PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20): Biologist Rupert Sheldrake regularly riles up the scientific establishment with his theories about telepathy and other taboo subjects.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. February 24, 2549 | Bangkok—The Ministry of Employment’s Department of Inactive Posts today announced the formation of a committee to consider a revolutionary vocational training program for displaced workers.
If anyone actually stops to think about it, he or she will quickly come to the realization that, with so much diversity in the world, anything anyone says will very likely offend someone or other. Well, almost anything. Upon further reflection, we realized that there are actually many things which are not likely to offend anyone, anywhere, anytime.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18) Fashion designer Ennio Capasa was asked if he found his work difficult. “If it wasn’t difficult, I wouldn’t enjoy it,” he replied. That’s the kind of activity you will specialize in during the coming week, Aquarius. The more it stretches your capacity and forces you to dig deeper into yourself for stamina and willpower and resourcefulness, the happier you’ll be - and the more successful, too.
Congratulations! You have purchased one of the most advanced communications devices known to man that was designed, like this 1,600-page owner’s manual, to simplify your life. Before using your phone, be sure to read and fully understand every chapter in this manual.
It will soon be Valentine’s Day—the third most lucrative retail festival after Christmas and Chinese New Year. We will let the mainstream media inundate you with ways to convince your loved ones that the love of money is indeed the root of all evil (whatever that means). We will tell you how to prove to your loved ones that you love them despite not spending any money on them.V is for Value their company: Spend time with your loved ones.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18) Happy Valentine's Daze, Aquarius! The English novelist Julia Pardoe expressed an idea that would be useful for you to integrate into your thoughts about love in 2006. “In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, a donkey, and a nightingale,” she wrote. “Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.” Why is this important for you to contemplate?
Pencils ready? It’s time for this month’s news quiz.A Public Health Ministry subcommittee has recommended that beer gardens be banned for what reason?a. They send the wrong message to people who are out for a little fun.b. Those pork knuckles are never as good as they look.c. Escalating violence among beer pretties.d. It’s much healthier to drink Saeng Som next to a busy highway.What are poor villagers in rural areas being taught to improve their lives?a. Think with their right brain.b. How to buy fire trucks/baggage scanners/jets and sell them to the government at inflated prices.c.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18) Several of my friends have given names to their cars, and I know many other people who have bestowed appellations on their homes, their vacuum cleaners, their favorite trees, and their genitals. In Norse mythology, the god Thor affectionately called his magic golden hammer by the name Mjollnir. It so happens that this would be a ripe time for you to experiment with this approach, Aquarius.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): Several of my friends have given names to their cars, and I know many other people who have bestowed appellations on their homes, their vacuum cleaners, their favorite trees, and their genitals. In Norse mythology, the god Thor affectionately called his magic golden hammer by the name Mjollnir. It so happens that this would be a ripe time for you to experiment with this approach, Aquarius.