It’s official. Chinese New Year has come and gone. It zipped by in a blur of relatives’ faces and the red angpows.

Now it’s time to get back into shape, and examine the way you’re spending your days.

There’re probably a whole lot of small changes you could make in your life to get yourself on the track towards better health (think of your sordid supper habits, uncontrollable office snacking impulses, inexplicable aversion towards exercising, shameless weekend binging—you get the picture).

So without further ado—here’re the I-S 10 Health Commandments. Print them out and paste them on your fridge, your office cubicle, on your dog—wherever—and stick to them.

1. Thou art the sole Lord of thy own appetite; thou shall not adopt thy favorite restaurants as thy gods.

2. Thou shall not mention the concept of Exercise in vain, and shall make every effort to climb the stairs instead of taking the escalator or elevator—hands in thy pockets.

3. Thou shall keep the Lord’s day cigarette- and lard-free.

4. Thu shall honor green leafy vegetables, fruits, and plain water—as well as exercise equipment and gym facilities.

5. Thou shall not kill, or even think of killing the person in front of thou in the queue who bought the last piece of chocolate cake in front of thy incredulous eyes.

6. Thou shall not commit adultery and ingest more than one type of vice-filled food at one time, on any given day—no matter how depressed thou art.

7. Thou shall not surreptitiously slosh down copious amounts of alcohol and think that no one cares.
We assure thee—God sees all.

8. Thou shall not bear false witness against thy neighbor and pretend it was he who absconded with the last piece of chye tao kway.

9. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s wife—unless she owns a gym and thou wishest to use it for free.

10. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor’s char kway teow, Hokkien mee, or luat or any other dish soaked in oil and fat.