The latest Hermès campaign J’aime mon carré, which means “I love my scarf,” is one of the freshest we’ve seen from the luxury French label. Its artistic director of silk, Bali Barnet, British photographer Matt Irwin, art director Dean Langley and stylist Francesca Burns have found new ways to refashion the brand’s highly sought-after silk scarves—by employing hip young things to roam around the cities of New York, London, Paris and Tokyo wrapped in scarves and looking impossibly desirable. From $220 at Hermès, #09-03/04 Wheelock Place, 501 Orchard Rd., 6235-6555.

A major phenomenon in Europe and the United States, the local food movement (LFM) is perhaps the most significant current food trend of all—yes, more than six-course wine dinners and guest visits by Michelin-star chefs. A direct response to the over-industrialization of food and the damage to farmland and farmers by big business, single-crop farming, the LFM is a revival of sourcing seasonal food from nearby small farms, not from countries far, far away.

At present, Bangkok’s diners still seem obsessed with fancy, foreign foods: French foie gras, New Zealand mussels, USDA beef, Australian lamb, Alaskan king crab and more. Thai produce and meat is still strictly for home use and street stalls, not five star hotels and fancy restaurants. Except that even here a rumble of counter-culture is taking place, spearheaded by a handful of inventive Thai and foreign chefs who, risking a break with money-making trends, are re-introducing us to food products made in our green Kingdom. Their hope is reduced carbon emissions, stronger local economies and, believe it or not, exciting and delicious food.

Why Local?

We spoke to four such chefs from four different restaurants (See Meet the Chefs below) and each had their own reason for going local. For Nate Sarakossas, owner/chef of the new French bistro, Triplets, LFM is closely aligned with the anti-global warming movement. “LFM reduces carbon emissions caused by packaging, refrigeration and long-haul transportation of food,” she says, and she’s not alone. That temple of cool, Bed Supperclub, is getting in on the act as well with their once-a-month locavore menu, where executive chef Cameron Stuart serves up a five-course set menu showcasing the possibilities of Thai-made ingredients. It’s actually part of a larger, environmental commitment by the venue, namely the 10/10 initiative where businesses pledge to reduce carbon emissions by 10% in 10 years.

Still even if you aren’t worried about saving the planet, there are more patriotic reasons to consider. This is the case for Tee Kachorklin, former sous chef at the Michelin-star Roussillon in London, and now the owner of a charming and affordable bistro, La Table de Tee. “It’s not just about going to another country, working at Michelin-star places and then coming back to work at a five-star hotel. In using Thai products, I am trying to help the Thai economy, linking food with Thai farmers, not just the cook.”

But at the end of the day, the real value of the LFM comes down to the quality of the food and in turn the taste of the dishes. “It’s fresh,” says Paul Quarchioni, former sous chef of Le Normandie and now owner of La Café Siam. “We can get in live fish and live prawns, as opposed to imported fish. If it’s caught overseas on Monday, I can only get it on Friday.” Stuart also prefers the quality and convenience of ordering locally. “With import orders you get produce that’s coming in about once a week, so fruits and vegetables end up in your cool room for a long time. But local things, I can have delivered daily.”

Eggplants With Personality

Of course, it’s not all sunshine and hippie rainbows. If it were that easy then maybe more chefs in town would be emboldened to do the same thing. For starters, Thailand still suffers from a lack of sustainable farming and agricultural infrastructure. Stuart says, “We seem to have trouble with guarantees. We do a monthly menu, so I’ll say, ‘Will this product be available for the whole month?’ Then despite getting a yes, a week into the menu, I find it doesn’t exist anymore!”

Nate agrees there are issues with sticking to local. “The demand for local products is low, so prices are still high and quality development is still struggling. We all need to use more of the local products, so the price and the quality of the local products can be better.”

Quarchioni looks on the bright side: “In Europe, if you buy fifty eggplants they are all the same shape and size, the same shade of green. You know they’ve been genetically modified, or sprayed or grown in a greenhouse. But here things are pretty much grown on farms. I can buy a kilo of eggplants and I’ll get one this size and one that size. But that’s not that important if it’s fresh.”

The Chef’s Chops

Nate admits that she does face limitations trying to cook the French-way with all-Thai ingredients. “Not only do we have to go looking for ingredients in different places,” she says, “adapting to a particular cuisine is another issue. When we try to present a certain cuisine, we must obtain the essence of that cuisine. We have to adjust a lot.”

That might not be a bad thing, considering the opportunity for innovation it affords chefs. Our city, with its lust for expensive, old-school European food, seems to struggle to hold on to young talent. Jesse Barnes of Grossi and Nicholas Joanny of Le Vendome come to mind. At many high-end hotel restaurants, we barely know the name of the chef. Perhaps the dining scene is just too restrictive. What’s a young artiste to do when the moneyed clientele wants nothing more than pizza and pasta alla carbonara or authentic foie gras, coq au vin and Cotes du Rhone?

On the other hand, the beginnings of Bangok’s LFM movement are already producing restaurants where the chef’s sensibility is the driving force behind food. Despite his French technique, Tee does not think of La Table de Tee as a French restaurant. “It’s not about French or Thai,” he says. “It’s about me, the chef. I’m saying to the customer, ‘Look, I would like you to try my personal ideas.’”

Over at Le Café Siam, the emphasis on locally-sourced products forces Quarchioni to stretch his knowledge and skills with the menu, which changes every two days. “I don’t have a menu that I have to buy food for; I buy food and then write the menu.” Far from finding it daunting, he is invigorated by the challenge. “It does keep me on my toes. Otherwise it gets boring.”

In the case of Triplets, Nate’s talent led her to defy the widely-held belief among foodies that Thai-raised livestock is just no good. “I experimented with cuts and came up with a lamb shank stew with fresh apple juice, and a marinated beef tenderloin mushroom steak, which surprised customers. They couldn’t believe the meat was from local producers.”

Hopefully, despite the long way to go, the LFM is here to stay, leading to more happy famers, inspired chefs and adventurous, but satisfied customers.

Meet the Chefs

Nate Sarakossas
chef/owner, Triplets Bistro
After receiving her chef’s training in Chicago, Nate returned to Bangkok with a strong local-sourcing ethos. Her French-style bistro, Triplets, serves only locally-sourced food.
• 6/F Parnjit Tower, Soi Thong Lor, Sukhumvit 55,
02-712-8066. Open Wed-Sun 6-10pm

Chatree “Tee” KachorKlin,
chef/owner, La Table de Tee
After a stint at Michelin-starred French restaurant
Roussillon in London, Tee has returned to Thailand with
a desire to share his knowledge and flair for innovation
and to support Thai farmers and meat suppliers.
• 69/5 Soi Sala Daeng, 02-636-3220. Open Tue-Sun 6:30-10:30pm

Cameron Stuart
executive chef, Bed Supperclub
The new chef at Bed Supperclub, Cameron juggles the standard menu, the monthly menu, the weekend surprise menu, as well as an all-local “Locavore” set-menu that is available once a month and employs both Western and
Thai influences.
• 26 Sukhumvit Soi 11, 02-651-3537. Open Sun-Thu 7:30-9:30pm, Fri-Sat 9pm sharp for the set menu

Paul Quarchioni
chef/owner, Le Café Siam
Formerly the sous chef at the Mandarin Oriental’s French restaurant, Le Normandie, Paul has opened his own restaurant with a special emphasis on locally-made products and a menu that changes every two days.
• 4 Soi Sri Aksorn, Chuan Phloeng Rd., 02-671-0030.
Open daily 6:30-11pm

Coconut dumplings at Bed Supperclub
• Local ingredients: shredded coconut, palm sugar,
rice flour, coconut cream, pandanus, jasmine flowers,
rose petal
• Imported ingredients: none

Grilled Snapper at Triplets Bistro
• Local ingredients: lotus root, fennel, snapper fish, potato, mushroom, tomatoes, jalapeno, hibiscus reduction
• Imported ingredient: olive oil

Rosemary-crusted duck at Le Cafe Siam
• Local ingredients: duck, rosemary, potatoes, snap peas
• Imported ingredients: olive oil, vanilla bean

Where Else to Get Local Produce

Or tor kor market
The prices here may be higher than most other markets and supermarkets in Bangkok, but that’s because Or Tor Kor has a reputation for carefully selected meats and produce, including custom-grown cold-weather veggies. We’ve spoken to many chefs, including Bo and Dylan of Bo.Lan, who say they do the bulk of their shopping here. Parking can be a drag, so we suggest taking the MRT and going home in a cab.
• Kamphaengpet Road. Open daily 6am-8pm

