Free Community Church
#03-00 Century Technology Building,
56 Lorong 23 Geylang,
A Christian church that welcomes individuals of all backgrounds, including sexual orientation.

Oogachaga
41A Mosque Street, 6226-2002,
Community organization that provides counselling and support to LGBT individuals.

Pelangi Pride Centre
#03-00 Century Technology Building,
56 Lorong 23 Geylang. 9134-3466,
An GLBTQ resource center with a library on LGBT themes. Operates every Saturday 2-6pm.

People Like Us
A group that focuses on advocacy and public education.

SAFE Singapore
A group started by parents, families and friends of LGBTQ individuals to support, affi rm and empower families.

Sayoni
An organization dedicated to empower and support Asian queer women through its website and regular meet ups.

SGRainbow
An online platform for young gay and bisexual men with offl ine activities conducted in safe social settings.

Mar 1993
Trevvy.com (then known as sgboy.com), a dating profile site for gay men was formed.

Dec 2000
Asia’s pioneering Gay personals website Fridae.com was formed, with an eye towards being a platform for advocacy.

Aug 8 2001
Nation, Fridae.com’s first large scale and highly advertised dance party was held, testing the boundaries of the time.

Apr 2005
Fridae.com’s Nation.V party was banned. This marked the end of all large scale open air gay dance parties.

Aug 2005
IndigNation, Singapore’s annual LGBT pride month was first held in response to the banning of Nation Parties.

Jan 25-27 2008
Golden Village organized The Love and Pride Film Festival dedicated to LGBT films.

May 16 2009
The first Pink Dot SG was held. It was attended by 2,500 people and received international media attention.

Jun 30 2012
Pink Dot SG continues to grow and attracts 15,000 participants. Barclays joins Google as its official supporter.

Jun 29 2013
The fifth Pink Dot happens with more corporate sponsors like J.P. Morgan.

Let’s not mince words: it ain’t always easy being gay in Singapore. It isn’t even easy writing about anything gay here. At times it seems as if everyone knows what’s going on, yet no-one’s quite sure what’ll happen if they come out and say it. A case of the Emperor’s—or better yet the Queen’s—New Clothes.

Recently, though, the chorus of people willing to say something has become, if not necessarily more vocal than their predecessors, then at least easier to hear. People partying, people protesting, people putting on empowering plays, people challenging long-standing laws—and not being shut down like perhaps they would have been before. Given that the long-received wisdom about Singapore has been that it’s anything but gay-friendly, that’s a truly astonishing turn-around.

So while there’s still a way to go, rather than turn in a term-paper on the battles fought and still to come, we thought a tour of the frontline was in order. How has this change come about? Why now? And what evidence is there for progress?

1. Pink Dot gets bigger and bigger every year.

Last year’s rally for inclusivity, Pink Dot, was—say the organizers— attended by more than 15,000 people (a huge leap from the inaugural edition in 2009 which pulled in just 2,500), with even more expected at this year’s edition, taking place this weekend (June 29) at Hong Lim Park. It’s sponsored by giants like Google, Barclays and—this year—J.P. Morgan, Park Royal Hotel and more. Now that’s mainstream.

Pink Dot spokesperson Paerin Choa thinks that all of this speaks to the fact “that things are changing, and that more and more open-minded Singaporeans are willing to speak up for issues that they care about”. He points out that, “Pink Dot has never been just a ‘gay thing’. It provides a platform for anyone who wants a more open-minded and inclusive Singapore to make a stand, regardless of his or her own sexual orientation.”

What to expect from this year’s event? Choa says that as well as “a community tent, where visitors can mingle with our many community and support groups,” there’ll be “performances from notable local names including acapella group Vocaluptuous, singers Joanna Dong and Wayne Sandosham, indie band Typewriter and dance group Vogeulicious."

2. Mainstream venues are putting on gay nights.

It was 30 years ago that landmark disco venue Niche opened here, allowing same sex dancing for the first time. And despite a bumpy ride along the way (it was as recently as 2005 that the Nation V open air dance parties were banned), it’s no longer unusual to find gay nights at mainstream venues. Uber-cool CBD club Kyo recently introduced a new gay night, which takes place every Sunday. "It's a night where everyone can just let their hair down, be themselves and just have fun," says Kyo's creative manager Sharmaine Khoo. That follows hot on the heels of Broadcast HQ’s popular Mercury Rising which launched late last year and was explicitly billed as “not a ‘friendly’ or ‘pink’ or ‘happy’ night—it’s a gay night”. (ƒThat was on Facebook, which has allowed venues to be far more forthright in their marketing than ever before.) Interestingly, one person convinced things are looking up is Stuart Koe, founder of pioneering personals website Fridae.com (which was behind the Nation V parties). He thinks that, “For the most part, it is good to be gay in Singapore. We’ve got options, we’ve got outlets, and we’ve got a community that is growing in size and diversity… I’d argue that the positives outweigh the negatives.”

3. Gay plays are selling out.

Got an evening free in July? Then head on over to LASALLE College of the Arts, where from 3-20 July you can watch a restaging of local playwright Alfian Sa’at’s early work Dreamplay: Asian Boys Vol. 1, a campy gaycentric comedy about “a goddess on a heroic mission to earth to save gay men from themselves” (and we’re just quoting the press release here!). ƒ That’s if you can get a ticket.

This year already has seen packed stalls for W!ld Rice’s version ofƒ The Importance of Being Earnest back in April, which featured an all-male cast and was filled with subtle homosexual innuendo. Indeed, theater company W!ld Rice (where Sa’at is Resident Playwright), and its Founding Artistic Director Ivan Heng, have been behind some of the boldest and most provocative works here; including a performance of the famously camp La Cage Aux Folles at the Esplanade Theatre last summer.

It’s not all plain sailing, however. Heng (who’s also a spokesperson for this year’s Pink Dot), came out in an interview with the Straits Times last month, but believes he’s had it easier than others. “I am lucky to work in theater where there is an understanding and acceptance of difference. But I know of many creative and talented people who have left Singapore, carrying the burden of being in the closet,” he says.

4. You can buy a gay magazine.

Well, so long as you have your iPad, that is. Gay-themed online magazine Element, which published its first issue in April of this year and is billed as the “voice of gay Asia,” is the city’s first since Manazine ceased publication in 2005 and suggests the open-mindedness encouraged by the likes of Pink Dot and Wild Rice might be taking root. “Our vision for the publication is to challenge the negative stereotypical perception towards the LGBT community as well as LGBT lifestyle publications by creating inspiring, healthy and intellectual content that will address the social issues facing the community,” says Managing Director Hiro Mizuhara. ƒ

There’s still a degree to which they’re hedging their bets. Although Mizuhura insists, “ƒThere is no nudity… but only stories promoting the various social issues which are in the agenda of the Media Development Authority (MDA) or other governmental organizations,” the magazine is hosted on a US server and is available only in digital form (from the Apple App Store and Google Play), not in print. A spokesperson for the MDA confirms that in recognition of the “borderless nature of the internet” they have “opted for a pragmatic and light-touch approach to Internet regulation” and that “online magazines like Element do not need to be licensed under the Newspaper and Printing Presses Act.” ƒ

The magazine now has over 9,000 local subscribers, with its second issue just out, and has attracted advertisers including local superclub Avalon and menswear label Paul Smith. However you cut it, that’s progress.

