It’s official—Jolin Tsai, pop princess and the cutest thing you ever laid your eyes on since Care Bears, is coming to our humble island. We did try to secure an interview with the pop darling, but she was taken ill with viral flu and stress and our hopes of actually talking to Ms. Tsai herself were dashed. So we did the next best thing. We thought about how a conversation between Jolin and a groupie would go. Remember—it’s fictional.

Jolee Cai (groupie): Jolin! Oh my gawd. I’m your biggest fan! (Breathes heavily.) Er OK. First question. How do you manage to stay so trim all the time?
What Jolin Tsai would say: (Patting hair.) I only drink milk for breakfast, have fruit and veggies for lunch and go without dinner, unless I’m really hungry. Basically, staring 24/7 at a Barbie doll also helps me to stay focused on being slim.

Jolee Cai: OK, now we know why you look so Barbie-licious as well then! And how do you remember all your dance moves? You’re sooo amazing!
Jolin Tsai: I’m so busy I don’t have time for a personal trainer. I dance to keep fit. I practice my routines sometimes when I have nothing to do. You know, dancing is a lot like shopping. I told myself—if I can remember all the good shops and sales, surely I can remember my dance moves. (Beams.)

Jolee Cai: Can I ask a personal question? (Doesn’t wait for reply.) Are you really Jay Chou’s ex?
Jolin Tsai: (Quickly.). No. No. No. I am not Jay’s ex. We are just good friends, although we’ve gotten drunk a few times together and erm, I find him actually quite cute, just like me! That’s why we’re stars! And no, I don’t hate Patty Hou. I’m not that Patty—sorry, petty, really.

Jolee Cai: Er, OK. What do you like to do in your spare time?
Jolin Tsai: Shopping! I lurrrve all the girly, sweet stuff. But I’m a bit of a rocker chick too. I also love painting my nails. I take two hours to do each hand and I have my own nail design supplier. After I’ve done my nails, I get my personal assistant to open doors, cans, fridge doors and er… everything else for me. I hate chipping my nails. Some people think I’m a princess, but they’re just jealous.

Jolee Cai: Another sensitive question? Did you enlarge any part of your anatomy?
Jolin Tsai: I don’t mean to be boob, sorry rude—but of course I did. To be fake is to be real in Taiwan. It’s very well done of course, so you can’t tell. But since we’re having a chest-to-chest talk, I’ll tell you.

Jolee Cai: Who is your role model?
Jolin Tsai: Barbie doll. Duh. Except I’m prettier.

You know the feeling. You’re shopping furiously away like there’s no tomorrow—determined to find the perfect pair of shoes. And unexpectedly, the hunger pangs hit and there’s nothing more you want to do than chow down on some good grub. That’s when you should hit a fashion cafe for a great two-in-one. Here’s our line-up of some of the coolest fashion cafes around.

Projectshop Café @ Paragon

#03-41/44 Paragon, 290 Orchard Rd., 6735-6765. Open daily 10:30am-10:30pm (last order 9:45pm).

Location: Inside Projectshop Blood Brothers.
Style factor: You’ll feel your hip quotient inch up a notch once you step in this cool, laidback cafe. With muted brown and earth tones, wooden floorboards and a large rack of overseas magazines, everything is tastefully understated.
Food score: The popular P.S. Caesar salad ($16), is well worth the price, as the portion (like everything else), is huge. The poached egg sitting on top of crunchy greens is a nice touch, along with smoked crispy bacon bits and tons of crunchy toasted croutons, all tossed up in a delightful dressing chockfull of grated parmesan cheese. Try the homemade steamed Jaffa pudding ($10.90) that’s drowning in chocolate sauce and a large scoop of vanilla ice-cream. Heavenly.
Crowd: Blonde-haired, bronze-bodied Caucasian ladies, and dressed-down-but-brazenly-cool types.
Service: Excellent—smiley, attentive and friendly.
Overall: A great stop if you want to see and be seen.

Front Row Café

G/F, 5 Ann Siang Rd., 6224-5501. Open Mon-Sat noon-8pm.
Location: On the ground floor of three-storey establishment Front Row—a boutique is on the second floor and an art gallery on the third.
Style factor: The charm of this cafe lies in its eclectic, cozy vibe. A gleaming counter is where salads, sandwiches and sauces are made only when they are ordered—so everything is super fresh and totally tasty. Black and white tiles and mirrors make up the décor.
Food score: The Works ($11.50) is their most popular sandwich. We can see why—hardboiled egg, back bacon, chicken, green apple, tomato and cheese make up the yummilicious filling. Equally delicious are Mozzilla ($10.50) and Waldorf West ($10.50)—open-faced sandwiches with sliced honey roasted ham, and raisins for the latter. But our favorite is the Chicken Terri-Tory (named after I-S’s Creative Editor Terry Ong, $10.50) which is a sweet and irresistible assemble. Crunchworthy salads include Masako ($11.50), a refreshing, nutty salad with crispy rice noodles, and The Terri (also named after I-S’s Ong, $10.50), with a creamy teriyaki dressing.
Crowd: Nearby executives dropping by for lunch.
Service: Friendly and thoughtful.
Overall: A haven for salad fans and sandwich lovers who are into healthy, yummy options.

Island Café

#01-187 TANGS VivoCity, 1 HarbourFront Walk, 6303-8649. Open daily 10am-10pm.
Location: Tucked snugly away in TANGS VivoCity.
Style factor: While TANGS may not be Prada, this new VivoCity outlet is still modern, shiny and huge. Take a break and quaff down some good food to distract yourself from your pressing shopping dilemmas.
Food score: Pretty good, despite a smaller menu than the TANGS Orchard outlet. The tuna otah pizza ($12) is robust and tasty with otah paste and tuna flakes. The pomelo and smoked salmon fettuccine with pink cream sauce ($14) is competent too. But what we really like is the laksa with crayfish ($13), which has just enough spice and is incredibly fragrant, with loads of taupok and fishcakes. If you love bak chor mee (minced pork noodles), guzzle the shitake mushroom and bak chor bolognaise ($11), which is—you guessed it—spaghetti sprinkled with minced pork, onions and shitake mushrooms. Curry freaks will be pleased with the masala curry chicken served with foccacia bread ($12). The curry is yummy, and the bread fresh and soft.
Crowd: We’re sure a healthy base of TANGS diehard fans will frequent this cafe.
Service: Fast, efficient, knowledgeable.
Overall: A more than adequate stop to satiate your squealing stomach.