Klong Toei Market
Catering to Bangkok’s many workers from the Northeast, this market is way cheaper than Or Tor Kor, but way crazier, too. Melting ice is dripping, chickens are squawking, butchers are hacking up large animals piece by piece, all before your very eyes. It’s an amazing, if squeamish, reminder that food comes from the ground and from cute, furry animals, not from boxes and plastic wrap.
• Rama IV Road. Open daily 6am-2pm

Lemon Farm
Lemon Farm is all about creating communities of farmers in order to source organic, macrobiotic, and yes, honest-to-god made-in-Thailand food stuff.
• J. Avenue in Chaengwattana, 02-575-2222. Open Mon-Fri 9am-9pm, Sat-Sun 8am-9pm. For other branches, see www.lemonfarm.com

Royal Project Foundation
A local wonderland of hard-to-find produce

Founded by His Majesty the King, The Royal Project Foundation in Chiang Mai has a three-fold mission: eliminating illegal cultivation of opium, promoting reforestation by dissuading hill tribes from slash-and-burn farming methods and strengthening the livelihoods of farmers competing with cheaper produce imported from abroad.

While most locally-minded chefs receive bulk deliveries straight from Chiang Mai, us home cooks can also partake in their fare. The annex store in Bangkok, the Doi Kham Shop next to Talat Or Tor Kor, receives fresh produce a couple of times a week and stocks locally-grown rarities like jalapenos, artichokes, Swiss chard, Japanese pumpkin, radicchio and much more.

• 101 Kamphaengpet Rd., 02-299-1551. MRT Kamphaengpet.
Open Mon-Fri 10am-6pm, Sat-Sun 7am-6pm

Local Alternatives
Comparing costs on these ‘luxury’ goodies.

Vegetables
• Artichokes (Australia), B119 for one at Villa Market
• Artichokes (Thailand), B75 for two at the Doi Kham Shop

Wine
• 2007 Terra Maltum Altum Reserve Chardonnay (Chile), B999 at Wine Connection
• 2009 Monson Valley Colombard (Thailand), B600 at Wine Connection

Coffee
• Starbucks Espresso Blend (International), B490 for 250g at any Starbucks
• Doi Tung Espresso Roast (Thailand), B234 for 200g at Villa Market

Herbs
• Fresh sage (USA), B89 for one packet at Villa Market
• Fresh sage (Thailand), B10 for one packet at the Doi Kham Shop

Cheese
• Buffalo mozzarella (Italy) is B135 for 100g, at Villa Market
• Buffalo mozzarella (Thailand), B85 from 125g, at Villa Market

NATIONAL NEWS
Why did Chalerm’s son, Duang, return to Thailand as Mr. Happy Toilet?
a. The Mr. Happy job was already taken.
b. Everyone deserves a second chance, except people with no connections.
c. The appointment was meant as further humiliation
and punishment.
d. If you can get away with murder, you know a thing or two about cleaning up a shit-stained toilet bowl.

Who is most likely to bring peace to the South?
a. Duang Yubamrung.
b. UN Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon.
c. Barack Obama.
d. Sven Goran Eriksson.

Which of the following is the biggest threat to Thailand?
a. Stealth coups.
b. Gay doctors.
c. Jakrapob’s mouth.
d. Journalists.

A Japanese court found a Japanese contractor guilty of committing what crime in Thailand?
a. Digging water drainage tunnels to make Bangkok sink
even faster.
b. Offering cookie boxes to the BMA under Samak’s governorship.
c. Making plans to dig a tunnel bypassing the PAD protests.
d. Hiring sushi chefs from Isaan.

RESIGNATIONS
Why did Samak resign?
a. He asked one journalist too many times if they’d had bad sex.
b. His chronic tong sia was out of control.
a. He ordered the fire trucks that got Apirak fired.
b. His cooking show’s recipes contained too much plaa raa.

Why did Apirak resign?
a. He paid for the fire trucks Samak ordered.
b. He wanted to run again with a moustache and a motorbike to see if it makes any difference.
c. The election is the fun part.
d. He wanted to show that the BMA can do just fine without a governor.

Why did Noppadon Pattama resign from his position as interior minister?
a. He couldn’t find Thailand on a map.
b. He offered the Cambodians Pattaya in exchange for Preah Vihar.
c. He failed to secure the shooting of Tomb Raider III in Thailand.
d. He doesn’t read the documents he signs.

ELECTION FEVER
How did Obama win the presidential race?
a. A strong electoral base among farmers.
b. Support from the military.
c. Vote-buying.
d. Sarah Palin gave too many interviews.

Women’s hottest campaign trick this year:
a. Drowning your campaign manager.
b. Claiming foreign-policy expertise because your jangwat has a border with two foreign nations.
c. The color pink.
d. Divine intervention.

Men’s hottest campaign trick this year:
a. Motorcycles, moustaches and leather.
b. Pest control.
c. Snide remarks about colors.
d. Asking for World Heritage status for Bangna.

What is the most compelling reason to vote for ML Nattakorn Devakula as governor?
a. He won’t ban parking lots in condos.
b. He looks good in a bulletproof vest.
c. He will replace the BMA’s free bicycles with porters.
d. He will make Miss Thailand 2008’s award-winning Muay Thai outfit compulsory for female police officers.

SHOPPING
According to an ABAC survey, 87% of Thais are willing to?
a. Break the law for personal gain.
b. Steal relics from religious sites.
c. Cut to the front of taxi queues during 5pm rainstorms.
d. Eat something without knowing what it is, so long as it’s
deep-fried.

Why was the Shady Ranch, in Nevada, giving out US$300 cash vouchers?
a. Global warming is a lie.
b. Their prostitutes were that ugly.
c. Food vouchers cause riots.
d. You already forgot how much gas cost?

Somchai was filmed buying a fridge. What was all the hoopla about?
a. Refrigerators are bad for the ozone layer.
b. Four Mod were pissed off he wasn’t filmed showering.
c. He let his lady friend heave the fridge onto the pickup.
d. Even on weekends, he dresses like shit.

The recession was caused by?
a. Journalists hungry for a story.
b. The Swiss black hole machine.
c. The alcohol advertisement ban.
d. Capitalist pigs, dogs, die, die!

PROTESTS
PAD aunties with clappers showed love for their country by:
a. Destroying its tourism business.
b. Keeping their clothes on, unlike Girly Berry.
c. Cooking kao phad for tourists who just wanted to go home.
d. Keeping dirty pictures of Chamlong under their beds.

Which of the following did not result in calls for ­protest?
a. Bus fares not keeping up with the price of fuel.
b. Censorship under the Film and Video Act.
c. Saudi Arabian investors taking over the rice industry.
d. Jakrapob’s mouth.

How did one Iraqi journalist protest against George W. Bush’s policies in Iraq?
a. By pronouncing nuclear correctly.
b. By posting one more mashup of Dubya’s stupidest gaffes on YouTube.
c. By drinking Mecca Cola during a press conference.
d. By offering Bush a pair of fake leather sandals.

TRAVEL
Why was One-Two-Go grounded?
a. Phuket is overrated.
b. The cabin attendants weren’t cute enough.
c. To save on fuel.
d. What goes up must come down.

Why was there talk of moving the ASEAN to Chiang Mai?
a. Nicer weather.
b. It’s the capital of Thailand, dummy.
c. Katoey monks.
d. Pattaya was booked for a Russian dentists’ convention.

FILM
Which actor is being tipped to play Samak in an upcoming educational film on clean politics?
a. Ananda Everingham.
b. Nicky Pimp.
c. Jessica Biel.
d. Babe.

Why was the movie Children of the Dark banned by the TAT from the Bangkok International Film Festival?
a. It portrayed pedophiles in a negative light.
b. There were no foreign movies about Islam this year.
c. Everyone outside of Thailand had already seen it.
d. They thought it was directed by Tony Jaa.

Mario Maurer won Best Actor at several foreign film festivals. Why?
a. He’s a rare actor that can only be compared with Marlon Brando at his finest.
b. He’s cute.
c. Heath Ledger is dead.
d. Ananda Everingham really needs to limit himself to one movie a week, max.

