Going out is not a performance sport. Do we really need that 10th round of shots? Must we really scream “bottoms up” every 30 seconds? Is vomiting really something we want to be doing halfway through the party?

Most likely to be seen at: Mulligan's

OK, so you’re trying to hook up on Tinder and we get that sexual impulse is a strong force, but goddammit, we’re trying to have a fun evening together. Live in the moment a little. You may even hook up the old fashioned way, by meeting a real person.

Most likely to be seen at: Ku De Ta

We love our friends who get ridiculously sentimental after a few drinks. The ones who tell you they’ll always be your friend forever and ever. Sadly, some people are quite the opposite. They should stay home or stick to soda water.

Most likely to be seen at: Soi Nana

Do you really need to CONSTANTLY swish your wine? And yap on and on about it, like it holds the key to the mystery of the universe?

Most likely to be seen at: Hotel restaurants

Must every single moment of this evening be relayed in impeccably-filtered photographs with the appropriate hashtags on your 3,000-follower strong Instagram account? Our food is getting cold.

Most likely to be seen at: Thonglor Soi 10

We don’t care what your technique is—sudden disappearance, momentary absence of cash, ability to look into the void and not budge after the bill appears—we don’t like you.

Most likely to be seen at: Everywhere, sadly.

He comes out of nowhere and his smooth pickup line is to ask that you clink glasses. Really? REALLY? Who has ever gotten laid that way? He really needs to learn to play the ukulele or something.

Most likely to be seen at: Safe House

Some people think that after dark is the perfect time to play real-life Linkedin. No, we don’t want to be sold something, invited to a lunch with someone we “absolutely need to meet” or swap business cards. Go away.

Most likely to be seen at: Exhibition launches, particularly if it’s in a bar in Charoenkrung or Sukhumvit Soi 51.

Really. Don’t. We know you love driving your car everywhere, but do you really need to at night? Especially now you can call an Uber, Grab taxi or even ask for a driver from U Drink I Drive. 

Most likely to be seen: All over Bangkok

 

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See also: Don't Be That Guy: A guide to Bangkok's most annoying people