1. The Mall-ization of Bangkok

If a visitor from another planet were to set down in Bangkok, he might assume that progress is measured by the amount of land occupied by shopping malls, freedom by how much time it takes you to reach the mall nearest to your home or office.

If he flew over the Siam Square area, with CentralWorld, Siam Paragon, Siam Center and MBK all in a 3km radius, it might look to him like one huge mall with a few boutique shops between them. Even our pride and joy, Suvarnabhumi, is basically a sprawling shopping mall that also has planes (filled with potential shoppers) flying in and out of it.

Like zombies we’re sucked into these monuments of consumerism, where we are taught to associate spending with happiness and to confuse “need” with “want.” We develop a taste for the homogenized, the uniform and the non-challenging. We learn to find beauty in polished concrete, glass and steel, piped in pop music and fast food.

There’s an argument that shopping malls exist because the public likes them. But what gives us the willies is the feeling that we only like them because we’re running out of alternatives. A stroll through a long public park along the banks of the Chao Phraya River sounds great, but that doesn’t exist so we head to Paragon instead. Hey, what ever happened to that Arts Center?
So say goodbye to Suan Lum Night Bazaar—no points for guessing what will likely rise up in its place.

2. Technology

We love our iPods and our PDAs, but it’s terrifying how much of what is important to us is now contained in little chips, SIM cards and servers, sometimes by people who don’t have a clue how to keep that information secure (us included). Identity theft scares the crap out of us. Phishing, email viruses and the sheer amount of junk email in our mailboxes every Monday morning is pretty damn frightening, too. And don’t even get us started on what holding mobile phones to our heads 24/7 is doing to us.

3. Looking For Love

Trying to get some is not just hard: It’s scary. Because the thought of eating alone, sleeping along, having sex alone (webcams don’t count), growing old and dying alone drives us to do some seriously scary things:

Blind dates: Too busy to find a mate on your own? Better be brave.
Posting our measurements, photos and innermost thoughts on the Internet for all the world to see.

One-night stands: Through your beer goggles she looked pretty sexy. And her voice seemed a lot higher. Damn you, hormones!

And then there are scary people:

Men who have read The Game: Who knows how many guys have taken this supposedly true story about life as a pick-up artist as a bible instead of the anthropological study/voyeuristic pop pulp non-fiction that it is. Seduction as a foolproof science with which they’re able to lead someone to bed with just a few well-rehearsed lines? That’s a bit disturbing.

Women who have read The Game: Equally scary—they already know where all your lame mind games are headed.

4. Medical Science

Natural beauty? Love it. Inner beauty? Fantastic. Synthetic beauty? In the wrong hands, scary. Some of the badly nipped and tucked and botoxed faces you see on the social pages of Tatler give us nightmares. As do those of Michael Jackson-inspired luk thung singers. And sometimes we’re afraid for them, like Tata and her breasts. See #5, below.

5. Unrealistic Ideals of Beauty

Our obsession with beauty scares us, as do some of the popular conceptions of beauty. Just look at all the waiflike young people chillin’ around Siam Square. Diet pills—scary. Stuff that makes you shit all the nutrients out of your body—yuck. And what’s with this obsession with white skin? Whitening products are terrifying.

6. Urban Dangers

Cops: Even when we haven’t done anything wrong, when we drive past a cop on the street we get goosebumps every time. With roadblocks, it’s goosebumps on goosebumps.

Oops: You’re hungover, your hairdresser is hungover, neither of you has had coffee. S/he’s chopping away and suddenly you hear, “Ooops!”

Holes: Holes in sidewalks are dangerous, for sure, but what scares us more is what crawls out of them. Same thing for those holes in the stalls in public restrooms.

Really expensive cars or really cheap cars: You’re at a crosswalk. You’re safe with that Honda. That Toyota, too. But that black widebody BMW barreling towards you? Don’t even test him with one toe on the crosswalk, because he … will … not … stop. In fact, he’ll speed up. The same goes for that punk driving the beat-up old pickup delivery truck. Get the hell out of his way.

Clueless taxi drivers: There seems to be more and more of them every day.