5. There’s some serious queer literary talent (even if you don’t know it).

Independent publishers like Math Paper Press have put out an impressive array of gay literature in recent years, among them Leow Yangfa’s I Will Survive, which features real-life accounts of LGBT experiences and was launched last month at the Books Actually store.

“The response has been fantastic,” says publisher Kenny Leck. “What we observed is that casual browsers and regular readers understand that a good book has been published, and want to read it and are buying it. We’d like to print even more copies, and sell even more of it. Make it the bestseller of all bestsellers. The idea is to share the stories, ideas and perspectives.”

Leow himself sounds a note of caution. “Although it is possible to publish works with LGBT content here, it is still hard to get government funding or mainstream media coverage,” he says. “For example, you will never see a LGBT segment at the Singapore Writers Festival, even though there are plenty of openly queer writers with queer sensibilities featured every year writing queer stuff . Similarly, none of the people in the mainstream media even want to talk to me about the book.” To which we say, thank goodness for non-mainstream media!

6. Even (some) politicians think the laws are out of date.

Legal analysis? Don’t switch off just yet—we’ll keep it brief. ƒThe biggest sticking point in any debate about “progress” is the continued existence of Section 377A of the Penal Code (a colonial legacy, which prohibits any form of sexual activity between two men, both in public or private spaces). ƒThe hetero equivalent—banning “unusual sex”—was repealed in 2007.

Critics, unsurprisingly, argue keeping it on the books is discriminatory. Among them, perhaps more surprisingly, MP Baey Yam Keng, from the People’s Action Party, who thinks it ought to be changed. “While almost all Western countries do not have similar laws, we will argue that it is not relevant for us to take reference from them. However, we are also choosing not to benchmark Singapore against countries like China, Indonesia, Thailand, Japan, South Korea and the Philippines which do not have laws that criminalize male sexual activity,” he says. Although he adds that there is no real urgency yet for the government to repeal it right away.

So although the social line may be rather non-committal (in January, PM Lee was also quoted as saying, “Why is that law on the books? Because it's always been there and I think we just leave it") it’s not a stretch to think change might be coming. “If it takes another 20 years or so, it might be too long, so hopefully within the decade,” says Baey.

7. Plenty of people seem to agree.

In fact, local couple Gary Lim and Kenneth Chee are currently challenging the constitutionality of 377A; though their case won’t be heard in the Court of Appeal till the end of the year. ƒ This isn’t the first time such a challenge has been lodged (in 2010 another was—rather ironically—dismissed for “lack of a real controversy”), but social media could make this one a game changer. ƒThe couple has already raised more than US$100,000 for their cause through crowd-funding platform Indiegogo, twice the amount that they had hoped for.

“We have faced discrimination in school, the army and at the workplace,” says Lim. “People can’t understand what they don’t know and the status quo here is that LGBT issues are not frankly discussed and portrayed. However, globalization and the advent of digital and social media have fostered a shift in societal perceptions."

“ƒThe city loses a lot of face internationally by dint of having these anti-gay laws,” says local playwright Ng Yi-Sheng, author of gay poetry anthology Last Boy. “Some gay people are scared to work or travel here just because they've heard about the anti-gay laws.”

Others, including Fridae.com’s Stuart Koe, think it’s only a matter of time before the law is repealed. “I believe most of the government considers it a dead law, save a few conservative individuals. It’s not a question of if it will happen, but rather when.”

8. And the government is adopting a lighter approach.

Exactly what the government thinks of all this is hard to discern; though the fact that it’s happening at all speaks volumes. Lee Kuan Yew has himself questioned why we criminalize what is simply a “genetic variation”. But the laissez-faire approach makes it hard to point to concrete advances.

Almost everyone we spoke to cited the MDA’s guidelines regarding representations of homosexuality in the media as a big stumbling block. “[ƒThey] only allow for negative portrayals of LGBT people to be shown in mainstream media, so Singaporeans don’t get to see us as the regular folk that we are,” says Alan Seah, LGBT activist and member of Pink Dot. Sam Ho, a straight activist for the transgender community in Singapore, who formed the LGBT ally group SinQSA, finds it frustrating that “we have celebrations of straightness being blasted on all of our media platforms” with far fewer positive representations of gay life. He goes on, “Heck, even the National Day Parade, probably the most watched local production, is a celebration of straightness.”

The regulations, though, are not what they once were. In the past, content guidelines grouped “alternative lifestyles,” including homosexuality, alongside some rather wild practices (“worship of the occult or the devil” anyone?). Small wonder they had a bad rep. But an MDA spokesperson tells us that they “regularly review” their policies to ensure they are “in line with… community standards and mores” and they will not “seek to defend a status quo when the community has moved past it.” ƒ That approach is reflected in their new TV content guidelines, which came into effect in December. Now homosexuality is treated as “mature content” which will “generally attract an NC16 or M18 rating.” By contrast, the guidelines for imported publications (in force since 2009) still prohibit magazines that “encourage, promote or glamorize sexually permissive and alternative lifestyles” (defined as including sexual activity involving persons of the same gender). Local magazines meanwhile—including this one—are largely self-regulated (this story hasn’t been pre-vetted, for example); we’re instead expected to be “responsible in [our] reporting and… [take] into consideration societal norms and cultural sensitivities.”

So, while there’s a whiff of self-contradiction across the various policies, there’s no doubt the situation is evolving and it’s unrealistic to expect blanket change over night. On balance, we think credit is due to the government for the moves it has made of late in this direction.

9. There’s more to come.

Pink Dot is just the icing on the cake. The team from Element will also be holding its first Asia Pink Awards later this year, honoring F&B, travel and fashion players across Asia that are “truly gay-friendly and contributed to the community,” says Managing Director Hiro Mizuhara, and the annual Indignation will also be taking place Aug 3-31 across various venues like theater space 72-13 and the Singapore Botanic Gardens, featuring live music performances, talks and film screenings including Gen Silent, about ageing LGBTs in the US.

And as for clubbing beyond Kyo’s new night, veteran DJ George Leong is still packing in the crowds with his new Sunday gay nights Salvation at Dream, which appeals not just to the gay community, as well as new gay bar OUT Bar, which features live cabaret performances. “ƒThese events are testament that LGBTs should just be themselves and walk with their heads held high,” says Kyo's Sharmaine Khoo. "Integrate and contribute to society. Fall in love in the sunlight, not the shadows."

But that's not all. See a brief timeline of Singapore's gay movement, the groups behind them, and books that have made a difference.

Whether you’re queer, curious or straight down the line, join Shanghai’s out-and-proud community at this year’s ShanghaiPRIDE. The event runs from October 22nd to 29th and venues around town, and involves parties, cultural happenings, sport and community stuff. Here’s a rundown of what’s happening. Most of the details are being kept under wraps until the last minute, in case the authorities get snippy. More info will be released on shanghaipride.com in the days running up to each event.

