So what do you make of all this? Are we witnessing democracy in action—or, to steal from Jon Stewart, democracy inaction? First he said he wouldn’t; then he did. First he said “never!”; now he’s saying “maybe.” Who knows what will happen tomorrow.No one loves long-shot predictions and unsubstantiated speculation more than us, so how ‘bout this one: For as long as we can remember, Dr. T has been expressing admiration for the Singapore model (to the point that you might have thought he was trying to butter them up before a big sale or something).So let’s say our Beloved Leader steps down.

Hurray! Singapore can now look forward to having not just two world class casinos, it will also be able to look forward to having its own solar system-class spaceport! Talk about having the best of both Las Vegas and Houston! Wow!But before we all go on celebratory binges along Pub Row, let us take note that the main attractions start at a princely price tag of US$100,000—which no amount of Workfare will be able to help the average Singaporean fork out.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, it is once again time to test your knowledge of current events with a brain-twisting, spine-tingling news quiz. And you thought the Rubik’s Cube was challenging….Why was Bangkok Governor Apirak Kosayodhin’s pet project, the Bus Rapid Transit service, shelved?a. Cops didn’t see any money in it.b. Government didn’t see any money in it.c. Apirak admitted to have never actually ridden on a bus.d. It didn’t sound very good when written out in full.In addition to being advisor to Thaksin Shinawatra, Suvarn Valaisathien is the author of which books:a.

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas, what with all the goodies that were handed out last week to the old, the young, the poor, the sick, the under-paid, the under-educated and the over-worked in the 2006 Singapore budget. Problem is, this isn’t December–it’s February. All we can say is that it’s starting to sound a lot like election season, with bureaucratic cheer being spread among a plump electorate to get everyone in a nice, rosy mood. We’re not complaining, mind you—everybody likes a freebie. And with the budget showing surpluses, hey, why not share the wealth?

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE. February 24, 2549 | Bangkok—The Ministry of Employment’s Department of Inactive Posts today announced the formation of a committee to consider a revolutionary vocational training program for displaced workers.

If anyone actually stops to think about it, he or she will quickly come to the realization that, with so much diversity in the world, anything anyone says will very likely offend someone or other. Well, almost anything. Upon further reflection, we realized that there are actually many things which are not likely to offend anyone, anywhere, anytime.

Congratulations! You have purchased one of the most advanced communications devices known to man that was designed, like this 1,600-page owner’s manual, to simplify your life. Before using your phone, be sure to read and fully understand every chapter in this manual.

It will soon be Valentine’s Day—the third most lucrative retail festival after Christmas and Chinese New Year. We will let the mainstream media inundate you with ways to convince your loved ones that the love of money is indeed the root of all evil (whatever that means). We will tell you how to prove to your loved ones that you love them despite not spending any money on them.V is for Value their company: Spend time with your loved ones.

Pencils ready? It’s time for this month’s news quiz.A Public Health Ministry subcommittee has recommended that beer gardens be banned for what reason?a. They send the wrong message to people who are out for a little fun.b. Those pork knuckles are never as good as they look.c. Escalating violence among beer pretties.d. It’s much healthier to drink Saeng Som next to a busy highway.What are poor villagers in rural areas being taught to improve their lives?a. Think with their right brain.b. How to buy fire trucks/baggage scanners/jets and sell them to the government at inflated prices.c.

On a recent visit to a daycare center in Nonthaburi, Public Health minister Pinij Jarusombat shocked educators by suggesting that students should no longer be taught Aesop’s fables. Instead more modern stories should be written and used to teach moral principles to children, he said.Angry teachers, librarians and bookstore owners responded by threatening to march to the minister’s house waving colorful “Pinij is a Pinis” signs. Fearing violence, or at least an embarassing spectacle, officials agreed to a compromise.