We watch their movies, listen to their music, wear their clothes, eat their food, drink their booze (but only after we turn 18, and only during legally prescribed times, right?), speak their languages and rub shoulders with them on the Skytrain. We might have even met and talked to a few—teachers or exchange students or gigs of our really dern friends—and found them to be pretty normal, not that different from us except for maybe the size of their noses. So we might think we know what foreigners are like.

But then when we get out into the working world and actually have to deal with them on a regular basis, or when our social circles get so wide that we’re bumping and then overlapping into their hairy lives, we find that these “strangers” aren’t so easy to understand. They’re, well, weird—and sometimes scary, sometimes a pain in the ass.

Believe me, I know. I’ve been working with them for almost six weeks now, which pretty much makes me an expert on the subject. I’ll admit that when I first started this internship, I was terrified of running into one of the farang or khon Asia here. But they don’t scare me anymore, and now I’m like, “Hey Masayuki, how’s that golf swing?” or “Good morning, Jennifer. You are not wearing a bra again, I see. Nice!”

Once you get past some of their funny hang-ups and habits, it’s really not that hard to cross that cultural divide. Hey, if I can do it, you can do it. That is, if you want to. I know a lot of Thais who think that it should be the foreigners’ responsibility to understand us, not the other way around. This is Thailand, after all. If they want to live and work alongside us, why don’t they learn our language and our customs and act like we act?

I’m not saying that foreigners are better than us—and there’s nothing I hate more than Thais who work in five-star hotels who answer us in English when we speak to them in Thai or staff in foreign embassies with their bitchy attitudes. But we live in an international city in a world that is wide-open in ways our parents never imagined. Thailand is a great country, which is why it attracts so many

people from overseas. In the future there will only be more foreigners here. Some will be cool and worth knowing. There’s nothing wrong with meeting them halfway, if we can.

Close Your Eyes

My first tip for dealing with foreigners is, in the beginning at least, forget about how they look. Your head is full of stereotypes and misinformation about people from other countries. That’s only natural, because your knowledge comes from American Pie movies, anime comics and MTV. The thing is, you can’t assume that a foreigner is going to act the same way as the person he most resembles in your favorite music videos. And you can’t assume that all farang are alike, even if they all look alike. At the same time, be careful not to apply our standards to the way they look. Your co-worker who wears open-toe sandals to the office isn’t an uneducated hick from the sticks—he just doesn’t know any better. But he’ll learn. (You hope.)

Open Your Mind and Your Mouth

You can open your eyes now. You’re no longer judging these foreign books by their foreign covers. Instead you’ll want to concentrate on what they’re saying. Get to know them from their explanations. Don’t judge, just listen and learn. Then talk. Ask questions. The language barrier is obviously the biggest single factor preventing Thais and foreigners from hanging out together. Don’t be shy to speak another language or worry about saying the wrong thing. Remember: You’re in your country, and they don’t expect perfect English/Mandarin/Swahili, so there’s no need to get stuck in the kreng jai cultural trap. Besides, in most cases you’ll both be speaking a second (or third) language, which is in most cases English. So relax and have a laugh together—all that matters is that you’re communicating.

Have Fun

Though it may feel like it sometimes, hanging out with foreigners is not like taking an exam: you will not be graded on your performance. So don’t get stressed out over it. It’s not your job to entertain them. And don’t try to guess what they might like to do—chances are you’ll guess wrong. Don’t take them to the Hard Rock. Most of them just want to see how you live, so act normal and take them to places you normally go to. If they prefer something else, they’ll let you know.

You! You! You!

We don’t think it’s a big deal, but a lot of farang don’t like being called “farang.” Isn’t that silly? We just mean “Caucasian,” but they translate it as “foreigner” and think that’s a negative thing. Also, a lot of Chinese don’t like it when you refer to them as “jek,” a lot of South Asians and people from the Middle East bristle at the word “kaek” (and they don’t think those snake jokes are very funny) and a lot of fat people would rather you not refer to them as “Uan!” (Most Japanese don’t know that we’re talking about them when we say “yoon”, though. Until now)

Money Matters

Figuring out who should pay, when to pay and how much to pay can get complicated. Most people from the West, Americans in particular, will split the bill when you’re dining or drinking in a group. Usually everyone chips in a fairly equal share, regardless of what you ordered. Only the annoying ones whip out a calculator when the bill comes and pay for only what they ordered, down to the last satang. If you have Brit friends and you’re out drinking with them, make sure you buy a round of drinks when it’s your turn. If this is your first job, there’s a good chance that your foreign buddies are making more money than you and that they know this. Don’t feel bad if they pay more than you. If they say they don’t mind, they don’t mind. Still, you should be generous when you can afford to be. One thing most foreigners really appreciate is our tradition of bringing some kanom along whenever we pay someone a visit or even when we meet up outside somewhere. This is a great way to show you care without breaking the bank. Just don’t bring them potato chips or rice crackers: they want “exotic” Thai snacks. Which is great because they’re usually cheaper.

Watch Your Watch

Foreigners don’t like it when you say you’re going to meet them at 5 and show up at 7. Many of them take it personally when you are late for appointments. They take it as a sign of disrespect—Japanese, especially. If you’re running late, call them and let them know. And though some foreigners who have lived here for a while have adjusted to “Thai time,” don’t assume that they will be on Thai time every time. To be safe, give a range, like “I’ll meet you between 7 and 8.” If they insist on a precise time—“how about 7:30?”—then chances are they will be mad if you’re late.

Wipe That Grin Off Your Face

Smiling is something we’re known for, and it’s in our nature. Obviously we smile when we’re happy—but we also smile when something goes wrong or when we don’t know the answer to something. And this drives some foreigners crazy, more crazy than any other Thai habit or custom. They don’t want a smile in this situation; they want you to say something, even if it is “I don’t know.” So if you don’t want your farang friend to explode, speak up. And if you can, keep a straight face: You need to look serious to show that you take his question seriously.

Mission Impossible!

Dear Ace: My office is on Silom Road, and this place is crawling with foreigners. My snake-snake fish-fish English isn’t good enough to speak to them, and I live in fear that one will stop me on the street and ask for directions. This happened once, and I understood what he said but my brain froze up. All I could do was smile. I forgot everything I learned in school: grammar, vocabulary—I couldn’t even say “I’m fine, thank you.” I can’t live like this! What should I do? Find a new job in another part of town?

There’s no need to move. You’ll be fine. The smile was a good start. Then open your mouth and say something, anything. If you have to, mix Thai words with English words. Try your best to make the person understand. If that doesn’t work, show him to a visitors’ information booth.

People Are Strange

Dear Ace: I just started hanging out with a farang guy I work with. Wayne always invites lots of people along to parties or dinner. I don’t know these people, and it makes me uncomfortable talking to strangers. Why can’t foreigners have a good time with just a few people, like us? Is Wayne trying to get rid of me? Do you have any tips?

Wayne is not trying to get rid of you. The reason he invites you along is because he likes you, and he trusts that you will get along with his other friends. Westerners, especially those you meet here, are very outgoing and have a very optimistic approach to meeting people. To them, the pond of potential friends is far and wide, and the more people you meet the better. Also, they don’t feel that it’s necessary to like a person a lot to spend time with that person. So speak up (they want to know what you think), but don’t take the conversations too seriously—or personally.

Mister Robotto!

Dear Ace: I just started working for a Japanese company. The bosses are like robots: cold, glum and aloof. They never smile, and they all look and dress alike! They smile and say something is “oishii” even when a dog wouldn’t eat the food. My Thai colleagues have been brainwashed to be just like them, too. And all they do is work, work, work—starting early every morning until late, even though they go out together to eat and drink every night. I don’t want to go, but people say I should if I am invited. What should I do?

Believe it or not, your bosses are human. Japanese culture is extremely group-oriented—even more than Thai. They think it is bad to stand out; if you are too much of an individual, you run the risk of making everyone in the group lose face. And you might get dumped from the group. As for saying “oishii” all the time, even when the sushi takes like shit, they are just being polite. When it comes to the Japanese and food, watch what they do more than listen to what they say. When it comes to work, coming in early, staying late and going out with the boss is just part of the job. I’m not saying you can’t say “no,” but if you’re saying no all the time, you might be limiting your chances of getting a promotion and/or a raise. I’m sorry to say this, but if you can’t adjust you might want to look for a new job in a non-Japanese company.

I’m Not a Bitch!

Dear Ace: I have a farang friend who likes to call me “bitch” and other names I’m too embarrassed to repeat. He also insults my mom (and other family members). Basically he’s an asshole all the time. But he says this stuff with a smile on his face. What’s his problem?

Some foreign men—I’m guessing he’s American?—find it hard to express affection for other men. So instead they call each other names. To let him know that you feel the same way—which is of course not a gay way—you should try insulting his mother by comparing her to various farm animals. You could also question his sexuality and/or his sexual abilities. Another tip: “bitch” should be pronounced “beeyach.”

Some gals like to do it every few weeks, but for most of us the concept of a full Brazilian wax is a little daunting (although—strangely intriguing). And the idea of a Boyzilian, where they go full sack, back and crack? Forget it. To get to the root of the issue, we sent two virgin guinea pigs (anonymously) to an unnamed hair-removal center to have a “Triple X” treatment and get (almost) everything taken off.

THE BRAZILIAN (THE GIRLS)

So how was it having someone poke around down there?
The staff was great; they were calm and collected when dealing with my nerves, and their sense of humor really helped too. Their professionalism was faultless. Plus she was fast; it was over in 30 minutes.

Can you wear underwear during the process?
No. Not for a Triple X Brazilian.

Is there any strange or acrobatic position you have to be in for a successful strip?
I was basically spread eagle.

What was it like when the first strip was pulled? Does it get easier or does the pain just build up?
Like “aagh!” No, each strip is just a moment of shock, disbelief and sting.

What is worse: The pain, the hot wax or the discomfort of the stickiness?
The pain is in the ripping out of the hairs. The wax is not hot, just warm.

On a scale of 1-10 (10 being natural childbirth), how would you rate the pain?
For some areas it’s just a six, for the more delicate areas it’s an eight.

Does the pain last after the treatment or is it just at the moment of extraction?
The pain is very temporary.

Did they poke into every crevice and separate any cheeks?
Yes, if you’re going for the Triple X or the “Full Monty,” be prepared to be poked and “separated.”

What was it like immediately afterwards? Could you walk and sit down, jump and dance?
I was fine, but sex and swimming were not options.

Was there any annoying after effect, like swelling, burning or itching?
Some rawness. I looked like a plucked chicken. I felt very “bare” afterwards.

How long did it take for your skin to return to normal?
A full 24 hours.