ESPRIT Café by Canele

#03-100 Centrepoint Shopping Centre, 176 Orchard Rd., 6733-7898. Open daily 10:30am-9pm.
Location: In the recesses of the essential fashion boutique, ESPRIT.
Style factor: Expect quality desserts and bistro fare from the Les Amis folks. This cafe is relatively tucked away, so there’s an air of privacy about it that makes it perfect for you to stir your drink with the cool air of a seasoned shopper. Try to get the window seat.
Food score: Good. The salade Canele ($8.50) makes a fab and light starter with loads of crabmeat. The brioche burger ($9.50) made up of fig compote, chicken breast, tomato and lettuce, is sweetly robust and tasty. Fans of creamy spag will love the mushroom alfredo spaghetti ($12.50), a large serving of mushroomy goodness. The Jupiter ($6.50) a chocolate confection, will promptly skyrocket you to the realm of 100 percent chocolate satisfaction.
Crowd: Tai-tais, Japanese expats and shoppers.
Service: Two ‘Fs’—friendly and fast.
Overall: Pleasant, relaxed cafe with great, affordable food.

Edmund’s Café

#01-09 Orchard Hotel Shopping Arcade, 9711-1922. Open Mon-Sat 10:30am-8:30pm.
Location: This cafe shares the space with a Francis Cheong boutique and Valen Fleur Florist.
Style factor: It’s near Francis Cheong—so think opulent quirkiness. We loved the relaxing ambiance—water feature, loads of plants, etc.
Food score: There are some main courses here too, though the small bites are good enough—the brownie with ice cream ($3.80) is sweet and dense. A must-try is the popular cheese toast ($1.50)—four pieces of warm, cheesy, buttery, crispy toast. The shitake mushroom pie ($3.20) is also light and flaky, and stuffed with shitake mushrooms, peas, carrots and more. The Midnight Blues ($3.90) blueberry cheesecake is pretty solid too.
Crowd: Tourists and expats looking for a spot to bask in the sun, and tai-tais.
Service: Fast and friendly, but it’s a one-man show, so be patient if it gets busy.
Overall: Lovely place to get away from the world with some cafe chow.

It’s official. Chinese New Year has come and gone. It zipped by in a blur of relatives’ faces and the red angpows.

Now it’s time to get back into shape, and examine the way you’re spending your days.

There’re probably a whole lot of small changes you could make in your life to get yourself on the track towards better health (think of your sordid supper habits, uncontrollable office snacking impulses, inexplicable aversion towards exercising, shameless weekend binging—you get the picture).

So without further ado—here’re the I-S 10 Health Commandments. Print them out and paste them on your fridge, your office cubicle, on your dog—wherever—and stick to them.

1. Thou art the sole Lord of thy own appetite; thou shall not adopt thy favorite restaurants as thy gods.

2. Thou shall not mention the concept of Exercise in vain, and shall make every effort to climb the stairs instead of taking the escalator or elevator—hands in thy pockets.

3. Thou shall keep the Lord’s day cigarette- and lard-free.

4. Thu shall honor green leafy vegetables, fruits, and plain water—as well as exercise equipment and gym facilities.

5. Thou shall not kill, or even think of killing the person in front of thou in the queue who bought the last piece of chocolate cake in front of thy incredulous eyes.

6. Thou shall not commit adultery and ingest more than one type of vice-filled food at one time, on any given day—no matter how depressed thou art.

7. Thou shall not surreptitiously slosh down copious amounts of alcohol and think that no one cares.
We assure thee—God sees all.

8. Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor and pretend it was he who absconded with the last piece of chye tao kway.

9. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife—unless she owns a gym and thou wishest to use it for free.

10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s char kway teow, Hokkien mee, or luat or any other dish soaked in oil and fat.

People from all walks of life converge at this busy platform we call Changi Airport, and airline customer service staff are at the front line when it comes to dealing with jetlagged, irate but (sometimes) interesting passengers, wanting to get from point A to B as fast as possible.

I followed Thai AirAsia Guest Service Officer Alan Yam for a day to discover what a typical day is like for someone dealing with these kinds of problems.

Guest Service Officer: Alan Yam
Shift: 9am-4pm
Workplace: Counter 11, Departure Hall, Terminal 1
Job: Handling reservations and complaints, answering strange questions, receiving payment for overweight baggage and receiving feedback from passengers of Thai AirAsia.

9:10am: Disheveled-looking Chinese guy alights at counter. Asks if he can board the flight at 11am. Slight dispute ensues over weight of his hand-carry luggage (only a maximum of 7kg allowed). Cool-as-ice Alan Yam punches calculator busily and tells guy exactly how much he has to pay for weight difference. Chap gets boarding pass and is mollified.

9:15am: Next—Caucasian couple stops by. Portly guy gives me funny looks. Forgets about me when his pass is issued.

9:25am: Two ladies in full uniform with scarves and nifty skirts swoop down on Alan. They are luggage handling agents. They ask Alan some questions and he answers expertly.

10:15am: Good-looking couple asks random question—the flight schedule for Japan Airlines. Alan swiftly directs them to counter 4. Cool.