7. Teachers

Don’t get us wrong here: Teaching is a noble profession, perhaps the noblest, next to being a lifestyle journalist. As a whole, educators are underpaid, overworked and underappreciated. But that doesn’t mean they can’t scare us. Even competent teachers can be scary—and do you know what it is about them that scares us most? Their damn enthusiasm. Think about it: Would you want to meet Ajarn Yingsak, Khru Lily or Andrew Biggs in a dark alley when your homework wasn’t finished?

And then there are those in a completely different category who seriously scare us, freaks like John Mark Karr, obviously, but in a more general way foreigners who come here and get teaching jobs even though they couldn’t write an essay to save their lives. They’re not all incompetent misfits without teaching skills let alone social skills who put their own interests above those of our children, but what scares us is that there are a disproportionate number of them out there.

Still, you know what scares us most of all? Not them as much as us for being so shallow and so easily impressed by foreign skin.

8. Pop Culture

Actor/politician/boxer-turned-singers: Many celebrities don’t know when to stop. Tao Somchai, Sorn Ram, Mam Kat, Paris Hilton—this means you!

Lookalikes: Striped Ts, tight jeans and dirty Converse—show how “indie” you are by looking like everyone else!

Tiny sex symbols: Moms, dads, quit scaring us by dressing up your little kids to look like their slutty pop idols.

9. Moral Minority Authorities

It’s certainly easier to distract everyone with talk of our society’s moral decay and supposed remedies—early closing times, advertising restrictions, censorship—instead of going after, say, corruption. What scares us is that a few zealots are having success imposing their morality on the rest of us.

10. Scary People Doing Scary Things

The least traveled president of the United States in recent history is now in office with a foreign policy that many consider more than a little scary. Having somebody like George W. Bush in command of one of the world’s most powerful military machines, and at the same time, having Kim Jong Il testing nuclear arms in North Korea in direct defiance of U.N. sanctions and U.S. threats is a recipe fraught with danger for every living thing on the planet.
A bit closer to home is the violence in the South that has been flaring unabated for years now. As more and more people are killed, regardless of their age, sex, or religion, one has to wonder how a resolution can be found. Thai people have a reputation the world over as being some of the most peace-loving on the planet—if we can’t stop killing each other, is there hope for anyone else?

And tell us you aren’t scared that a bunch of these dinosaur politicians will somehow manage to slip into the power vacuum and take over like the old days. We’re not saying that Banharn and Chavalit are evil—but they still scare us. So do Sanoh and Sanan. And Vatana and Chalerm.

11. Nature

Nothing makes us realize how small and powerless we really are on this planet more than Mother Nature. Tsunamis, floods, draughts, typhoons—one little twitch on her part and hundreds or thousands of lives are lost. And recent reports are indicating things are getting worse. The number of category four and five hurricanes has doubled in the last 30 years. Typhoons are for the first time being seen in the Southern Hemisphere since the planet was formed. It’s all in An Inconvenient Truth. And in the newspapers.

12. Ourselves

Nothing is scarier than not knowing what we are really capable of…until we do it and surprise even ourselves. How many times have you gotten home from impulse shopping and thought, “Wait a second, how much money did I just pay for this completely useless thing?”

Everyone knows what it’s like to spend a day in the office completely useless because you had a long night. And yet why do we continue to go out and drink with our friends on weeknights? Because it’s fun … right?

And then going home and drunk dialing.

13. Florescent Lights

Especially when they come on at closing time and you see what people really look like.

How do you feel about the plight of the Karen?
Having been up there once, I was humbled by their dignity and generosity in the face of adversity.

Why do you have such a passion for Thai cuisine?
Because it is such a wonderful cuisine, one of the best in the world.

Of all the dishes you serve in your restaurant, which one best represents what you do?
I think the nam priks and lons are among the most interesting. It’s quite satisfying to see Westerners digging into the most typical of Thai dishes and enjoying them.

What’s your latest dish?
I’ve been playing around with a nice nam prik of boiled prawns and Asian citron served with lots of white turmeric, plaa fu and cha-om omelette. I have also been toying with a lemongrass salad, which I first had in Singburi.