Does it make you feel sexier?
The smoothness is nice, but I didn’t like looking at myself in the mirror—I look too “exposed.” I prefer the air of mystery some bush provides.

Did it improve sex?
I did enjoy the “cleanliness” provided.

How was the regrowth process?
No problem, although the look is a bit mangy. It began resprouting within nine days.

Will you succumb to a waxing again?
I would do the Single X wax next time, but not the Triple X. It’s too in ya face for me.

THE BOYZILIAN (THE BOYS)

So how was it having someone poke around down there?
The staff were good humored, knowledgeable and professional, making me feel comfortable and in good hands.

Can you wear underwear during the process?
No, it’s just me and my birthday suit.

Is there any strange or acrobatic position you have to be in for a successful strip?
When they waxed my scrotum and crack. I had to hike my knees up to my chest, clasp my ankles, and bare all.

What was it like when the first strip was pulled? Does it get easier or does the pain just build up?
The first strip feels like multiple ant bites, small sharp stings, then a numbing sensation.

What is worse: The pain, the hot wax or discomfort of the stickiness?
It was a toss up between the pain and the hot wax. At times the wax was too hot, thus adding to the discomfort when stripping.

On a scale of 1-10 (10 being kicked in the nuts), how would you rate the pain?
Four (having a one-year-old stand on your nuts).

Does the pain last after the treatment or is it just at the moment of extraction?
The sharp pain does not stay for long. It’s the swelling of the skin that stays.

Did they poke into every crevice and separate any cheeks?
Yes, and you have to lend a hand, too.

What was it like immediately afterwards? Could you walk and sit down, jump and dance?
Sore and uncomfortable. Forget about having sex.

Was there any annoying after effect, like swelling, burning or itching?
There is slight swelling and discomfort.

How long did it take for your skin to return to normal?
About three days.

Does it make you feel sexier?
No, not really, but I feel braver for having tried it and it’s kind of nice to be smooth again.

Did it improve sex?
“Somewhat” would be the most honest answer, but it’s psychological and not sensational.

How was the regrowth process?
Hair regrowth was normal, but new follicles returned within a week, so if you take into account the pain, it’s hardly worth the effort.

Will you succumb to a waxing again?
No. Only once for the experience, thank you. I’m not into S&M.

Where To Get Waxed

GRANDE SPA (359-359/1 Ekamai Complex, btw. Ekamai Soi 19-21, Sukhumvit Rd., 02-381-6529/-31, www.grandspa.co.th) offers a wide range of waxing selections from underarm (B380), half-leg (B600), full-leg (B1,200), full-arm (B500) and whole body (B1,700) to bikini line (B380).

COMO SHAMBHALA (The Metropolitan Bangkok, 27 South Sathorn Rd., 02-625-3355, comoshambhala.bz) gives you waxing treatment in a luxurious private area with selections from full-leg (B2,200), underarm (B800), bikini line (B1,000) or opt for a combination of all three choices (B3,700).

YVES ROCHER (1/F, Siam Center, Rama 1 Rd.,
02-658-1142) is a specialist in waxing treatment. It offers a wax treatment on any part of your body such as half-leg (550), full-leg (800), half-arm (B350), full-arm (B500), underarm (B350), bikini line (B590) and more.

Though the Korean wave is strong, even Dae Jang Geum-mania still can’t beat demands for Japanese fare in Bangkok. Unlike Japanese restaurants in Thailand that generously serve everything from sushi to domburi (chicken and egg on rice) under the same roof, restaurants in Japan are usually devoted exclusively to one type of fare. “Most restaurants are family-driven businesses specializing in one item, which is more cost efficient and easier to maintain good quality,” explains Chef Shiraishi Kikuo of Taihei at the Banyan Tree. Though our restaurants serve many items, sushi is one of the most recognizable and popular forms of Japanese cuisine. Because of high demand, not only have chain Japanese restaurants been growing fast, but the number of high-end Japanese eateries have also multiplied. The arrival of Tsu Nami, Koi, Taihei and Wasabi @ Q Bar ensure the trend. Before taking another bite, let’s learn a little bit more about sushi.

The Best Fish

“The best spot to get sushi is in front of the chef because it’s fresh,” Head Chef Akihiro Izumi of Tsu and Nami at the JW Marriot suggests. A good rule of thumb is to ask where the fish comes from before eating it. If it is imported from Hokkaido, Kyushi or Tokyo’s Tsukiji market, then it will most likely be good quality. “Most of the best fish from all over Japan comes into Tsukiji market because fisherman know they can sell it for a high price there,” Chef Akihiro says. He, Chef Shiraishi and David Lombardi, co-owner of Wasabi @ Q Bar, all import fish from Tsukiji for their restaurants.

Finger Food

Wash your hands with the moist towel they provide. You might not have known that Japanese traditionally eat sushi by hand. However, Chef Akihiro explains that nowadays, about 50% of people consider eating by hand to be unclean, so they eat with chopsticks instead.

The right way to eat sushi is to lightly put soy sauce on the fish side. “Don’t dip the rice into the sauce because it’s too salty,” Chef Akihiro recommends. Chef Shiraishi suggests, “Put the fish side on your tongue first, in order to taste the fish prior to rice.” Chef Akihiro adds, “Whenever sushi is served, eat quickly because the fish gets warm and dry. Japanese people use wasabi only when we eat sashimi because sushi already has wasabi between the rice and fish. But don’t worry, if you like spice go ahead and use extra wasabi.”

Rare Breeds

We usually picture sushi as vinegared rice topped with fresh sashimi, but in fact this Japanese dish comes in a variety of forms. When it is rolled and wrapped up with nori seaweed, it is called maki. Nigiri is pieces of raw fish over vinegared rice balls. Gunkan comes in a round shape wrapped with seaweed and topped with ingredients. Here in Bangkok, we have more varieties, some of which aren’t considered authentically Japanese, including the well-known California roll.

Sushi Don’ts

Head Chef Akihiro Izumi of Tsu Nami at the JW Marriott and Chef Shiraishi Kikuo of Taihei at the Banyan Tree reveal what most Japanese don’t do with sushi.

Don't pass food to another person with chopsticks. This act parallels the passing of the cremated bones of a deceased relative at a Japanese funeral.

Don't make wasabi soup with your soy sauce. Sushi chefs cringe at this spectacle. Wasabi paralyzes your palette and hides the subtle flavors of the raw fish. Dip (don't dunk) only the fish part—a little wasabi goes a long way.

Don't scrape rice from chopsticks.

Don't eat all the rice at once. Rather, return to it after tasting other dishes. If you order rice, you must finish it. You're not supposed to leave anything on your plate.

Don't eat the fatty items first. In Japan, the correct order is to go for the lighter pieces first (such as white fish), followed by the agaki (shellfish) and finally the fatty fish.

How to Write a Book

....and Film, Album or Website

1 Have your own original idea. Competition among aspiring writers is fierce. A respectable publishing house like Matichon Books receives 30 submissions per month. How do you make your story stand out? Parnbua Boonparn, executive editor at Matichon, says, “At Matichon, we only consider stories with originality. If a new writer has a similar tone to other writers in the market, we recommend he find his own style.”

2. Come up with an outline. An outline helps you generate ideas, focus on what you really want to write and come up with the ever-important beginning and ending.

3. Keep Writing. You can’t be a writer if your ideas never come out on paper. “You can start by writing a diary and seeing what kind of topics you like to write about. This process will help you figure out your style, as well,” the Matichon Book executive editor advises.

4. Edit. “Reread your work. If even you don’t think it’s interesting, nobody else will,” offers Parinda Manusmonpri, editor of Naew Kwam Roosuekdee at Jamsai Publishing.

5. Get feedback and rewrite. “One of the best ways to get feedback is to post your writing online,” Parinda says. Popular websites include pantip.com and jamsai.com. After receiving comments from readers, you can reread your story and rewrite it.

6. Never give up. After receiving negative feedback, many aspiring writers decide to give up on writing as a career. Don’t. A key trait if you want to be a writer is patience. If at first you don’t succeed, edit and rewrite your story until you’re happy with it.

7. Whatever it takes. In Thailand, the best-selling books are written by celebrities. No-name writers have to find other ways to get published. The Matichon Book editor suggests sending an article or a feature to one of the Matichon publications. If your work is published, your next step is to try to be a regular contributor or even a columnist. Then you have a chance of being a pocketbook author. Another way to get published is to enter a writing contest—of course you’ll have to win something to attract the attention of publishers.

How to Sell a Book

1. Approach the right publisher. Figure out which publishing house is right for your book. For example, Feature Publishing and Matichon Publishing focus on informative books. “We don’t publish any books written by celebrities. We are looking for content that can entertain and inform. Aspiring writers should know a publishers’ culture before sending manuscripts to them,” says Parnbua, Matichon Book’s executive editor. On the other hand, Jamsai of Pearl and Bluebell Publishing look for light content such as romantic novels.

2. Prepare a pitch. Make an appointment with an editor of your choice and think of a good pitch to sell your book. “Be prepared. A writer must be able to tell a publisher why he needs to publish the book,” explains Parnbua.

3. Promote yourself. If you get a contract with a publisher that is a part of a big empire like Amarin Printing, Matichon or The Nation, you don’t need to worry about promotion because you will get interviewed by media in the empire. But if you release a book with a small publisher, a good way to receive coverage is to send your book to media that has book review columns. Also, find interesting angles about yourself and your book and create a press release. Send them to media outlets that match with your book. For example, if your book is about your adventures abroad, send it to travel magazines and travel sections in newspapers.

Directions

Information update

www.yes-wedo.com/publishing.htm A complete list of publishing companies and contact numbers

www.thaiwriter.org Updated news for those in the writing business by Thai Writer Association

www.praphansarn.com/new Updated news about writing contests

www.pantip.com/cafe/library Online community of readers and aspiring writers

ONLINE PUBLISHING

www.jamsai.com
www.bluebell-press.com
www.pearlpublishing.co.th
www.emotionway.com
www.yayee-yajai.com

Aspiring Writer Workshop

Four-day workshop taught by experienced editors and writers. B3,500. See details at amarintraining.com.