10:45am: Elderly Chinese man approaches counter tentatively. Wants to get to a place written on a piece of paper. Alan examines it and tells the old man that the address is for Malaysia AirAsia, in Johor Bahru. Gives clear directions on how to get to JB. There doesn’t seem to be a question Alan can’t answer.

11:30am: Flustered woman looking like a headless chicken asks Alan to check if her son, who is traveling with a school group, is on the next flight. Alan says politely that she should check with his school instead. “It’s better for her to check with the school, because I can’t reveal the exact movement of the passengers for security reasons,” he explains.

11:30am-12:50pm: Ultra boring period where I almost doze off and contemplate catching flies. Alan says “it’s quite quiet at this time, lah,” and clears his paperwork.

12:50pm: Woman pops up and asks where the POSB ATM and toilets are located. “Common questions lah, those,” says Alan. “We are like an information counter a lot of the time,” he says with a wry grin.

1:00pm: Alan’s colleague, Sheikh arrives. Counter gets super busy.

1:20pm: Would-be passenger asks Sheikh next check-in time. It’s at 3:35pm, so the check-in time is two hours before that—1:35pm. Sheikh says with an air of resignation that it’s a dead common question too.

1:28pm: Thai male passenger asks about check-in time. Also wants to know the timing of the next flight. It’s 8:40pm, so Sheikh advises him to return at 6:40pm.

1:55pm: Two ruddy-faced Englishmen stop by. Say they had called earlier to enquire about the next flight—it’s their first time flying with Thai AirAsia. Sheikh The Expert runs through regulations—no alcohol (audible sighs of dismay), free seating, meals to be purchased on board, etc. Then swiftly prints out the receipts and itineraries for them as they pay.

2:00pm: A gaggle of Indian ladies clad in multi-hued saris gather at departure gates. “Got lots of drama at the airport if you look around,” advises Sheikh. He’s absolutely right.

2:33pm: Caucasian couple make payment for their overweight baggage by credit card. Guy asks why the weight limit for luggage is 15kg, while other airlines have a 20kg limit. Sheikh explains quickly and politely that it is done to keep costs down so that flight prices can still be cheap. Guy argues some more. Finally Sheikh blurts, “It’s to make more money.” Direct approach works like magic. Guy shuts up. Wow.

2:38pm. Grungy-looking Caucasian drops by. Wants to know how he can change the time of his flight to a later one. Alan tells him he has to buy a new ticket. Guy looks bummed out but—no choice.

2:44pm. Another no-brainer but common question is asked—where’s the AXS machine?

3:28pm: Two businessmen want to delay their flight dates by one week. Proceed to make extra payment for penalty charges and fare differences.

3:50pm:. Mysterious looking Indian dude in shades asks about the fare. Freaks out a little at ticket price but returns later for more information.

4:00pm: I take my leave of the fascinating place called the airport, where strange questions and quirky characters abound—with a newfound respect for the guys I spent a day watching.

Having performed in over 2,000 performances of the The Phantom of the Opera on Broadway and Asia, theater maestro Brad Little has won over critics and audiences with his wonderful performance. Speaking to us from New York, Little gave us an insight into his role.

Is there any specific method you employ when playing the Phantom?
I don’t play him in any specific way. I let the character develop as the evening goes by. The Phantom can be angry, disgusting and sympathetic. I know my lines, but the actual interpretation is different every night.

What research did you do for the part?
A lot of the research is imagination, because the Phantom is a fictional character. I asked myself—what is it in my life that will help me relate to the character? When did I feel isolated? For me, it was during junior high—when I didn’t like what I was reading. That part of my life really helped me to understand how it feels when the world doesn’t understand you.

Are there any psychological effects of donning the Phantom’s mask?
Putting on the mask is the last thing I do before I go on stage. That’s when the magic of theater starts. When I feel the role is taking over—I’m no longer Brad—I’m taking the audience into a sensory realm. That’s when I turn to my makeup artist and say “It’s time to make magic.”

You’ve played the role of Raoul before. Has that aided or impeded your understanding of the Phantom in any way?
It’s definitely helped me. I’ve learnt from some of the best while playing Raoul, so I know exactly what it’s like to be him. The thing is—they are two different characters, but they love the same person.

Are you anyone like the Phantom in real life?
I’m like the Phantom in the sense that I’m a real homebody. I don’t think the fans know that! I love staying at home. I also have great passion for music, arts, theater—that’s another thing we have in common.

Time, as Einstein said, is relative. The week crawls by, taking an eternity, and the momentous arrival of the weekend fills most hearts with mad euphoria, only for the two days to fly.

While there’s nothing you can do about that, you can do something more inventive with your weekends other than just lazing around, shopping, watching a movie and eating (yawn). That’s why we, the ever-resourceful I-S team, have come up with loads of things to do over the weekend that, get this—cost less than $50.

All you have to do is read on for a power-packed weekend of fun and unexpected thrills, which won’t burn a hole in your pocket, if at all.

In The Still Of The Night

If you’re a nightowl

$5-10—Flex your musical muscles at Actor’s Bar (13A South Bridge Rd., 6533-2436), where for just the price of the drinks, you can sing and jam on instruments with fellow customers all night long from 6pm. However, unless you’re Singapore Idol material, we suggest you practice at home first to avoid embarrassment and ear-bleeds. Drinks are priced from only $5, and professional musicians do come in to jam later.

$9-15—Go back to gaming basics by checking out the large variety of non-electronic, board games at Settler’s Café (branches at 39 North Canal Rd., 6535-0435, #02-98, 15 Holland Dr., 6464-0178, 107 East Coast Rd., 6345-0071). Amuse yourselves with familiar childhood favorites such as Monopoly and Cluedo, along with new-fangled games like Cranium and Dragon Delta. With packages of $9 per person or $48 for groups of up to six people for two hours of games and abundant drinks and snacks, it’s proof that gaming can still be great fun when it’s unplugged.