How does your experience in Australia affect your cooking?
Well, I suppose it has made me more open minded­­—or should I say I have a more open palate?

How do you respond when people say a farang can’t make authentic Thai food?
I can completely understand. After all, who would expect a farang to begin to appreciate the delicious complexity of Thai cooking. I hope, however, to change their minds once they have eaten some of my food. 

What’s your favorite Thai dish made by someone else?
Tom yam hua plaa chorn made by Paa Daeng in her small street stall in the Dusit area. Grilled sai grop in a market in Ubon Rachathani and grilled plaa chorn in Singburi.

What’s the one utensil you can’t do without?
Pestle and mortar.

When I was a student, music was just a hobby, something I had never taken seriously. Back then, there was only a slim chance to break into the music scene, let alone making a living.

These days, things are much better for aspiring artists. Teenagers can form a band, record their music in their bedrooms and send their promotional material to radio stations and record labels.

After graduating from university, I set up a company with my friend Weerayot, now better known as DJ Nor of Fat Radio. During weekends, we got together to make music in Suharit Siamwala’s garage.

It wasn’t until two years later that Suharit suggested we bring our songs to DJ Wasana Weerachartplee of Radio Active 94FM.

Crub was born in 1995 and our first and only album View was released close to Moderndog’s debut. It sold 20,000 copies, which was still far below the break-even point.

I never thought of us as popular. Even though now Crub is more widely known, we still have only a niche fan base.

It wasn’t a complete failure. Yes, you are disappointed and disheartened, but you have to get up and move on.

I firmly believe that where there’s a will, there’s a way.

We started Smallroom in 1999. At first, we only did scores and jingles, because we still didn’t believe it was possible to make music without compromising and managing to squeeze money out of it at the same time.

A few months later, unable to resist the temptation to make music, we changed our minds.

I used to judge the bands on whether we clicked or not rather than focusing on their skills, but it became too exhausting because I had to help them out all the time.

Whether we click is still important, but I’ll also make sure that they can make their own music.

Smallroom has over 40 groups of artists, meaning I have more than 100 kids to take care of.

“Adhere to the international quality.” That’s what my advisor told me in my senior year and I still remember it today. It’s vague and imprecise, yet very practical for me.

I keep up with music trends via the Internet. I hardly have time to watch TV or listen to the radio.

There are four things I’ve always told our artists: don’t think you are too smart or else you won’t learn, be diligent, respect your elders and if you have a question, ask!

Investing in new artists is risky. Introducing new styles of music is often unprofitable.

I still don’t know why I do it. All I know is if Smallroom didn’t do it, no one else in the business would.

Why did a US business graduate like you become a singer?
I wrote my first song in high school to just impress the girls and have kept on writing ever since. When I came back from America, I took my songs to Boyd Kosiyabong, and he asked me to work on the compilation album Love Is Vol 2. Our timetables clashed, so my cousin introduced me to Smallroom.

Why From Now On?
It’s the title of the song that SEA Write winner Prabda Yoon wrote a long time ago. I think it is a perfect title for my first album because it symbolizes the beginning of a new chapter of my life. I still have a long way to go.

Tell us a bit more about your album.
It’s a blend of hip hop and R&B with touches of soul and Motown tunes from the 70s. I wrote 10 out of the 11 songs myself. Most of the songs are about love or girls I’ve met in clubs, so it’s easy to digest.

What if the fans think you’re just another pretty face?
Just because my songs are accessible doesn’t mean the album is tacky. Actually I have written plenty of songs, probably over 60 tracks, but for the first album I want to have fun with the fans. All the songs have potential to be singles. If you are looking for serious, thoughtful songs, wait for my second album.

Have you ever thought about joining a boy band?
No! I’d be such a nuisance. My bandmates would hate me because I don’t think I’d agree to follow the dance steps. My voice isn’t that powerful, so I try to focus more on how to capture the fans’ attention. I think I have a sexy voice that can move them.

What do you expect from the album?
I myself am 100% happy with it. I want to improve my songwriting skills so in the future I’ll be able to compose songs for other singers, too.