Saturday 22nd October @ 11am - 2pm: Pink Picnic
Saturday 22nd October @ 9pm - 2am: Pride Opening Party
Sunday 23rd October @ 12pm - 4pm: Sports Day
Monday 24th - Thursday 27th @ 7pm - 11pm: Film Screening
Monday 24th - Fri 28th @ 7pm - 11pm: Art Exhibition
Wedneday 26th October @ 7pm - 12am: Mid-week Party
Thursday 27th October @ 8pm - 12am: Ladies’ Pool Competition
Saturday 29th October @ 2pm - 4pm: Comrades in Marriage Talk
Saturday 29th October @ 8pm - 12am: Halloween Pub Crawl
Saturday 29th October @ 9pm - 4am: Pride Closing Party

Enjoy!
 

Wonder Woman

Who: Khunying Jaruwan Maintaka
What: Auditor-General of Thailand
Why we love her: We love the fact that a woman accountant made so many supposedly macho men dive for cover. After fighting corruption in the Office of the Auditor General of Thailand for years, she was promoted to top dog in 2001—and that’s when life got bumpy. Khunying Jaruwan was eventually asked to resign from her position because she blocked, stopped and revealed too many of the corrupt projects started by the last government and refused to tell Dear Leader Thaksin what he wanted to hear. She also refused to step down then and continues to stand up for what’s right now without showing any fear of those in power. Last year Khunying Jaruwan received the “Yod Ying [Super Lady] of the Year” award from the Association for the Promotion of the Status of Women.
The moral of the story:
• Be strong, honest and stand by your actions if you’ve done nothing wrong. People will notice and support you, and your magical bracelets will help you deflect the critical bullets of the bad guys.

Doctor Justice

Who: Khunying Pornthip Rojanasunand, MD
What: Acting Director of the Justice Ministry’s Central Institute of Forensic Science
Why we love her: She’s the most eccentric doctor we’ve ever seen—funky outfits and spiky hair only enhancing her larger-than-life reputation. Dr. Pornthip introduced Thais to that mysterious science known as forensics long before Mr. Grissom and his pals appeared on the boob tube. Honest, outspoken and impatient with bullshitters and bums, the Khunying clashes frequently with the men in brown; she’s been sued, denied her deserved position (what’s this “acting” nonsense?) and had her qualifications (and fashion sense) questioned—and she could probably make a helluva lot more money in the private sector (or in Laos, where they offered her a job)—but she continues to serve this country fighting crime and helping the cause of justice.
The moral of the story:
• Don’t judge a book by its cover—it’s what’s inside that counts.

Feisty Filmmaker

Who: Soraya Nakhasuwan
What: Director of Final Score
Why we love her: A student of master filmmaker Jira Malikul, Soraya made a movie nobody thought she could make—and a movie nobody thought would be seen. Her documentary about students has proved skeptics wrong, not just about the project itself but about female directors. Even with King Naresuan playing on practically every screen in town, her unscripted flick has proved popular.
The moral of the story:
• Where there’s a will, there’s a way.

What do you think of women’s role in society today?
Women have become more independent and we can do men’s jobs. Women are humans, too, so we should have equal rights as men.

Why can’t men replace women?
There’s something in men and women that is different. For some jobs, women are more thorough than men. Like my movie, Final Score, you might think that as a woman I might be more sensitive for this project, more thorough and convey the story better than a man. And maybe because it’s a movie about the reality of a boy’s life, that means it needs a flexible, compromising director who knows how to communicate with others. However, I do think it depends on personality not gender. For example, my boyfriend is a good cook, whereas I cannot cook. It’s about what interests you and doing what you love to do.

If you had the power to change anything in the world, what would you change?
I, personally, believe that if we can just change a tiny thing, then it will change the bigger picture later. For example, if some drivers just stop their cars at the crosswalk for others, which is a small thing, there will be a big change and people will start to respect each other more.

Who is your role model?
Actually I really don’t have an “idol” but I do like Agnès Varda, a French New Wave director. Her movies are rarely shown in Thailand, but I think they’re pretty funky.

What would a world without men be like?
I love men! They have something good in them. There shouldn’t be anything missing, male, female, gay or lesbian. Everything that nature has given us is the best.

What’s next?
I’m writing my own movie script. It would be a fantasy and mainly about women. It’s a shame that it won’t be a big project, though. After two years of following boys around I’m sort of bored of them. Nah! Just kidding. Actually it’s something that I’ve always been interested in and it will be exaggerated from my personal experiences. I don’t know who will be the investor yet.

Mighty Mom

Who: Pui Pimolwan Suppayang
What: Co-host of Phuu Ying Tung Phuu Ying, managing editor at Mother & Baby (Thailand) and founder of Pang Rum Spa
Why we love her: Pui came to our attention when she debuted on Phuu Ying Tung Phuu Ying (Women to Women) with her unique character: a stingy, young, executive mother-housewife. Representing people who are lucky in love, work and family, Pui is a news anchor, TV show host, magazine editor and owner of a spa on Sukhumvit 39. She’s the lone married voice on the hugely successful talk show and is never shy to admit that she’s khem (thrifty), and demonstrates ways we can save, (or wisely spend), our bahts, and still have a good time and a great life.
The moral of the story:
• You don’t need money to be happy.

Super Saver

Who: Pavena Hongskul
What: President of the Pavena Foundation for Women and Children
Why we love her: OK, we’d love her more if she had chosen a different name for her foundation, but there’s no denying that Pavena’s heart is in the right place. As a politician she stood out from her female contemporaries, appearing on the front page of newspapers helping poor girls escape from abuse. She’s from a privileged background, but she’s not afraid to get scrappy even if it means messing up her hair or nails. Pavena’s self-supported foundation helps abused and poor children; when things get bad for girls, her name is on the top of the list of people they can turn to.
The moral of the story:
• Be kind and supportive to other living beings.

The Fighter

Who: Nong On, Udomporn Polasak
What: Clean and jerk weightlifter at the 2004 Olympics, Thailand’s first female gold medallist
Why we love her: When it comes to the Olympics or any other international sporting event, we normally just keep our eyes on boxing, where we can expect Thais to net a few medals. Unfortunately, in the 2004 Olympics, our glove-wearing champs took a beating. Then, out of nowhere, female weightlifting was the sport to bring joy to our bereaved nation as Nong On became the first female Thai athlete to win gold at the Olympics. She went head to head with Indonesia’s top athlete, chewed her up, and spit her out, lifting a whopping 125.5kg where Indo’s champ could only take on 122.5kg—wimp! Not only she won the medal but her performance broke the Chinese record from the previous games (2000). As she prepared to do her lift, we’ll never forget her throaty cry “Suu woi!” that would forever mark one of the most decisive moments in female sports in Thailand. We applauded, screamed and were touched.
The moral of the story:
• Just grunt and do it.

