“I was not drunk … It’s a normal thing for a man to drink liquor, and I see nothing wrong with that.”—Deputy Prime Minister Chalerm Yubamrung, thinker, politician, liberator of the enslaved masses.Thank you, Khun Chalerm! Finally, an MP ready to stand up for us men. We’ve borne silent witnesses to the slow erosion of manliness in Thailand as of late—pastel colors in menswear, a female prime minister, Film Rattapoom’s comeback...

Fashion correspondent extraordinaire, Tippy, is a gay man who dresses women, which makes him perfectly qualified to discuss Four Seasons-gate and women’s rights. So Tippy, what’s your take on this whole mess?Tippy: So, so sad, na. Did you see how the Democrat basically called our PM a slut? Just because she sleeps with some old guy at the Four Seasons? It’s so unfair, every time a woman has sex at a hotel people assume it’s for money.BK: Wait a second, Tippy. Apparently there were seven other people in that room…Tippy: Jing, jing.

The Ministry of Information, Communication and Magic has asked the former prime minister to stop texting the current prime minister. In an unverified leaked cable, the Ministry quoted a week’s worth of SMS harassment.Hi. Saw you had dinner with Prem. Well, if you see him again, tell him I want my CD collection back. Hope you guys had a great time. And thx for not inviting me.Congrats on still being little Miss Popular. Guess people really think you’re so much better than I am. Whatever.

Less than two months into 2012 and already there’s been more fascinating news items than bodies in Bedok. But how closely have you been paying attention?*1. According to the Wall Street Journal, four out of five visitors to Marina Bay Sands’ casino are now:(a) Spies for RWS(b) Tragic cab drivers who need help breaking their addiction(c) Foreigners2.

This week, the big question is, “Will there be violence?” Sorry, let’s try that again. The question is… WHEN WILL THE VIOLENCE ERUPT? Cue Fox News-style logos and journalists doing pieces to cameras in front of Bangkok’s totally hottest hot spot—the Gaza of Bangkok, the Tahir Square of Thailand, the Ratchaprasong of 2012—Thammasat University.Oh yeah. Hell hath no fury like an academic scorned. And this time, academics are pissed off on both sides of the Section 112 fence. BK’s own on-the-ground reporters have been witness to terrible scenes of violence.

Hey guys (and I do mean guys),It’s been a while, huh? Y’all thought I’d grown up, got a job, bought a longer skirt? Put down that fancy-ass bespoke cocktail and think again. I’m back, and the only thing that’s gotten longer is my list of pet grievances against you. This being Valentine’s season and all, I thought I’d get the big one off my chest (and yes, honey, it is still mine, whatever that Marymount surgeon might say).Picking up girls. I’ve just two questions for you, fellas: why are you so bad at it, and why are you so effing bad at it?

After the craze for the sarcastic, back-talking chat-app, SimSimi, hit the nation, it seems like app developers have already rushed out a new version, designed to offer straight-talking advice for people in power.

Panic swept through the business community in Thailand the other day when rumors circulated that Bangokians might actually be suffering from mall-opening fatigue.

Happy Chinese New Year. We hope you got a big bonus, or at least a little ang pao from your parents, your rich auntie or the government. (Note: victims of Southern unrest, the war on drugs or torn eardrums are not eligible for governmental ang pao. Nor is being unable to shop at CentralWorld for two months considered serious mental trauma.) After all, as much as we love the tinsel and beer gardens around Christmas, January is our real season for giving.Our hearts warm as policemen pay cheerful visits to Chinatown shops and depart with little red envelopes.

Right now, everyone’s busy wishing everyone else a prosperous new year. But in these cheerful days of reunions, slap-up banquets and fond reminiscences, spare a thought for the marginalized, disenchanted few; our politicians.