Children or animals?
Felicity Ward: Animals. You can't make a child chase a stick. People will look at you funny.
Josh Thomas: Animals. You can't lock a child outside and go to a movie.

Chili crab or durian?
FW: Chilli crab! This is one reason alone I would fly to Singapore!
JT: Chilli crab! Oh my God!

The best joke you’ve heard…
JT: Two sausages are sitting in a pan and one says “Gosh, it's getting hot in here.” The other says “OH MY GOD, A TALKING SAUSAGE!”

When life hands you lemons…
FW: You say, “Since when did life have hands? Is there a body as well?”
JT: Put them in a nice bowl on a table.

An embarrassing fact about me is…
FW: I am really competitive and combine that with being a terrible loser. I don't play pool so as not to cause a scene. 
JT: That I'm perfect.

Your biggest pet peeve is…
FW: People with no manners and animals that ignore me. I love them so much; why do they throw scorn in my face?
JT: Strangers telling me to smile.

Find out what’s so funny at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival Roadshow from Jul 27-30. DBS Arts Centre, 20 Merbau Rd., 6733-8166. $46-69 from Sistic.