Tony Jaa disappeared into the jungle because?
a. Someone spiked his Mekong.
b. He was upset gossip rags didn’t accuse him of sleeping with Thaksin.
c. He thought he’d get a speaking part in Ong Bak 2.
d. The elephants couldn’t act.

SPORT
Why did the three Thai footballers get their contracts cancelled by Manchester City?
a. They no longer had any PR value.
b. They refused to wai the new manager.
c. The new chairman prefers Brazilians.
d. Those weren’t contracts they signed but a treaty handing over Preah Vihar to Cambodia.

Why did Power Party MP Karun Hosakul kick Democrat MP Somkiat ­Pongpaibul?
a. Karun and Somkiat disagreed on who should be cast as Edward in Twilight.
b. Somkiat revealed that Mor Krit described Karun’s pecker as below average.
c. Karun is The Dragon Warrior we’ve all been waiting for.
d. Somkiat looks weak.

The Beijing Olympics were a success because?
a. The Dalai Lama secretly watched the synchronized swimming.
b. Manus brought back a medal.
c. Some Chinese athletes were old enough to have drivers licenses.
d. In Bangkok, we only lost one torch, and only for a day.

What is the new Thailand Football manager Peter Reid famous for?
a. Looking like a glum monkey.
b. Swearing, a lot.
c. Getting paid more than our Prime Minister (well, officially).
d. Signing a contract and then trying to get a new job.

FOOD
Thanks to China, “safe as milk” now means:
a. Goodbye, cruel world.
b. I hate kids.
c. These drugs are strong!
d. Hello, tong sia.

What was the big fuss about the cookie box Thaksin’s lawyer gave a court clerk?
a. The cookies were stale.
b. Someone had eaten all the cookies and replaced them with paper.
c. The box contained only B2 million.
d. The money was covered in sticky kanom crumbs.

Which of the following did the government warn people not to eat:
a. Nam tok muu.
b. The blood of a homosexual.
c. Anything Samak cooked.
d. Rice.

SCIENCE
What did Interior Minister Chalerm Yubamrung warn webmasters not to do?
a. Post information that may portray Thailand in a negative light.
b. Sell goods or services without collecting VAT.
c. Use too many plug-ins and complicated graphics.
d. Google his name.

The world did not end on Sep 10, 2008, because?
a. The press was lying about when the Swiss “black hole” experiment would take place.
b. God was waiting for the release of Ong Bak 3 to unleash his wrath.
c. The world will end when Thaksin returns.
d. We were already deep in a black hole.

MUSIC AND TELEVISION
By “Final Concert” Groove Riders meant:
a. Give us your money, right now.
b. Don’t believe a rock band, ever.
c. I need to make dad think I’m truly going to sell his crummy Toyotas.
d. We’ll see whether people actually like us live.

The soldier stationed in the deep South believed to have filmed Four Mod showering was?
a. Made a colonel and granted some well-earned R&R.
b. Starred in his own shower scene with his brothers-in-arms.
c. Spanked by Four Mod.
d. Forced to watch all 222 minutes of Citizen Juling on his mobile phone.

B-list manufactured pop group Girly Berry were enlisted to do what?
a. Act as personal trainers for all the fat cats in the new government.
b. Show Karun (the PM who got kicked) what it’s like to get his ass whupped
by women.
c. Convince confused young men not to get castrated.
e. Songkran T&A!

Television producers and advertising agency representatives say that they need more than eight minutes per hour of television to promote?
a. Self-sufficiency.
b. Real Viagra.
c. Children’s snacks.
d. Careers in advertising.

TRENDSPOTTING

Dining
Split Personality Restaurants
Is it because businessmen can’t agree on a single cuisine these days or just that food courts have changed our eating habits? Whatever the reason, more restaurants are following in oldies Mes Amis and Sarah Jane’s footsteps by offering two (or more) cuisines. No, we’re not talking fusion, we mean separate menus and sometimes even separate kitchens, all served in the same dining room so you and your date can dine on treats from two different continents. Terra Roku (Grande Millennium) does Japanese and Italian, for example, but Zense is taking this to uber-schizo levels with four restaurants on the premises: Gianni (Italian), Red (Indian), White Café (Thai) and Kikusui (Japanese).

Italian is the New French
This is one that has been creeping up on us for a while, ever since Nicolas Joanny left Le Vendome for Singapore, last year. Italian cuisine is clearly winning the battle for Bangkokians’ hearts when going head to head with its French counterpart. You just need to look at the changes taking place this year. Ma Maison at Nai Lert Park switched to Italian food becoming “La Dolce Vita at Ma Maison Restaurant of Nai Lert Park.” Mes Amis Cafe ditched most of its French menu and replaced it with Chinese and Italian dishes. And our sources claim Reflexions and D-Sens were very quiet even before the Suvarnabhumi mess. So be warned, you’d better grab your fix of Gallic gastronomy while you still can.

Film
Hollywood remakes of Thai films
Fed up with ripping off Japanese horror flicks and as an alternative to simply creating endless sequels, this year, Hollywood uncovered a new source for movie material, Thailand. That’s right—they looked to us, which is flattering, but we soon came to regret the attention. Let’s start with the shocking Bangkok Dangerous in which Nicholas Cage continued to prove that he has lost all touch with reality, and the art of acting. He even requested the Pang brothers modify the 1999 original to make the deaf-mute hitman’s role a speaking part. Not a wise move. As for directors Banjong Pisanthanakun and Sopon Sukdapisit, they didn’t get to remake their 2004 hit, Shutter, perhaps the best scary movie in Thai cinema history. The US remake was handed over to z-list J-horror director Masayuki Ochiai who turned Shutter into a big piece of crap. Go Hollywood!

Travel
travel IS THE NEW FUR
The big new trend in travel for 2008 was, ironically, not where or when but, Should I travel? Motivated by eco-concerns (like the carbon footprint of that flight to London), the question became even more pressing with the closure of Suvarnabhumi. What do we get for our travel conscious troubles? A neologism, “staycation,” which means a vacation spent at home. Ugh.

Designer Travel
Going somewhere because you actually give a rat’s ass about your destination is so 2007. People now go to hotels to check out the actual hotel. It does kind of make sense. After all, the world is growing more and more uniform by the minute: “Oh, great, shopping in Singapore. Oh but wait, it looks just like Paragon.” Take Cha-Am. It ain’t much compared to Hua Hin but Thai architect Duangrit Bunnag’s Alila Cha-Am single-handedly put the second-class resort town back on the map with a Barcelona Pavilion meets Alice in Wonderland experience. The year’s other design sensation was in Chiang Mai’s v. “The High Resort” has a very natural feel with its curvaceous shapes and generous use of wood, black marble and water hyacinth.

Fashion
Headbands
Caps, berets, trilby’s—they all became slightly old hat this year, especially among 17-year-old girls hanging out at Siam Square. Instead the headwear of choice was the sparkly super thin headband. They would argue that these silly strips of cloth are style statements. We would argue that they are just shoelaces with a bit of glitter stuck on them.
Gladiator Shoes
This trend came with the royal stamp of approval, quite literally as Princess Sirivannavari Mahidol featured these strappy sandals as a prominent feature of her collection at the Paris Fashion Week. Indeed, everyone from Jimmy Choo to Burberry brought out their own version of this fierce looking footwear, filling our sidewalks with warrior women and conjuring up images of Roman orgies. Unfortunately the desire to top off the look by donning a skimpy toga didn’t quite catch on, well except in the BK office.

Tech
Touch Screen phones
We’ve been waiting for this ever since The Minority Report came out. Released mid-2007, the iPhone was long a loner in our keyboard-filled existence. 2008 finally gave us the chance to control more and more of the world through our little pinky finger—cue maniacal laughter. Megalomania aside, this year saw every phone company worth its salt, from Samsung to Nokia, bring out their caress-sensitive screen. We love competition but the iPhone still has the best fishing game. Keep trying, guys.

Netbooks
Someone finally realized that 17” screens and cramming in every desktop function out there was not the only path for laptops. Maybe it was the fear of being compared to PDAs, which might have been around a while but still can’t compete with a proper comp (and are now just being replaced by smart phones). Which is why we all welcomed the arrival of the netbook in 2008. These lightweight, low cost babies are cute and practical alternatives to the weight and expense of a laptop. At last, we’re no longer tied to our office desk and can spend our time sipping lattes in Starbucks pretending to work while we secretly eye up the cuties, browse email, watch porn and play games online.

