It’s that time of year again. Our hangovers have finally cleared, we’ve grown bored of our presents and 2010 is receding into the distance faster than Jude Law’s hairline. Ordinarily we’d be busy making and breaking resolutions, but truth be told we’re kind of annoyed our iPhones still can’t do that for us. Honestly, it’s the 21st Century. If you can’t outsource life’s important decisions to a machine, then just what have the last few thousand years been in aid of?

Away in a mangerOr at home wearing red,The Singapore LionsLay down as if dead.Oh, jingle bells, jingle bellsJingle all the way,Oh, what fun it is to rideOn an overpriced expressway.Ding dong! merrily on high,On Orchard the tills are ringing,Ding dong!

It’s the end of the year, which means our days are becoming a muddled blur of lime, bourbon and ginger—or was it lemongrass, gin and egg white? Apart from the non-stop clinking of glasses, it’s also a time to get an overdose of Wham! in malls and reflect on the past. Remember when ol’ Square Face was Prime Minister? The government was handing out money to the poor to guarantee its 1,000-year Reich and cops were shooting anyone they didn’t like. Mr. T would sue the shit out of anyone who dared criticize him while people queued for Roti Boy.

Boy, do we like our mobile phones. If it’s not a survey revealing that a majority of us now hear them ringing even when they aren’t, it’s a report saying that there’s no longer much of a market for second hand phones, since people only want the latest models.As Tron: Legacy lands at the multiplex, and fear of The Net grips us once more (this time in 3D!) perhaps it’s time to assess whether, as a nation, we’re in danger of becoming too attached to our tech toys, and in the process are losing sight of our humanity. God forbid anyone call Singaporeans robotic!

In the wake of last Sunday’s by-election results, where the Bhumjaithai and Democrat party enjoyed victories in four out of five constituencies, an indie filmmaker renewed her appeal to screen Politicians in the Backyard, a controversial movie on the two parties’ torrid and steamy relationship. Today, it was banned from general release by the rating committee under the Office of National Culture and Heterosexual Sex Is the Only Sex Commission. The board was particularly shocked by a scene where the leaders of both parties shake hands while smiling lustfully at each other.

Don’t worry if you worry that you’re getting too old for ZoukOut. Hey, we scratch our heads every year (and find less hair there than last time when we do) trying to figure out whether it’s finally time to hang up our glowsticks. Besides, there’s a lot to love about being a little bit older every time the event rolls around: For one thing we can now afford a nice hotel room on Sentosa before and after the event (who are we trying to kid; we work in media, but we do have friends who made different career choices and can afford all the rooms on Sentosa they could ever want).

We’ve been trying really hard all week to fill in all those xxxxxxxx’ed out bits in the wikileaks and we think we’ve nar- rowed it down somewhat. Working on an article from The Nation, our editorial team has come up with suggestions at what might fit into the blanked portions.

So wearing the national flag across your groin, as our water polo team are wont to do, is a no-no. The crescent moon poking out of their collective crotches in Guangzhou was deemed “inappropriate” by those whose job it is to monitor these things. (“Hilarious” might have been an even more appropriate description, but perhaps it doesn’t strike a sufficiently authoritative tone.) MICA want elements of the flag to be treated with dignity, as opposed to covering our boys’ dignity.Let’s turn to the statute books to see where we stand.

Poll writers over at ABAC have been working hard to spice up their questions and answers, while trying to maintain a totally neutral tone. To support them, we’ve come up with a few suggestions.1. Would you have liked to have been aborted before you were born?a. Sure.b. Does it hurt?c. Only if it’s fully refundable under the B30 healthcare scheme.d. Waargghgh! Sinners! Repent! (No.)2. Do you think article 190 of the constitution, which bars the secret PAD-Democrat axis of evil signing over vast swathes of the Kingdom to Hun Sen, should be amended?a.

Amid the various stories emerging from the Asian Games in Guangzhou - doped-up athletes (judon’t say?), weightlifters with swine flu, cycling smash-ups - one of the most peculiar is surely that of Singapore’s own Shayna Ng, silver medallist in women’s singles bowling (and later winner of gold in women’s trios). Just before she rolled a crucial ball in the twelfth frame, her teammate New Hui Fen asked if she wanted to go to the toilet.