Under the Emergency Decree Act, BK Magazine is hereby ordered to run this important announcement from General Shinymedaltri Notthatideservethem:“Dear Bangkokians, now that we’re rid of Type 4 gender benders in the army it’s time to set the general population straight—starting right here, in the capital. This country’s going down the tubes and you pampered prima donnas prancing about in your minis need to seriously man up.First, Songkran is here and that means a few hundred road casualties. So what? You know how many guys we lose in our live firing exercises?

A photo showing a maid trailing behind a national serviceman, carrying his field pack while he fiddles with his phone, has drawn the ire of many folk who see it as further proof that we’re becoming a nation of softies. But what’s the big deal? The role of maids has been expanding in recent years. No longer will they only sweep your floor and hang your underwear out to dry. These days, you can pretty much outsource every aspect of your life to them. Don’t have one? You’re missing out. Here’s just a few of the things they can do.Ready Maid Body Too busy to work out?

The PAD is really pissed with the New Politics Party, threatening to pull its support, or even simply disintegrate mid-air, like old farts do. Newin and Silpa-archa are super tight again. And the Pracha Santi Party is back from the dead. Despite the smoke and mirrors, these parties only serve the interests of the men behind them, which is about as narrow a focus as focus gets.

Ordinarily, we’d wait until April 1 to tell you who to prank and how to do it. But you know what they say about any April Fools tricks you attempt after noon—the joke’s on you. And since the next issue of I-S isn’t out until that Friday, there’s every chance you’ll have missed your chance by the time you read it. Besides, you need time to pick your target and ready your weapons of mirth. A week’s notice also means you can use our new Tech Guide (It’s free to download!

This Saturday’s Earth Hour is designed to:a. Encourage Bangkok’s Governor to add thousands more street lights: “See how dark it gets when buildings turn their lights off!”b. Send a powerful message to Gaddafi that we can live without Libyan fuel, for a full hour.c. Send a powerful message to the nuclear power lobby that we’re definitely, maybe, reconsidering having to go nuclear in 2020.d. Make us feel slightly less guilty about our consumerist lifestyles.Why is the DSI so upset about Jatuporn’s views on how all those Red Shirts died last year?a.

Voting’s a funny business. This year’s I-S Readers Choice awards attracted more votes than ever before, yet many categories saw only narrow victories for the ultimate winners. In one case, results were tied right up until the final hour. (No recounts, sorry!)Close calls like this are fun, but as Muammar Gaddafi can testify, total domination rules. With that in mind, we offer this year’s runners-up some tips on how to whitewash next year’s awards. Want to crush the local F&B scene? Fancy humiliating the city’s other boutique stores by garnering 99% of the vote? Here’s how:1.

The Durian Revolution was an unpopular uprising originating in the South-east Asian city-state of Singapore in the early months of 2011. So named because of the prickly personalities involved and a result which many thought stank.Origins Misunderstanding contemporaneous events in the Arab world, more than a dozen members of a leading opposition party decided to resign only weeks before a general election.

Working for the Road Safety Council (RSC) must be one of the nation’s most thankless tasks. A voluntary course launched in December to prepare motorcyclists for the expressway has only been taken up by 38 percent of new riders. A mock obituary for a drink driving victim drew more comments for what it allegedly did wrong—including a disclaimer stating that the person featured was fictitious—than what it did right. Meanwhile, the dailies continue to revel in pictures of crumpled cars and roadside bodybags.Dangerous driving is no laughing matter.

Last weekend saw thousands of people take to Bangkok’s streets in protest. Well, that’s what the guy from the Nation who tweets all the time told us. It was too hot and sticky outside to go and verify for ourselves, but we heard that everyone from farmers to Democrats came out in droves to protest something or the other. Still, there were also a number of smaller protests that didn’t quite make the papers.Following the riot at the Deftones gig, the Eagles concert at Impact Arena was the scene for further trouble last weekend.

Disappointing news this week. Word reaches us that Singapore ranked only second in a worldwide survey to find the countries that worry the most about survey results. The Association of Serious Surveys found that while Singaporeans like to know how they measure up on the global yardstick, they tend to work too hard to improve their results year-on-year. The ASS report pointed out that this was not the point of such surveys; whose principal goals were humiliation disguised as statistical analysis, and elevated levels of first world smugness.