German supermodel Heidi Klum once said that she was proud of her developing age lines and that she wasn’t planning to get a nip-tuck. Sigourney Weaver also confirmed that she is getting more attractive with wrinkles… We’re happy they feel good, but there is such a thing as aging gracefully. Noticed how all Hollywood stars look 10-20 years less than their age? Look at Madonna! To help you achieve the seemingly unattainable goal, BK gives you the latest secrets on staying young and beautiful, from economical simple eating habits to heavy-duty, turn-back-the-clock treatments. We give you a breakdown by generations—20s, 30s and 40s. Simply skip straight to your section or read the whole story and sulk about what you could have done.

20s / 30s / 40s

IN YOUR 20s

Just as you wave goodbye to adolescent acne and say hi to glowing, radiant skin, you need to realize you are about to be attacked by the evil effects of time. In our 20s, the speed of skin cell regeneration drops by up to 28 percent, meaning your dead skin cells won’t shed as easily and when they do, they won’t be reborn as fast as when you were in your tweens. But good news is that time is still on your side. Take action now and you’ll save yourself from wrinkles to come.

You Are What You Eat

Thidakarn Ratanabanangkoon, a dermatologist at Samitivej Srinakarin Hospital, suggests you start simple—with your food, for example. Lamenting the rise of rice’s price? How timely! “Believe it or not, vegetables like potatoes, cabbage and carrots are good sources of carbohydrates—much better than what you find in rice and white bread,” says Dr. Thidakarn. “So it’s better to cut down on rice and add more greens to your anti-aging regimen.”

Though white bread is a big no-no, you should make white meat your new best friend. “Chicken and fish have less fat than red meat,” explains doctor Thidakarn. “Though that chunk of beef or pork you are having may appear lean, they actually contain hidden fat that you can’t see with your bare eyes.” Also, keep fats to a minimum by opting for healthy cooking methods like steaming, baking and grilling rather than deep-frying.

Milk Matters

Just as saving for a brand new Ford Focus or your mom’s retirement pays off if you start early, so does calcium storage. Women, particularly in our non-dairy part of the world, tend to be afflicted by osteoporosis, a disease that causes the bones to become fragile and easily break. “Don’t dismiss it as an elderly concern,” warns Dr. Thidakarn. “To build and maintain healthy strong bones, you need to treat them to adequate calcium and you need to start at an early age.” But no, you don’t need to pop calcium supplements yet. Milk or soymilk will do just fine.

Damage Prevention

Free radicals are villains that wreak havoc on your skin. These reactive elements roam around with an unpaired electron and they will attack the nearest healthy molecule to steal its electron—the action which contributes to aging. Environmental factors like pollution and penetrating UV rays also spawn free radicals, so don’t forget to put on your Tom Ford shades and use sunscreen on a daily basis. “If you regularly stay in the office, choose one with SPF 25-30, but the outdoorsy type should opt for SPF 50,” recommends doctor Thidakarn. Also because of free radicals, nothing takes years off your appearance faster than smoking and drinking, so do it in moderation or quit them now, if you want to keep your good looks longer.

Sweat It Out

Plan (and stick to) your exercise regimen. Working out not only helps you get rid of a wide waistline, but also strengthens your bones, relieves stress and keeps your hormones balanced.

Life in the Fast Lane

Shortcuts for 20-something

Acupuncture

What: Traditional Chinese acupuncture helps relieve aches and pains. It also claims to help you lose weight and quit smoking—the nemesis of a healthy skin.
The good: Soft, non-invasive and chemical-free.
The bad: Don’t get your hopes too high thinking that one acupuncture session will help you achieve the whole package mentioned above. To cure each condition, a doctor has to target different selected acupuncture points. Ultimately, it’s also up to you whether you are going to ditch the cigarette or not.
Who has it: An acupuncture treatment at S Medical Spa (2/2 Bhakdi Bldg., Wireless Rd., 02-253-1010, www.smedspa.com) sets you back at B1,600, or opt for a B15,000 package for 12 visits.

Carboxy

What: A treatment of cellulite and stretch marks that works by injecting carbon dioxide gas beneath your skin’s surface.
The good: This is a quick, non-surgical treatment, meaning you don’t need to be put under anesthesia. After a 20-minute session, you can walk out of a hospital and straight back to work.
The bad: It takes at least three sessions for you to see the difference and overall between 15-20 treatments to eliminate the unwanted cellulite. After the whole process, you must continue to watch your diet and exercise regularly or else cellulite is going to come back to haunt you much quicker.
Who has it: Apex Profound Beauty (3/F, The Emporium, Sukhumvit Soi 24, 02-664-8613, www.apexprofoundbeauty.com) offers a B25,000 package for 12 sessions. Bangkok Hospital (2 Soi Soonvijai 7, Petchburi Rd., 02-310-3000, www.bangkokhospital.com) also has the carboxy therapy with prices starting at B3,000/session.

Fat Loss Challenge

What: An eight-week weight management program designed to burn your fat.
The good: The most effective and affordable way to shed unwanted fat for good. As little as B386 a day, the program includes everything from a supermarket tour to a fitness session (three times a week) and an individualized exercise plan for you to practice at home.
The bad: While other treatments allow you to just lazily lie down and let the docs do their jobs, this one requires you to get off a couch and keep your butt moving. Motivation is mandatory.
Who has it: Fitcorp Asia (75/34 Ocean Tower 2, Sukhumvit Soi 19, 02-661-7900, www.fitcorpasia.com).

IN YOUR 30s

By the time you reach your 30s, we are sorry to report, there will be a real slowdown in skin cell turnover. And while the growth hormone, which plays an important part in your immune system, brain power and stamina, decreases, the aging process increases. So be prepared to celebrate the appearance of your first fine wrinkle. But hey, if Carrie and her posse managed to look fabulous in their third decade of life, you sure can too!

Face Saving

Expression lines, crow’s feet and uneven skin tone—you can thank three decades of sun and pollution exposure for this. At this stage of life, a skin care regimen should already be a part of your daily routine. To keep your skin supple and firm and delay new lines from appearing, you should start slathering on some age-busting products with antioxidant ingredients (see Shopping to Stay Young). Melasma, brownish blemishes usually found on the nose and upper cheek, is another threat to the 30-year-olds, especially in women. “Melasma is difficult to treat, so it’s better to prevent rather than trying to cure,” says Dr. Thidakarn. Sun protection is a must. Choose sun block with a ‘broad-spectrum’ label, which can protect you from both wrinkle-causing UV-A and burning UV-B. “You should also avoid the sunlight during 10am-3pm,” adds the dermatologist.

Curb Your Cravings

Calorie restriction is a key element in an anti-aging diet. “When you reach your 30s, your metabolism slows down and you tend to get fat more easily. Do not indulge yourself like you did before,” says Dr. Thidakarn. The Okinawa diet, which is low in calories and high in nutrients, is a good option. “According to various research, Okinawa’s locals consume 20 percent less calories than the dietary intake of an average person,” explains the doctor. “That’s why they have lower risk of heart disease, diabetes and obesity.” The bottom line: Reduce your caloric intake and you’ll look and feel younger.

V is for Vitamins

You eat a lot, you are bloated. You watch your diet, you don’t get enough nutrients your body needs. So what to do? According to Dr. Thidakarn, 30-somethings should consider incorporating vitamin supplements into their diet plan. “Say, you need 500mg of vitamin C per day, that means you need to eat at least 20 oranges. But then you would be eating so much sugar that it could lead to obesity and diabetes,” explains the doctor. “If you are looking for dietary supplements, I would recommend all-around vitamins first. Then it’s up to each person’s nutritional needs,” says Shidapa Pongwaranon, a Boots pharmacist. “Always be informed of the formulations you are taking. Especially those with medical conditions or pregnant women.”

Shape Your Shape

Beer bellies are not only a big turn-off, but also a sign of ailment. “In your 30s, you’ve got to pay more attention to your figure. Accumulating fat around your waistline is associated with many diseases, from high blood pressure to diabetes and clotted veins,” explains Dr. Thidakarn. While you should exercise religiously, if you are in your late 30s, you should avoid high-impact sports such as squash, boxing and basketball that will take their toll on your knees when you are older.