Writing Contests

Boondham Boonpring Award. Categories include feature stories, young adult stories and illustrated books for kids. Contact Thai Wattanapanit Publishing, 905 Soi 49 Rama III Rd., 02-683-3333

Crime & Mystery Fiction Contest. A contest for crime, mystery. Nanmee Book, 11 Sukumvit Soi 31, 02-662-3000 ext 4323

Nation Book Award. A contest for scientific books. Contact Nation Books 02-325-0432 or 02-325-5555 ext 3302. www.nationbook.com

Nai In Award. Categories include short story, novel and poetry. Contact 02-422-9999 ext 4141-4147. www.nain.com

Phan Waen Fah Award. Categories include political essays and poetry. Contact Thai Writer Association, 02-421-2302 (Applications accepted until August, 2006)

How to Make Movies

1. Focus on short film. Unless you’re filthy rich, you’ll have a tough time making a full-length feature film—the kind that is screened in theaters. Making a short (and low budget) film is a realistic way to show studios what you can do. Pakpoom Wongpoom (The Shutter), Chukiat Sakweerakul (Khon Pi Pisaj) and Kongdej Jaturanrasmee (Cherm) are well-known directors who made short films before they hit the big time. “Making a movie requires a large amount of money, and nobody wants to risk their money on a no-name director. A short film is another way to add to your credits and at the same time demonstrate what your style is,” says Kongdej.

2. Play by the rules. There are many short film contests. Decide which one you want to enter, because each contest has different rules. For example, for the Fat Short Film Contest, you need to produce a film related to a song; for the Thai Film Foundation Short Film Contest, your film can’t exceed 30 minutes.

3. Create a script. A good script is the base for a good film. Be original. Don’t copy foreign films like many professional filmmakers like to do. (You can do that later after you’re famous.) Also, remember that later your script can be extended to become a feature. For example, Kongdej’s Sayew was originally entered in a short film script contest.

4. Write with a low budget in mind. Be realistic. Figure out which locations and which actors you can use for free or pay little money. Kongdej spent a measly B2,000 on his 19-minute short Jeng and received an award from the Thai Film Foundation in 2000.

5. Decide your role. Who do you want to be? Director? Scriptwriter? Cameraman? If you don’t know how to use equipment, get a crew to make it work.

6. Cast. You don’t need to go through agents. Look around. Select talented people you know and see if they can act.

7. Go digital. Learn how to compose, control and edit on digital video—or hire a cameraman who can.

8. Shoot the film. A filmmaker is a storyteller. You don’t need complicated techniques or fantastic lighting to tell a story. Especially when you have a tight budget. “You can limit the number of locations or cast members. Shoot with natural light. Just use your imagination and make the film naturally,” Kongdej suggests.

9. Edit. Use editing software such as iMovie and Adobe Premier. (But not a pirated copy, please.)

10. Hand it in. Meet the deadline! Some contests like Fat Short Film screen all films, whether they receive awards or not. So even if you don’t win, you can see your work onscreen and get audience feedback.

11. Don’t give up. Every successful director worked very hard before anyone knew who he or she was.

Directions

Kantana Film School 02-690-6141 ext 102-104. www.kantana.co.th/edutainment/enter_media.htm. Complete film courses.

www.bioscopemagazine.com Updated news about short films and contests.

www.thaifilm.com Updated news about short films and contests by Thai Film Foundation.

www.thaishortfilm.com Updated news about short films and contests as well as info on short film courses, equipment rental, etc.

How to Cut an Album

1. Know your strengths. Figure out what you do best and stick with it. If you’re just starting out, choose rock or rap or R&B—but don’t try to do them all.

2a. Form a band. You bandmates should be people who are comfortable to work and be with. “My bandmates are my friends. It’s important to have bandmates who can get along together and have the same goal. We formed our band, Apartment Khunpa, to have fun. Finances aren’t our primary concern,” says frontman Tul Waitoonkiat.

2b. Decide to be a solo artist. If you decide to be a solo artist, go for it, but you have to be that much better. “We are interested in both bands and solo artists, but a solo artist must have a great voice, and he should be both a singer and songwriter. We also look for people who can produce their own albums,” Rungroj Uptampotiwat, managing director of indie label Small Room, says.  

3. Practice, practice, practice. Practice makes perfect. “Apartment Khunpa rehearses every Tuesday. If you can rehearse twice a week or more, all the better. A lot of practice helps us to be strong and play smoothly when we’re live,” Tul explains.

4. Play live. There are many places around town where they’ll let you audition, and that’s your chance to play live in front of an actual audience. “Playing live is important. It’s the best way to get close with audiences. Playing our music again and again in public helped people get used to it,” Tul explains. 

5. Make a demo. A demo is your resume to record labels. “We listen to every demo and let bands know our comments. Almost all of the artists who released albums with us we knew from demos,” Rungroj says. There are computer programs that can make it easy: Try Logic Express, Cubase or TurboDemo. If you aren’t sure what to do, go to a studio and let a professional help you out.

6. Find the right label. Figure out which labels suit your style of music. Many indie labels such as Small Room, Panda Records and Hualampong Riddim welcome artists who don’t come in cute packages, but you will get to produce your albums yourself. If you go for major labels or indies under big labels such as Giraffe Records and Sanamluang, you might have to change your outfit—and sometimes your music—to fit their style.

7. Be persistent. Many artists have to wait for years. “A band called Lemon Soup will release their first album with us just this year, and we heard a demo from their frontman four years ago,” the Small Room managing director recounts.

8. Get a job. It ain’t gonna happen overnight, and even if it does, “overnight” could mean months, even years. Suggests Tul: “Artists must have a financial plan. Our members have other jobs to support themselves. Even though people know us, music is not our main source of income.”

Get Your Music To The Masses

Accepting Auditions

Ashley’s Rumor 1/F, Liberty Plaza, Soi Thonglor, 02-714-7861/-4: pop and rock music

Brick Bar 1/F Buddy Lodge Building, 265 Khao San Rd.,02-629-4702: blues, jazz and big band music

Jam Bar 1/F Liberty Plaza, Soi Thong Lor, 01-832-0675: pop and rock music
Khao San 3/F, Dutchess Plaza, Soi Thong Lor, 02-381-0865/-66: retro pop and rock music

Noriega’s 106/108 Soi 4, Silom Rd., 02-233 2813-14: jazz, indie, metal, and acoustic pop and rock music

TCDC 6/F The Emporium, 622, Sukhumvit Rd., 02-664-8448, www.tcdc.or.th

Indie Labels

Indie music labels like Bakery, Smallroom, Love is, and Panda have really been making waves lately. Some of their websites have info on where and how to submit demos (2-3 examples of your band’s music on a CD). Check out an extensive directory of these and other independent labels contact info at www.cityblue.net/connect/viewcat.php?cat=Label.

Music Schools

Gen X Academy 23/26-29 RCA, Rama 9, 02-2031-001. www.genxacademy.com. Offers advanced and modern music lessons.

Mifa Music School 02-259-4545. www.mifah.com. Music schools owned by Grammy in various locations.

Trinity School 4/F Vanit Building 2, 403, Phetchaburi Rd., 02-655-7770. www.eduprogress.com. A music school with rehearsal rooms, a recording studio, a stage and a computer music lab.

www.formumandme.com/article.php?a=188. A list of music schools.

Music Studios

BNG 02-466-3615 and 02-465-4675. www.bngmusicthailand.com. Rehearsal studio for bands to get loud in without disturbing the neighbors.

Music Boom 02-252-5364. www.musicboomstudio.com. Rehearsal studio where you can also record demos.

Music Farm 02-914-9514 and 02-914-8668. www.music-farm.co.th. Music recording studio.

Prach Music 02-203-0423. Rehearsal studio where you can also record demos.
Sexy Pink Studio 06-604-7344. Music recording studio. Sex not included.

Radio Stations

Fat Radio 104.5 FM “Entrance” program (Fri, 4pm-midnight) and “Bedroom Studio” program (Mon-Fri, midnight to 12:30am) play demos from unsigned artists.

Size Doesn’t Matter

The small label Small Room has helped artists like Armchair, Montonn Jira and Superbaker achieve stardom. Managing Director Rungroj Uptampotiwat gives us a few tips.

What kind of music are you looking for?

Different from the mainstream but not complicated. A demo should stand out from the rest. The music should have good melodies. Appearances don’t count. Just be yourself. Be natural.

Does an aspiring artist need to study in a music school?

If that person doesn’t know the basics, he might need to take some courses. But if he can play a guitar, to get to the next level is a matter of creativity. At Small Room, only a few artists have degrees in music, but everyone is a keen listener of music.

How to Create Your Own Website

1. Create original content. To gain market share online, a website creator should create content that targets niche users. “A new creator should provide content that he has special interest or knowledge in and aims to reach a specific group, such as content for violin lovers or Honda Jazz drivers. These can get you noticed easily because they’re rare,” Wanchat Padungrat, a founder of Pantip.com recommends.

2. Use free websites. For a beginner who has no idea about web language, free websites are a good option as they are easy to use and, of course, they’re free. You have nothing to lose. “I would recommend a new creator to start with a free website,” the founder of Pantip.com said. “Spend your time and money developing content and providing services until the website has a lot of users. You can always decide to create a new website or hire a web designer later on if you want.”

3. Register a domain name. Though it’s free, a free website has downsides including the fact that search engines usually ignore it. Some sites have names too long to remember. If you have financial support, get a domain name. Pick a short name that’s easy to remember and spell it out. Then, register the name with ecomsiam.com, thaizone.com or hosting.co.th. Prices starts around B600 per year.

4. Select web hosting. Web hosting is a service providing a space for your website on a server so Internet users can access it. Prices differ from one Internet Service Provider (ISP) to another and depend upon the amount of space you take up. While servertoday.com offers 2GB with domain name at B2,006/ year, siamnow.net has 150MB with free domain name at B1,500/year.

5. Create your website. You have choices. The easiest way is to use templates available on line. If you like doing it the hard way, learn how to do it yourself. There are many courses available in a variety of schools or you can learn it yourself from books. “Some easy books to read are Flash for Dummies (Gurdy Leete and Ellen Finkelstein), Dreamweaver MX for Dummies (Janine Warner and Irena Berkowitz) and Photoshop CS for Dummies (Deke McClelland),” Klaus Fruchtnis, the artistic director of Duran Studio recommends.

6. Promote the site. To get web traffic to your site, you have to get on the web engines. Go to addme.com/submission.htm and add you domain name for free. There are a variety of books out now on how to get listed on Google searches. The best way to promote your website is through word of mouth. “Most internet users know a new website through word of mouth, but that site must be outstanding in service,” Wanchat explains.

Help in Setting Up your Online Presence

Free Website Services

www.meeweb.com
www.powersite4you.com
www.sitepackage.com
www.taradquickweb.com

Web Design School

The International Art School of Bangkok (29 South Sathorn Rd., 02-670-4233.
www.alliance-francaise.or.th) provides classes teaching web design basics.
Net Design (02-642-1100. www.netdesign.ac.th) is a design school with branches located throughout the city.

Raffles Design Institute (5/F, Silom Center, 2 Silom Rd., 02-632-7666. www.rdi.in.th) provides fundamental knowledge of web design.

