We watch their movies, listen to their music, wear their clothes, eat their food, drink their booze (but only after we turn 18, and only during legally prescribed times, right?), speak their languages and rub shoulders with them on the Skytrain. We might have even met and talked to a few—teachers or exchange students or gigs of our really dern friends—and found them to be pretty normal, not that different from us except for maybe the size of their noses. So we might think we know what foreigners are like.
But then when we get out into the working world and actually have to deal with them on a regular basis, or when our social circles get so wide that we’re bumping and then overlapping into their hairy lives, we find that these “strangers” aren’t so easy to understand. They’re, well, weird—and sometimes scary, sometimes a pain in the ass.
Believe me, I know. I’ve been working with them for almost six weeks now, which pretty much makes me an expert on the subject. I’ll admit that when I first started this internship, I was terrified of running into one of the farang or khon Asia here. But they don’t scare me anymore, and now I’m like, “Hey Masayuki, how’s that golf swing?” or “Good morning, Jennifer. You are not wearing a bra again, I see. Nice!”
Once you get past some of their funny hang-ups and habits, it’s really not that hard to cross that cultural divide. Hey, if I can do it, you can do it. That is, if you want to. I know a lot of Thais who think that it should be the foreigners’ responsibility to understand us, not the other way around. This is Thailand, after all. If they want to live and work alongside us, why don’t they learn our language and our customs and act like we act?
I’m not saying that foreigners are better than us—and there’s nothing I hate more than Thais who work in five-star hotels who answer us in English when we speak to them in Thai or staff in foreign embassies with their bitchy attitudes. But we live in an international city in a world that is wide-open in ways our parents never imagined. Thailand is a great country, which is why it attracts so many
people from overseas. In the future there will only be more foreigners here. Some will be cool and worth knowing. There’s nothing wrong with meeting them halfway, if we can.
Close Your Eyes
My first tip for dealing with foreigners is, in the beginning at least, forget about how they look. Your head is full of stereotypes and misinformation about people from other countries. That’s only natural, because your knowledge comes from American Pie movies, anime comics and MTV. The thing is, you can’t assume that a foreigner is going to act the same way as the person he most resembles in your favorite music videos. And you can’t assume that all farang are alike, even if they all look alike. At the same time, be careful not to apply our standards to the way they look. Your co-worker who wears open-toe sandals to the office isn’t an uneducated hick from the sticks—he just doesn’t know any better. But he’ll learn. (You hope.)
Open Your Mind and Your Mouth
You can open your eyes now. You’re no longer judging these foreign books by their foreign covers. Instead you’ll want to concentrate on what they’re saying. Get to know them from their explanations. Don’t judge, just listen and learn. Then talk. Ask questions. The language barrier is obviously the biggest single factor preventing Thais and foreigners from hanging out together. Don’t be shy to speak another language or worry about saying the wrong thing. Remember: You’re in your country, and they don’t expect perfect English/Mandarin/Swahili, so there’s no need to get stuck in the kreng jai cultural trap. Besides, in most cases you’ll both be speaking a second (or third) language, which is in most cases English. So relax and have a laugh together—all that matters is that you’re communicating.
Have Fun
Though it may feel like it sometimes, hanging out with foreigners is not like taking an exam: you will not be graded on your performance. So don’t get stressed out over it. It’s not your job to entertain them. And don’t try to guess what they might like to do—chances are you’ll guess wrong. Don’t take them to the Hard Rock. Most of them just want to see how you live, so act normal and take them to places you normally go to. If they prefer something else, they’ll let you know.
You! You! You!
We don’t think it’s a big deal, but a lot of farang don’t like being called “farang.” Isn’t that silly? We just mean “Caucasian,” but they translate it as “foreigner” and think that’s a negative thing. Also, a lot of Chinese don’t like it when you refer to them as “jek,” a lot of South Asians and people from the Middle East bristle at the word “kaek” (and they don’t think those snake jokes are very funny) and a lot of fat people would rather you not refer to them as “Uan!” (Most Japanese don’t know that we’re talking about them when we say “yoon”, though. Until now)
Money Matters
Figuring out who should pay, when to pay and how much to pay can get complicated. Most people from the West, Americans in particular, will split the bill when you’re dining or drinking in a group. Usually everyone chips in a fairly equal share, regardless of what you ordered. Only the annoying ones whip out a calculator when the bill comes and pay for only what they ordered, down to the last satang. If you have Brit friends and you’re out drinking with them, make sure you buy a round of drinks when it’s your turn. If this is your first job, there’s a good chance that your foreign buddies are making more money than you and that they know this. Don’t feel bad if they pay more than you. If they say they don’t mind, they don’t mind. Still, you should be generous when you can afford to be. One thing most foreigners really appreciate is our tradition of bringing some kanom along whenever we pay someone a visit or even when we meet up outside somewhere. This is a great way to show you care without breaking the bank. Just don’t bring them potato chips or rice crackers: they want “exotic” Thai snacks. Which is great because they’re usually cheaper.
Watch Your Watch
Foreigners don’t like it when you say you’re going to meet them at 5 and show up at 7. Many of them take it personally when you are late for appointments. They take it as a sign of disrespect—Japanese, especially. If you’re running late, call them and let them know. And though some foreigners who have lived here for a while have adjusted to “Thai time,” don’t assume that they will be on Thai time every time. To be safe, give a range, like “I’ll meet you between 7 and 8.” If they insist on a precise time—“how about 7:30?”—then chances are they will be mad if you’re late.
