Where to Crap on the Fly

Welcome, World Toilet Expo & Forum delegates! How fitting that our new, virtually toilet-free airport was your point of entry. Hopefully those of you with weak bladders were warned ahead of time and advised to do your business onboard your aircraft. If not, did you at least make it through passport control? You can see how badly you’re needed.

No doubt giving Bangkok a bathroom upgrade will take time, and for now it is simply not a place where you want to have stomach problems—but then, what city is? If you can’t use a squat toilet without losing your balance, or if you’ve ever broken into a cold sweat as you searched in vain for a place to relieve yourself, take a moment to familiarize yourself with our list of the top five emergency toilet retreats. When you’re in distress there’s no time to think calmly and rationally. You will need a predetermined plan of action. Thank us later.

There’s No Place Like Home

There is virtually no downside to taking care of business at home, first thing in the morning, before heading off into unfamiliar territory. You know where your bum sprayer has been, and there’s none of the embarrassment inherent in the act of relieving yourself in the company of complete strangers. We have a friend who refuses to go #2 outside of her home—she either holds it or cuts short the evening. Not the most realistic option, however.

Starbucks

Because coffee and crapping are virtually synonymous.

Upside: They’re ubiquitous, and the larger outlets usually have functioning, well-maintained bathrooms. Barristas are so busy they’ll never notice it when you bypass the register, grab a free copy of BK and make a beeline for the can.

Downside: The facilities are usually limited to his and hers single occupancy toilets and there can often be a wait. You’d think a purveyor of a diuretic which also stimulates your digestive system would spring for a few extra stalls.

Conclusion: There are better choices in an emergency. But with so few air-conditioned crappers in the Big Mango, who’s complaining?

Fast Food Outlets

The food tastes like crap anyway.

Upside: They’re more common than Starbucks

Downside: Unlike the food, the quality can vary wildly.

Conclusion: A crapshoot.

Malls

Retail release!

Upside: Paragon, Emporium, Silom Complex, et al all win the prize for accessibility, and as temples to wretched excess, some would argue that they deserve to be shat upon. Located in strategic locations around the city, most have locations on each floor, with multiple stalls, which means there is almost never a wait.

Downside: If you’re addicted to the bum sprayer, be warned—you’re not likely to find them in the loos of most Bangkok shopping malls. Often in the less posh malls the toilet paper will have run out as well. No spray + no toilet paper = big problem. Also, in some notorious shopping mall bathrooms, you’re liable to encounter extra-friendly fellas doing their best George Michael impression. (Or is that an “upside”?)

Conclusion: Avoid the potential confusion and embarrassment that can result from reaching under the partition and into the next stall in search of stray scraps of paper. Be prepared and carry pre-moistened baby wipes.

Five-Star Hotels

Never a letdown.

Upside: As long as you look the part, you can walk straight through most hotel lobbies without attracting much attention. Sure, the security guards can tell by the way you are walking that you are looking for the nearest loo, but it’s their job to weed out the gastrically distressed from the potentially dangerous. Hotel toilet facilities are nearly always immaculate, and if the hotel is fancy enough, there will be cloth towels to greet you when you are finished.

Downside: It is not immediately obvious where the toilet is when you first enter a hotel lobby. In a pinch, take the elevator to the conference room level. There are always toilets for conference goers, and unless there is a major function, these will be empty.

Conclusion: Those cloth hand towels are great for wiping the sweat off your brow during the hot season.

Bars and Pubs

Because restaurants are too embarrassing.

We’ve all gotten critical looks and outright refusals from restaurant staff for having the audacity, as non-paying patrons, to avail ourselves of their toilet facilities. That’s because it’s just tacky to traipse through an eating establishment with the sole purpose of taking a dump. But bars and pubs are a different animal. Hell, you’re expected to use the toilet here, and patrons and staff are usually busy enough that no one is going to notice.

Upside: Drunken patrons carve explicit phrases and images into stall walls.

Downside: Drunken patrons flash portions of their anatomy through holes and gaps in stall walls.