For quite some time now, Aldrin has been tearing up Zouk’s dance floors with his signature ONE night. The man was also recently made an ambassador for the Samsung Ultra Edition phones, further upping his hip ante along the way. We ploughed through the crowd dancing away to his house music and reached the decks for a quick chat with the man while giving our tootsies a rest.

First, what is your one sinful desire?
A massage to end each day—what a luxury that would be.

What is the last lie you’ve told?
Can’t remember… I’ve told too many!

One thing that rocks your world?
People on the dance floor truly enjoying themselves. Priceless!

What are you working on right now?
I’m working on remixes of “Love In New Wave” by local band Electrico. It’s been signed to Italian label Cosmonote Blue, and it will be released internationally in Nov, on 12” single and digital download.

What’s one difficult thing about being a DJ?
Having to promote new music, and yet keeping it entertaining for everyone at the same time.
Tell us about your funkiest dance move!
Top rock-six steps-turtle-windmill-backspin-freeze! That’s my favorite break dance combo move!

OK, complete the sentence, “When I am drunk, I…”
“Get a horrible migraine!”

If Lisa Ono has won you over at her concert last year, watch out for another aural treat coming your way on Oct 25. This diva who weaves magic with her Brazilian sounds, has worked with big names including eminent guitarists Toninho Horta and Oscar Castro-Neves, and hopes to collaborate with Claus Orgerman. We caught up with this veteran singer-songwriter for a quick banter.

How did you first get into music?
My parents run a live music house and I’ve grown up having easy access to music. Thus, it was natural for me to get into music.

So what is it about music that has driven you all these years?
I just love singing songs and playing music. Music is the best way to express myself. Playing music heals me and makes me happy. It is everything.

You’ve been playing guitar since you were young. How important is it?
I’ve played the guitar since I started singing. It is my best friend when I’m creating music or singing songs alone.

Who is your muse when it comes to songwriting?
Nana Caymmi and Miusha.

Which is your favorite album since you debuted in 1989 and why?
I have two. Bossa Carioca is one. I made this album with the Antonio Carlos Jobim family and hence, it left a strong impression on me. Another is my latest release Jambalaya-Bossa Americana. I really love it and listen to it at home quite often.

It’s your second time to Singapore, what can we look forward to in your coming concert this time round?
I will definitely perform standard bossa nova songs and new songs from my latest album, Jambalaya-Bossa Americana. Similar to my concert last year, I’d like to make the audience feel at home.

Do you have any words for your fans?
I really appreciate fans and feel happy that they listen to my music. This is my second time to Singapore and I hope to share the joy of music with fans for years to come.

Despite being voted as one of People magazine’s 50 most beautiful people and having garnered praises from big names such as Oprah Winfrey, Chris Botti is still relentlessly touring and whipping out smooth and emotive pop jazz music. We sat down with this man to chat about his music and his upcoming concert.

If you were not a musician, what would you be?
I’ve never really thought about this. I guess one of the reasons I am successful is that I never gave myself a Plan B! I’m not sure what I would be if I wasn’t a musician. I wanted to be a musician since I was 11. That was the first time I heard Miles Davis play.

Besides Miles Davis, which other musician do you like?
I have a lot of influences. I like the sound of Miles’s trumpet. I’m a fan of Chet Baker and pop musicians like Sting too.

OK, what is your all-time favourite song?
Just because it’s the one I heard that got me into jazz: “My Funny Valentine” by Miles Davis.

You’ve worked with Sting, Paul Simon, Natalie Merchant, Paula Cole, Joni Mitchell and others. So which is your most memorable collaboration?
It has to be Sting. He’s been my best friend, and a big success in so many parts of the world. I toured with him during the release of his album Brand New Day, and he brought the sound of my trumpet to whole world.

Speaking of touring, we notice you gig a lot. Do you get homesick?
I don’t have a home. I feel at home on the road!

And what is it that you love most about touring?
The pride of being with this incredible band. My band members are all very well-known musicians, and it’s really an honour to get my music out, and having fans coming up to me. We’re been nominated for seven Grammys, and we’ve won four.

Your coming concert is your first in Singapore. What do you hope to achieve?
I really just want to come with my band and perform. We were fortunate to be well-received in a lot of places. After Singapore, we’re heading to the Philippines, Hong Kong, Japan, then to New York for a couple of days and coming back to the Orient and Thailand.