$10-30—Go bar hopping at fine establishments that offer cheap rates for good drinks and—no cover charge. Like the hip Heat Ultralounge (2/F, Royal Plaza on Scotts, 25 Scotts Rd., 6589-7722), where martinis, mojitos and capirinhas go for $9.90 each with free bar snacks during their special “Heat Hours” from 5-7pm, and the chilled out Blu Jaz Too (11 Bali Lane, 6292-3800), which charges a mere $38 per bottle for wines and $8-20 for beers amid their weekend mix of house and jazz music. Or drink yourself silly at Vino Vino Dining & Wine Lounge (#01-56 UE Square, 207 River Valley Rd., 6737-7220) and WineBOS (47 North Canal Rd., 6538-7886), with their free flow of wines at 6-8pm going for only $12.

$12—Be entranced with the charms of Middle Eastern decadence at Café le Caire @Al Majlis (39 Arab St., 6292-0979), where Shisha smoking is practiced. Authority-fearing Singaporeans can rest assured: We can assure you that it’s absolutely legal, as it only involves inhaling tobacco smoke in a variety of fruity flavors through water pipes. Just $12.60 a serving that could last you till the café closes at 5.30am.

$10-48—Get a room in karaoke outlets if you like some privacy, such as Partyworld KTV (273 South Bridge Rd., 6223-3187) with rates as low as $20-28, or K-Ster Inc Karaoke (#04-01-22 Lucky Chinatown, 211 New Bridge Rd, 6222-2255) where $21 can get you five hours or more of warbling from 7pm-4am. At Ten Dollars Club (31-35 Smith St., 6225-1231), as its name suggests, charges only $10 a session for at least three people for three hours.

Groove Is In The Art

If you’re an arts lover

Free—Express your anti-establishment sentiments and make a great piece of art at the Youth Park (8 Grange Rd). Just buy a can of spray paint and go spray-zy over the walls built there for this purpose. The sky’s the limit and the more colorful, the better.

Free—Hop from art gallery to gallery. Some cool, offbeat galleries to check out are Utterly Art (229A South Bridge Rd., 6226-2605), which is well-known for its quirky, downright weird but always fun works from artists as varied as Andres Barrioqunito and Michael Cacnio. The Substation (45 Armenian St., 6337-7535) is chockfull of experimental, modern works that range from photography, installation art to oil paintings.

$50—Bring out your talent for pottery with Boon’s Pottery (#B1-02 Tanglin Place, 91 Tanglin Rd., 6836-3978). Classes are available at $50 per person for a three-hour session with materials and firing.

Treasure Trove

If you’re a bargain hunter

$2—Should you ever need to buy a plastic container, a biscuit cutter and a trowel all at the same place, pop by Japanese store Daiso (#03-06/06A/06B VivoCity, 1 HarbourFront Walk, 6376-8065), a wonderland that houses anything and everything you need. The quality is fab and the designs gorgeous—and everything costs $2. Enough said.

$2-20—Second-hand bookshops give a great deal. Pop by Books Galore (#05-107 Far East Plaza, 14 Scotts Rd., 6732-8773), and be boggled by the wide range of books that you can rent or buy. The books are not arranged in order, but that’s the beauty of it—you never know what you’ll find. They cost anything from $2 to $18. Another place to check out is Sunny Bookshop (#03-58/59 Far East Plaza, 14 Scotts Rd., 6733-1583). Books here are usually below $50, but new titles cost more. Their books come mintily wrapped; treat them well and get your money back when you return them. The guys who work here have good knowledge of their books which really helps.

$5-30—Rummage for used clothes, shoes and handbags at the Salvation Army Thrift Store (309 Upper Serangoon Rd., 6288-5438). We found Timberland shoes, Hush Puppies, Polo, Scholl and even a pair of Guess jeans all going for $30. If that’s still not enough for you, cash in on Cash Converters (#01-674 Blk 192, Toa Payoh Lor. 4, 6354-3380). You can’t bargain much, but the quality of the goods is better, with nice antiques sometimes. You can find old CDs ($5), home appliances ($12), plates and cups ($2), bicycles ($30), paintings ($2-50), crystal and rock carvings ($25), crystalware (below $50)... well, everything.

$25-45—For one-of-a-kind vintage clothing and accessories, check out Dustbunny Vintage (#04-18F Blk 79 Chay Yan St., 9691-9305). Featured items include box bags ($48), costume jewelry ($25-$45), shell necklaces ($45) and shoes ($45). And for a selection of sale items from Europe, US and Australia, go to Chain Chain Fashion (#02-01 Textile Centre, 200 Jalan Sultan, 6298-4911) to find all of last season’s collections on sale. We found really nice items like an Agn`es b-looking long-sleeved blouse ($45), pleated skirts ($40) and a lovely spaghetti-strap top ($25).

$10-50—Head on down to Little India’s Mustafa Centre (145 Syed Alwi Rd., 6295-5855) and find the best deals all year, 24 hours a day. Items we found worth noting were picnic baskets ($25.90), bean bags ($38.90), candle holders ($46), carpets ($45), “Japanese” sarees ($50), make-up kits (from $19 to $44) and 1.0 GB San Disk thumb drive ($34). But if you want to part with only $10, head to Wonderful Gifts and Costume Jewellery (87 Serangoon Rd., 6294-8996) and have a field day picking any three items for just $10.

Hit The Road

If you’re a frequent traveler

Free-$50—Take a jaunt across the causeway to Johor Bahru. It may be slightly provincial, but there is cheap shopping galore at shopping centers like City Square (108 Jln Wong Ah Fook, Johor Bahru, Malaysia), only a short walk from the Immigration and Customs Complex. Let’s not forget the favorable exchange rate for Malaysian ringgit too. How much you spend here is really up to you.

