News junkies, it is time once again to test your knowledge of current events with our award-winning multiple-choice test for October.What is the biggest problem facing the new airport? a. Management didn’t realize that real baggage isn’t nearly as easy to handle as the empty, uniform-size practice luggage.b. Delegates arriving for the World Toilet Expo will piss their pants while waiting in line for a toilet.c. Families having picnics in the terminal.d. Not enough retail space.What is the new name of the former Council for Democratic Reform?a. SLORC IIb. The S Teamc.

LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22): U.S. Patent number 5,996,568 is an apparatus for safely shooting hot dogs into a crowd. Patent 4,834,212 is a device into which someone can scream and howl without bothering anyone nearby, allowing her to vent pent-up emotions. Patent 2,272,154 is a ladder that spiders can use to climb out of a bath. Patent 4,247,283 is a gadget that allows a trumpet to be used as a flamethrower while being played. These are exactly the kinds of imaginative innovations I urge you to work on, Libra.

In a surprise move that has alarmed free speech advocates, journalists and the artistic community, the Council For Democratic Reform Under Constitutional Monarchy in a Mythical Country announced that it had sent advisors to oversee the production of West Side Story. “This is an outrage!” the outraged American director told reporters, before revealing that the advisors had “suggested” several changes to the script. “How am I supposed to make these changes? The Jets have to fight the sharks—they can’t just wait until the sharks leave town for a weekend and then claim the turf is theirs!

Disgruntled Artist #1: Hey dude, have you heard the latest news? The Land Transport Authority is looking for artists to contribute artworks for upcoming Circle Line stations like Marymount, Lorong Chuan and Bartley. This is could be my big break! I was rejected to exhibit at the North East Line (NEL) stations, and was flat out denied an interview by the Singapore Biennale. But I’m sure they’ll be interested this time!Disgruntled Artist #2: Man, you seem too optimistic.

There’s nothing like a coup to make one feel loved. We can’t tell you how many phone calls and emails we’ve received over the past week and a half—from friends and family, overseas clients, former classmates and roommates, ex-girlfriends, bill collectors and even complete strangers: “What the hell is going on over there?” “Are you OK?” “Is it dangerous?” “Have you eaten?”Not to worry: We’re fine, tanks. See? We can even make crap jokes about our situation. But, seriously, things are great.

Singapore should be next stop for the most famous mouse on earth, if the proposal to open Disneyland at the Marina Bay Golf Course near Tanjong Rhu and the Integrated Resorts (IR) takes off. This is exciting news for fans of the beloved cartoon character, who no longer have to fly to Hong Kong to watch Mickey and company live in action, or wait for the annual Disney On Ice performance to come to town.

Singapore’s Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew recently commented that the country doesn’t possess a culture of its own. We, however, respectfully disagree, and feel that we have a very telling way of life that’s completely idiosyncratic to our sunny little island. We also believe that, like any other guest, you, our esteemed, international banking visitors, would want to immerse yourself in our culture, so here we have a little quiz for you to see just how “Singaporean” you are.What do you do if you see someone littering in public?A) Confront them about it.

VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22): There was one main reason why America’s founding fathers gave Thomas Jefferson, not Benjamin Franklin, the job of composing the Declaration of Independence in 1776. They were afraid that Franklin, a compulsive teaser and trickster, would slip jokes into the document. In my opinion, we Americans would have been better served if Franklin had been chosen and allowed to mess around. After all, even the most profound commitments and weighty situations benefit from the leavening power of humor.

The Public Health Ministry proudly annouced last week that thanks to effective intervention, fewer people have committed suicide in the last year than in previous years. While we are sure the Ministry’s efforts were the main reason for the decline in suicides, we here at BK are fairly certain there were some other factors at work.

Being the inquisitive bunch that we are, we were doing a little reading up on the IMF. As most of you probably already know, NGOs lobbying inside the Suntec Convention Centre are required to abide by our Miscellaneous Offences Act, which essentially safeguards public behavior. What you might not be aware of, however, are some of its quirkier clauses. The list below contains a mix of guidelines taken verbatim from the Act, plus some that we have made up ourselves.