A remake of Greek playwright Sophocles’s work Antigone, Cheek is a witty offering directed by Natalie Hennedige, and stars Lim Kay Siu, Neo Swee Lin, Jean Ng and Karen Tan. We talk with Ng, who plays the character Antigone who hates her ruler, and seems determined to uphold (her version of) justice. Here’s what Antigone has to say.

What is your one sinful desire?
I dress, sing and dance like Madonna.

And what do you have against the new ruler?
He won’t allow anyone to bury my dead brother whose rotting body is lying in the middle of the city. Anyone who acts against his order will be killed.

OK, so what will you do if you were alone in a room with him?
I will read Osho’s book, Courage: The Joy of Living Dangerously to him, then make him listen to Barbra Streisand’s Christmas Album!

Alright, seriously, what’s your strategy to overthrow him?
I will make use of his son who is in love with me. I’ll get turn him to turn against his father and get him to help bury my brother.

Do you think you’re going against divine will by rebelling against the ruler?
Yes I am! But I have to do what I do and die for what I do. That is also divine will.

Die for what you do? But does death resolve problems?
Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t. But if you’re already dead, it doesn’t matter anymore.

You sound like a rebel. We gather you think rules are meant to be broken then?
Every rule is meant to be followed by some and broken by others. It depends on who you are, which side you’re on and how Singaporean you are!

Well, is there anyone you get along with at all?
Nobody. I’m Antigone, the cursed tragic heroine who’s larger than life and bigger than Madonna.

Tell us, what are you like on the dance floor?
I have a variety of characters and personas. Experimentation is the occupational hazard of being an exotic dance instructor. I can be shy, wild, daring, or provocative and naughty!

Any tips on seduction?
Seduction is an art. A lady need not be outright raunchy. She has to be confident and love her mind and body, before someone can see her as sexy. With that confidence and some simple exotic dance from exotic dancing, you’ll be attracting and seducing a lot of guys out there without even knowing it.

I see. So what’s your success rate in seducing guys?
I have never really kept a check on my success rate. I think a lot of guys want to be seduced or be led into seduction. It’s just how a woman plays it.

And the worst pick up line you’ve tried?
“Hi, I’ve been tasked to get your number.” I got tongue-tied when the cutie said, “Who asked?”

What is your ideal partner like?
He must be able to listen, dance and massage. I like a man who listens. He needs to know how to dance too. How else can you know how good he is in bed? And all girls like to be pampered so I like a man who can give a good massage and a rubdown after a long night of partying.

OK, many say Singaporeans aren’t having enough sex. What say you?
Who have you been asking?

With my newfound free time, I’ve been traveling alone to Italy, England, Sweden and other places. I have a lot of plans and some good things are coming up. I think I’ll be active again soon.

When I retire from football, I would love to live here two or three months during the winter. I like Thailand, especially in wintertime—beautiful place, nice people, blue sea, good food and nice weather.

I have two or three books beside my bed and a history of Sweden in 10 volumes. It’s easier to read than the football books I usually read.

I’m a lucky man, I’ve been working for 30 years doing the thing that I love, which is to play football.

My goal is try to keep fit because if you are not healthy, it’s hard to keep doing what you like. I’m running, doing yoga, swimming and playing tennis.

The most memorable game in my life was the 1982 IFK Göteborg for the UEFA Cup, when a Swedish team won a big title in Europe for the first time. That was a big step for me.

My philosophy is to always try to behave and be kind to other people. I think that’s important.

My idol is Nelson Mandela. I met him and it was a real pleasure. Being that kind and understanding to other people, living with that spirit, even though he was imprisoned for 27 years­—that’s fantastic. He’s so important to the whole continent of Africa.

The journalists in England write a lot about me. Some things are true; some are not.

I don’t care about these things because if you care, you lose sleep over it. I sleep very well.

My job is trying to win football games—as many as possible. Sometimes you lose, but you still have to try and win the next time.

I’d say it’s better to have pressure than not, because if there’s pressure on you it means you are coaching an important team. And I like that.