Bangkok can be a bitch. Nerve-straining situations abound in our everyday lives, and we sometimes can’t help but wish we could go ballistic. Wouldn’t it be gratifying to jump on that dickhead who’s pissing you off? Wouldn’t it be nice to nuke that mob telling you to “Awk Pai!”? But au contraire, mon frere, that’s not what civilized people do. Instead we must learn to play the game of life. Here our expert panel offers some suggestions for dealing with various stressful situations.

Road Rage

You’re signaling to cross into the other lane, but a car next to you keeps speeding up to cut you off. You honk your horn, he gives you the finger before slowing down suddenly, causing you to hit his rear bumper and smash his taillights.

The Bouncer: “Getting into a fight should always be a last resort. I would talk to the other person calmly with a gentle tone, especially to figure out how mad and unreasonable the person really is. If things get out of hand, leave it to the police. In this kind of situation, I would talk to the person rather than trying to blame anyone. You’ve got to be as cool as possible. Who knows? You might walk away with a new friend at the end of the day.”

The Cop: “It’s hard to keep calm in these situations, but as a police officer I would first ask whether they have insurance or not. If so, we all are Thai, we shouldn’t get angry over such a thing. Let the insurance companies deal with it. If not, the truth will win out. When you’re wrong, admit you are wrong. Getting mad won’t solve the problem. Whatever happened before the accident, the best thing is to just immediately forget it. Having a fight or yelling in the middle of the street is just going to cause more problems and plus it’s dangerous to you and others.”

The Lawyer: “The law says anyone who hits someone else is the guilty party, but I can’t accept that because cutting another car off is wrong. I would talk to the guy reasonably, not emotionally. There is no point in being rude or yelling at each other. I’d tell him his driving is hazardous to everyone on the road and maybe he would listen to me.”

Free-Loading Best Friend

Your best mate from university is in town and wants to sleep on your couch for three weeks and party like its 1999… again.

The Cop: “Well, a best mate is always a best mate, but you have to tell him that times change, and since I have a family now and work to be responsible for, I’m not able to live like the old days anymore. Of course our friendship will always be there, but there comes a time when family and work have to come before friends. If he/she is really a best mate, he/she will get it right away.”

The Hotelier: “I love my friends and I would let them use my house as if it were their own home. I would join the party sometimes, but not the whole time. I’m sure if you had a good friend, he or she would know when to leave you alone.”

The Monk: “Talk to your friend reasonably. Partying and having fun should be done but only in appropriate ways. Buddhism teaches us to live balanced lives. Anything that is too much on either side can cause trouble.”

Crazy Partner

You tell your boyfriend/girlfriend you need a cooling off period from the relationship but he/she doesn’t take it well and instead hangs a note written in blood on your door saying, “We should be closer, not further apart…”

The Bouncer: “I would try to understand where exactly the relationship stands. If things are about to go further and the time apart is for everyone’s benefit, I would explain that to her. I would emphasize the future rather than the present. Sometimes we have to reduce one thing in order to gain something else. For my own safety, I would use ‘we’ rather than ‘I,’ therefore making her feel that I care about the both of us, not just myself. Remember, our future is a ‘we’ thing.”

The Shrink: “Anyone talking about a cooling off period must think it’s the beginning of the end. First, you have to consider how much you love your boyfriend/girlfriend. If you still love him/her a lot, you should make a deal with him/her. For example, you can talk on the phone daily, but don’t have to meet everyday. The best way is to try to change your routine bit by bit.”

The Hotelier: “Re-think the situation! Don’t get scared by the bloody letter. It might just be fake blood. Plus this person might be your soulmate. Or, you could file a police report.”

Pushy Parents

As usual, your father is offering unsolicited advice to drop your filmmaking career in favor of becoming a lawyer. This time he is threatening to cut you out of his will (and family fortune).

The Hotelier: “Personally, I would change for my father’s sake. Who knows—being a lawyer might be your thing and you might even like it more. Don’t fight but try and show them how you can cope with it. I believe that no parents want to see their kids unhappy. If the job isn’t really for you, they’ll know and won’t stop you from changing back. Give it some time and try.”

The Shrink: “Invite your father to visit your movie set. Whether he goes or not, talk with your dad calmly. Thank him and say that you understand his goodwill. Try to avoid mentioning a career in law negatively and let him know that making movies is what you love and want to do. Ask your dad for a chance to prove that you can be successful in your career and make him proud.”

The Yoga Instructor: “This is similar to what happened in my real life. I explained to my dad that I understood his wish, but I loved what I was doing. I asked him to believe in me and he accepted it.”

The Clueless Boss

A hot new job opens up in the company and even though you’re perfect for it, you’re overlooked for the position in favor of the smarmy new guy.

The Lawyer: “I recommend comparing and analyzing qualifications between yourself and that smarmy new guy seriously and reasonably. If he is better than you in even one thing, you should accept it. Generally, a boss makes decisions based on what is good for a company, not based on his personal feelings. However, if you really think that he has something against you, you should consider leaving.”