Blog and Podcast

In online communities, the terms blog (a short form of weblog) and podcast have become very popular, but what are they? Klaus Fruchtnis, the artistic director of Duran Studio, explains:
“’Blog’ and ‘newsletter’ are the same thing. It’s an online journal that is updated as frequent as the information needs to be changed. A podcast is a method of publishing information (files) to the Internet or a method through which this information is delivered to the user. This method is very common on websites with music/audio files.”

As they’re so popular, do we need to use these techniques on our websites?
“To create a website you can use simple programs or even programs with templates that teach how to do it step-by-step. A blog or a podcast would only be useful if you really need to update or send information to the users, but it is not the only way to set up information online. Designing websites is not just limited to placing the files in a page but also to analyzing the needs of the site and finding the right tools that suit your ideas.”

We begin this first installment of Money Talks with the story of rapper MC Hammer. In the early ‘90s, “Hammer,” as he was famously known, was on top of the world thanks to his booty-shaking hit “Can’t Touch This.” He made tons of money and spent it on multi-million dollar homes, expensive cars and closets full of stylin’ baggy pants. It was a true rags-to-riches story, and it seemed the good life would never end.

Six years later, after a trio of increasingly unsuccessful LPs, Hammer filed for bankruptcy.

What can we learn from the demise of Hammer? One, it doesn’t matter how much you have, it is still possible to lose it all—and quickly, at that. Two, just because you’re making cash now, don’t assume that you’ll always be rollin’ in it. (Plus there’s this thing called old age, which will affect your ability to earn money.)

Everyone, even pop stars (especially pop stars), should save a bit for the future. Even if you’re in your first job and the pay is lousy, you should still get in the habit of saving so that you’ll have a substantial nest egg for those rainy days or for future investments. Here are some options.

Stash some away

Saving has always been and will continue to be one of the best things you can do with your money. Instead of blowing all your earnings on toys for your entourage, set some aside. The general rule is 20% of your monthly earnings.

The obvious thing to do is keep the money in a savings account, which won’t earn you much in interest but is safe and easy. If you’re a little more adventurous, you can put your money in a certificate of deposit, or “CD.” You can make a bit more with a CD, but if you touch your money before the time is up (usually for three, six or 12 months), you’ll be penalized. FYI—different banks offer different fixed interest rates, so shop around.

Stocks

You can make a lot of money in the stock market, but you can also lose a lot. You make money two ways: One, you sell stock for more than you originally paid for it. Two, you receive “dividends”—a share of the profits—from the company that issued the stock. When “playing” the stock market, you can choose from doing it all yourself (Internet trading) to having professionals do it all for you (mutual funds [see below])—and everything in between.

Mutual funds are like stocks in that you buy shares, but what you are buying is a share in a “basket” of potential money-makers, things like stocks, government bonds and precious metals. This option is great for people with little time and/or limited trading knowledge and experience.

Gold

Gold these days is hot, hot, hot, with the price soaring to record levels. It is usually popular during times of uncertainty, such as now. Most of us think of Yaowarat gold shops selling necklaces and other accessories, but more serious options include purchasing gold bars or coins. Note that buying gold doesn’t necessarily mean carrying it home with you, if you’re worried about safety or throwing your back out.

Real estate

One good thing about buying real estate is that you can live in your investment. So money that you would be “throwing away” (rent) instead goes toward something you will eventually own. Even if you don’t sell it for as much as you paid (loan plus interest), it’s still a “forced saving plan”—you’ll have money in the bank when it’s over that you might not have if you had rented. One bad thing is that there’s a lot to worry about: getting a loan, mortgage payments, upkeep, depreciation and so on.

Just do it

The possibilities are endless. These are just the basics. Even if you don’t have that much money to invest, keep it simple and in the bank and save up for future investments. You’ll want to set up a separate account for this—and, to avoid the temptation to spend that money in a Hammer-like moment, don’t get an ATM card for this account!

“Home” for most of us still conjures up images of a house, with a yard, an upstairs and a downstairs, dogs and cats. But whether out of choice or necessity, most of us, at some time or another, will find ourselves living in what is basically a concrete box.
With a population of over 10 million people, and over half under the age of 30, over the past few years, Bangkok has been growing up much more than out. In 1982 there were approximately 50 condominium projects under construction in the capital; in less than a decade that number had quadrupled. The next generation might not even know that there once were houses in the inner city that normal people could afford to live in.

We could choose to kick it in a tree-lined development along the outer ring road—there are still plenty of swamps yet to be filled in, apparently—but we’re city people. We’d rather be where the action is than “baan nawk.” And unlike our parents, we don’t have the patience for two- or even three-hour commutes. We’d rather not relive the days of the Comfort 100, thank you.

Why would anyone choose to live in a box? Location, for one. Wyn is a 34-year-old freelance architect who previously lived in a stereotypical small space, an apartment with an area of less than 20 square meters. He has since outgrown that tiny room, but he still chooses to live in a condo because location is more important to him than personal space. “Now I live nearby Siam, which is good for my job because I have meetings with my clients around this area regularly. I wouldn’t even think of living outside downtown. The traffic situation is like a war, and I don’t have time to waste every day traveling to work.”

The other main reason is the desire for personal space, no matter how small. Aoy, 28, moved out of her parents’ house into a condominium that is only 40 square meters—and only 10 minutes from her parents’ house. “The single door policy suits me much better. You don’t have to do anything, just lock the door when you leave. I just use this as a place to sleep and keep my clothes,” she says.

You win some, lose some

The biggest problem people experience living in a small space is where to keep all of their stuff. It comes down to priorities, making space for what’s really important.
“I have the same problem as everyone else who lives in a condo: limited space. I have a huge collection of shoes and bags as every good woman should have, and to fit them all I had to get rid of my washing machine,” Aoy continues.

Wyn has a similar story. “The thing is, you have to think in advance what it is that you want and what is absolutely necessary. Because of my job, I have a lot of books, so I decided that space for bookshelves was more important than a kitchen.”

What about the psychological effects of living in cramped quarters? Can we blame our insanity on our tiny little room? According to Dr. Yuttana Ongarjsakulman, a psychiatrist at Samitivej Hospital, the answer is no. (We’ll need to find another excuse.) “It’s not going to drive you crazy. People get mentally sick from other factors and mostly it’s in their mind,” he explained. But it can be stressful, and in this case the only solution is to get out, he said.

Rathanitha, 25, is a jewelry shop assistant who shared a tiny apartment with a family member. “I was a matthayom girl when I moved to my under-20 square meter apartment. It was OK at first ‘cause I didn’t have much stuff. But once I went to university, I changed. There were so many things I had to have, and I couldn’t get rid of any of it. Then my grandmother came to live with me. It was terrible. We didn’t have any private space, and we had so many arguments. Finally we realized that we couldn’t live together like this. So we moved to a bigger apartment, 50 square meters, and we stopped fighting.”

Tips for tight spaces

Instead of complaining about his cramped quarters, Wyn made the most of his situation. “I put everything against the wall, to give me more space to walk and move around. I didn’t have a real ‘bed’—it was a fold-up hide-a-bed that converted into a sofa. Most of my furniture was more vertical than horizontal—that was key,” he recalls.

The experts and people we spoke to agreed you can live large in a small space. You just need to put a bit of effort into it. Here are some basics.

Lifestyle. Think about your day-to-day life and how you’ll be using your room—and realize that you can’t have it all. Do you really need a kitchen? How often will you be cooking at home? If work is more of a priority than eating, you’ll need a desk, not a table for dining. Is vegging out to re-runs of Bad Boys II more important than sleeping (or sex)? Then maybe you want a big couch and a small bed.

Prioritize. Position your things according to how often you will need them. Pack things up in boxes, bags, cabinets or shelves. Clutter makes a room look smaller. Move your furniture to the side, along the wall. This will clear a path for your feet and your eyes. Buy fewer pieces of big furniture, and keep all your stuff inside.

Go vertical. Instead of buying a typical six-foot-tall bookshelf, go for eight feet. Open furniture, such as metal shelves without backs and sides are best, as they won’t block your view. Or instead of a bookshelf, install shelves into the wall. Put things you rarely use on the top shelves.

Think big but stay small. There are plenty of products that are particularly designed for small space use. Most of them are multifunctional like a sleeper sofa or daybed. Consider a bed with drawers beneath it, which will give you extra storage space and look a lot better than shoeboxes under the mattress. Do you really need that huge refrigerator? Consider a small one that you can fit under a counter or below a table.

Get low. Low tables and furniture will make the room seem bigger. Spread out some big pillows and a comfy rug in the middle of the room, and keep the sofa next to the wall.

See the light. There are times when a cool, dark cave is ideal, such as when you’re recovering from a big night out. But in general, the more light the better, and lighter colors are better as well for making a room look more airy and spacious. Shine light on your walls to help open up the room. Track lighting is better than floor lights, which take up space. Instead of institutional white, try painting your walls a light cream or cheery yellow. Or go cool with light blue or light green.

The magic mirror. More than just a tool for checking out your hot bod’, mirrors also make a room feel bigger and more inviting. Buy the biggest one you can afford, or try several small ones of different shapes and sizes hung on different walls for a striking effect. As for mirrors on the ceiling, proceed at your own risk.

One for all. Go monochromatic. Match the color of your furniture to your walls: Either choose paint that matches your furniture or paint your furniture the same color as the walls.

Choose wisely. Easier said than done, but when you’re shopping around for a condo or apartment, try to get one with the most natural light. The ideal would be a corner room with windows on more than one side. Look for high ceilings. And if you can find one, choose a room where the sleeping and living space are at least partially separated by a wall or a tall cabinet.

Tips: Home Sweet Home

If you have to stay in room less than 20sqm, having your own balcony could make a huge difference.

Don’t know where to start shopping for furniture? Try the home office section, where many pieces are collapsible or multi-functional.

For those in a rented room with a “no nail holes” rule, try using a freestanding easel or over-the-door hooks.

Avoid creating a sense of clutter by using too many small items.

8 of our experts’ top picks for furniture

Chatuchak weekend market (Kamphang Phet 2, Rama 6 and Phahonyothin Rd., MRT Kamphangphet) is the king of all markets in Bangkok. Make sure you shop around to compare prices, and bargaining is a must.

Suan Lum Night Bazaar (corner of Wireless and Rama 4, MRT Lumpini) has a surprising amount of cutting edge furniture, lamps and home décor items “inspired” by international designers.

The Bang Po (Krung Thep Non Rd.) area is famous for made-to-order furniture. Just bring your design to one of the roadside shops and the craftsmen will do the rest—but prepare yourself for how baan baan they are.