$4-11—Get away from the concrete jungle. Pulau Ubin is only $2 by bumboat from Changi Point Ferry Terminal, or $1 if you swathe yourself in orange robes and pass yourself off as a monk. Once there, rent a bike for only $3 a day, hitch a cab, or walk. Trips to Kusu Island and St. John’s Island cost only $11 return from Marina South Pier. Soak in the island air and marvel at the lack of crowds there.

Chomp It Up

If you’re a foodie

$0.70-6—Kopi freaks should really stake out Tanjong Pagar Railway Station—KTM (30 Keppel Rd., 6222-5165) for some excellent (not to mention cheap) kopi, as well as great Malay food. Prata maniacs should just set foot in the whole Jalan Kayu stretch, famously known for a bunch of prata shops sell all types of prata. Kosong, egg-filled, curry—you name it, they have it.

$5-30—Watch the world go by—go alfresco. A nice nook to visit is eM by the River (#01-05 The Gallery Hotel, 1 Nanson Rd., 6836-9691. There are tons of drinks (beers, shooters and the like) here and also sandwiches, salads, desserts and dips to try.

$4-50—Hunt down the best seafood—in Jurong. 66 Leisure Beer Garden (Jurong Reptile Park, 241 Jalan Ahmad Ibrahim, 6265-3130) is where you can fish for huge live prawns from a few prawn ponds. After a successful catch, pop them on a grill for a mouthwatering meal. It costs $13 per hour and $25 for three hours (depending on how good or bad you are at fishing). If you want to stuff yourself with more scrumptious seafood, head down to the nearby 81 Fishhead Steamboat (Jurong Reptile Park, 241 Jalan Ahmad Ibrahim, 6265-3130) where you make specific requests on how you’d like your seafood to be cooked. You can also check out a wide variety of fantastic seafood dishes while there. Butter crabs, anyone? Prices range from $4-50.

Cheap Treats

If you’re a health enthusiast

Free-$30—If you’re broke but desperately need a massage, just pop by any OTO Bodycare store (#04-08A Plaza Singapura, 68 Orchard Rd., 6337-5616) and pretend to be massively interested in their Cyber-Lux massage chair. Sit down, have a trial massage then get up and say you’ll think about it. Or if you’re not thick-skinned enough to do that, go to De Beaute And Slimming (#B1-00/10 Singapore Shopping Centre, 190 Clemenceau Ave., 6334-1133) for a 30-min massage for the whole back that starts with the neck that costs only $28.

$20—Take a trip to the Asian Golf Academy (601 Sin Ming Ave., 6453-6653) for a golf experience without the hefty club membership. It costs $3 for 50 balls (with a $5 non-refundable deposit), and at least $15 with a smart card.

$20-25—Discover any innate dancing abilities you might have with Dance Arts Singapore (#05-39 Funan Digitalife Mall, 109 North Bridge Rd., 6338-2124). Join the adults’ ballet class for only $20 for a single one-hour session. A 1.5-hour single session costs $25.

$40—Go for a cheap mani-pedi session at White Lotus Palace (36B Boat Quay, 6536-0772). At $40 per session, you’ll also receive a French manicure for free.

Thrills And Spills

If you are a thrill-seeker

Free—Love being scared? Ghoulish Trails will take you to some of the most haunted places in Singapore. Look up www.spi.com.sg to find out more details of when they are held. If you dare.

Free—Le Parkour is an art and a discipline where the traceur (the participant of this sport) attempts to pass obstacles in the fastest, most direct and most efficient way possible. Practiced in urban areas, you will never look at an HDB estate in the same way again. Check out the Singapore forum www.le-parkour.sg to find out more about this physical art form and how to start. Trust us—it’s a lot more thrilling than it sounds here.

$3-20—Spend a day at the horse races at Singapore Turf Club (Singapore Racecourse, 1 Turf Club Ave., 6879-1000) for the price of an entrance fee. Check out www.turfclub.com.sg for weekly race fixtures. The next big race, the Chairman’s Trophy, happens on Mar 23.

$8-40—Nothing is as wet and fun as wakeboarding. At Ski360° (East Coast Lagoon, No. 1206A East Coast Parkway, 6442-7318) an overhead cable substitutes for a boat. Adrenalin junkies—the cable moves at up to 58kph, and costs only $40 per hour or $8 per round.

$55—If underwater shenanigans is your thing, try scuba diving. Check out Gill Divers (87B Tanjong Pagar Rd., 6734-9373) where their Discover Scuba course is $55 nett per person. OK, so this is only an introductory session in a swimming pool but you gotta learn the basic stuff before you can swim with the sharks, right?

$56—For those needing adrenaline-pumping fun, try paintballing at Tag Paintball (Orchid Country Club, 1 Orchid Club Rd., 6324-0038). Entrance fee is at $15 for 9am-5pm and $20 for 5pm-midnight, with a minimum purchase of 1,000 paintballs at $250—spilt this cost between at least six of your mates. Make your bookings at least two days in advance.

Take Notes

If you're a music junkie

$15—Go hunt for used CDs and vinyls at specialist music shops like Roxy (#02-15, 5 Coleman St., 6337-7783), Simply Music (#03-12 The Adelphi, 1 Coleman St. , 6336-2938) and Straits Records ( 43 Haji Lane , 9431-1572). For as little as $15, we’ve discovered out-of-print vinyls from Transvision Vamp, Pet Shop Boys, Kim Wilde, Madonna, Joy Division and many more. You’ll never know what else you can find here.

$18-48—Support local acts like Electrico, who will play at the University Cultural Centre, NUS on Mar 2, 7:30pm for $18-48. Expect to hear hits from their last two hit albums, as well as some covers. Other acts like Bushmen (Mar 2, 6:45pm) and Heritage (Mar 3, 6:45pm) also perform at the University Cultural Centre theater foyer for free as part of the NUS Arts Festival.