Happy Gal

Who: Mam Surivipa Poonpipat (Gultangwattana)
What: Host of Surivipa, MC and owner of a nail salon and carwash
Why we love her: She’s an upcountry girl (she spent her childhood in Sakhon Nakhon) who grew up to become a superstar but still has her feet firmly planted in the ground. Remember that spat with reporters over whether her then pal Mam Kataleeya was pregnant? When Mam learned the truth, she stood up, publicly apologized to the press and cut her friend out of her life. She showed us that when you make a mistake, you should be an adult and fess up. We also love Mam for her personality—she’s always happy, calm and smiling, even when she’s being asked awful questions.
The moral of the story:
• Forgive and forget and life goes on happily ever after.

What do you think about the role of women in Thai society today?
We’re stronger and more accepted than before. Now society has opened up many roles for women.

Why can’t men replace women?
Men can be as beautiful as women but they can’t be mothers.

What is your definition of a woman?
I always keeps in mind that a woman is chang tao lang (follower) but not lar lang (outdated). From my personal experience, not everything that a woman does is the right decision. Women are not always right. In some aspect, women need someone supporting them. If something is supposed to be a man’s job, let them do their work. Why not? It’s too much trouble.

Who is a woman you love?
My mom.

What would a world without men be like?
There wouldn’t be any more fun. A dry life I suppose. Who would be subordinate to my emotional complexity?

If you could be a man for a day, what would you do?
I would want to be a monk. I want to know what life is like as a monk. I wouldn’t have said this 10 years ago, though.

Lady of Grace

Who: Pha Ji Atcharapan Paiboonsuwan
What: Actress, yoga instructor at Absolute Yoga
Why we love her: She was the host of Nuu Tam Dai, pha Ji played many roles on soap operas and has taught many professional actors. She dropped out of sight for a while, but pha Ji made her comeback doing yoga at 50-something and looked fantastic on the cover of Lips magazine. She made us realize how important it is to take care of ourselves, and not to be afraid of getting old.
The moral of the story:
• Age is just a number.

The Singing Foreigner

Who: Christy Gibson
What: Luuk thung singer
Why we love her: Before she became a star, Christy had been teaching people in rural areas and helping drug addicts for years. Not only does she sing luuk thung and mor lam—which ain’t easy—better than most Thais, she also speaks Thai better than a lot of Thais. She’s such an incredible artist that she was one of two luuk thung singers and the only farang to be chosen for the H.M. Blues project.
The moral of the story is:
• The beauty of Thai culture is universal.

How did you start singing luuk thung?
I studied music and voice throughout my youth with a foreign teacher. I learned classical and pop singing, and of course luuk thung, which was totally different and challenging for me. I wasn’t used to it at all. The notes, the style, the vibrato, the falsetto and everything are completely different. We started singing luuk thung songs from here and there and we bought CDs to listen to. But it was more difficult than I expected.

What do you think about the role of women in Thai society today?
I very much admire a lot of women in Thai society. Their role is delicate, because of the way the world is now. It’s fast paced, it’s very business oriented, you have to be on top, you have to be fast, you have to know what’s happening internationally. At the same time for Thai women, they have their culture and their family values, which are very important parts of Thai society. Respect and the family core are very important. I think that to be able to strike the right balance between both of those things—family values and culture on one side, and business on the other—is very admirable. That’s an incredible thing. And I think a lot of Thai women manage to do that and to do it well.

Are Thai women trying to be more western?
I don’t think so. I don’t see Thai woman losing their identity or as far as being Thai/Asian is concerned—at least for the majority. I think Thai women will continue to be Thai, because that’s where their beauty comes from. They’ll keep their Thai culture, but adapt the good from other parts of the world.

If you were man for a day, what would you do?
I would go to an exclusive club for gentlemen, because I want to see what they do inside. So when I change back I can say “I know what you do.”

What is your definition of a woman?
Someone who knows how to be strong and soft at the same time.
If you had the power to change anything in the world, what would you change?
I would change people’s perspective from a selfish one to an unselfish one. Because I think that a lot of the world’s problems stems from selfishness and greed. If we can eliminate those from the world, it would be a much nicer place.

Women we once loved

We admired these women for a while, but then they became overexposed or boring. But we don’t hate them and hope that one day they will be our sweethearts again.

Tata Young: She changed so much, from our sweet, cute, little sister to an international pop star. We applaud her confidence, but, Tata, keep it down a little bit when you still live in Thailand.

Rabiebrat Pongpanit: She means well, but pha really needs someone to help her find a nice and effective way of marketing herself to the public.

Aum Patcharapa: She did nothing wrong—it’s just that it’s now been two years since she was FHM’s sexiest women in Thailand. She’s probably more than just a sexy shell, but how would you know?

Mam Benlo: Yes, phee nuu Mam told us to forgive and forget and live on. Unfortunately, we still remember what she did, and she’s since lost the charm of a princess. She really needs to hire a good consulting firm and plan her return—a couple of baan baan soaps will do.

Nong Yad (Yadthip Rachapan): Another case of a spoiled young actress who’s been eaten up by the industry. From cute chick to soap opera villain.

Fantasy

Hot Summer Fantasies

Dear Sexpert, I sometimes fantasize about other people while I’m having sex with my spouse. Am I being unfaithful? Should I confess?

Studies say that the healthier a person’s fantasy world is, the happier their sex lives. Fantasizing heightens the erotic experience of sex. As for what’s going on in your head, that’s your private playground. Fantasies aren’t real and getting turned on by them in your head does not mean you want it to actually happen.

If you are uncomfortable with your fantasies, alter and experiment until you find versions that are more acceptable but just as much of a turn on. Men tend to fantasize about sexual acts and body parts, women the bigger picture—being rescued, romanced and swept away or overpowered by a total brute because you are just too, too desirable for him to resist.

Should you spread the joy? Well, just because the weather makes us sweat, it doesn’t mean you have to share every hot secret. Especially if it might push your husband or wife past their boiling points. However, if you need to fantasize every time you want to climax with your partner, or if the dreams are recurrent and you are obsessing over them, it’s time to listen to those alarm bells ringing. Discuss your desires with your partner if you feel it will enhance your togetherness.

Three’s Company?

Dear Sexpert, My boyfriend keeps bringing up the subject of a threesome. I’m not completely against it, but I’m still a bit scared. Should I be? Do you have any tips?

For starters, what combination exactly is your boyfriend thinking of? You never know, it could be you and two men! If it’s going to be you, another woman and your boyfriend, are you bisexual—or at least a little bi-curious? Do you get aroused at the thought of doing naughty things with another woman in front of your man? Do you know why he wants to do this? Can you live with that?

Having a threesome is like hosting a party: except there are only three people, no drinks and everyone forgot their clothes. Miss Manners says wonderful things about party etiquette—for instance, be considerate, respect people, know the boundaries of what you’ll be engaging in and keep an eye on the time. You certainly don’t want to devote too much time to one person and make the others jealous. And what makes any party is who we invite.

Introducing a third person into a two-person relationship is tricky. Needless to say, it should be someone who doesn’t want to start a relationship with one of you. The best choices are someone who’s already in a relationship but wants to experiment or someone neither of you know or are likely to see again. Hot sexual chemistry is important, so make damn sure that your third party is going to be a hot lover.