Soi Pracha Narumitr (Krung Thep Non Rd., a.k.a. “wood street”) is home to numerous wood furniture shops from the top to the bottom of this soi.

HomePro (try 55 Wireless Rd., 02-655-3400, BTS Ploen Chit) is a one-stop home product department store where you can find pretty much everything. It also has a made-to-order service, which is OK as long as the design isn’t too complicated.

Homework Furniture (try G/F, Central Rama 2, Rama 2 Rd., 02-872-1471) is not in the city center but is worth the drive for reasonably priced made-to-order furniture as well as mass-produced items.

Sofa So Few (11 Thong Lor Soi 25, Sukhumvit Rd., 02-712-6157/-9) makes ultra comfy and high quality sofas for export. The showroom also has a snazzy collection of armchairs, loveseats, daybeds and dinner tables. Free delivery for custom pieces.

Kong Ha Furniture (154/22 Sukhumvit Soi 48/4, 02-331-0681) does custom furniture including sofas, tables, chairs and chests of drawers as well as accessories such as pillows, chair pads and cushions. You can make up your own design or pick one from the extensive catalog. They do all sorts of materials: fabric, leather, wood and steel.
 

Wondering what in the world is World of Warcraft? Don’t know squat about SWAT? Then you’ve come to the right place.

It’s certainly no exaggeration to say that computer games are a phenomenon of religious proportions. But with such a devoted following and a plethora of genres, the lifestyle isn’t something you can easily waltz into. So, we’ve set up a little cheat sheet for you to ensure that you don’t seem like such a n00b when you boldly and finally enter the world of computer gaming.

Now, we’re not going to tell you how to play the games themselves; that you’re going to have to train up on your own. But we will fill you in on some of the idiosyncrasies of the lifestyle, so that you don’t reek like a free frag when you walk into a Local Area Network (LAN) café, or log on to an online game.

What’s that? You don’t know what a “frag” or a “n00b” is? Oh, dear …

Lingua Fragger

We’ll start with the basics: language. There are two very distinctive things about a gamer’s vocabulary that will strike you instantly. First off, they swear like you wouldn’t believe, usually in a combination of English and Hokkien.

Second, and more importantly, they’ll be using a myriad of phrases that are going to sound completely alien to you. There are several dialects of gamespeak and explaining every single term would take ages, so we’ll just clue you in on the first thing most people need to know about any language: its derogatory terms and insults.

A “frag” is a notch on a player’s body count, which makes a “free frag” someone who’s so efficient at getting killed that he’s practically a guaranteed point.

After having your virtual brains blown out, expect your demise to be followed by your opponent’s cry of victory: pwned! This started off as a typo of “owned,” which in gamespeak is essentially the word for rubbing it in after you’ve kicked someone’s ass.

A n00b (derived from “newbie”) is the new guy, or to put it more bluntly, the fresh meat. It’s also a title you’re going to be stuck with when you start out, so get used to it. Gamers love to jump on n00bs, with a lot of friendly typed-out jabs (and some not-so-friendly kills) so believe us—you’re going to have to learn the ropes awfully quickly to shake this tag.

On the other end of the spectrum, however, are the gamers who’ll be dominating you in every possible way. These guys we refer to as being l33t, which comes from “leet,” a short version of “elite”. Expect to hear the cockier ones proclaim their status quite often, especially to all the n00bs.

Game On

This brings us to actually picking out a type of game that’s most suitable for you. While it’s great that you’ve already started clearing space on your hard drive so that your computer doesn’t lag in the middle of a game, let’s not jump the gun here.

There are tons of different genres for you to get your game on—sports, puzzles, adventures and even God games (which allow you to create whole worlds and run them as you see fit). The two most popular types, and probably the best to start with, are role playing games (RPGs) and first-person shooters (FPSs). These genres best encourage some sort of team structure with other players, and there’s no better way to learn than from more experienced gamers.

Inspired by pen-and-paper games, like Dungeons & Dragons from way back when, RPGs are story-oriented, focusing on getting your character (which you’ll have to customize, statistics and all) through a series of levels and challenges. The most popular subset of RPGs are the Massive Multiplayer Online RPG (or MMORPG), which is set on a much larger, global scale.

While you could fly solo for RPGs, playing with a team makes a whole lot more sense. Not only do your characters level up (become more effective and powerful) a whole lot faster, but there’s the child-like glee that fills players when they’re planning out strategies as a collective. That’s right, the proper strategy will definitely be a huge boon to you in RPGs. To play as part of a group, you could head down to your local LAN café, but most people go online and team up with players from all around the world.

FPSs are more for those of you who love your action fast, furious and (to use the utterly out-of-date, yet totally accurate catchphrase) in-your-face. The object of most of these is simple: run around with your dangerously large array of weapons and kill your enemies before they do you in.

Pixilated Tambourine Men

Now that you know what you want, the main question is where to get it. There are a number of outlets you can check out, the most notable being Funan Digitalife Mall, which features a number of computer game stores. A couple of gamers have specifically singled out Challenger @ Funan (#06-00, Funan Digitalife Mall, 109 North Bridge Rd., 6339-9008).

However, if you’re willing to head out of the central areas to hunt for a good place to pick up some games, we recommend Computex Computer Services (#04-30, 756 Upper Serangoon Rd., Upper Serangoon Shopping Centre, 6285-7058). It’s a small store with a huge reputation that has reached as far as the US, thanks in part to a very loyal customer base. Not only is it synonymous with great PC games at decent prices, but if you’re looking to beef up your computer’s capabilities to fit your increasing number of games, this is the place to turn to.

Battle Grounds

It’s “go” time, folks, so the next step is to pick your arena of choice. The online route’s certainly a lot less daunting. At the end of the day, the anonymity of the Internet doesn’t make going toe-to-toe with other competitors such an intimidating encounter, especially if you have shown some semblance of knowing what’s going on. Be sure to have a decent connection though. The last thing you want is for your game to lag for a few seconds and, before you realize it, your character’s been reduced to a vaporized smear.

You’re looking for a broadband connection at the very least, so check with Starhub (#01-36 and #B2-38, Plaza Singapura, 68 Orchard Road, Hotline: 1633) or SingNet (#B1-36, CityLink Mall, One Raffles Link, Hotline: 1610). They’ve got plans designed for the gaming crowd.

Like we said earlier, online games generally tend to be more suited for RPGs, but if you don’t have the right speeds, you might want to try hitting the LAN cafés. Catering more to the FPS crowd, however, some of these can be pretty intimidating—they’re dark, cold, noisy and usually filled with kids … or worse—childish adults.

But pick the right haunt and LAN cafés are a whole lot more enjoyable. A large group of friends certainly helps enhance the experience. Don’t be fooled by the name though. A lot of LAN cafés’ idea of food sometimes means that there’s just a snack bar selling chocolates and sodas, if you’re lucky.

Neighborhood cafés are great if you don’t plan to play for extended periods at a time, but for late nighters, e2Max @ Cine-L9 (#09-01, Cathay Cineleisure Orchard, 8 Grange Rd., 6235-9249) is the perfect place for doing battle. Open till the wee hours, and conveniently located in town, this is the place to go to if you’ve got the sudden itch to blow things up in the middle of the night. Prices range from $2.50 to $3.50 per hour, depending on what time you’re playing.

Another great spot for LAN gaming would be Head Quarters (#02-07, Parklane Shopping Mall, 35 Selegie Road, 6720-6780). It’s a quieter spot than e2Max, especially during the evenings. Expect rates hovering around the $2 per hour range.

You could also give Holland V Cyberspace (25C Lor Liput, 6463-8467) a try. It’s not nearly as well known as the others, so it’s normally a little emptier, but it’s still a great place to check out. Rates here are at about $2.40 an hour.

Side-Effects

We feel it’s fair to warn you that extensive PC gaming will lead to a number of side effects, the most common of which is the nagging significant other. For this little headache, we suggest you turn them onto gaming too. A disadvantage is however, sharing the computer, but staying out late at LAN cafés won’t be seen as much of an offence anymore.

You should also expect to lose quite a bit of sleep. Whether it’s an extensive run in RPGs that go on a lot longer than you realize or a late night FPS assault with the guys, you’d better be prepared to hog the whole pot of coffee at the office the following day.

Finally, you might want to take a little time after each game to recover from the adrenalin rush that you’re most likely going to get. These usually involve getting a drink and (proper) food somewhere to go over how badass you were … or at least how close to being a badass you were.

LOL!

A big part of PC gaming (and gaming in general) is its humor, and nowhere can you immerse yourself in this weird breed of hilarity better than in the culture’s web comics. Embracing as well as satirizing the lifestyle all at once, these strips have become just as much a part of a gamer’s daily routine as … well, gaming. So, log off your server for a second and LOL (that means “laugh out loud”, you n00b) at these.

Penny Arcade!, www.penny-arcade.com

The strip that’s become almost synonymous with gamers, Mike Krahulik and Jerry Holkin’s Penny Arcade! pokes fun at everything from the industry to some of the less-than-stellar games on the market with Monty Python-like silliness and pointlessness. With punch lines that are so deeply immersed in the culture, this one’s strictly for the gaming initiated.

PVP, www.pvponline.com

Slightly more accessible to n00bs than Penny Arcade!, Scott Kurtz’s PVP stars the eclectic staff of a gaming magazine. Showing how gaming culture has intertwined with their “normal”, every day lives, the strips deals with exaggerated gaming situations like a relationship on the rocks due to an obsession with World of Warcraft, and how a supposedly lucky hat helps you transcend into the class of the gaming l33t. PVP’s great fun while waiting for the servers to load up.

Mac Hall, www.machall.com

With the amount of time that the characters of Mac Hall spend gaming, you’d have to wonder why creators Ian McConville and Matt Boyd even bothered putting the comic in a school setting. With a sense of humor closer in tone to Penny Arcade!, this irreverent series’ best moments usually revolve around ironically funny in-game situations that most gamers can (unfortunately) relate to from personal experience.

Spring is the season of life when every creature is reborn after a long period of hibernation. In the West, it is also the time when farangs take stock of their possessions and do a big cleaning. Thailand doesn’t really have “Spring”—but the New Year is as good a reason as any to tidy things up. Yes, though you probably clean your home regularly, admit it—there are a few things you have been neglecting. How about that closet where all your old clothes have been disappearing? The windows too hard to reach that never get wiped off? And when’s the last time you had a look at what’s hiding beneath that bed? Oh yes, you have a lot of work to do.