Free-$58—Check out great music performances at the Mosaic Music Festival at the Esplanade for as low as well, nothing. If you like rock, look no further than Korean five-piece rockers Rock Tigers (Mar 10, 10pm). But if you have $38 to spare, we recommend folk-jazz crooner and guitarist, Terry Callier (Mar 10, 10pm), who will deliver ferocious numbers from his albums Lifeline and African Violet. And for $58, troubadour Jose Gonzales (Mar 11, 11pm) and his forlorn voice is a must. Log onto www.mosaicmusicfestival.com.

We asked 4 individuals how they would spend their $50 or less for the weekend.

“Secret beach bumming, full day inane telly watching, lightweight flea-marketing, new makan hunting, and Sunday chin-wagging with good friends and sundowner one-for-one drinks at Wala Wala.”—Genevieve Loh, marketing executive

“Only good for Sundays: Go rollerblading in the morning at East Coast Park for two hours for $6. Then head down to China Square Central to hunt down my ideal Todd McFarlane action figure worth $25-30, after which I take a bus to Little India to enjoy a light lunch at New Woodlands Restaurant for just $5, inclusive of paper dosai, rasam and coffee. If I have $10 left, I’d take a walk down to Mustafa Shopping Centre and buy a pack of almonds for that healthy office snack.”—Melanie Oliveiro, radio producer-presenter

“When I feel like slumming over the weekend, I’d go and chill out at Bussorah Street where I’d read a book over iced latte at Sleepy Sam’s, adjourn for satay and tahu goreng at the Malay cafe four doors away, and finish with teh tarik in that famous corner stall at the intersection of Bussorah Street and Baghdad Street. If there is anything left over from the $50, I’d pick up some cheap, funky memorabilia from antique house Grandfather’s Shop, like a paper kite or glass marbles.”—Dr. K. K. Seet, lecturer and theater critic

“Watching TV at my boyfriend’s house might sound mundane, but it’s like a random ritual that I carry out because I don’t have TV at home, so watching TV becomes like a festival. For cheap eats, I’d go for the $5 kebab at Sultan Kebab in Peace Centre, which is really nice.”—Foo Aiwei, artist

Madam Oon Ah Chiam (aka Ah Chiam) is a Hokkien street opera performer in Toy Factory’s Titoudao. During her 20s, Madam Oon performed the comic servant role so well that she came to be known as Titoudao thereafter. The play traces Madam Oon’s life from her childhood to the present. More than anything, it is a dramatic account of all the hardship she had to undergo to become a top wayang star in Singapore and Malaysia.

We catch a moment with Madam Oon (played by Pam Oei) in between singing breaks, where she waxes lyrical about life in the ’40s, her son, stage makeup and get this—supernatural powers.

Which singer bowls you over?
The late Teresa Teng. Her voice is like honey.

And who do you think should not sing at all?
My son Goh Boon Teck. He can direct plays and write award-winning scripts, but he cannot sing.

Do you practice your singing in the bathroom?
No I don't. Chinese opera singers sing at a whole different frequency and volume. If I sang in my bathroom, I would go deaf myself.

What do you think of KTV lounges?
I think they're great fun but they must have Teresa Teng's Hokkien songs or I won't go.

What is your most unforgettable moment on stage?
A lot of Chinese wayang is improvised within a flexible structure. When I was first starting out as a wayang actress, I was given one song to sing as a courtesan. However, the actress who went on just before me sang the same song, knowing full well that it was the only song I had learnt. I burst into tears when it was my turn to go on stage because I didn't have a song to sing.

Where do you learn stage makeup at?
At the opera troupe, Xin Sai Hong, where I trained when I was 16. Also, backstage from other wayang actors.

Your take on Hollywood movies?
I don't watch Hollywood movies. They talk ang-mor. I liak boh kiu (don’t understand).

What is the most valuable lesson that being a wayang actress has taught you?
That hard work is a must for success.

How do fans typically show their adoration?
Very few people recognize me now, but when they do, they always point at me and shout “TITOUDAO” very loudly.

What’s one thing about the ’40s that you miss a lot?
My carefree, childhood kampung days with my 12 brothers and sisters. Playing was the only thing we needed to do.

Your philosophy towards life?
Whatever has happened, has happened. Do not dwell on it too much and think of “what ifs.” It is pointless.

If you had supernatural powers, what would you do?
I would turn back time to return to the ’50s & ’60s when a wayang performance had more audience than the entire capacity of the Indoor Stadium. When Titoudao was at its most popular, sometimes we had audiences for as far as the eye could see. I also wish I could fly. That would make me very happy.

We don’t know about you, but we think the only things worth looking forward to during CNY are the holidays, food and, of course, the money. And already these are fast losing their appeal. You get days off, but all the damn shops are closed. The food is the same every year and sickeningly fattening. The ang pow money you get is pathetic—and gets more paltry the older you get.

Add dodgy relatives, the even dodgier questions they ask, tedious visits you’re forced to perform, long office lunches and you get the idea. CNY is not exactly something to be wild about. Check out the essential I-S Get-Through-CNY-In-One-Piece-Guide to coast through it all with a winning grin.

How To Tackle Human Beings Unfortunately Related To You (Read: Relatives)

If you’re one of those rare people who are all chummy with your relatives and find yourself counting down the days to CNY anxiously just because you’re so eager to see them again, you can skip this bit.

This section is reserved for those of us who only see our relatives once in a blue moon and find ourselves wracking our dry-as-bone minds for things to say to them. It’s also dedicated to those of us who are unfortunate enough to have insensitive, raucous relatives firing mentally challenged questions at you the minute you start warming the couch. So without further ado...

Handling Stupid Questions

What to say when they ask:

“When are you getting married?”
Give a ridiculous, but polite answer. Maybe something like, “2017 is a good time as we heard that Mars and Venus will align. The interplanetary movements coincide with the non-linear motion of the intergalactic progression of the atmospheric pressure of the universe.” As they take a breath to fathom all that, make a quick escape.