The reality is that this is not something for everyone. That’s why it’s called a fantasy. When you act one out, you are crossing a threshold for better or for worse. Your relationship will never be the same, and it may change things in unexpected ways. Like one of you realizing that you prefer the third person.

We’re the Stars

Dear Sexpert, My boyfriend wants us to make some homemade porn. What are the good and bad points of it?

You’re not alone in wanting to sexually experiment this way, nor are you original either. What you do behind closed doors is your own business; the question to ask yourself is whether you’re OK with it.

Couples make homemade porn for their own enjoyment, as a special sex treat that can be re-lived afterwards, alone or together (as in both of you, not one of you with your friends). If you’ve decided to go for it, agree on how you’re going to go about it during and after. Obviously you’ll need to get the technical aspects of recording down (lighting, who’s shooting, etc.) then decide on things like what acts you’ll do, how much nudity or close-ups, what will or will not be shown, who can view the film, how long to keep it, where to keep it safe, when to erase it, and whose responsibility it is to erase it, and so on. Think it through, and if you can’t trust your wo/man, think again.

The good thing is that you are having fun and playing together. Sexual experimentation with a trusted partner can be fun and exciting. Filming it adds a dimension of sex-as-performance and self-voyeurism, and for many, is a way of capturing their “ain’t I a hot mama/daddy” positive body image. What’s bad is uncertainty, distrust, or lack of respect towards a person’s wishes. While your relationship may not last, your taped performance may, whether or not you want it to.

Tips and Techniques

Coming Out on Top: Yee-hah!

Dear Sexpert, How should I move when I’m on top of my man?

Who doesn’t like cowboys? Who doesn’t want to be a cowgirl? Once you’re on top and he’s inside, you’ve taken the reins and are in control: You know what pace, movement, depth and angle will please you. You can move up and down, forward and back…see what works! Find that G-spot. And of course, pay attention to him and don’t break the magic wand. Men generally get off on the stroking movement, and women on the circular, so the stroke-and-twirl combo is good to try.

As for positioning, do the whole 360 degrees if you wish. Start off straddling him—gently ease down and use your hand to guide him in with your knees on either side. Then move up into a squat, so your weight is on your feet. This is good for vertical movement, or rocking—just like on a hobbyhorse! Or lean forward and pin his arms down so he’s helpless, and can only watch. Try both of you sitting up. Or you can lean back and put your hands on his legs, arch your back and give him a view to remember.

And it’s not just straddling when you’re on top. There’s always sidesaddle, or close your legs and the sensation will be completely different. You can do this front-to-front (very intimate) or back-to-front where his hands can play all over you. People who have a ceiling-installed flatscreen TV appreciate this one. Use him for leverage, use the bed. A lot of woman-on-top positions also work well with one or more feet on the floor.

The Bottom Line

Dear Sexpert, Is anal sex normal? Can the woman orgasm from this?

Going in the back way is not the same as entering through the front—anuses are exits, not entrances, and this can be a painful experience (physically and psychologically) if not done with care. However, it’s been pointed out that if women gave up on vaginal intercourse because it was initially uncomfortable, there would not be very many couples having vaginal intercourse either, and we wouldn’t be here discussing the pros and cons of anal intercourse.

In theory, it can be pleasurable, as there are lots of nerve-endings back there, and the anus is an erogenous zone. If you’re going to try, start slowly over a period of time—begin exploring during regular or oral sex. Lots of people enjoy massages there once they are comfortable and relaxed. For most, just playing lightly in and around the area is enough.

If you’re going there, you have to use lube—too much lubrication is not enough. Always use condoms or latex protection over anything you might insert, and don’t go from the back door to the front without cleaning up first, whether it’s your hands, mouth, toys or penis.

Waan Yen Aroy Dee

Dear Sexpert, My boyfriend keeps asking me for blow jobs. I don’t really know how to do it. Can you help?

Oral sex on a man, or a “blowjob” (a.k.a. “giving head”—or, in more polite circles, “fellatio”), can be foreplay or it can be a full-blown sexual act in itself. Simply put, it is taking a man’s penis into your mouth and kissing, licking…you get the idea.

One thing my gay and bisexual friends are unanimous on: for expert How To advice, girls should consult with gay guys. Much of the info here comes from the lips of men who have both given and received blowjobs.

 Lose your inhibitions. Read your partner’s body language, don’t be tentative, and enjoy how nice it feels to have him by the balls.

Here’s a bit of anatomy 101. The head is the most sensitive part of the penis, and the shaft is what takes center stage when things get into high gear. While testicles are a variable affair, that space behind them is like ground zero. Think waan yen aroy dee!

Once you are in his crotch, get your face down there, and drool! Plenty of spittle, lots of slurping noises, vigorous use of the tongue in circulatory motion or until an unrestrained moan leaks out. And no teeth. Cover your teeth with your lips, especially when sliding up and down his pride and joy.

To avoid lockjaw, don’t concentrate solely on his member. For example, massaging the area between the scrotum and the anus will drive your man wild. This is also good for “edging,” when you bring him to the verge of coming and then slow down so he doesn’t—and then back again.

Finishing is generally messy if he comes, so luxuriate in it. That said, swallowing means no clean up involved and he will feel like an extremely fortunate man. Done right, you’ll both be experiencing a sense of complete abandonment and rapture–which is what sex is all about.

Taking it Off

Dear Sexpert, My boyfriend wants me to do a striptease for him and I am terrified of embarrassing myself. Please help!

Anyone can strip, and if you’re doing it your way, it’ll be a treat for your boyfriend. You’re performing, so chose your music well—the beat is more important than the words, as that’s what you’ll be moving to. The usual accessories are the outside outfit (business or schoolgirl for example) and more importantly, what you have on beneath that—stilettos, stockings and garter belt, and his favorite lingerie are the usual—feel free to improvise. Long necklaces and gloves also work well.

Do a dry run and practice on your own. When it’s time for the real show, drinks will help the mood. Have him sitting at attention on a chair (and not lounging on the sofa) so that you’re the star, and he’s just a bit uncomfortable.

Start by removing the small things such as hat and gloves and let your hair down—but leave other things like your panties, necklace and heels until last. Always do it sloooowly, and toss the clothes you take off at him. You should be dancing not too far away, but not close enough to be touched, until the end. “Stir the pot” by using your hips, do the “queen’s wave” with your hands on knees, arching your back and swinging your booty, and “boobs on Bob” gets you very close to your man while playing with your top assets.

At the very end, there’s the “g-string fling” when you’re on the floor with your panties off and hooked on your heel: Fling them at him!

Keep eye contact the whole time—very, very erotic. You want to see how he’s reacting to everything and getting more and more excited. It’s a power trip. Be expressive with your face—wink, tongue and showcase parts of your body. You should know which he likes.

How You Can Help

Dear Sexpert, What position can fill a gal’s needs? Is there any way to help a lady climax?

I praise you to the skies for thinking of the lady’s pleasure. To find out what position(s) can fill a gal’s needs, the best thing to do is to ask and experiment with the gal herself—learn to communicate. And yes, she’ll tell you.