Chi-Chi Night Clubs

Fusing elimination with aesthetic sensibilities.

Upside: Really nice places like Route 66, Distil and V-9 are all favorites for view, stunning design or both.

Downside: Bathroom attendants can be rather aggressive in lobbying for tips. Cocaine residue found on virtually every flat surface inside the stalls can cause embarrassing stains, particularly if you’re wearing black.

Conclusion: While it might not be ideal to defecate during a night out on the town, it’s kind of cool, especially if the toilet stall costs more than your condo.

#01-129/131 VivoCity, 1 Harbourfront Walk, 6376-9870.

It may not be the biggest store in town, but it’s still worth a visit if you’re a fan of US retail chain Gap. Available for the first time in Singapore, the store at VivoCity carry a respectable selection of bags, caps, skirts, dresses and T-shirts for boys and girls. But the star of the store is the extensive jeans collection. For girls, the skinny jeans are a hoot, while Gap’s offering of dark, clean denim straight fit jeans is classic yet stylish. Get them before they run out.

Watch It

Two sporty watch collections are highly sought after this season. Adidas Originals’ CANDY collection, priced at an affordable $98, is already being lapped up by b-boys and b-girls everywhere. We’re not surprised, as it features nine diverse colors including red, yellow and baby blue, and is as functional as it is funky.

Elsewhere, Diesel’s chunky and classic timepieces for Fall/Winter 2006 are also good to go. The collection is inspired by rock ’n’ roll, and feature classic finishing such as stainless steel, leather straps and three-hand movements. Both collections are available from Tangs Orchard (310 & 320 Orchard Rd., 6737-5500).

Miss You So Much

Miss Sixty’s Fall/Winter collection this year is as diverse as ever. Fans of femininity and romance must check out its basic line, which harks back to the brand’s origin, and focuses on slim wearables and mini skirts. But those who are more adventurous must check out the pieces featuring psychedelic ’70s influences. Look out for sequins, beads, graphics and prints that come in strong hues of yellow, violet and black. Another commendable collection features large hoods and collars, teemed with ’50s-styled flared and sheath skirts. Highly eclectic. Available from #02-29/30 Paragon, 290 Orchard Rd., 6735-1660.

X Marks the Mod

Creative has invented a nifty plug and play device that promises to restore compressed audio formats such as the MP3 and AAC to an experience that is “beyond studio quality.” Attach it between your music player and speakers or headphones, and allow compressed playback to be converted into an adjustable surround sound vibrance. The Creative Xmod is compatible with both Mac and PCs and costs $139. Try before you buy at The Creative Store, #04-06 Plaza Singapura, 68 Orchard Rd., 6895-4100.

Stealthy

The O2 Xda Stealth ($998) is a good solution for those who are used to a mobile phone, but crave the essential functions of a PDA. The latest addition to the recent spurt of convergent devices that support Windows Mobile 5.0, the aptly named Stealth comes in an unassuming matte black finish and slides up quietly to reveal a 12-key alphanumeric keypad. It comes with the usual Intel Xscale PXA272 processor, 2Megapixel camera, WIFI, Bluetooth, 192MB Flash ROM, 64MB RAM and expandable memory up to 2GB via a Mini SD card. Users familiar with O2 will be pleased they can still opt to access functions or text by using a stylus on the 2.4 inch QVGA TFT LCD screen. Available from the M1 Shop, #B1-28/29 Paragon, 290 Orchard Rd., 1800-843-8383.

Check In

The residents of Habbo Hotel (www.habbo.com.sg)—the hot virtual community with features like online games and chat rooms—stand a chance to win a cool swag of items like Halo 2 Kubrick and Trexi collectibles. And all they have to do is blog about their virtual life on Windows Live Spaces (http://spaces.live.com). Along with Coke Singapore, Windows Live Spaces is handing out these goodies to the Habbo bloggers who show off the best design and content on their online diaries. Participating’s a synch—all Habbo Hotel residents need to do is sign up for a free account at Windows Live Spaces and blog according to a weekly theme decided by Habbo Hotel. There are three themes in all and prizes will be given out for the top three sites for each theme. The competition ends Nov 30.