Or, laugh and say loudly “Wah, Fifth Aunt! Every year you ask me the same question! You wanna give me a very big red packet issit?” Then watch her squirm at that uncomfortable prospect. Look sorrowful and say: “No lah, not yet. How to? I’m married to my job. No time, just no time.” Then try a choked sob—melodrama sometimes works.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”
A question as shamelessly intrusive as this deserves only the stupidest of replies. Instead of mumbling an embarrassed “No...,” try this tactic. Start yammering about how great, cute, reliable, adorable and in love you are with “the man in your life” then end off with “Yeah, so all my friends say I’m really lucky to have such a great dog.” Stupid questions get stupid replies.

How To Cope With Last-Minute Visits

Some relatives are just so eager to grace your house with their wonderful presence that they don’t even bother to give you any real notice. Instead, they parachute in and expect you to be all ready for them. Some tricks to pull:
• Tidy up your living room—the most important area. Forget the bedrooms—just lock the doors.
• But be sure you haven’t got underwear hanging on your doorknobs.
• Clean up your toilet. Get rid of bits of hair, dirt—you get the idea. Make sure there’s enough toilet paper.
• Play some DVDs when they arrive, so your guests can watch something when conversation dries up.
• Hide all the photos you don’t want your guests seeing—dodgy graduation pictures, old boyfriend pictures, you in a bad haircut—and chuck them somewhere safe, like in your locked bedroom.

Receiving Red Packets

Always receive a red packet with both hands and thank your relative, no matter how odious they are. If they throw in an inane comment like, “Get married soon! So big already still haven’t give out red packets!”, just smile and say “Yeah, that’s why I don’t want to get married.” And laugh—much better than blushing furiously. Or act dumb—chirrup “Thanks ah!” loudly, then skip away.

Remember to bring some spare Mandarin oranges along—in twos (it’s for good luck). If you give out red packets, always bring spare cash and red packets in case you miscount someone’s kids.

Learn at least one or two CNY phrases in Mandarin or your dialect for the benefit of your grandparents. They’ll be over the moon—and maybe your red packet will be bigger next year.

Making Conversation During CNY Lunch

Being trapped by relatives at every angle does strange things to you. During your desperate attempts to fill up moments that scream of awkwardness with your cousins, make sure you don’t end up being a clone of The Rude Relative and start asking those same questions you’re been trying to avoid answering yourself. Here’s what you can say:

Talk about the food. Something as simple as “The yu sheng is nice, yeah?” will break the ice. If your target just gives a dead “Yeah” to your question (something likely to happen), follow up brightly with something like “Hey, did you know yu sheng was invented in Singapore?” That might help, because food is something everyone can relate to.

Make nice observations about their appearance. Maybe not, “Have you put on weight?”. Try, “Where did you get this dress?” or “Nice tie!”. Most people end up talking more when they’re flattered.

Talk about movies, music, TV shows. But current ones, not Top Gun.

If the conversation is still terrible after your noble attempts, don’t engage in time-consuming activities like shelling prawns. If you do, hawk-like relatives will swoop down on you with more tortuous questions. Instead, help yourself to all the easy-to-eat food and then get the heck away from the table.

Another option is to just eat. If the conversation is going badly, just zoom in on your favorite dish and stuff yourself silly, with mega exaggerated chewing motions so no one will ask you any questions. It’s like, hello? Can’t you see I’m busy?

Walk around and eat if you can—you’ll have more freedom to mingle with some like-minded souls (if there are any). You won’t feel so pressured to make conversation, unlike when you’re seated
at a table. 

Surviving The Office Lunch & Red Packet Payout

What do you do when you’re sitting with a bunch of people you hardly know but must lo hei with? What do you say? How much do you eat? Does your boss like to make small talk? Try these tips:

Have a firm grip on your chopsticks when you’re going to lo hei (that’s the plate of ingredients that you’re supposed to toss up for good luck). You don’t want to drop them, and have all the bits landing on your hand as everyone is tossing.

In the euphoria of saying impromptu good-luck phrases as you’re tossing, make sure you don’t bellow “PAYRISE!” if your boss is sitting at your table, unless he’s a really good sport.

Be considerate and don’t leave the bony chicken bits or scraggly veggies for everyone. Get the food from the edge of the plate, not the center.

Try not to talk about work—it’s a complete bummer. Get a nice conversation going that revolves around light-hearted stuff.

What To Do When You Go Visiting

It’s easy to forget yourself when you’re in someone’s house and have had a drink or two. Keep these pointers in mind.

• Be punctual.
• Don’t scatter peanut and melon shells all over the coffee table. It’s not your house, honey.
• Don’t empty the round snack box in five minutes flat.
• Bring something nice for the host.
• If you’re bored out of your skull, take refuge in the washroom but not for so long that your host suspects you’re taking a dump. Flush properly and don’t leave a mess.
• Smile, a lot.

How To Avoid Putting On Weight

There’s loads of food during CNY. From pineapple tarts, peanut balls, bak kwa, melon seeds plus tons more rich food, you need to have a guide to keep the pounds from piling on.

Follow these rules:
• Avoid pineapple tarts and melon seeds. Melon seeds are loaded with oil and fat.
• Pineapple tarts are maddeningly sweet and just the jam alone is enough to add five pounds.
• Eat lots of preserved fruit instead (e.g. mango slices). Those are nowhere as enjoyable as pineapple tarts, but hey, it’s something.
• Avoid bak kwa. Heaty, oily, sinful. Enough said.
• Kueh lapis is also to be avoided at all costs. There’s a reason why it’s called thousand layer cake. You don’t want those thousand layers around your waist, right?

Gong xi fa cai!

With the bars and clubs at The Cannery pumping every night of the week, Clarke Quay is now the “it” precinct to party in. Even the seemingly endless rain of the last few weeks hasn’t deterred punters, with The Clinic, Kandi Bar, and other hot new places like a Scottish pub Highlander and microbrewery The Pump Room, packing them in. Relative old-timers Attica and MoS and enjoying this wave of popularity too.

