Issue Date: 
Jan 13 2011 - 11:00pm
Author: 
Page3
Topics: 
city living

The trouble with Bangkokians who drive to the office and eat KFC egg tarts is that they already vote Democrat. Abhisit’s nine handouts were designed to win over new voters—but where does that leave his middle class supporters? Social security for workers in the “informal sector?” That doesn’t concern you (even if you don’t wear a tie). Using less than 90 units of electricity per week? Not with four air-con units running 24-7. A registry of motorcycle taxi drivers? Well, that won’t help the price of European cars.This is why we’d like you to threaten Abhisit and his Democrat cronies. You go tell ‘em you’ll vote Pheua Thai if they don’t come up with handouts that help you. Here are our suggestions:• A discount on liquid nitrogen. Eating at Kempinski’s Sra Bua can easily cost over B3,000 per person and we’re skeptical that a 10 satang discount on eggs is going to help that much. Subsidize liquid nitrogen instead, which is fast becoming the most common ingredient in the diet of any self-respecting foodie.• A high-speed train to Preah Vihear. This temple is so important to us, we’d like to be able to visit every Sunday. We love Khmer ruins. Except we’ll need a retro mall there with a shop selling invisibility cloaks to sneak into Cambodia. Oh and air-con.• Designated areas for street vendors are a very nice idea, Mr. Abhisit, but those ugly plastic stools have to go. Maybe Duangrit Bunnag could create something. Or a visit to the new Ikea?• To help the retail sector, let’s have entire malls where only hot women in sexy dresses and people with platinum cards can get in. A bit like K. Village but stricter.• We understand why taxi drivers are getting B5,000 loans. Now if you could just add a zero and do the same for us, thank you very much.• Low-cost duplexes in Thong Lor with river views, submarine bays and small baby panda petting farms.• Kid cafes, with a plentiful stock of children aged 3 to 5 you can play with for a couple hours, while having cocktails or wine, without actually have to raise or clean up after them.Voila, Mark. Don’t say we didn’t warn you.