Dear ASEAN Friends,Normally when someone gets mad at us we just smile, giggle nervously and then avoid making eye contact until the problem goes away. But, strangely enough, this tried-and-true formula hasn’t been working too well lately, so we thought it would be a good idea to send out this little note. (What do you think about this new stationery? Nice, isn’t it?)It seems some of you have some issues with a couple of our recent films, one that was set in what appeared to be a notorious Khmer Rouge prison and another that poked fun at Laotians and specifically their national football team.Hey, guys: Why so sensitive? When did political correctness become more important than our excellent policy of non-intervention? We warned you about letting your young people accept those scholarships to the US and Australia.Don’ serious, na! You should know by now what we’re like. It’s like how we always kick Burmese ass in films, songs and history books. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean we actually believe that Thailand is better than Burma, even if we are. Friends, it’s all in the name of sanuk!It’s like how we treat our southern Muslims and ethnic minorities like second-class citizens. They know it doesn’t mean we actually believe they are really second-class. They think it’s funny, too!In our movies and soap operas our dark-skinned compatriots are country bumpkins, but it’s just to make people laugh. Or to sell things. We’re even thinking of changing “Darlie” toothpaste back to “Darkie.” And then the same company has plans to introduce “Jek” toilet paper and “Kaek” whitening lotion. Apparently the ads are going to be naraak jang—kham duay!You know when Hollywood depicts Thai women as prostitutes? That “Me love you long time” stuff—we think that’s hilarious! Next they’ll be saying that our men are all cross-dressing gay volleyball players. (Something about the hormones injected into our chicken.) Isn’t that a riot?Once you calm down a bit, you’ll see that stereotypes and historical revisionism are fantastic money-making tools. That’s why we have a free press and complete artistic freedom here. Look, if you want to make a movie about us being elephant-bonking martial artists, go right ahead! Or how about one in which we naively entrust the country to politicians who use their power to make money for themselves, their families and their friends? Feel free. Just as long the films are funny, like Ghost Game and Mak Te, we won’t mind. That’s entertainment! Ha ha ha!Sincerely,Your Neighbors in Thailand