Annual Checkup

Don’t wait to be sick to start worrying about your health. It doesn’t hurt to be preventive. Make your annual appointment with a doctor for a comprehensive body checkup. Many hospitals have various packages to offer. Bumrungrad Hospital (33 Sukhumvit Soi 3, 02-667-1555, www.bumrungrad.com) has an extensive checkup, including a whole abdomen ultrasound, chest x-ray, tumor markers, etc. at B11,500. Bangkok Christian Hospital (124 Silom Rd., 02-235-1000/-7, www.bkkchristianhosp.th.com) provides a medical checkup for those under 35 at B1,360, covering chest x-ray, glucose and cholesterol test, blood count and kidney and liver function tests.

Before It's Too Late

Shortcuts for 30-somethings

Botox

What: A favorite wrinkle-busting prescription among middle-aged Hollywood stars and our local hiso ladies. Inject this into the frown lines between your eyebrows or your forehead and voila, a brand new face.
The good: Quick and painless, it takes only five minutes and you are good to go.
The bad: While the treatment itself is not time-consuming, botox is costly (B5,000-6,000 per area). If the doc misses his target, you can also end up with a droopy eyelid for six months. Effects last for only 4-6 months and you’ll have to get another shot or else you will get busted.
Who has it: There is a long list of botox clinics on www.botoxthailand.com (how popular!). Check it out and choose the one near you. Good luck!

Intense Pulsed Light (IPL)

What: An application of IPL onto the surface of your skin to rid you of dark speckled areas.
The good: It is a capable way to get a brighter and spotless face.
The bad: After the IPL procedure, your skin might be slightly pink and swollen. You have to avoid the sun or else all the work will go down the drain.
Who has it: Seek advice from a dermatologist at Samitivej Hospital (133 Thonglor Soi 13, 02-711-8700, 02-711-8181, www.samitivej.co.th), where an IPL treatment is B7,900.

Liposuction

What: A surgical treatment in which a doctor inserts a tube into your stomach, thighs, buttocks, you name it, to suck out the fat.
The good: It is an answer for the overweight who have tried every possible diet and exercise strategy.
The bad: Not everyone is a good candidate for liposuction. “If you have diabetes, heart problems or you easily develop keroids, don’t even consider liposuction,” cautions Dr. Chartchai Rattanamahattana, a plastic and cosmetic surgeon at Samitivej Hospital. “You need two weeks to recover and have to exercise religiously or else you will get fat even faster.” In older people whose tissue is not as firm and elastic, other surgery like a tummy tuck is required, too.
Who has it: At Samitivej Hospital (Thonglor Soi 13, 02-711-8700, 02-711-8181, www.samitivej.co.th), liposuction costs B80,000 per area, while Yanhee Hospital (454 Charansanitwong Soi 90, 02-879-0300, www.yanhee.co.th) offers it at B28,000 per area.

Thermage

What: A non-surgical treatment using a radiofrequency technology to tighten skin and promote the growth of collagen.
The good: An alternative for patients over 35 who aren’t ready for a facelift, yet. It also requires a short recovery period.
The bad: After the procedure, you have to wait four months to see the result, which lasts for only two years. “The frequency used for thermage delivers the heat deep into your skin, so you better seek out a legitimate doctor trained to perform the treatment,” warns Dr. Thidakarn.
Who has it: Both Thaniya Medical Center (Thaniya Plaza Bldg., Soi Thaniya, 02-231-2100) and Bangkok Hospital (2 Soi Soonvijai 7, Petchburi Rd., 02-310-3000, www.bangkokhospital.com) offer thermage with prices ranging from B45,000-100,000.

IN YOUR 40s

You have established a stable career path. Some of you might be married with two kids. But while your life (and the numbers of candles on your birthday cake) is on an upward trend, your body goes in the opposite direction—your hormone levels plummet, skin becomes flaccid and your beautiful locks are turning gray. While you can’t stop those aging signs, you can make them less visible. Give your body the care it deserves and middle age can be your prime years.

Golden Age

Most women go through menopause in their late 40s. A decline in estrogen, which plays an important role in women’s psychical and mental health, leads to mood swings and triggers a wave of syndromes from high cholesterol levels to heart disease. And if you haven’t adopted healthy eating habits, before you know it, you can’t squeeze into your pants anymore. And though they might not want to admit it, men, too, undergo this midlife crisis. Lower levels of testosterone contribute to the so-called andropause. “If you feel that your husband is turning into a grumpy old man, that’s a sign of his menopause,” laughs Dr. Thidakarn. “Men are luckier than women, though, because their condition is gradual.”

Hormone supplements can help to a certain level, but you should take them under close supervision of a doctor. “Everything has both benefits and risks,” cautions the dermatologist. “In the U.S., some researchers try to reverse the patient’s age by injecting them with growth hormone, but the method isn’t available in Thailand yet. After all, anti-aging is all about prevention, not reversal.”

Slow Life

Give your joints a break and switch to super low-impact sports like tai chi and golf. “Exercise is important in every stage of life. In your 40s, you should opt for low-impact, flexibility-boosting options like golf, yoga and tai chi,” recommends Dr. Thidakarn.

Submit to a Knife?

You can’t stand what you see in a mirror, and even the most expensive turning-back-the-clock cream can’t help. What’s next? Surgery can be the answer to what you’re looking for. “Think long and hard before you decide to go for a nip tuck,” advises Chartchai Rattanamahattana, a certified plastic and cosmetic surgeon at Samitivej Sukhumvit “Don’t overreact to your wrinkles and jump into a facelift. It’s a waste of money! Do your research. Visit as many surgeons as you can and choose the most trustworthy. Remember to ask about the side effects and the drawbacks of the surgical treatment as well.”

Turn Back the Clock

Shortcuts for 40-somethings

CyroStem Cell Facial Treatment

What: Full of antioxidants and vitamins, stem cells extracted from young, pregnant cows are added to your skin to stimulate the production of collagen and bring about a naturally glowing look.
The good: This skin regeneration treatment is said to deliver an immediate transformation. No surgery and invasive laser required.
The bad: Your animal rights activist friends might not approve.
Who has it: TRIA (998 Rimklongsamsen Rd., Bangkapi, 02-660-2602, www.triaintegrativewellness.com) at B6,500.

Facelift

What: As the name suggests, this heavy-duty surgery lifts your face, pulling back all the creases and lines.
The good: For those who have deep wrinkles, a facelift is considered the best option. “It is a one-off investment as the result will last up to eight years,” says Dr. Chartchai, who performs facelifts for seven patients a month.
The bad: It costs a hefty sum of money and requires a long recovery period. This is surgery!
Who has it: Get a facelift at Samitivej Hospital (133 Thonglor Soi 13, 02-711-8700, 02-711-8181, www.samitivej.co.th) at B110,000. A facelift at Bangkok Hospital (2 Soi Soonvijai 7, Petchburi Rd., 02-310-3000, www.bangkokhospital.com) sets you back B120,000, including a night stay at a hospital.

Optimal Aging

What: A holistic program that integrates physical and emotional anti-aging approaches to keep you at your optimal age.
The good: The program is comprehensive as it covers standard medical tests such as optimal blood tests, nutritional measurement and bone density, as well as counseling sessions to help you age gracefully.
The bad: If you are looking for a quick fix, this one is not for you. And it’s B48,200, which can get you four Botox injections.
Who has it: TRIA (998 Rimklongsamsen Rd., Bangkapi, 02-660-2602, www.triaintegrativewellness.com).

Anti-Aging Program

What: A three-month, age-busting program targeted at those who are prone to use hormones.
The good: The comprehensive procedure will introduce you to a body composition analysis, lab tests and weekly anti-aging exercise programs. You can also choose additional treatments from the list of colon therapy, chelation (helps remove heavy metals like lead and mercury from your blood) and hyperthemie (improves blood circulation and nutrients absorption).
The bad: B90,000 price tag (exclusive of medicine and supplements) and results that are not immediately visible.
Who has it: The Bodhi (20/F, Asoke Bldg., 02-260-4894, www.thebodhi.com).

BK Asks: How "Old" is old?

Co-enzyme Q10

Co-enzyme Q10 is an energy molecule that usually acts as jet fuel for our cells. Our skin naturally has an anti-aging mechanism and when Q10 is added to the program, it boosts the skin’s energy metabolism, helping it fight wrinkles at a much faster pace. Q10 is also an anti-oxidant, meaning it protects against free radicals that damage our body’s cells. Eucerin’s Micro Q10 Collagen Wrinkle Treatment Day Cream (B,1150) not only contains this wrinkle fighting catalyst but also has SPF15 for added protection against UVA and UVB damage.
Try Watson’s, Siam Square Soi 1, 02-658-3955.