You’ll find there’s way more than one position. Women can orgasm from direct stimulation of the clitoris, such as when you touch her in the right way, or use your tongue—your penis doesn’t even need to be involved, but it sure can be. Ask her to show you what feels good—if she doesn’t know, it’s time she explored herself so she can show you the way to fill her needs.

During intercourse, it’s the indirect stimulation of the clitoris by the root of your penis and your pubic bone that can bring a woman to climax. Find the right angle and position, or lie back and ask her to move on you. “Woman on top” positions are great at bringing a gal to climax because she gets to move and control penetration and pace as she likes it. For G-spot stimulation, “doggy,” or you behind her, is good because it puts your penis in contact with the part of her vaginal wall (a few centimeters in, towards the front of her belly) where that pleasure zone is.

Remember that it takes longer for a woman to get aroused and to orgasm than it does a man. Foreplay is always great; add to that patience and perceptiveness—read her body, know her mind: Nothing will make a woman climax if she doesn’t allow herself to.

Sex-ucation

Shock and Awe

Any tips for a first-timer? What can I expect? Will I be shocked?

You probably won’t see stars, and the first time you do it won’t be the best sex of your life, either. No physical seizures or other symptoms of medical shock should occur, though later on, when having great sex, you might feel minor electrical charges running through you—very pleasant and tingly. There may be a bit of blood and discomfort the first time you have sex, but that’s not always the case. None of this is shocking.

If you’ve never seen a man’s penis, this may be the shock you are in for. A grown man’s joo looks very different from when he was a little boy, and when he’s excited to meet you, it looks substantially different from when he’s just hangin’ out. It may initially shock you the way a Salvador Dali painting does; as if you were to see a nose coming out of a hairy armpit. You’ll be surprised by how fast you get used to this. Check out nude photos, so you know what to expect on a much smaller and friendlier scale. The first sighting’s a bit unexpected, but you’ll grow to love and anticipate joo’s company when the time is right.

Sizing It Up

Dear Sexpert, Some people say, “size doesn’t matter, it’s just how you use it,” but what if it’s a bit smaller than standard?

Those people would be right. No two men are the same, so why are penises expected to be identical? Yes, of course, there’s a “standard” in this measurement obsessed world, and if you tell me that you are less than the average (around six inches seems to be the general consensus), so what? Size is as important as you think it is—make that the two of you, if you are in a relationship.

Size isn’t just length, it’s also about width. The length of an erect penis can range from four to nine inches, while penis widths can vary from just over one inch to more than two inches. Width is important because that’s where the physical contact and sensation comes from, and don’t forget—a woman’s G-spot and sensitive areas are closer to her opening. A shorter soldier can be more effective than a tall one.

Most women think that men are too obsessed by penis-size, and they’re probably right. It’s best to get over it, especially those of you who think your larger-than-average size sets you apart, and get on with good sex. Size is not important to how good your sex life can be.

Woman to Woman

You women out there, listen here. If you are sexually active, are going to be sexually active, or once were sexually active, even just to make babies, I’m talking to you!

Awareness

Realize what sex is about. Even if you think it’s a means to an end—to have babies, to be a good wife, to get a Benz from your lover—face the fact that the act is also an end in itself. So give sex and your sexuality the respect it deserves! If you’re going to do it, take the time to learn about yourself. Make time to take care of yourself: See the gynecologist once a year to check that all is well and you are healthy inside as well as out.

Protection

Disease. Unwanted pregnancies. Rape. Statistics already tell you that these are very real problems; if none of the above has affected you or a friend yet, chances are high that they will. These things can happen to anyone, and they do. Always use protection. Learn how to stay away from situations (like those involving alcohol and drug abuse) that could result in harm to you. These things happen—don’t be there when they do.

Communication

Talking to your man can be a hard one, but it’s gotta be done. You know him best—be straight, be subtle, be whatever it takes to make him understand your feelings and needs, in your sex life as well as your relationship as a whole. Be diplomatic, but be strong. The fulfillment that mutual understanding will bring to your time together is worth the effort.

Change the future

Educate yourself about how your body works, what sexuality is, and how it affects you as an individual and as part of a society. And educate your kids. Open your eyes, look around you and make an effort to help create a healthy future for the next generation of young guys and gals. Aren’t you a little tired of the sexual double standard in this country? What are you going to do about it?

To: Nathan
From: A2O
Subject: Life is suck

Hi there!
Lo-o-o-o-ng time no see. How r u? Hope everything is good with u. I’m OK…. Well, actually I’m not OK. I have a lot on my mind. Don’t laugh, but remember all those times I gave you a hard time and asked, “How the hell can you be gay?” Well, you guessed it: I think I’m gay. I mean, I know I’m gay. I’ve known for some time but it’s a BIG BIG step for me to come out of the closet. I feel so uncomfortable. I dunno! Sometime I wish I wasn’t gay at all. But then I feel so stretched having to hide my true self. U know what I mean? Maybe I wasn’t gay before, but that doesn’t matter because I realize what I am now. The big “G” word: Gay! Or maybe the “F” word: Fag! 555. Was it as hard for you as it is for me? My friends here haven’t been very supportive. I dunno. Should I just force my gayish-ness down their throats—or push it back down inside me and get back on the straight track? No, can’t do that. I know what I need/want to do, but wish it would be easier. What do you think, dude?
Luv,
A2O (About 2 Out)

To: A2O
From: Nathan
Subject: Re: Life is suck

Hi A2O. I’m very good; thanks for asking. And welcome to my team! Yeah, “life is suck”—but not always. Seems like you have changed a lot since I last saw you. Well, you came to the right person. I can’t tell you exactly what to do, but you know I’ve been there and have somehow managed to live happily ever after. Sometimes. Coming out of the bloody cramped closet requires a lot of thought. I’m sure that many people have told you how bad it sucks being gay in Mango City. OK. There are stereotypes about gays here just like anywhere else, but here they aren’t as strong and they don’t matter as much. For the most part we’re accepted so long as we’re not too gay. This society was set up for men and women, and it’s dominated by men—straight men—but we can make it big here, and we are valued. The gay “charm” or whatever is popular and we have lots of friends and lots of respect among straights. Jing mai ah!

So it’s great that you’re gay. I think everyone wants to be gay these days. There are so many reasons. For one, we decide what is cool, man! Have you noticed how we always do things ahead of everyone else? (jing jing) Even if something looks ridiculous, somebody will pick it up sooner or later—usually later. So we’re the unofficial trendsetters. Jing pa!

Another reason it’s great to be gay is because you have more time. Not because you don’t do anything but because you don’t have to worry about a family or kids. So you have plenty of time for yourself, na. Chances are you’ll have more money as well because your savings are spent only on yourself. So you’ll have more for eating and drinking and shopping and travel. A great life, isn’t it?

People come to us because we’re sex experts. Both straight guys and girls come to us for advice. Really, diamonds aren’t a girl’s best friend—a gay man is! Just ask all the straight women married to gay men—we make great husbands! The great thing about us is that we’re in touch with both our femme and our macho side—all in one body! And we might have even tried both, if you know what I mean. Cool, no?

