No problem is too big, no fetish too weird, for our panel of relationship gurus.

On the scale of difficult things to do, navigating the world of dating and sustaining a healthy relationship over time are surely up there with persuading a 12-year-old girl that Justin Bieber did not create the universe and everything in it. Thankfully, some people know more about it than most. We rounded up the leaders in the field and presented them with some fiendishly difficult real-life scenarios. Suffice it to say that all of us can learn from their answers.

Meet our experts:

Dr. Martha Lee is a certified sexologist with a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and holds sex and intimacy workshops through Eros Coaching (, which she founded.

David Tian, Ph.D. is a leading lifestyle and dating coach in Singapore. Since 2007, he has personally coached hundreds of people to success in reaching their dating and relationship goals and now serves Singapore’s Aura Dating Academy ( as head mentor.

Dr. Norman Li ( is an Associate Professor of Psychology at Singapore Management University and is a leading scholar on human mate selection and strategies from an evolutionary perspective.

Mrs. Ivy Singh-Lim co-owns a 10-acre farm called Bollywood Veggies ( with her husband, the former CEO of NTUC Fairprice. When they decided to get married, one was desperate and the other was drunk; even so, they have been happily married for 28 years.

Violet Lim is the co-founder of lunch dating company Lunch Actually (, as well as Eteract, Asia’s first online speed dating portal. Lim is also an established speaker, sharing tips on dating and relationships at selected seminars, workshops and even weddings.


The Real-Life Scenarios

Question 1:
After a heated argument with my boyfriend of three years, I ransacked his overnight bag and found receipts from men’s spas and gay bars. I also found pictures on his phone of him posing with a rather good-looking man. How am I supposed to react to this? Answer

Question 2:
I work in PR, which means I should know how to read women’s signals very well, right? Well, I don’t know if I’m just unlucky or if women these days are getting more complicated. Two weeks ago, I asked this girl I’d met on Twitter to watch some DVDs at my place. Halfway through a movie, I placed a hand on her thigh and she freaked out. That’s not the only time something like this has happened. A girl I’d only known for five minutes at a club asked me for coffee after a night of dancing and when I leant in for a kiss after sending her home, she snubbed me. What the hell is going on? Answer

Question 3:
My girlfriend is just the sweetest person ever. Everything’s going peachy except the sex. It took me awhile to admit this because I didn’t want to look like an asshole; I believe everything takes time. But it has been six months now! I know what the problem is—she’s lazy. She expects me to do all the work for her and just lays there like a fallen log. How do I get her to put a little more effort into sex without offending her? Answer

Question 4:
I’ve been with the same man for a year now and though it hasn’t been that long, I can safely say that I know him well. I know he’s cheating on me—I can feel it in my bones. But every time I question his whereabouts, he accuses me of not trusting him. I end up keeping my mouth shut because I feel guilty and swallow my suspicion only to have it rear its ugly head again when he acts up. Should I start spying? Answer

Question 5:
I’m a woman but I feel an intense physical attraction to my female colleague, who is married with three children. I think she feels the same way. Should I do something or would I just be causing trouble for everyone? Answer

Question 6:
One day, over breakfast, my girlfriend casually brought up incorporating something bizarre into our sexual routine. I was surprised but thought it would be fun to try, and she suggested sploshing. However, I’m not keen on the idea of eating my breakfast off her, especially when it’s, say, my favorite meal of nasi lemak and coffee. I could pretend to enjoy it but I have an extremely strong gag reflex. How do I talk to her about this? Answer


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