Kelp

Also known as seaweed, we’ve all eaten our fair share of the fishy smelling plant at sushi bars all around the city. Little did we know that this is the main ingredient in the extravagant and extremely costly Crème de La Mer (B9,900). Kelp contains anti-microbial particles that are so delicate each 30ml jar of this cream has to be individually packaged to protect form and balance. This member of the algae family has been proven to prevent stress-related aging.
Try La Mer Counter, The Emporium, Sukhumvit Soi 24, BTS Phrom Phong, 02-664-7642.

Abyssine

The scientific term for this is Alteronomas Ferment Extract and thanks to some crazy scientists willing to dive 6,000 feet under the ocean’s surface, this wonder plant is now processed, bottled up and sold as Kiehl’s Abyssine Serum (B2,600). This magic ingredient aids in the reduction of irritated and inflamed skin and speeds up the keratinocyte cycle. Wuh???? In other words, it makes red puffy skin appear less obvious while stimulating our skin’s ability to lose and make new skin.
Try Kheil’s, Siam Paragon, Rama 1 Rd., BTS Siam, 02-610-7680.

Black Sugar & Tea

Japanese fermented black tea removes impurities from the skin and aids in elasticity keeping skin tight and firm. Just like the black tea we drink, it is also an anti-oxidant that kills cell-damaging free radicals. Collagen is a protein that keeps our skin firm, as it is a connective tissue. Black Sugar also boosts our natural collagen levels warding off sagging skin. Shu Umera’s Phtyo Black Life Radiance Boosting Lotion (B1,900) packs a powerful punch of both the dark tea and sugar combination. And, while we’re on the subject of collagen…..
Try Shu Uemera, CentralWorld, Ratchadamri Rd., 02-100-9068.

Collagen

Men, we didn’t forget about you. While there are probably twice as many anti-aging serums for women than men, Lancome for Men has three products that contain this skin tightening protein. Age Fight Yeux Anti-Age and Perfecting Liquid (B1,850), Renergy 3D Lifting, Anti-Wrinkle and firming Cream (B,2900) and Age Fight Cream Anti-Age, Dark Circle and Puffiness (B2,450).
Try Lancome Counter, Siam Paragon, Rama 1 Rd., BTS Siam, 02-610-7753.

Soy Protein/Isoflavone

Soy protein has been proven to reduce the appearance of wrinkles in the skin, improve discoloration and prevent the reduction of skin density due to hormonal changes that come with aging. The Body Shop’s Wise Woman product line’s main ingredient is Soy Protein. Stop by and grab a tube of the Wise Woman’s Vitality Serum for B1,990.
The Body Shop, Silom Complex, Silom Rd., BTS Sala Daeng, 02-231-3154.

Southern Thai food (from Songkhla to Phang Nga and Phuket) is all about the chili. A good sign of a great meal in the South are tears, sweat, snot, swollen lips and sounds of pain. (Warning: not a meal for dates.) The chili factor is unrivaled and is the pride of all Southerners. Whether they are cooking up a curry, a soup or frying up various meats, the acidity of your stomach will go up a notch. However, there are other important ingredients in the South. Being in abundance of beaches and islands, fresh seafood is key. Furthermore, a lot of the dishes feature coconut milk in soups and paste. Turmeric (kha-min), lemongrass, fresh vegetables, and the kaffir lime leaf (bai ma-krut), as in Central Thailand, do the rest. But if the South had a flag, it would probably feature sa-taw, the pungent green bean pod, eaten fresh or fried. Lastly, Southerners will rarely add sugar to their dish—nor do they resort to MSG. In short, Southern food is a brutal, raw experience. As Chef Baew of Janhom restaurant beautifully stated, “My food is not pretty, it’s just real.”

Ta-khrai Hom

380/2 Praram 9 Rd., 02-719-7007. Open Mon-Sat 10:30am-9pm.
This restaurant on the side of the road serves up some great kaeng leung with plaa krabok (B160-180 depending on the fish), that’s spicy to the core and prepared with fresh fish. Also order their three-flavored phad sa-taw with shrimp (B120), in which the pungent taste of the bean definitely comes through. You can ease all the burning with their lemongrass juice (B25). Another Southern staple is the yaam ta-khrai—the name of the restaurant says it all, with a real love of lemongrass, this place does the dish justice.

Pak Dai 41

11/415 behind Ladprao temple, Sukhaphiban Rd., 02-931-7887. Open daily 6am-5pm.
With the chef hailing from Krabi, this khao kaeng shop is such a hit that both branches sell out their array of southern dishes well before 2pm (the second place is just down the block). A must-try here is their khao yam (B25), which is rice, dried shrimps, dried coconut shavings, naam budu and an assortment of vegetables. They also have a large variety of fish, chicken, beef and pork kua kling (B30). But the dish that will leave you in tears of pain and pleasure is their B25 nom jeen with kaeng phed (Bangkokians call it naam yaa baa). They also have other famous Southern sauces including naam yaa, naam phrik, and kaeng dai plaa. Do not leave the shop without tasting their spicy fish paste with mixed vegetables (B25)—the vegetables are there to help you cope with the heat.

Janhom

273/4 Ramkamhaeng Soi 21, 02-319-1128/9. Open Tue-Sun 11am-10:30pm.
You won’t find any sugar here. Chef Poonsri Sarikarn a.k.a. auntie Baew hails from Surat Thani and refuses to season her dishes with sugar, but grudgingly allows her Bangkokian diners to put it in themselves—sinful! Order her kaeng leung with a huge crab (B580), but have water at hand because this soup is all about saltiness and spiciness. Another rod-jad dish is her tom som with plaa krabok (B120), the sourness of the tamarind is definitely present. If you are a novice in the spice market, then opt for her coconut soup (tom ka-ti, B80).

Sariya

39 Food Center. Soi Sahakranpramoon Pracha Uthit Rd., 084-972-1141. Open Mon-Sat 10:30am-9pm.
This little tent located on the parking lot of the food center, is definitely not for the hiso or the faint hearted. Walking in, you feel like you are in the South, with the Muslim chefs from Nakorn Sri Thammarat jovially speaking in their heavy Southern dialect. A must here is their nom jeen kaeng phed (B25) but venture out and try their other sauces like the naam yaa ka-ti and kaeng neua (B25). For a soup, you must order their chicken with turmeric (B25).

Malika

21/36 Rangnam Rd., 02-248-0287. Open Mon-Sat 10am-10pm.
If you are in the Rangnam neighborhood, (we told you this little area is on the rise), you must stop by the recently relocated pak tai restaurant, which prides itself on sticking to real Chumphon recipes. Order their spicy nom jeen naam yaa (B150) or their chicken kua kling (B100).

The problem with golf (well, one of its problems) is that you often need to spend a fair amount of time, effort and money before you figure out if you even like the game (or are any good at it). But it’s not necessary to wake up before sunrise and drive long distances to expensive courses. If you’ve been thinking of taking up golf, you may want to use the rainy season to develop your swing at one of these downtown facilities.

Wilding Golf

By far the most advanced center of its kind in Thailand, Wilding is an ultra modern, almost clinical facility that resembles a bunker control room with all its high-tech equipment. There are four swing bays outfitted with AboutGolf simulators that can measure and record distance and trajectory but also stats like club head and ball speed, carry and spin. Like huge video games, you’re hitting balls into a hanging “screen” that can show a virtual driving range or one of 32 courses. The two putting “studios” are similarly wired. Instruction is by a team of around 10 international pros (including one Thai). Other services and facilities include equipment performance testing, massage and other treatments and a café corner.

Who goes there: Serious and established golfers who can afford the very best. Very few beginners. They claim a 65% Thai clientele, and you’re liable to see young stars with PGA hopes whacking the shit out of ball after ball.

Birdies: The AboutGolf simulators, which can show frame by frame comparisons with famous golfers (or yourself). Video analysis is “live” (no downloading) and with two cameras from different angles. On-site club customization services, and really nice loaner clubs for use for free. Air-conditioning.

Bogies: The price. Small and popular, so don’t even think about just “dropping by” to play in the evening or other peak times.

The price: Lessons (swing, putting or on-course) are B2,500/hr, packages (including equipment performance analysis, swing instruction, putting instruction and, in some cases, practice time) are B15,000-74,000. Practice time starts at B1,400/hour, with discounts when you buy packages of five (B5,000) to 100 (B60,000) hours.