Benjasiri Park

Sukhumvit Rd., (between Soi 22 and 24), 02-262-0810. Open daily 5am-8pm.

Between pottery classes, golf lessons, lunches, shopping expeditions—oh and kids, too—the Sukhumvit housewife has no time to waste. Fortunately, she can stock up on LV at Emporium practically within earshot of Benjasiri’s concrete playground, where her offspring are making sand castles with the nanny. Benjasiri Park caters to teens as well, with a skate park, basketball and volleyball courts and even Segway rentals. Evenings office workers and laborers descend on the park for jogging and hand-holding in the dark.

What to read on the bench: Nikutai No Gakko (School of Flesh) by Yukio Mishima.

Santi Chai Prakarn

Phra Artit Rd., 02-225-7612/-4, Open 24/7.

Some teens can’t afford to shop at Paragon, but they do have this tiny park by the Chao Praya. Hippy, groovy and indie—Santi Chai comes alive regularly with concerts, book fairs, and even traditional Thai music (Sat-Sun at 5pm, with a special translation service for English-speakers). If you have dreadlocks and play Tibetan music, if you only wear second-hand T-shirts and listen to Britpop, if you can’t dance without spinning on your head or if you’re too old for all of this but refuse to admit it, Santi Chai is the park for you.

Don’t let anyone bore you with their lives: Take a notepad and write the book that you want to read.

Suan Luang Rama 9

Sukhumvit 103, Pravet, 02-328-1395. Open daily 6am-6pm.

Suan Luang is not exactly in central Bangkok, but braving the traffic will reap huge rewards. The Trapang Kaew Keb Nam is one vast piece of water, but the carefully designed curves that make up its banks don’t give it the artificial feel of Benjakitti. In fact, the royal showcase that sits at its edge gives a perspective that has you feeling you’re at a mountain lake (well, a little imagination helps). Outdoorsy nature-lovers will dig wandering around the seemingly infinite 500 rai, inspecting delicate exotic flowers at the botanical garden or meandering among the spiky cacti that sit beneath a space-age geodesic dome. This is not just like getting out of Bangkok, this is nearly a change of continents, if not planets.

What to pack for your expedition: Around the World in 80 Days by Jules Verne.

Santhipab

Victory Monument, Ratchavithi Rd., 02-245-2461. Open daily 5am-8pm.

Santhipab is a bit of a neighborhood thing but only because it’s a well-kept secret. Romantic couples can’t get enough of its benches—choose from classic or modern styles—and shaded lawns. The lush and perfectly manicured tropical vegetation, the looming silhouette of the Baiyoke Tower and the small puddle of water all seem to unleash the romantic artiste in the boys and the muse in the girls, who often turn the park into a giant photo studio of luuuv.

What book to leave untouched as the two of you disappear behind a palm tree: Romeo and Juliet by William Shakespeare.

Chatuchak

Khampangpetch Rd., Chatuchak, 02-272-4575. Open daily 4:30-8pm.

It’s hard to believe there’s a little Disneyland of bridges over water, pedal-boats, and colorful flowers just next to sticky, packed and dusty JJ Market. Shoppers should seriously consider extending their weekend expedition to the very end of the BTS and MRT lines by taking a stroll in Chatuchak’s park. It’s not quite like leaving Bangkok for a boutique hotel in the islands, but it’s closer, it’s free, and it’s green—and no tropical diseases or delayed flights!

What to read on your rented mat to turn it into a desert island: Robinson Crusoe by Daniel Defoe.

Lumpini

Rama 4 Rd., Pathumwan, 02-252-8035. Open daily 4:30am-8pm.

This is the place to grab a B30 American breakfast after a long night of partying and indulge in some of the most fascinating people-watching in town: elderly Chinese playing chess or performing their morning tai chi, yuppie joggers, grunting body-builders and the busy-bee gardeners. Just watching all this morning activity might actually make you feel refreshed enough to make it to your place, but crashing under a tree is fine, too.

