trannie shows and national parks, but carrying heavy loads and hitting deadlines? Leave that to our lovely neighbors.So BadGas will start construction on this new port in Burma right about now. (Well, a bunch of Burmese children will—we’ll just show up in our suits and hardhats, go for a quick tour and then hit the casinos for a little DO-U-CH-E action). In return, that Burmese lady, the blabbermouth whose name sounds like a hotpot dish, will be allowed to go on about freedom of speech. The generals will get their cut. We’ll get a cut. Our generals will get a cut. And you can keep driving your gas-guzzler to K Village untroubled. So, in a sense, you get a cut, too. Now, that, ladies and gentlemen, is corporate social responsibility (CSR, a sad acronym if I ever heard one) in action—a situation where everyone’s a winner. And remember, if you feel really guilty about our dealings with a military dictatorship, you can always buy a t-shirt of Miss Sukiyaki in Obama-style colors at MBK, and even wear it on weekends. We are, after all, living in a free country. The President, BadGas, Co. Int. Ltd.