Ocean Tower II, 75/1 Sukhumvit Soi 19, 02-661-7115. Open Mon-Fri 8am-9pm, Sat-Sun 8am-8pm. www.wildinggolf.com.

Doug Hood Golf School

Opened in 2002 but recently renovated, this facility sits on one of the rooftops of the Dusit Thani parking lot, in what was once a tennis court. The fence-enclosed “range” features bright green artificial turf, with a real flag sticking out of the ground providing a target for chipping from either of the two covered outdoor bays. American owner / pro Doug Hood gives lessons and provides computer  / camera-aided assessment.

Who goes there: Mostly expats, including a fair number of Japanese, hotel guests and the occasional young Thai.

Birdies: Great location. Though only 30 yards long, you still get the outdoor feel and you can see the trajectory of the ball. It’s also quiet and fairly private. Free use of locker room in the hotel fitness center.

Bogies: The bays are covered, but to some extent you’re at the mercy of the elements. Though the camera-computer setup works, it’s outdated. Clubs for rent are old.

The price: Trays of 40 balls are B50. Club rental is B50 (irons) and B100 (woods). Lessons start at B2,000/hr (B1,500/hr for beginners), packages from B10,000/6 hrs.

Dusit Thani Hotel. Rama 4 Rd., 089-924-2071. Open Mon-Fri 8am-8pm, Sat-Sun/holidays 8am-5pm. www.doughoodgolfschool.com.

Fitcorp Asia

In the Fitcorp Asia Golf Fitness program, you work with a personal trainer to create a dedicated program of exercises and routines that can get you swinging smoother. Certified by the Titleist Peformance Institute (TPI), assessment involves 12 simple physical tests that are used to assess your body’s flexibility, strength, balance and stability and how these will affect your play when out on the course.
Who goes there: All ages (as young as eight all they way up to 76), but mostly male expats.

Birdies: It works! For us, the test identified a tendency to favor one side of our body, which explains why we can never drive straight. They claim that by following the exercise program you can start hitting the ball 10-50 yards longer.

Bogies: You can feel pretty stupid doing the routines and you don’t actually get to play any “real” golf.

The price: B2,500 for the assessment, though it’s complimentary if you sign up for a program of 12, 24 or 36 sessions; prices start at around B1,500 per session. Half-day workshops are B4,000, full-day workshops B7,000; these include TPI assessment, a Golf Specific Warm Up Program, Strength and Flexibility Programs.

Fitcorp Asia. 20/F Ocean Tower II, 75/34 Sukhumvit Soi 19, 02-661-7900. Open daily 9am-6pm. www.fitcorpasia.com.

TopGolf

Located in the Piyarom sports complex, the three-level, 60-bay TopGolf is like many other driving ranges, only out in the field are huge holes in the ground, like bombed-out craters. Originally the gimmick was balls that are implanted with microchips that can be used to gauge distance and location. There is a choice of electronic games that are displayed on monitors in each bay, with the interactive experience being similar to bowling. Now they also offer normal balls as a cheaper alternative.
Who goes there: Mostly Thai clientele, pretty quiet during the day except during school breaks.
Birdies: Games help with motivation and can be a good practice tool. Black Canyon-style restaurant and a True Café. Real putting green.   
Bogies: Opened in 2005, the facility is showing its age.
The price: For one game (two trays) it’s B100, B200 for four games. Or you could go all the way with 20 trays at B700. There are also packages from B1,000-5,000. Lessons start at B800/hr, packages from B7,000/10 hrs.

Piyarom Sports Club. Sukumvit Soi 101/1, 02-393-8228. Open daily 9:30am-10:30pm. www.thaitopgolf.com.

Grand Millennium Sukhumvit

When it comes to urban golf it’s hard to beat the set up at the Grand Millennium Sukhumvit (30 Sukhumvit Soi 21, Asoke, 02-204-4000). Based on a whim of the golf-mad general manager, they’ve gone and stuck an 18-hole putting course on their roof. Very nice and pretty demanding it is, too. The astro turf course is broken into three sections with six holes on each and plenty of steep slopes and contours to challenge even the most professional of putters. There’s also a small driving range where you can practice your chipping and of course the all important 19th hole complete with bar and sofas for you to relax after your round. The one downside is that it is currently only open to guests at the hotel, though you can book the space for a team building session or even a private party. However, there is talk that they might be opening it up to the public in the not too distant future, so we can all enjoy some sky-high putting practice.

B@S

B/F Novotel Siam Square, Siam Square Soi 6, Rama 1 Rd., 02-209-8888. Open daily 6pm-2am. BTS Siam.
When you’re shopping around Siam and you want to rest those heels, head to the Novotel and order yourself a beer while hovering around huge pool tables. They have a band to liven up the atmosphere every evening. You can always take occasional breaks between shooting balls and rubbing shoulders with the city’s dancing queens.

Pool 13

The Trendy Condominium, 10/22 Sukhumvit Soi 13, 02-168-7168. Open daily 11am-late. BTS Nana.
This pool lounge dishes out Italian meals rather than pub food and it offers a pick up service for those loitering around the neighboring sois on Sukhumvit. They have a selection of four small tables and one big one. You can also lounge on their soft sofas between hits and catch glimpses of your favorite sports personality on their plasma screens. They also have wifi.

Rack’em Up

Royal City Avenue (RCA), 21/115-17 Soi Soonvijai, Rama 9 Rd., 02-641-5223. Open daily 7pm-2am.
If you’re on the sacred grounds of RCA and you can’t stand the sight of big crowds or crazy house and hip hop music, you can conveniently step a few doors down to Rack’em Up. As the name suggests, they are big bawlers when it comes to the game. Sixteen tables sprawled across three stories to be exact, and a handful of hisos among the regulars. Make reservations on weekends or competition days, it’s a pretty hot spot.

Sin Club

18 Sukhumvit Soi 4, Raja Complex, don’t bother calling. Open daily 6pm-late. BTS Ploenchit.
Down sinful Soi 4 is the Sin Club. However, the name can be a little misleading, because the only sinful thing you might be caught doing there (well, at least that’s what we want to believe) is not being able to hit the ball in the socket. They hold regular competitions in this three-story structure. You work your way from one end of the hall and battle it out until you reach the raised platform where the biggies play: hard.

Medium: Acrylic on canvas.

Inspiration: I find inspiration within myself. The flying man in the painting represents my generation. This man has his eyes stitched shut but is still looking for something; it’s like most of us who are still working in order to survive.

Message and meaning: The cartoon characters are represented in different postures that represent different behaviors. The bad ones are portrayed as monsters. Those that have circlets on their head represent someone who is closely attached to the material world, and is always thinking highly of himself or herself.

How can a viewer approach this piece of work? Although my painting uses fun, colorful cartoon characters, the message and idea behind it, in fact, reflects an intense, stressful and disorganized human life. Basically, I want my audience to experience my work as something fun yet they should be aware of the hidden messages beneath.

If your pet could talk, it would probably not have that much to say. What’s there to complain about? They’re fed, washed, cleaned up after and are probably pretty content with their lot. But sometimes they get sick, can’t follow you to the restaurant and pee all over the living room couch, or you get bored and decide they need a new haircut—and then you wish they could tell you what exactly they are digging. Well, you know us—BK knows Bangkok best—and that includes your critters, too.

Dolce the Diva

Breed: Toy Poodle
Age: 4
Sex: Female

Oh, my, gosh! Did I just like die and go to heaven? Seriously. Have you guys, like, ever tried out the Dog Spa at ZEN (6/F Zen Department Store, CentralWorld, Ratchadamri Rd., 02-100-9999. www.zen.co.th)? It was just soooooo fabulous!! I got a mani (B150-275). Or is it a pedi? Whatevs, my nails are now all pink! I’m sooo lovin’ it girls. Well my mom was there shopping but she didn’t, like, dare let me stay home alone. They’re fixing our wallpaper and she was scared those people might steal me or something as I’m, like, so precious and all. So she dropped me at the spa and I got myself an aroma bath in their Jacuzzi tub (B200-250). I wanted the massage (B400-700) but Mommy said we didn’t have time so I got an oil treatment for my hair instead (B150-300). Am I not looking PHAT? No, not FAT you twit, it’s Pretty-Hot-And-Tempting.