What to read in the shade without taking off your sunglasses: Tender is the Night by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

Benjakitti

Old Thai Tobacco Factory, next to QSNCC, 02-278-2426. Open daily 5am-8pm.

Some might like its clean look, but with that flat empty pool and those looming skyscrapers, Benjakitti is borderline eerie. The cycling track is top notch, though, and probably one of the only ones that is flat enough for (reasonably) safe rollerblading. If you’re all about aluminum kitchens and half-inch thick plasma screens—and if your office is nearby, Benjakitti may be the perfect place to get some exercise without getting too close to nature.

What audio-book to play on your iPod: American Psycho by Brett Easton Ellis.

Like the photo effects in this story? Here is our camera review

#03-07/08 Wisma Atria, 435 Orchard Rd., 6235-2103.

For those who have not already checked out their bags at the Wisma Atria store which opened just a few weeks ago, hop in and check out the new Fall/Winter collection “My Pride.” Porter carries trendy yet functional bags that are all water resistant, and have gone through brittleness tests. Be it a carrier for gym gear, documents, laptop or money, the sturdy construction and clever compartmentalization of the bags are sensible and will make your life hassle free.

#01-138/139/140 VivoCity, 1 HarbourFront Walk, 6376 9858.

France’s NAFNAF finally opens its first flagship store in Asia—and makes our very own VivoCity its first home. Built for young women between 20-35, one can look forward to fun kaleidoscopes of colorful, cheery and functional wear that will take them through day to night. Some of our favourite designs include the floral prints, with price range from $50 for a top and $100 for a dress.

#01-11/12, 260 Orchard Road, The Heeren Shops, 67334725.

Levi’s has opened its first flagship store in Singapore. Shoppers will be thrilled to find some limited exclusive Levi’s products that will be showcased only in this store. These labels include Levi’s Vintage Clothing, Warhol Factory X Levi’s products (the T-shirts are to die for), Levi’s Capital E, Levi’s RED and Levi’s Red Tab from Colombia. So what are you waiting for? Head down now.

While it may not be as prolific as the more hyped Singapore Fashion Festival, this year’s Singapore Fashion Festival, happening Oct 31-Nov 5 across different venues in town, still has some interesting shows in its lineup. Notables includes The Designers Show, where local and regional fashion designers such as Daniel Yam and Celia Loe will be showcasing their works, alongside international talents. Here’s what not to miss.

Singapore Fashion Designers Contest

Eight emerging designers will have a chance to strut a 12 piece collection down the runway at City Square, Raffles City Atrium. These finalists have been short listed from 36 entries from this year’s recruitment to discover new talent. Names to look out for include Or Beng Hua and his “Women in the Wings” collection, and Shannon Lee’s “Fragmented Progressions.” The prize at stake is a $100,000 overseas design scholarship for the overall winner and cash prizes for the top three. The top two winners will also enter the Asian Young Fashion Designers Contest as Singapore’s representatives.

As a side show, past winners Angelynn Tan (2002), K.Mi Huang of Womb Wardrobe fame (2001) and Leslie Chia (1992) have also been invited to show their works in progress via a 10-piece collection.
Nov 1, 7pm. City Square, Raffles City Atrium, 252 North Bridge Rd., 6318-0238.

The Designers Show

The Designers Show is certainly one of the festival’s highlights, and will be held at the Singapore Expo. Both local and established overseas fashion designers from around the region will use this as a platform to showcase their collections to potential buyers. Nicholas Men’s, Abyzz by Desmond Yang and Tian by Ben Wu are making their local debut amongst the vanguard of Singapore designers such as Celia Loe, Daniel Yam, Individual Expression, GG<5 and Womb Wardrobe. International participating designers include Hannii and Margaret Anne from Australia, and XQ Zhang from Hong Kong—so look out for a diverse collection.
Nov 2-4, 10am-6pm. Singapore Expo, 1 Expo Dr., 6580-8308.

