On a recent visit to a daycare center in Nonthaburi, Public Health minister Pinij Jarusombat shocked educators by suggesting that students should no longer be taught Aesop’s fables. Instead more modern stories should be written and used to teach moral principles to children, he said.Angry teachers, librarians and bookstore owners responded by threatening to march to the minister’s house waving colorful “Pinij is a Pinis” signs. Fearing violence, or at least an embarassing spectacle, officials agreed to a compromise. The fables would stay, but a government-appointed committee would update the better-known tales so they would more accurately reflect life in modern Thailand. Here are some of what we believe are the first drafts by the committee, which were smuggled out by a disgruntled janitor.The Wolf in Sheep’s ClothingThere once was a wolf. He was really hungry. Unfortunately the sheep he wanted to dig his teeth into were guarded by a strapping shepherd and his big dogs. One day at the mall he found a Fendi sheepskin jacket. His credit cards were max-ed out, so he went to Easy Buy and borrowed enough cash for the coat, plus a bit left over for whisky. The wolf put on the coat and went back to the farm where the sheep were. When the sheep saw him, they were, like, all over the wolf, ’cause he looked so damn hot in his Fendi. And even the shepherd and his dogs were really into the wolf, because they were gay. So the wolf was able to have lamb chops every day until he got sick of the smell and became a vegetarian.The moral: Dress for successThe Mouse and the LionThere once was a mouse who made a decent living extorting money out of market vendors. But one day a lion drove up in a big Benz, grabbed the mouse and opened his big jaws to swallow him. The mouse went, “Shit—hold on a second! If you let me go this time, I won’t forget your patronage. And I’ll give you 10 percent of everything I make.” The lion admired the mouse’s entrepreneurial spirit, and let the mouse go after raising his cut to 15 percent.The moral: Even the tiniest coolie can help make you richThe Fox and the GrapesOne ridiculously hot day a fox was walking through Khao Yai and eyed some grapes hanging from a vine. “Just the thing to quench my thirst,” the fox thought. First he tried to stand up on his hind legs to reach the grapes. That didn’t work, so he got a running start and jumped as high as he could. Again, no luck. Next he tried to climb the tree but got only halfway up before losing his grip and landing hard on his ass. By this time his blood was really boiling, so he blamed his failure on his critics, calling them “sick” and “jealous”— though really he couldn’t reach the grapes because he hadn’t been to the gym in ages.The moral: Blaming others can make you feel a lot betterThe Goose That Laid the Golden EggsA man was walking down the road when he saw a goose. No one was around, so he took the bird home with him. It was really heavy, and soon he learned why: The goose was laying eggs of pure gold. The man became rich by selling the eggs. When the taxman came to his house, the man had his wife and kids take the goose down to the basement, which could only be accessed through a hidden door. “I don’t know what happened to that goose,” the man told the taxman. After the taxman left, they set up a company in the British Virgin Islands and celebrated by throwing a big party for all the neighbors.The moral: Take whatever you can when no one is watching