We’re the kings (and queens) of “out of the box.” We’re constantly pushing the envelope of what is acceptable and what is cool. Why do you think there are so many of us in advertising? Look at all the gays you see on TV and in other media. Gays are in the spotlight now more than ever. And our “pink dollar” is something marketers constantly have their sights on.

Being gay you’ll always have plenty of friends. We can be just as competitive as straight men, but in the end we’re lovers, not fighters. Khun Nikom, Chairman of Bangkok Rainbow Organization, told me that he had yet to witness a fight result from one gay stepping on another gay’s foot. Instead we exchange phone numbers. Jing jing, na.

Those are just a few reasons of the top of my head why gay is great. There’s always a bright side, if you really look for it. Let me know if I can help you more.

xxx,
Nathan

To: Nathan
From: A2O
Subject: Our team

Hi, nat’
Thanks for your oh-so positive thoughts. I agree with you, mostly. But what do I do now to leave my cozy closet? Could you give me a couple tips? And how do you deal with stereotypes about gay people?

Luv,
A2O

To: A2O
From: Nathan
Subject: Re: Our team

Hi!! You’re such a curious boy, hah! Yes, there are things that people think about gays that are not nice and not true. However, luv, all you have to do is prepare yourself for those stereotypes. The best way is to go straight at them, like you’re not afraid—because you’re not!

First, you’ve got to look the part. Feel free to overdress. Just watch Queer Eye for a Straight Guy on DVD and then you’ll understand everything. This is why gays are always on the party list. No matter where you shop—even JJ or Pratunam—you’ll need to stand out with your fab outfit. You should dress a bit strange, but on the hiso side of strange.

You’ll also want to sound the part. Say what’s on your mind. And say it loudly. People say that gays are pak maa, but we just tell it like it is. No bullshit, just straight from the bottom of our hearts. Or maybe just straight from the bottom.

They stereotype us as “bitchy” or “smart-ass.” But we call it attitude. Maybe it makes some people feel uncomfortable, but otherwise they would make us feel uncomfortable. Which sounds better to you? Besides, we get better service this way, because they don’t want to piss us off.

There must be something in our gay genes—or maybe our jeans—that make us naturally talented with languages. Our oral skills are unparalleled. When gays describe something, we know how to spice up our language so it’ll be memorable and make an impression.

Well, A2O, I hope this has been helpful for you. More later. I’ve gotta get back to work. See you…

Luv,
Nathan

To: A2O
From: Nathan
Subject: Re: Re: Our team
Attachment: gay type.doc gay test.doc

Hi there
Phew! What a hectic schedule. I know last time I told you about changing threats to opportunities and promised to give you more points of view. Here are a couple.

Most gays know how to dance, pole dance, lap dance and, umm, strip tease (theoretically). OK, not all but at least most clearly gay guys dance like he/she was a choreographer for music videos. If you go around pubs and bars around Bangkok, you will see guys who dance too good to be straight. Call them “dancing queens” or “dancing queers,” this has led to the prig nam pla stereotype: When gays go out, they always express themselves at a maximum level. Well, we do, luv. That’s why “gay nights” are always the most fun—and the cooler straights know this. And that’s why, even in groups of mostly straights, we rainbow people are colorful sidekicks.

I know that we pink people have more pressure than others, but pressure is what turns coal into diamonds. Who wants to be coal? Not me!

xxx,
Nathan

P.S. I know you’re sure, but for fun, I made up a little “gay or not” test for you. Take it over afternoon tea some time. Or at the sauna.

What type are you?

The Diva
Confident to the point of arrogance now that the closet is far, far away. Some of your friends call you mama, je, or big sister. You can make fun of everything and everyone. You have the talent of Ajarn Yingsak, speak like Sorayuth and you can be Tomford for your gal friends, too.

The Cup Cake
You spend half your income on keeping your youthful look and it’s working. Though you’ll be hitting the big three-oh sooner or later, your face is frozen at 18. You have smoother skin than other men, and everyone envys you for your decade-younger look.

The PP (Protein Princes/Princes)
A.k.a. garm phoo. You spend loads of time in the gym admiring your biceps and triceps and take any opportunity to show them off. Two glasses of instant protein then it’s off to dance at DJ Station.

Government Contract
Mr. Mysterious. No one knows about your secret life outside of your little closet.

Camper
You still want to be a male, but your heart is 150% female. During the day you dress, act and behave like a lady-who-lunches; at night you’re a whore-in-training. You refer to your partner as “husband,” not “boyfriend.” You love to go to MNG sales, and to you a compliment is when someone calls you “suay“ not “lor.”

Are You Gay Test?

1. What song always makes you dance?
a. Music Lover (Marsha)
b. Bua Loi (Carabao)
c. What? Dance, never!

2. What comes into your mind when you see Paris Hilton?
a. Gosh, I like her handbag!
b. Like ya, love ya.
c. Damn! She’s hotter than in that clip!

3. Do most of your gal friends think that you really know and understand them?
a. Yes, how did you know?
b. Some yes and some no.
c. No, women are one of the universe’s great mysteries.

4. Do you wear colored shirts according to the season?
a. Yes, of course.
b. Not really. It depends on what color looks good on me.
c. Not unless my mom bought it for me.

5. Have you ever gone to a teen-idol concert and not been hit on by a girl?
a. No, but I refused them with my eagle eyes.
b. No, unless I go with my mates.
c. No, I hit on them first.

6. In your last dream about sex, were there other men in it?
a. I don’t want to talk about it. (That means yes, darling.)
b. Yes, in an orgy.
c. NO WAY!

7. Are you paranoid about your appearance when you go to parties?
a. Yes, image is the first thing on my mind.
b. Not really, but a good man should take care of himself.
c. Nah! I don’t care.

8. Do you ever feel like you want to dance the night away?
a. Yes, especially when a Madonna song is on.
b. Not really, except when I’m really wasted.
c. No, a beer and football is fine for me.

9. 2+7/8 x 14 = ?
a. WTF?
b. 15.75
c. I’m straight, when is this going to be over?

10. What action turns you on most?
a. Guy on guy.
b. Girl on guy.
c. Girl on girl.

Results
A = 3, B = 2, C = 1

0-10 points. You’re so straight you need more gay friends to spice up your life a little bit.

11-15 points. You’re friendly though somehow you still have a line drawn between gay and straight.

16-20 points. You’re a straight metrosexual guy and/or have a lot gay friends. You’re not so far away from the gay village. Make sure you pick the right path.

21-25 points. If you’re straight, you’re a fag stag and possibly just at the border of Gayland. Or you’re gay and still in the closet and using the metrosexual trend as cover.

26-30 points (or any points, if you answered “a” to #10). You’re so gay—or you’re a woman.

Helplines, Communities and Networking

Bangkok Rainbow Organization (49/29 Pradipath Soi 21, 02-618-3221, 09-039-1918, www.bangkokrainbow.org) arranges regular activities for gay people, most with an edutainment slant. Website is in Thai.