Wipe That Grin Off Your Face
Smiling is something we’re known for, and it’s in our nature. Obviously we smile when we’re happy—but we also smile when something goes wrong or when we don’t know the answer to something. And this drives some foreigners crazy, more crazy than any other Thai habit or custom. They don’t want a smile in this situation; they want you to say something, even if it is “I don’t know.” So if you don’t want your farang friend to explode, speak up. And if you can, keep a straight face: You need to look serious to show that you take his question seriously.
What farang think about Thais
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What Thais think about farang
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| They’re happy with their place in the hierarchy. |
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They think everyone is supposedly equal. |
| They always have a “best friend”—probably gay. |
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They have many friends, but the friendships are shallow. |
| They think that work should be fun, which is why they’re never successful. |
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They take their work too seriously. |
| The take things personally when they shouldn’t. |
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They don’t care about others’ feelings, and they don’t care when they cause us to lose face. |
| They’re way too patient and accepting. This will get you nowhere. |
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They’re too ambitious. |
| Success is achieved by kissing ass. |
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They’re overconfident. But somehow this leads to success—how? |
| They don’t know how to express themselves. |
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They’re like my eight-year-old cousin who hasn’t learned how to control her emotions. |
| They blindly follow authority and do whatever their elders tell them to do, even when they’re wrong. |
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They place too much value on achievement and not enough on seniority. |
| They’re babies. |
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They’re cold-hearted, live only to party and never get homesick. |
How Japanese appear to us
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The reality
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They are emotionless zombies.
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They have been taught not to show their emotions out of respect for those around them. |
| They can’t look you straight in the eye. |
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Staring is rude in Japanese culture. |
| They say “yes” when they mean “no.” |
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It is impolite to disagree with someone. |
| They don’t take your calls. |
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They think it’s rude to talk on the phone in a public place like the Skytrain. |
| They can’t relax. |
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They sit up straight to show respect. |
| They think they’re better than everyone else. |
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It’s hard for them to initiate conversation. |
Mission Impossible!
Dear Ace: My office is on Silom Road, and this place is crawling with foreigners. My snake-snake fish-fish English isn’t good enough to speak to them, and I live in fear that one will stop me on the street and ask for directions. This happened once, and I understood what he said but my brain froze up. All I could do was smile. I forgot everything I learned in school: grammar, vocabulary—I couldn’t even say “I’m fine, thank you.” I can’t live like this! What should I do? Find a new job in another part of town?
There’s no need to move. You’ll be fine. The smile was a good start. Then open your mouth and say something, anything. If you have to, mix Thai words with English words. Try your best to make the person understand. If that doesn’t work, show him to a visitors’ information booth.
People Are Strange
Dear Ace: I just started hanging out with a farang guy I work with. Wayne always invites lots of people along to parties or dinner. I don’t know these people, and it makes me uncomfortable talking to strangers. Why can’t foreigners have a good time with just a few people, like us? Is Wayne trying to get rid of me? Do you have any tips?
Wayne is not trying to get rid of you. The reason he invites you along is because he likes you, and he trusts that you will get along with his other friends. Westerners, especially those you meet here, are very outgoing and have a very optimistic approach to meeting people. To them, the pond of potential friends is far and wide, and the more people you meet the better. Also, they don’t feel that it’s necessary to like a person a lot to spend time with that person. So speak up (they want to know what you think), but don’t take the conversations too seriously—or personally.
Mister Robotto!
Dear Ace: I just started working for a Japanese company. The bosses are like robots: cold, glum and aloof. They never smile, and they all look and dress alike! They smile and say something is “oishii” even when a dog wouldn’t eat the food. My Thai colleagues have been brainwashed to be just like them, too. And all they do is work, work, work—starting early every morning until late, even though they go out together to eat and drink every night. I don’t want to go, but people say I should if I am invited. What should I do?
Believe it or not, your bosses are human. Japanese culture is extremely group-oriented—even more than Thai. They think it is bad to stand out; if you are too much of an individual, you run the risk of making everyone in the group lose face. And you might get dumped from the group. As for saying “oishii” all the time, even when the sushi takes like shit, they are just being polite. When it comes to the Japanese and food, watch what they do more than listen to what they say. When it comes to work, coming in early, staying late and going out with the boss is just part of the job. I’m not saying you can’t say “no,” but if you’re saying no all the time, you might be limiting your chances of getting a promotion and/or a raise. I’m sorry to say this, but if you can’t adjust you might want to look for a new job in a non-Japanese company.
I’m Not a Bitch!
Dear Ace: I have a farang friend who likes to call me “bitch” and other names I’m too embarrassed to repeat. He also insults my mom (and other family members). Basically he’s an asshole all the time. But he says this stuff with a smile on his face. What’s his problem?
Some foreign men—I’m guessing he’s American?—find it hard to express affection for other men. So instead they call each other names. To let him know that you feel the same way—which is of course not a gay way—you should try insulting his mother by comparing her to various farm animals. You could also question his sexuality and/or his sexual abilities. Another tip: “bitch” should be pronounced “beeyach.”