Asian Young Fashion Designers Contest

The young crème de la crème has been handpicked from Asia’s fashion circuit and will come together to compete for three cash prizes worth a total of $16,000. The champion will be additionally awarded with a scholarship at the Raffles Design Institute. In conjunction with this event, the AYFDC will showcase a twenty-five piece collection from Weerasak Wongsathapornsakun, last year’s winner.
Nov 4, 7pm. City Square, Raffles City Atrium, 252 North Bridge Rd., 6318-0238.

Silent Auction

If you’re a real fashion fiend, and would like to get your hands on some designer outfits and fashion accessories, go online at www.singaporefashionweek.com.sg/auction_items.html or bid during the fashion week’s Gala Night held at Shangri-La Hotel. Items up for bidding include a vintage inspired ring by Marilyn Tan, a bronze leather brace by Resham M and unique fashion pieces donated from Kim Chul Ung, Heng Nam Nam boutique and Brit Eley Kishimoto. Funds go towards the Singapore Fashion Fund in support of its continuous efforts in nurturing emerging talents in Singapore and around the region.

Deciding where to go for a holiday can be pretty mind-boggling, but the choice is made much easier when you know when the best times are to travel to particular destinations. We give you the lowdown about when to visit those popular Southeast Asian destinations so that you’re not stranded in Koh Samui during the rainy season or in Bali during a monsoon. Here’s the essential I-S guide to when’s the best time to go where.

December to February

• Andaman Coast, Thailand. In January, you’ll get wonderful weather and clear water in a region renowned for its beautiful beaches.

• Bangkok, Thailand. November to March is the best time to drop by, with cool, dry weather. April is a no-no, as it’s super hot, and between July and October, heavy downpours and flooding are common.

• Manila, Philippines. February to April is great, as the humidity dips. Heavy rains start after that and continue through June to November, until the dry season. Give the city a miss on Good Friday, as the whole country practically closes down on that day.

• Penang, Malaysia. December to February are the best months to visit Penang as brief but torrential rains occur between April and May, and August and October.

• Ho Chi Minh, Vietnam. The dry season between December and April is the best bet. November through March, and late January or early February are crowded periods, so avoid Ho Chi Minh then.

• Siem Reap, Cambodia. December and January are nice, cool months, while April and May are the hot months. Avoid those. Rain starts in June and continues through August and September—so don’t drop by then either.

March to May

• Bali, Indonesia. Best period is April to September, with less crowds and sunny weather. Avoid the west monsoon from November to March—it’s humid and drizzly.

• Donsol, Philippines. A fabulous time to visit is between February and May, when you can swim with 18-meter whale sharks.

• Koh Samui, Thailand. February to late June is a great time to visit, as it’s drier. Intermittent rain falls during July to October so avoid them, along with between October to January, when strong winds hit.

• Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. If you hate the rain, don’t visit during November to February. June and July (the driest months) are good.

• Phuket, Thailand. From November to March, the sea is calm. During August to October, you get a small surf that’s great for water activities. But from May to November, there can be strong currents, so don’t go swimming.

June to August

• Java, Indonesia. From October to April, it rains and is uncomfortably humid. Avoid like the plague.

• Lombok, Indonesia. Lombok has the wet (October to March) and the dry (May to September) seasons. The dry season is better bet.

• Sumatra, Indonesia. In the north, the wettest months are December and January. In the south, the rains are the heaviest during January and February. Stick to the dry season—from May to September.

September to November

• Chiang Mai, Thailand. October and April are fine—that’s when it’s the driest. The other months are rainy. The mildest temperatures occur in December and January so it’s OK to go then too. But avoid other times of the year (for instance, in April, temperatures can hit 36 degrees centigrade).

• Jakarta, Indonesia. October to February is the torrential rainy season, so avoid it. July through September has the least rain, so it’s a good time; however temperatures are high.

• Hanoi, Vietnam. November to February are the dry months. May to September is unbearably hot. September to November is perfect—expect nice, sunny weather.

Major festivals happening around the region.