Clean Machine

The core idea of spring cleaning is, obviously, to clean. But we know, we know—it’s hard work. Plus, you could scratch your diamond ring. Why don’t you try a miraculous innovation—the robot vacuum! Verasu introduces the Karcher Robo Cleaner (02-254-8101/-8; www.verasu.com) from Germany that is able to work on wood floor, tiles and carpet. This automated vacuum is only 10cm in height and weighs just 2kg, so cleaning underneath your bed or carrying it around is no problem. Don’t bother looking at the price; just think how easy cleaning is going to be (B159,000; hot summer sale B127,200 through May 15)! Another somewhat cheaper option is the Electrolux Trilobite (B89,000. Call Electrolux for airfreight, 02-718-0200, 02-725-9000; www.electrolux.co.th).

If those prices—or thoughts of artificial intelligence cleaning your floors—freak you out, let these folks give you a hand. Happy Cleaning (101/123 Rama 3 Rd., Bang Kor Laem, 02-291-6584, 01-842-3905; www.happycleaning.net) offers service for houses not larger than 200sq.m. Five cleanings will run you B3,000. Miss Clean (02-736-7579, MissClean2546@yahoo.com, www.geocities.com/missclean2546) provides different levels of service, starting at B1,000 per visit.

Taking Care of Business

It’s also time to check up on all your household facilities. This may take time, but it helps in reducing monthly expenses. Here are a handful of services for specific products.

Air-Conditioner: Some say it needs to be cleaned twice a year, but even once a year is better than never. The Ministry of Energy has teamed up with several vocational schools in offering an air-conditioner cleaning service at B350 through May 31 (call 1579 or 02-282-7060 ext. 1391, 1704/-5; www.eppo.go.th or www.thaienergynews.com).

Bicycle: You’ve worked that bike hard throughout the year on numerous treks. Why don’t you treat it right with a nice check-up at Probike (237/2 Sarasin Rd., 02-253-3384, www.probike.co.th)? Professionally trained staff members are waiting to give you the ride of your life.

Car: Forget streetside car wash services. Spoil your MINI with full-board treatment instead. Opt for services at 27 Speed Kar Klinic (2072 Sukhumvit 62, 02-741-5906/-7, www.27speed.com), Classic Care (Off Soi Soon Vijai, 02-716-5667/-8, classiccarethailand@yahoo.com) or Wash Mania (581/2 Soi Ramkhamhaeng 39, Procha-Uthit Rd., 02-935-6958, www.iamwashmania.com). These places provide more than just basic automobile care—their selection of wash programs are specialized for hi-end cars, too. Visit their websites for fares; they’re not that pricey.

Carpets: Imagine all the dirty feet that have walked across your floor this year. The vacuum is good for the short term, but if you need something a bit more intensive, go to the pros. The Living Company (860-870 Sukhumvit Rd., Phra Kanong, opp. Soi Thong Lor, 02-381-8301, www.dema.biz) will do a good job with this, as this is a fine carpet vendor. Specialized staffs can service your antique Persian or silky Jim Thompson carpet here, as well. Picking up a rug from your home costs B1,000; if it’s a wall-to-wall carpet, rates start at B3,500.

Plumbers: If your plumbing is a bit slow and you don’t have your own handyman, call Tortan (45 Soi Taan Samrit 15, Tiwanont Rd., 09-473-9501, 09471-8160, www.tortan.com) to the rescue. They will unclog your drains and toilets for approximately B1,000 per clog point. (Just remember that drains are sometimes clogged at more than one location in a pipe.)

Re-paint For a New Outlook

It’s widely said that changing a room’s tone can heal your mood. Getting a bright new outlook with a newly decorated room could be exactly what you need. ITV has a new program called Changing Rooms, which offers you and a friend free new decorations within a B50,000 budget and two whole days to do it. The idea is that they let you guys swap room-decorating roles—you redecorate your friend’s room while he/she manages yours. All you can do is pray it will turn out OK! They provide an interior designer to guide your vision and to prevent any serious design disasters. Contact How Come Entertainment (3/F, Shinawatra Tower 3, Viphavadi-Rangsit Rd., 02-791-1717, www.howcome.co.th) for details. For new design ideas, check out Architect’06 through May 7, where household services, products and innovations are gathered in one stop for your shopping convenience.

Clear and Recycle

Time to clear things out that you “haven’t used in the past year.” Follow this rule slavishly, or you’ll end up keeping everything for future use. OK, we respect your fashion sense; you can keep that vintage Birkin. But what to do with the leftovers? You could sell them to that saleng that occasionally drives by your home, or you could make more merit by donating them. Though you may not need what you’re getting rid of, there’re many in the world who do. Wat Suan Kaew Foundation (Bangyai, Nonthaburi, 02-921-6262, 02-921-5602/-4, 02595-1945/-7) accepts all second hand products, from clothing, books, electronic devices and furniture to construction items. Other choices for donations are voluntary student groups in universities that do rural development twice a year. Visit the Donation Exchange Center (www.thaigiving.org) for listings of foundations or groups that have been thoroughly checked out.

Freshen It Up

After a long day on cleaning duty, ‘tis time to clean up your body. No, we’re not talking about washing your skin with luxurious skincare products. We mean detoxification of your digestive tract. Detoxification (a.k.a. detox) washes away toxins from your body by injecting warm water into your colon. Advanced detoxification services are available in various hospitals and medical clinics, but you could just as well do it at home. Buy a detox kit from any drugstore (try Fascino, 02-889-5820/-9, www.fascino.co.th) and follow the directions. Afterwards, you will discover that you feel lighter and fresher than ever. You might alternatively want to take an extended break or fast at a detox program of some sort. Check out courses at Cheevachit Magazine (www.cheevachit.com, www.amarintraining.com), New Body and Mind Retreats (www.thinkdetox.com) or HydroHealth (4/F, Erawan Bangkok, Ploenchit Rd., 02-250-7800, 02-250-7808, www.hydrohealth.co.th), which offer several detoxification programs matched to your type and time frame.

Spring Cleaning Check List
 

Q: How should I start cleaning my place?
A: Follow this list.

Clean shades, curtains and ceiling
Check if lights work well
Clean windows with newspaper and check for cracked panes
Beat cushions and mattresses to remove dust. Replace if necessary
Dust and organize table and cupboard
Sort messy wardrobe
Defrost refrigerator, then wash with warm water and baking soda
Replace filter and clean air-conditioner
Clean the floor last

Q: Should I throw this away?
A: Check this list. If you mark four of them, get rid of it.

You haven’t used it for more than a year
You can’t remember how you got it
You have no idea how to use it in the near future
You don’t know what it is
It wouldn’t hurt to lose it
You could buy a new one if you suddenly needed it

Q: What should we keep in the wardrobe for the coming season?
A: If it matches just one thing in this list, keep it.

It’s white
It’s navy/nautical design
It’s a silky dress/blouse
It’s printed
It’s short

Bangkok can be a bitch. Nerve-straining situations abound in our everyday lives, and we sometimes can’t help but wish we could go ballistic. Wouldn’t it be gratifying to jump on that dickhead who’s pissing you off? Wouldn’t it be nice to nuke that mob telling you to “Awk Pai!”? But au contraire, mon frere, that’s not what civilized people do. Instead we must learn to play the game of life. Here our expert panel offers some suggestions for dealing with various stressful situations.

Road Rage

You’re signaling to cross into the other lane, but a car next to you keeps speeding up to cut you off. You honk your horn, he gives you the finger before slowing down suddenly, causing you to hit his rear bumper and smash his taillights.

The Bouncer: “Getting into a fight should always be a last resort. I would talk to the other person calmly with a gentle tone, especially to figure out how mad and unreasonable the person really is. If things get out of hand, leave it to the police. In this kind of situation, I would talk to the person rather than trying to blame anyone. You’ve got to be as cool as possible. Who knows? You might walk away with a new friend at the end of the day.”

The Cop: “It’s hard to keep calm in these situations, but as a police officer I would first ask whether they have insurance or not. If so, we all are Thai, we shouldn’t get angry over such a thing. Let the insurance companies deal with it. If not, the truth will win out. When you’re wrong, admit you are wrong. Getting mad won’t solve the problem. Whatever happened before the accident, the best thing is to just immediately forget it. Having a fight or yelling in the middle of the street is just going to cause more problems and plus it’s dangerous to you and others.”

The Lawyer: “The law says anyone who hits someone else is the guilty party, but I can’t accept that because cutting another car off is wrong. I would talk to the guy reasonably, not emotionally. There is no point in being rude or yelling at each other. I’d tell him his driving is hazardous to everyone on the road and maybe he would listen to me.”

Free-Loading Best Friend

Your best mate from university is in town and wants to sleep on your couch for three weeks and party like its 1999… again.

The Cop: “Well, a best mate is always a best mate, but you have to tell him that times change, and since I have a family now and work to be responsible for, I’m not able to live like the old days anymore. Of course our friendship will always be there, but there comes a time when family and work have to come before friends. If he/she is really a best mate, he/she will get it right away.”

The Hotelier: “I love my friends and I would let them use my house as if it were their own home. I would join the party sometimes, but not the whole time. I’m sure if you had a good friend, he or she would know when to leave you alone.”

The Monk: “Talk to your friend reasonably. Partying and having fun should be done but only in appropriate ways. Buddhism teaches us to live balanced lives. Anything that is too much on either side can cause trouble.”

Crazy Partner

You tell your boyfriend/girlfriend you need a cooling off period from the relationship but he/she doesn’t take it well and instead hangs a note written in blood on your door saying, “We should be closer, not further apart…”

The Bouncer: “I would try to understand where exactly the relationship stands. If things are about to go further and the time apart is for everyone’s benefit, I would explain that to her. I would emphasize the future rather than the present. Sometimes we have to reduce one thing in order to gain something else. For my own safety, I would use ‘we’ rather than ‘I,’ therefore making her feel that I care about the both of us, not just myself. Remember, our future is a ‘we’ thing.”

The Shrink: “Anyone talking about a cooling off period must think it’s the beginning of the end. First, you have to consider how much you love your boyfriend/girlfriend. If you still love him/her a lot, you should make a deal with him/her. For example, you can talk on the phone daily, but don’t have to meet everyday. The best way is to try to change your routine bit by bit.”

The Hotelier: “Re-think the situation! Don’t get scared by the bloody letter. It might just be fake blood. Plus this person might be your soulmate. Or, you could file a police report.”

Pushy Parents

As usual, your father is offering unsolicited advice to drop your filmmaking career in favor of becoming a lawyer. This time he is threatening to cut you out of his will (and family fortune).

The Hotelier: “Personally, I would change for my father’s sake. Who knows—being a lawyer might be your thing and you might even like it more. Don’t fight but try and show them how you can cope with it. I believe that no parents want to see their kids unhappy. If the job isn’t really for you, they’ll know and won’t stop you from changing back. Give it some time and try.”