Adding to the vibe is the live music played in the center of the new development. With people spilling out of various bars, club and restaurants, this is a heaving, happening space to catch some tunes or just catch up with your mates. Those who prefer to chill out over a nice meal and a glass of wine need not fret either. Clarke Quay has a well-balanced mix of cuisines on offer from Indian to Mongolian to Balinese to molecular gastronomy.

There’re far too many tenants for us to list them all, but here are our tips for if you have a very limited time in Clarke Quay.

Most Novel Dining Concept:

Aurum, #01-03 The Cannery, Blk 3C Clarke Quay, River Valley Rd., 6887-3733.

Best Food:

IVORY The Indian Kitchen, #02-04 Clarke Quay, 3A River Valley Rd., 6333-4664.

Best Place to Dance:

Ministry of Sound, #01-02/07 & #02-01/08 The Cannery, Blk C Clarke Quay, River Valley Rd., 6235-2292.

Hottest New Bar:

Clinic, The Cannery, Blk C Clarke Quay, River Valley Rd., 6887-3733.

Best Place to Chill:

Kandi Bar, The Cannery, Blk C Clarke Quay, River Valley Rd., 6887-3733.

Best Live Music:

Crazy Elephant, #01-03/04 Clarke Quay, 3E River Valley Rd., 6337-7859.

Best Place for a Few Laughs:

1NiteStand Bar & Comedy Club, #01-04 Block 3A Clark Quay, River Valley Rd., 6334-1954.

Arica Chan-Saint Pierre

What makes a good maitre d?
Flexibility and firmness.

What do you take care of?
Running the operations and staff training.

How do you remember everyone’s names?
We have a pool of regular customers. After six years I can definitely remember them. We also refer to the reservation book.

How do you remember the guests’ likes and dislikes?
By instinct—it’s hard to explain. We don’t keep a formal file, but we share information amongst the floor staff.

How do you recommend dishes?
I basically recommend our famous dishes—the foie gras and chocolate cake.

How do you word up your wait staff?
There’s classroom teaching and they apply what they learn. We also run through what they’ve been taught during their shift breaks.

What was your most difficult customer like?
The ones that are just unhappy with the table allocation. But I anticipate their questions even before they ask by reading their body language.

Biggest perks of the job?
Seeing your customers happy and hearing them say the meal was great.

Will a bigger tip ensure the best table?
No, it’s first-come, first-served. If it’s a birthday, we will try to give you a romantic corner and dress up the table.

Beppe de Vito-il Lido

What makes a good maitre d?
His appearance should be stylish and understated. He should make people feel comfortable.

What do you take care of?
A maitre d is like a teacher—someone who can teach everybody something. You have to be able to give things and make promises without having to check with anybody.

How do you remember everyone’s names?
It’s a myth when people think the maitre d remembers all the names. It’s not really about remembering names so much as remembering the person.

How do you remember the guests’ likes and dislikes?
We always try to know what people don’t like. Once we find out, then we ask them to let us impress them.

How do you recommend dishes?
Most people just want to be looked after. We’re selling an experience. We try to do it without asking too many questions.

How do you word up your wait staff?
We talk about the customers, table arrangement and the food and wines.

What was your most difficult customer like?
To me, a difficult customer is not a specific person—it’s someone who chooses to remain arrogant and rude.

Biggest perks of the job?
Seeing happy people every day. When the staff turnover is low, when the customers come back.

Will a bigger tip ensure the best table?
There’s no bribe. Just make yourself clear and you can get it.

Roxan Villareal-San Marco At The Lighthouse

What makes a good maitre d?
Flexibility—because not everyone can be treated in the same way.

What do you take care of?
Ordering, taking reservations, the wine and staffing.

How do you remember everyone’s names?
If you know their name perfectly it’s fine. If not, sometimes it’s better to call them sir.

How do you remember the guests’ likes and dislikes?
If they are repeat guests we allocate their favorite table automatically. If there are dietary requirements, we make notes and make sure we remember.

How do you recommend dishes?
About 80 percent of the guests know what they want. If they are a little lost, I describe the dishes.

How do you word up your wait staff?
No meal is the same, so be open and listen to what customers want.

What was your most difficult customer like?
We had a guest with a special religion, and we had to get plastic cutlery and utensils. We didn’t pull out a banana leaf, but almost.

Biggest perks of the job?
When you receive an email thanking you for a satisfying meal—because you managed to touch them somewhere.

Will a bigger tip ensure the best table?
It’s first-come, first-served. Once the tables are given away, we say no. It’s integrity.

Edith Lai-Le Saint Julien

What makes a good maitre d?
Your inner qualities—you need to be devoted to food and services. Secondly, your memory—remember what aperitifs guests like.

What do you take care of?
I handle the phone calls, assign the tables, lay out the restaurant plan properly and go through the guest list thoroughly.

How do you remember everyone’s names?
We look at the way they dress and remember specific incidents.

How do you remember the guests’ likes and dislikes?
Learn the ethnic preferences of the guests. For example, Indian guests love lamb rack. But they will seldom want it rare or medium rare. So you have to ask what they want.

How do you recommend dishes?
Recommend something with your heart. Facial expressions and descriptions are also very important.

How do you word up your wait staff?
We go through all the guests’ information and role play. I even call back and see how fast the phone is picked up and how the staff handle reservations.

What was your most difficult customer like?
Guests who have had a high level of alcohol consumption can become very difficult. When that happens we seat them in the lounge area until they’ve calmed down.

Biggest perks of the job?
When the guests recommend new guests, keep coming back and tell us we’re the top restaurant.

Will a bigger tip ensure the best table?
Well, no. If a new guest wants a prime table, we will give it to them if it’s available and decorate the table nicely.