Long Yang Club is the “world’s largest network of gay Asian/non-Asian groups.” The Thailand chapter is based at @Richard restaurant (Silom Soi 2/1, next to Free Man Disco, 02-234-0459. Open daily 6pm-late) and holds monthly “Dinner with Friends” gatherings, usually on the last Friday of the month. For more information: www.longyangclub.org/Thailand/

Rainbow Sky Association of Thailand (5/F 1 Panjapath Bldg., Soi Pat Pong 1, Silom rd., 02-632-6956/-7. www.fasiroong.org) promotes understanding between straights and gays and promotes role models for the new generation. The association also organizes monthly activities not only in Bangkok but throughout Thailand.

Sai Sa Bai Jai (02-235-4754/-5, 10am-10pm.) Helpline focusing on HIV and other health concerns and gay issues.

Silom Clinic (3/F, Bangkok Christian Hospital, Silom Rd. 02-634-2917. Open Tue-Sat 4-8pm) is a joint Thai and US effort, offering free blood tests (HIV and STDs) for men only (no transgender).

www.fridae.com Singaporean website with news, networking and events. The annual “Nation” parties must be seen to be believed. The last one was held in Phuket and plenty of punters attended the three-day bash. It was such a ball, in fact, that they’re returning to the Pearl of the Andaman Oct 20-22. From July onward, the first 500 Thais can buy a ticket for the special price of B3,500—try Babylon (Sathorn Soi 1, 02-679-7984/-5) or Café 4 (Silom Soi 4, 02-632-8013).

www.gyent.com A local, English-language website that aims to be center of the universe for the Bangkok gay community. Modeled after fridae.com, there are listings and networking but not such an emphasis on parties.

www.lesla.com Thai-language website for girl-on-girl news, webboards, parties, etc.

www.thailandout.com One of the few gay websites where you won’t find titillating photos (too bad). Numerous Thai-language webboards divided by interest; to post you’ll need to register.

www.thqn.net Thai Queer Network is a local information-only site with news in Thai about all things gay from around the world.

Queer made it Hot

Bling
If you think it was rappers who started this trend, think again. Elton John was wearing huge diamond earrings for concerts back in his golden era (“do you remember when rock was young?”), long before baby gangstas hit the scene.

Earrings
Perhaps the best example of a gay trend that made it big is earrings on men. Twenty years ago straight men didn’t wear earrings, and gay men did it partly to identify themselves as gay. But look at Siam Square now—almost every man and boy has a little piece of metal plugged in his earlobe.

Mens’ Cosmetics
It wasn’t the ladies and it wasn’t the metrosexuals. Who made makeup on men hot? Gay men, of course. Women knew enough to use cosmetics to combat the effects of aging, but it was gay men who made it mainstream. Even our caretaker prime minister applies night cream. He probably carries lip balm in his man purse and applies ultra-strong sunblock before leaving his home, as well.

The Manicure
Until recently most straight men didn’t pay much attention to their nails—or at least they didn’t admit to it. Manicures and pedicures were the territory of women and gay men. Not any more. Now spas all over Bangkok see straight male customers coming in for a polish (and we don’t mean a “happy ending”).

Tight and Supertight Clothing
A decade ago, a man wearing a tight t-shirt was branded as gay. Now Zara and Levi’s are making jeans that fit tight and low, and who’s wearing them? You, straight man!

Waxing
Once the domain of drag queens about to don their gowns and hit the stage, waxing is now being marketed to men in many leading gyms and spas. We’re looking forward to the day the Brazilian makes the same leap.

Divas
Without their fervent gay followings, Madonna, Kylie and Marsha would be gone with the wind. Even Mimi was able to stage a comeback—only after she realized that “We Belong Together.” Paa Tina should take note.

The Metrosexual
We’ll be damned if we’re going to forget this one. Every guy who turns himself from shit to shine, who wears night cream, who knows how to dress and take care of himself, is following in the long tradition pioneered by gay men. It’s good to see all that hard work is paying off: Now if we can only get him to explore other facets of his feminine side…

It makes sense. If you’re going to have something in your mouth for a while, it might as well taste good. Though flavored condoms generally get a bad rap for tasting nothing like what they’re supposed to, we thought it was about time to suck it up and see for ourselves.

Since this is Bangkok, we were expecting to find more exotic flavors out on the market—mango, durian, maybe even green tea! What we found was pretty basic—fruit and chocolate. Why stop at just fruit and candy? What about savory meat flavors like chicken, beef or pork—or vegetarian choices like carrot or eggplant?

And people like coffee too, so maybe Starbucks should come out with their own trio pack of condoms: mocha, latte and caramel macchiato. Now that it’s nearly rainy season, maybe condoms could be enriched with vitamin C to help prevent colds! The possibilities are endless…

Duo Strawberry: (B40, pack of three) This strawberry condom smelled very berry indeed, with some on our panel of experts likening it to the smell of Strawberry Quik. Unfortunately it lacked in the flavor department, with no apparent taste whatsoever. On the bright side, we appreciated its thin, glossy exterior and found its attractive pink color “sexy.”

Faire Strawberry: (B37, pack of three) This condom didn’t contain nearly enough fruit essence to mask the latex rubber smell. It didn’t taste much better, either, and several on our panel commented on its mostly plastic, rubbery taste. Its appearance was noted as being matte and powdery with a pink, fleshy color that was considered cute.

Durex Strawberry: (B47, pack of three) One of the most delicious smelling condoms we tasted, with favorable comparisons to "raspberries" and "bubble gum." However, the taste was non-existent. Appearance wise, this was the most scary looking condom thanks to its agressively red, “very Scarlet Letter” color.

Durex Chocolate: (B45, pack of three) Its cheap fake chocolate smell was reminiscent of Koko Krispies or coffee candy. It was by far the sweetest of those we sampled, and half hated the fake chocolate flavor and half liked it. Like the Durex Strawberry, this had a thick, sticky texture. Most were a little turned off by its muddy brown color. One tester even commented that it “looks like it’s been used.”

Faire Blueberry: (B30, pack of three) Be careful with this one 'cause the package is misleading. It is actually just one blueberry-flavored condom that’s been packaged and stuck in front of a separate pack of two unflavored Skinlight condoms. Tricky dicks. The special condom has a pleasant cherry, raspberry smell, but like so many we tried, barely any taste. Nice vivid color and sexy appearance, though.

Durex Select - Banana: (B53, pack of three) This rubber came in one of three flavors found in Durex’s Select condoms–Banana, Strawberry and Orange (see below). Most reacted favorably to the smell, likening it to banana candy or Banana Pocky. In terms of flavor, it got mixed reviews. Some said it had none while an equal number of our panel said it tasted like banana. Easy to see in a dark room thanks to the bright yellow color.

Durex Select - Orange: (B53, pack of three) Our favorite of the bunch: It had a pleasant fruity smell not unlike Tang and Orange Tic Tacs. Taste-wise this one also came out on top, with our testers commenting that it tasted like nice candy with a bit of sweet and sourness to it. Its thin, smooth texture and elasticity got a thumbs-up from our panel, as did its appealing orange color.