The Shrink: “Invite your father to visit your movie set. Whether he goes or not, talk with your dad calmly. Thank him and say that you understand his goodwill. Try to avoid mentioning a career in law negatively and let him know that making movies is what you love and want to do. Ask your dad for a chance to prove that you can be successful in your career and make him proud.”

The Yoga Instructor: “This is similar to what happened in my real life. I explained to my dad that I understood his wish, but I loved what I was doing. I asked him to believe in me and he accepted it.”

The Clueless Boss

A hot new job opens up in the company and even though you’re perfect for it, you’re overlooked for the position in favor of the smarmy new guy.

The Lawyer: “I recommend comparing and analyzing qualifications between yourself and that smarmy new guy seriously and reasonably. If he is better than you in even one thing, you should accept it. Generally, a boss makes decisions based on what is good for a company, not based on his personal feelings. However, if you really think that he has something against you, you should consider leaving.”

The Monk: Tum jai or let it go. As a subordinate, you have no power to make changes. Don’t take any position seriously. It is just something to make a living. We don’t really need luxuries, but can survive with simple ways, houses and clothes. Don’t push yourself too hard. Adequacy and self-reliance are enough.”

The Yoga Instructor: “Every position is important, whether you are a maid or an executive. We should be happy doing what we are doing, and there is no need to confront your boss. You can’t make other people think like you.”

Vindictive Co-workers

A presentation to a major client tanked and now the team leader is pointing fingers saying your stats and info caused the failure.

The Monk: “Nobody wants to admit a mistake. That’s why your team leader tries to point the finger at someone else. It’s a team effort. Everyone had a part in the failure. Don’t make an argument, just mention the team effort.”

The Shrink: “Evaluate your stats and info again to find your mistake. If your stats are weak, you must admit your fault, but if you believe there is no mistake, talk to your team leader. Tell him you already tried your best then ask him for advice on what can improve your report.”

The Yoga Instructor: “Apologize to your team leader and tell her you did your best. Make it clear that whatever you did was a team effort. In the end, let your leader make the decision to give you a new chance or let you go.”

Noisy Neighbors

Every night the neighbors crank up the volume on their terrible karaoke, which lasts until midnight. Your anonymous letters for peace and quiet are not working.

The Cop: “Tell them exactly what you feel and how you suffer from their karaoke face to face in a polite way. Tell them that you need to rest after a long, hard day at work. If it still happens consistently, you can file a report at your local police station. Let the police come to stop them. In the worst case scenario, you might need to file a petition for arrest for nighttime noise disturbance.”

The Hotelier: “I would buy a bigger, more expensive, better quality stereo and give it to my neighbor since they’re going to sing every day anyway, and I’d rather hear the better sound quality. If you can’t fix the problem, live with it.”

The Shrink: “Make friends with this neighbor by saying hi or giving him some gift because you have to be around each other for a long time. Whenever you have a chance, tell him that you have to work on your assignment at home every night and you are so stressed and need to concentrate on your work. Don’t mention the noise. Hopefully they’ll be able to figure it out themselves.”

Stubborn Chauffeur

You’re going to an important meeting and time is running out. You jump in a taxi and tell the driver to go one way that you’re certain will be faster, but the driver ignores you, instead taking his own way, which makes the trip longer.

The Bouncer: “Personally, I’ve had this kind of problem before but I do respect the driver since it’s their specialty. Their job is to know which way is the best for both parties, and saves time, money and fuel. I normally try to make it sound more like a conversation than advice. I don’t think anyone likes to be advised on what they think they know best. I would make conversation like, ‘Which way do you normally take? Is it going to be congested at this time?’ Then I would say something like, ‘Sometimes I take that way, but do you think there’s a better way to go?’ Make sure that you make it sound like you’re asking for their help, not commanding them to do something.”

The Lawyer: “Tell him nicely right away that you want to get out. Driving a taxi is a service. When you pay for service, you are supposed to get what you want.”

Political Stress

You’re so frustrated and stressed out when you read the political news and chaos that is happening everywhere. You realize this issue is not something you can talk with your pals about, but it’s so bad you are about to burst.

The Bouncer: “I’m personally Buddhist, so I do everything as to not be too tight or too loose. We need to live our lives in moderation. When I have this political stress, I release it in other ways like working out or playing sports instead of causing harm to someone else.”

The Cop: “It’s always the same in the political game. You see politicians dragging out some issue from a long time ago, or a skeleton from someone else’s past, but at the end of the day they are all nice to each other’s faces. I’m not fed up, but its annoying. I’ve just seen way too much of it.”

The Shrink: “Avoid any media relating to political issues for a while. Relax and realize you don’t posses this country. Consider what you can do as a Thai citizen and never disturb other people. Evaluate yourself in terms of what you have done for this country so far.”

Our Panel of Experts

1. The Bouncer: Wittaya Singlompon, 35, is a bouncer at Q Bar. He regularly has to deal with stupid drunks speaking foreign languages.

2. The Cop: Prasong Nawin, 50, is a traffic cop who’s been in the brown uniform for decades. His primary job apart from keeping the traffic flowing is to make sure that people don’t cause disturbances by losing their temper behind the wheel.

3. The Hotelier: Jirarat Bhandhukravi, 29, has worked as a hotel operator for three years and has spent the past two years at the front desk of the Royal Orchid Sheraton.

4. The Lawyer: Ekkapol Apinun, 36, is a senior legal manager at Yum Restaurant International.

5. The Monk: Phra Khru Banpot Dhamma Rangsi is an abbot at Wat Pa Namthip.

6. THE SHRINK: Worada Wasunnuntasiri, 26, is a psychologist at the Department of Corrections in the Ministry of Justice.

7. The Yoga Instructor: Boonrada Nokyophin, 40-something, has been practicing yoga for more than 20 years.

We thought we’d save everyone time and the hassle by uncovering some of the funds, grants and scholarships out there for the taking. In all cases, to be eligible you must be a Singaporean, Singapore Permanent Resident (PR) or a Singapore registered organization. For the full, unedited version of this list, visit our website www.asia-city.com.

The Arts | Design | Architecture | Film
IT | Media | SMEs | Tourism

THE ARTS

Get up to $50,000 to create a masterpiece for the stage. $$$

What It’s Called: Project Grant.
Who Offers It: National Arts Council (NAC).
What You Get: Up to $50,000 per financial year, the sum total of its Project Grants and SIA-NAC Travel Grants.
Who is Eligible: Practicing artists and non-profit arts groups who wish to organize specific arts projects or events, including individuals who are recognized by their peers as practicing artists or arts administrators; non-profit registered organizations. The only exception to the above is made for local publishing houses applying under the Publisher’s Grant Scheme.
How They Assess: Artistic merit of the proposal; track record of achieving artistic excellence; commitment to sustaining and advancing the art form in the Singapore arts scene; caliber of artists and personnel involved; demonstration of good planning, sound budgeting and effective use of resources.
Requirements: Application form and relevant budget form (visual Arts Burget Form, Conference Budget Form).
Closing Deadline: At least two months before start of project.
Contact Number/Website: 6746-4622, Eliza Tan 6837-9859, Alan Oei 6837-8465, www.nac.gov.sg/vis/vis02.asp.

Live the life of a bohemian art student in Japan. $$$$

What It’s Called: Takashimaya-NAC Scholarship.
Who Offers It: NAC.
What You Get: Tuition fees, living allowance, return airfare, book and warm clothing allowances up to a maximum of $100,000. Also includes a one-year Japanese language course prior to the commencement of the diploma course.
Who is Eligible: An outstanding student who wishes to pursue a Diploma programme in the applied or media arts disciplines in Japan. Applicants must be aged between 18 and 30 years and should have obtained a GCE ‘A’ Level certificate or a diploma qualification in an appropriate field.
How They Assess: Applicant’s artistic achievement; track record of arts activities and relevant experience; applicant’s creative potential and commitment to contributing towards the development of the arts in Singapore; benefits and value of the arts training to the applicant and to the development of the arts in Singapore.
Requirements: Application form, registration with NAC, supporting materials, including letter of reference.
Closing Deadline: Jul 15 each year.
Contact Number/Website: Anthea Neo 6837-9513, Avin Lee 6837-9857, www.nac.gov.sg/vis/vis03.asp.
Need To Know: Successful candidates are required to fulfill a two-year service commitment within a five-year period, in any work on a full-time basis in connection with the arts in Singapore after the completion of their course.

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DESIGN

Become the next Philippe Starck by studying design overseas. $$$

What It’s Called: DesignSingapore Overseas Scholarship.
Who Offers It: DesignSingapore.
What You Get: Tuition fees of up to $40,000 per year, subject to a maximum of $100,000 for study in industrial design, visual communications, multimedia design, fashion, architecture, interior design, landscape design, urban design, or design management from DesignSingapore Council.
Who is Eligible: Applicants must have already gained admission in an institution for full-time undergraduate or postgraduate studies in an appropriate field. Proof of acceptance from the institution must be submitted with the application.
How They Assess: Applicant’s creative and academic potential; potential to be a leader in the design community; applicant’s achievements, track record and relevant experience; passion for design; benefit and value of the studies to the applicant and to the development of the design industry in Singapore.
Requirements: Application form along with other supporting and supplementary documents.
Closing Deadline: Apr 30 each year.
Contact Number/Website: 6837-9686, www.designsingapore.org/Default.asp?Page=180.
Need To Know: Upon returning from their studies, scholars are required to work in Singapore in a design-related field for two years. Scholars need not start their service commitment immediately upon graduation, but can choose to do so over a five-year period.

Invite the world’s design mavericks to judge your very own national design competition. $$$

What It’s Called: Inter-design Development Scheme.
Who Offers It: DesignSingapore.
What You Get: Every dollar in the form of cash raised by the applicant from corporate/industry sponsors will be matched by the DesignSingapore Council up to a maximum of $50,000 per project. Conceptual support is also included.
Who is Eligible: All Singapore-registered or incorporated design or design-related industry support organizations, trade and industry associations, education institutions and companies. Projects to be supported include design platforms such as festivals, conferences, forums, workshops, seminars, exhibitions, competitions, awards and publications. These platforms should be conducted in Singapore.
How They Assess: Whether or not the projects are new initiatives; cross-disciplinary and/or promote cross-organization collaboration; contribute to development of talents for the design cluster, development of design/design-driven products and services, and enhancing Singapore’s profile as an international center for design creativity.
Requirements: Project proposal via Annex A form.
Closing Deadline: Apr 15, Jul 15 and Oct 15 each year.
Contact Number/Website: 6837-9686, Aaron Hung 6837-9346, www.designsingapore.org/Default.asp?Page=163.
Need To Know: The project must commence within three months upon receipt of the Letter of Offer from DesignSingapore Council. Projects should be completed within one financial year.