Last week Mommy and Daddy went to Paris and they couldn’t take me with them. Bummer. I could, like, totally see myself strolling down the Champs-Élysées. Instead, they booked me a room at Petropolitan Hotel (Ozono, 307 Sukhumvit Soi 39, 02-259-2788. www.ozono.us) and it was so awesome. Maybe not Paris-awesome, but Bangkok-awesome. They have a spa and a big comfy park (See J-Avenue for the Pooch and You) where you can take your beauty stroll. The best part is it’s a completely exclusive members spot so you can be guaranteed you don’t have to mingle with the riff raff.

Anyway girls, gotta run. Let’s hook up, maybe grab a Dogkery chicken liver brownie (B89, various locations, 02-564-6707. www.dogkery.com). I gotta watch my line, though, these things are addictive.

Spike the Sporty

Breed: Bulldog
Age: 2
Sex: Male

One small pee on the couch and I get sent off to boot camp. SJ K9 (02-748-8494. www.sj-k9.com) isn’t all bad, though. They taught me some commands that make my owner so proud when he shows me off to his mates (B10,700 for a basic 120-day behavioral course). And the school is in Pattaya, so at least I got a chance to strut my stuff on the beach! There was an exam at the end but I made it and now I have a certificate to prove it.

I bumped into my friend Jumpy the Jack Russell the other day and she had just finished the training herself. She didn’t have it rough like I did though; she didn’t get sent away! She did her training in town at Doggie Doo (71 Soi Yenakart, Nanglinchee Rd., 02-286-6849. www.doggiedoo.net) so she didn’t have to stay overnight and there were only 10 sessions (B15,000). It sounded more like a playground than a training center. I mean they have a swimming pool, spa and even nice hotel rooms for her to stay in. Lucky bitch.

Right, gotta run, I asked Jumpy to meet me later at Paradise Park (5/5 Moo 18, Borommarachachonnanee Rd., 02-448-1282. www.petparadise2004.com). I plan on taking her for a walk down to their big lake or maybe going for a swim in the pool. If I play my cards right, it could lead to some serious butt sniffing.

E-Z the Exotic

Breed: Brookesia Chameleon
Age: 2
Sex: Female

Oh, joy, my owner just got another African lizard for this exotic petting zoo I’m forced to call home. I guess it’s not his fault for wanting something other than a poodle as a friend, but you’d think he’d realize that we might not really belong here.

I mean, I used to live on this beautiful island called Madagascar and spent my days basking under the equatorial sun while dining on a choice of tasty tropical insects. Then, I got rounded up with all my buddies and sent off to Chatuchak Market. They all died on the way; I was the only one left. I’d tell him he killed 20 of my family just to get me but I don’t talk. I’m a chameleon.

Neither do I have wifi in my little cage, otherwise I’d report my butchering traffickers to TRAFFIC (Wildlife Trade Monitoring Network, www.traffic.org) and stop this cruel practice.

I wonder how that African lizard tastes.

Cookie the Companion

Breed: Si Sawat
Age: 1
Sex: Male

I’m adopted. I don’t know my dad. Well, I might, but my mom having slept with the whole neighborhood, it’s hard to tell. Anyway, she got run over. Yeah, sad. But then the SCAD picked me up (See Second Chance) and they put my picture in the classifieds of BK Magazine and I got a new home.

Some of the animals I saw at SCAD were pretty rough, though. They were mean and dirty but the humans helped them anyway. They stay on the streets, though. You gotta be a good kid to be put up for adoption. One thing we have in common is we get our balls chopped off. Ouch.

My owner, I don’t think her mom slept with half the neighborhood. She seems to be more the hiso type. In fact, she’s taking me to Am Pet (48/42 Nawongpracha Patana Rd., Don Muang, 02-978-6451, 081-623-1562. www.ampet.net) tomorrow to take some studio pictures. Imagine that. Me, getting my picture taken.

Gummy the Goner

Breed: Daschund
Age: 8
Sex: Male

Yeah, I’m dead. Come on, you’ve been reading about talking animals, you can deal with dead talking animals.

I almost bit the dust two years ago, if my owners hadn’t rushed me to Kasetsart Veterinary Hospital (50 Phaholyothin Rd., 02-972-8756/-9. http://hospital.vet.ku.ac.th/) for a blood transfusion. I was walking down my soi minding my own business when this motorcycle taxi hit me in the stomach. Guess my fat tummy wasn’t big enough to protect me.

Then I became paralyzed, I could no longer walk and I started developing heart problems. So I was admitted to the Thonglor Pet Hospital (205/5-8 Thonglor Soi 9, 02-712-6301/-4). They had like four vets taking care of me. One took care of my heart, one helped me exercise, one was injecting me with insulin and one helped me calm down. Now, that’s service.

Well in the end, I didn’t make it. This white Chihuahua with wings came to me and said it was time for me to go. The next day, I saw my human masters putting my picture next to this urn they got at World Pet Angle (40/736 Moo 10, Khlong Lum Jiek Rd., Bung Kum, 02-509-2007. www.wpa.co.th).

Now, I have wings, too.

Foxtrot the Farm boy

Breed: Zebra
Age: 10
Sex: Male

I love people. You know they really are so entertaining, wandering around on their back legs all day. It’s really cool the way they let them in to see us at our place in Khao Kheow (235 Moo 7, Bang Phra, Sriracha, 038-298-270. www.kkopenzoo.com). The other Zebras and I just crack up looking at them and the way they make weird squeaking noises—it’s almost like they’re talking to each other. Because this is something called an open zoo we get a chance to get real close to the humans. It’s so funny. Some humans even come and stay overnight at the zoo (not with us of course).

Still it’s not all fun. There’s this one new guy I know, Kicks, who’s been a right pain in the rump since he moved here. He used to be at Dusit Zoo (71 Rama 5 Rd., 02-281-2000. www.dusitzoo.org), in Bangkok, and he thinks we country zebs are all baan nok. What a jerk. I’ve met some of the Dusit Zoo folks before and they were pretty nice. Guess he did something bad to get exiled, perhaps got involved with the square jawed guy, there. He looks a bit like a horse.

I think I got it pretty good, though. My cousin Stripes, who’s hanging out at Safari World (99 Panyaindra Rd., Samwatawantok, 02-914-4100/-19. www.safariworld.com), says the open zoo there is also pretty cool though the humans sound pretty darn lazy. Apparently they just drive around in their four wheeled metal boxes to see the animals up-close. Stripes did say the place is kinda old but he’s hoping more people come along so that way he’s got something to keep him entertained. Sorry gotta go look at this new batch coming through the gates. Man, you gotta see the size of that one’s head.

Gargoyle the Gigolo

Breed: Siamese
Age: 1
Sex: Male

Yo mah peepz, how’s it hangin’? Damn, where all de kittens be? Papa needs some love! I been meowing my balls off fo’ weeks already for the Boss to let me out but he thinks I up to no good. Well fo shizzle ma nizzle, yo crib ain’t got no honey for me!

I was jammin’ with mah crew de other day and mah man Puzz was all pimpin’ and I was like day-um! He got himself some blingin’ new collar (B450) and a serious bell to go with. Now that’s how you get the honies, baby. He sez he got them shiz when the Boss took him to Prima Dog (B1/F Central Chidlom (parking lot), Phloenchit Rd., 02-655-5645). Yeah he sez it ain’t for just dawgs yo, us cats can live it up there too. Best hair prods and get-ups (B240-550) in town for us pimps, ya’ll. They even got themselves some love seats (pet couch, B2,500) for the snuggling. That’s what Papa needs in his crib.

But then mah boy Clawz sez the joint at Zen (6/F Zen Department Store, CentralWorld, Ratchadamri Rd., 02-100-9999. www.zen.co.th) is damn more trippin’. They got some serious pet wheels (pet carts, B5,000), too. You dun even haf ta drive man, can just be sittin’ takin’ in the cool breeze. They even got a beauty shop but it ain’t for us felines sez them Zen people. Damn dawgs, they take everythin’ from us cats. I could use some serious highlights (B550 per 8 square cm, for dogs only) for mah fur, Papa needs some attention.

Anywayz, enuff with da babblin’, I got meself some lickin’ to do. Ya’ll, hit me up at ma Catster at www.catster.com/cats/700252 if ya wanna chill.

Pet-Friendly Places

BK Asks: "If you were a stray dog, what would you do?"