Welcome, dear readers, to this month’s news quiz. Pencils ready?Why has a coalition of conservation groups filed a petition to close the Chiang Mai Night Safari?a. The animals are suffering from vitamin D deficiency due to lack of sunlight.b. It was illegally built in a national park.c. In response to sagging attendance, the management has a plan to paint all of the animals blue.d. They were angry that the “endangered species degustation menu” didn’t include matching wines.What is an acceptable means of venting your frustration when you are unable to make calls on your mobile phone?a.

“To all of our visiting guests from around the world, we would just like to say what a pleasure it is to welcome you to Bangkok. We trust that you will have a memorable stay and that you will return home with fond memories of our quaint town. We also hope you will encourage your compatriots to visit during this traditionally slow time of the year, especially in the capital where we have a glut of high-end hotel rooms, and to invest in our stock market.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): In her book Strange New Species: Astonishing Discoveries of Life on Planet Earth, Elin Kelsey writes that though scientists have named 1.7 million species, at least 3.3 million others are still out there, as yet unidentified. In a similar way, Gemini, there are many invigorating adventures and intoxicating truths that you have not yet discovered—countless life experiences that remain unknown to you. It so happens that this is a perfect time to jumpstart your pioneering urges and go out exploring those frontiers.

Dear Loong Maew,Hi again! Its me­—Daeng, 7. I hope u remember me. And I hope u cud read the letters I sent u beefor. I missd u a lot. And I no all the Thai peepel missd u a lot, 2. Xcep maybe my Dad. My Dad says u shuld move to Singapoor. But he jus joke, na! Who wud want to live in Singapoor! 555. He is so funee!Did u half fun wen u were traveling aroun the world? U were visiting yur friens, right? Thats so kool! U half a lot of frien. Do u no Tom Hang? He was in Castaway! If I was rich I bet I wud half a lot of frien, 2.I think u like to rite letters­—same as me!

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): “Do you want to sell sugar water for the rest of your life, or do you want to change the world?” That’s the question asked by Marc Hedlund in the intro to his “Proverbs for Entrepreneurs” (http://snipurl.com/ndlv). Since you’re experiencing new opportunities to bring more of the entrepreneurial spirit into your life and work, I thought I’d offer you a few of his suggestions. (1) Pay attention to any idea that won’t leave you alone. (2) Give people what they really need, not necessarily what they say they need.

Censorship…searching for WWII treasure…trouble in the South…war against drugs—don’t these sound a bit too familiar? Next thing you know Purachai will be back in town telling us what time we should go to bed. At least “alien jelly” is new.We know how those hamsters feel. Here we are, running our asses off, and we never seem to get anywhere. Can’t we just move on? Please? To get things started, here’s a list of things we could really do without.Nuisance libel suits.

GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): “It is not possible to get the blessing without the madness,” wrote Norman O. Brown in his book Apocalypse and/or Metamorphosis. “It is not possible to get the illuminations without the derangement.” His words ring true for you right now, Gemini. Lately you’ve been pursuing (and getting pursued by) wickedly twisted yet fertile opportunities and now you’re near the climax of the madness and derangement. Next stop: blessings and illuminations.

Dear ASEAN Friends,Normally when someone gets mad at us we just smile, giggle nervously and then avoid making eye contact until the problem goes away. But, strangely enough, this tried-and-true formula hasn’t been working too well lately, so we thought it would be a good idea to send out this little note. (What do you think about this new stationery?

There’s more going on than just celebrity shotgun weddings. Let’s see if you’ve been paying attention by taking May’s news quiz, which was conceived by the bright minds behind the O-Net and A-Net exams. (So don’t expect the results anytime soon.)Which of the following is not the name of a new political party?a. Thai Groundnut Partyb. Thai Chuay Tua Aeng Partyc. Non-Stop DJ Action Partyd. Puppet PartyWhat is the definition of “unusually wealthy”?a. Being worth more than 10 times the net worth of the average citizen.b.