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ARCHITECTURE

Uncover your neighborhood’s architectural heritage by publishing a book. $$$

What It’s Called: A+UDE Promotion Programme.
Who Offers It: Urban Redevelopment Authority.
What You Get: Funding for up to 50 percent of the projected expenditure cost.
Who is Eligible: Private organizations, individuals or groups who with outreach activities in the areas of architecture and urban design. Events can include: A one-off activity open to the public, like exhibitions, tours, lectures, conferences, workshops and forums; a one-off publication of a book, catalogue or brochure, like research reports, monographs, critical analyses, photographic collections and architectural/place guides; a multi-media production for television, film and video media; historical/archival research, theoretical expositions, research by design and site investigations; or design competitions encouraging wide participation and awareness.
How They Assess: The activity should be innovative so as to complement or advance existing theory and practice; of robust intellectual content so as to generate and deepen discourse on selected issues of architecture and urban design; able to cultivate and profile Singaporean works, places or personalities and fuel the growth of the local professional communities. It should demonstrate a strong marketing strategy and commitment to making the work accessible to a wide range of audiences with appropriate publicity and participation channels to stimulate public interest and discourse.
Requirements: Application and budget forms with evidence of co-sponsorship.
Closing Deadline: Jul 14 and Jan each year.
Contact Number/Website: Yap Lay Bee 6321-8179, Phua Beng Kiat 6321-8262, www.ura.gov.sg/cudd/a%2bud/index_flash.htm.

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FILM

Launch your career as the next Ang Lee by turning your ideas into film. $$$$

What It’s Called: Film Incubator Program.
Who Offers It: Singapore Film Commission (SFC).
What You Get: $50,000 cash, $50,000 facilities and consultancy. Each year, a maximum of five emerging filmmakers will be selected to turn their scripts into a feature film.
Who is Eligible: Completed scripts for feature film projects of between 75 to 90 minutes; half of creative team must be citizens or PR; preference given to teams without prior feature film projects; preference given to teams demonstrating majority Singaporean and/or Asian technical, artistic and creative content.
How They Assess: Two different stages–Development and Execution. Development: applications assessed by an international script-reading panel as well as by representatives from Media Hive and SFC. Short-listed projects will be developed and led by an experienced industry practitioner (consultant producer), who will go through with the filmmakers the various areas of story development, production planning, directing, casting and marketing planning. Execution: Filmmakers will go through the actual pre-production, principal photography and post-production of the feature film up till the presentation of the final product. The consultant producer will be available for advice and guidance throughout the entire development and production process.
Requirements: Script synopsis, shooting script, production budget, production schedule, cast list, resumes of key cast and crew, post-production schedule, location breakdown and clearances, writer agreements and release, among other things.
Closing Deadline: Throughout the year. The FIP is administered by the Digital Media Academy and an application fee of $50 is required.
Contact Number/Website: 6223 4420, www.sfc.org.sg/funding/funding.shtm.

Travel the World Screening Your Celluloid. $$

What It’s Called: Overseas Travel Grant.
Who Offers It: SFC.
What You Get: Up to 100 percent of the two-way economy class travel costs to attend international film festivals/competitions from SFC. One applicant per film title per overseas event, max. of four overseas events per film title. Up to 100 percent for the following qualifying costs incurred for a single event: production of video/film materials and/or publicity materials for participation at an international film festival/competition, where the cost exceeds $150; freighting of film prints to an international film festival/competition upon selection by the festival/competition organizer, where the cost exceeds $150.
Who is Eligible: All Singapore-based filmmakers who are Singapore citizens or PR involved in creating the selected film.
How They Assess: Objectives of the intended travel and/or production of materials; artistic quality and standing of the film and applicant; merit and prestige of the proposed festival/competition; benefits to the applicant and to Singapore film industry as a whole.
Requirements: Completed application form and CV; invitation letter from festival/competition organizer; information on proposed festival/competition; an estimated cost breakdown for the production of video/film materials and/or publicity materials.
Closing Deadline: One month before start of film festival/competition.
Contact Number/Website: 6837-9943/9944, www.sfc.org.sg/funding/funding.shtm.

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IT

Walk and breathe the hallowed air of Silicon Valley. $$$

What It’s Called: National InfoComm Scholarship.
Who Offers It: Infocomm Development Authority.
What You Get: Full scholarship/bond, including annual allowance, return airfare, warm clothing allowance, medical insurance and visa fees, as well as partial scholarships.
Who is Eligible: Full-undergraduate studies: Outstanding ‘A’ level or polytechnic results, good co-curricular activities record. Partial-undergraduate studies: Male applicants must have completed NS, undergraduate pursuing an infocomm-related degree in computer science, computer engineering, information systems, electronic and electrical engineering, or a hybrid combination of information technology and another non-infocomm subject at NTU, NUS or SMU and advancing to your final year of studies in academic year 2006/07, outstanding semester results, good co-curricular activities record.
Requirements: Five years with participating company or as an infocomm professional for overseas scholarship; three years with participating company or as an infocomm professional for local scholarship, one year with participating company or as an infocomm professional for partial scholarship.
Closing Deadline: Apr 7 each year.
Contact Number/Website: 6211-0920, www.ida.gov.sg.

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MEDIA

Spend the summer in school hobnobbing with industry mavericks. $$

What It’s Called: Capability Development Scheme.
Who Offers It: Media Development Authority (MDA).
What You Get: Sponsorship up to 50 percent of qualifying expenses, maximum of $15,000. Qualifying expenses: course fees, return economy airfare, accommodation, subsistence allowance.
Who is Eligible: Open to all Singapore-based media companies and recognized talents with at least six years of media-related working experience but without the support from a Singapore-based media company.
How They Assess: Course must not have commenced at time of application; trainee’s professional achievements, track record and relevant experience; benefit and value of course to the trainee, recipient company and the development of the media industry in Singapore.
Requirements: Application and CV, portfolio, information on proposed program, budget for the duration of the program, proof of admission into a course or letter of acceptance to an attachment program.
Closing Deadline: One month before start of course.
Contact Number/Website: Rohaya Yusoff 6837-9786, www.mda.gov.sg.

Be the master of the next generation Lara Croft. $$$$

What It’s Called: Digital Content Development Scheme.
Who Offers It: MDA.
What You Get: Up to 50 percent of the total qualifying cost of the project maximum of $150,000 from MDA. Qualifying expenses: manpower cost, hardware and software, intellectual property rights.
Who is Eligible: To seed the development of original and innovative ideas and concepts into real content products. These include pilot episodes for original animation, technical demo for game series and interactive media projects. Projects should be related to animation and visual effects, computer gaming or interactive digital media content. Content product should be original and exportable to international markets. Projects must not have commenced at the time of application.
Requirements: Application form and company’s proposal plus supporting documents like storyline, treatment, synopsis of series, draft script of first episode, character/game bible, artwork or visuals, production budget, production schedule, experience, track record, management, shareholdings and ROC of company, biographies of above-the-line team, among other things.
Closing Deadline: Two month before start of project.
Contact Number/Website: Games: Shannon Low/Philip Tan 6837-9755/9927. Animations: Ervin Ann 6837-9342, www.mda.gov.sg.

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SMEs

Launch your career as a tycoon with a $1 million investment. $$$$$

What It’s Called: Growth Financing Scheme.
Who Offers It: Economic Development Board (EDB).
What You Get: Potentially, every $2 raised by the growth company from third party investors will be matched by $1 from EDB, subject to a maximum of $1,000,000 under both the SEEDS and Growth Financing Programmes. Minimum investment from third-party investors is $500,000. Both EDB and the third-party investors will take equity stakes in the company in proportion to their investments
Who is Eligible: Qualifying companies: Those engaged in the development of new or better products, processes and applications in manufacturing and services sectors; innovation can be in technology and/or business models; where product development has been completed with early customer and revenue results. Qualifying third party investor(s): Either corporate or individual(s), preferably professional investment entities with track record in venture financing; Investor(s) must not have prior interests in the growth company; at least one corporate investor must be a legal entity with a min. paid-up capital of $500,000. Qualifying business activities: Substantial innovative or intellectual content; high potential for international market.
Requirements: Application form with supporting documents and one softcopy of this form in the original Microsoft Excel file format.
Contact Number/Website: 6832-6832, www.edb.gov.sg.

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TOURISM

Bring in your favorite international brand and become the next Melwani. $$$$

What It’s Called: Investment Allowance Scheme for Flagship Concepts.
Who Offers It: Singapore Tourism Board.
What You Get: The Investment Allowance (IA) scheme under the Economic Expansion Incentives (Relief from Income Tax) Act is a further capital allowance of 30 percent on qualifying equipment costs incurred within a set period and reduces tax liability.
Who is Eligible: Retail, F&B and flagship entertainment concepts.
How They Assess: To qualify for the scheme, new flagship projects must be first of their kind in Southeast Asia and have wide international appeal, catering to both local and international visitors in general. Such projects should enhance Singapore’s attractiveness as a tourist destination. The scheme is open to domestic flagship concepts as well.
Requirements: Contact officer-in-charge at STB and discuss details of the proposed project, after approval of which, an application form will be prescribed by them.
Closing Deadline: At least two months before start of project.
Contact Number/Website: 6736-6622, Elizabeth Chong, Sector Planning 6831-3546, http://app.stb.com.sg/asp/ina/ina055.asp.
Need To Know: Qualifying projects must be completed within two years from the date of approval of application.

Gather your inspirations and host a convention. $$

What It’s Called: Convene-in-Singapore.
Who Offers It: NAC with Singapore Exhibition & Convention Bureau.
What You Get: Up to a $5,000 per project, depending on the nature and scope of the project as well as the availability of funds.
Who is Eligible: Organizations, societies and clubs who want to organize an international arts conference, convention, meeting or event in Singapore which will promote the city as an ideal meeting place and arts hub. Singapore-registered organizations, clubs and societies engaged in propagation of the arts and which have successfully won a bid to host an international arts meeting or conference in Singapore.
How They Assess: Significance of the event being held in Singapore; commitment to sustaining and advancing the arts in Singapore; profile, quality and size of convention; demonstration of good planning, sound budgeting and effective use of resources.
Requirements: Application form.
Closing Deadline: At least two months before the event.
Contact Number/Website: Adrian Cheong 6837-9576, Dinah Ng 6837-9577, Doris Fernandez 6831-3685, www.nac.gov.sg/sch/sch08.asp

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