The Monk: Tum jai or let it go. As a subordinate, you have no power to make changes. Don’t take any position seriously. It is just something to make a living. We don’t really need luxuries, but can survive with simple ways, houses and clothes. Don’t push yourself too hard. Adequacy and self-reliance are enough.”

The Yoga Instructor: “Every position is important, whether you are a maid or an executive. We should be happy doing what we are doing, and there is no need to confront your boss. You can’t make other people think like you.”

Vindictive Co-workers

A presentation to a major client tanked and now the team leader is pointing fingers saying your stats and info caused the failure.

The Monk: “Nobody wants to admit a mistake. That’s why your team leader tries to point the finger at someone else. It’s a team effort. Everyone had a part in the failure. Don’t make an argument, just mention the team effort.”

The Shrink: “Evaluate your stats and info again to find your mistake. If your stats are weak, you must admit your fault, but if you believe there is no mistake, talk to your team leader. Tell him you already tried your best then ask him for advice on what can improve your report.”

The Yoga Instructor: “Apologize to your team leader and tell her you did your best. Make it clear that whatever you did was a team effort. In the end, let your leader make the decision to give you a new chance or let you go.”

Noisy Neighbors

Every night the neighbors crank up the volume on their terrible karaoke, which lasts until midnight. Your anonymous letters for peace and quiet are not working.

The Cop: “Tell them exactly what you feel and how you suffer from their karaoke face to face in a polite way. Tell them that you need to rest after a long, hard day at work. If it still happens consistently, you can file a report at your local police station. Let the police come to stop them. In the worst case scenario, you might need to file a petition for arrest for nighttime noise disturbance.”

The Hotelier: “I would buy a bigger, more expensive, better quality stereo and give it to my neighbor since they’re going to sing every day anyway, and I’d rather hear the better sound quality. If you can’t fix the problem, live with it.”

The Shrink: “Make friends with this neighbor by saying hi or giving him some gift because you have to be around each other for a long time. Whenever you have a chance, tell him that you have to work on your assignment at home every night and you are so stressed and need to concentrate on your work. Don’t mention the noise. Hopefully they’ll be able to figure it out themselves.”

Stubborn Chauffeur

You’re going to an important meeting and time is running out. You jump in a taxi and tell the driver to go one way that you’re certain will be faster, but the driver ignores you, instead taking his own way, which makes the trip longer.

The Bouncer: “Personally, I’ve had this kind of problem before but I do respect the driver since it’s their specialty. Their job is to know which way is the best for both parties, and saves time, money and fuel. I normally try to make it sound more like a conversation than advice. I don’t think anyone likes to be advised on what they think they know best. I would make conversation like, ‘Which way do you normally take? Is it going to be congested at this time?’ Then I would say something like, ‘Sometimes I take that way, but do you think there’s a better way to go?’ Make sure that you make it sound like you’re asking for their help, not commanding them to do something.”

The Lawyer: “Tell him nicely right away that you want to get out. Driving a taxi is a service. When you pay for service, you are supposed to get what you want.”

Political Stress

You’re so frustrated and stressed out when you read the political news and chaos that is happening everywhere. You realize this issue is not something you can talk with your pals about, but it’s so bad you are about to burst.

The Bouncer: “I’m personally Buddhist, so I do everything as to not be too tight or too loose. We need to live our lives in moderation. When I have this political stress, I release it in other ways like working out or playing sports instead of causing harm to someone else.”

The Cop: “It’s always the same in the political game. You see politicians dragging out some issue from a long time ago, or a skeleton from someone else’s past, but at the end of the day they are all nice to each other’s faces. I’m not fed up, but its annoying. I’ve just seen way too much of it.”

The Shrink: “Avoid any media relating to political issues for a while. Relax and realize you don’t posses this country. Consider what you can do as a Thai citizen and never disturb other people. Evaluate yourself in terms of what you have done for this country so far.”

Our Panel of Experts

1. The Bouncer: Wittaya Singlompon, 35, is a bouncer at Q Bar. He regularly has to deal with stupid drunks speaking foreign languages.

2. The Cop: Prasong Nawin, 50, is a traffic cop who’s been in the brown uniform for decades. His primary job apart from keeping the traffic flowing is to make sure that people don’t cause disturbances by losing their temper behind the wheel.

3. The Hotelier: Jirarat Bhandhukravi, 29, has worked as a hotel operator for three years and has spent the past two years at the front desk of the Royal Orchid Sheraton.

4. The Lawyer: Ekkapol Apinun, 36, is a senior legal manager at Yum Restaurant International.

5. The Monk: Phra Khru Banpot Dhamma Rangsi is an abbot at Wat Pa Namthip.

6. THE SHRINK: Worada Wasunnuntasiri, 26, is a psychologist at the Department of Corrections in the Ministry of Justice.

7. The Yoga Instructor: Boonrada Nokyophin, 40-something, has been practicing yoga for more than 20 years.