The problems with hooking up in the city. 

Living in a city of over eight million people, it should be easy to find your perfect match, right? Wrong. We take a look at some of the most common dating challenges that Bangkok throws at us. 
 

Thank you, next


Technology may have its plus sides, but there’s no denying the impact it’s had on how we invest in relationships. With new matches a simple Tinder-swipe away, we’re quick to say goodbye to anything that remotely resembles effort and continue our quest to find an easy relationship, but can a meaningful relationship ever be easy?

“The issue with modern dating is that we have too many opportunities for meeting new people. I can meet dates through Facebook, Instagram, Tinder—obviously, they don’t last long. Social media allows me to achieve quick satisfaction—a quick coffee or movie day, a quick kiss (not even a one-night stand) and a quick goodbye.” - Pongpat, 23


Hook-up or hang-out app?


All of us have been in a situation where someone asks us, “so do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” and we answer with, “I’m talking to someone.” Talking, hanging out, dating, seeing each other, hooking up—what does all of this mean and who gets to decide? With so much choice at our fingertips, commitment can be challenging—as can trust. 

“I matched with this guy on Tinder; we’d bumped into each other at the gym before so I recognized him and messaged him. We went out for some food and had a great time. Back in the day, that could have been called a date, but these days, it’s just a ‘hang out.’” - Somsak, 34
 

Ghosting


Ever had someone you’re dating just disappear out of the blue, never to be heard of again? This phenomenon has become so common it’s even been given its own term: ghosting. Whatever the reason might be, who’s got time for explanations when you could just simply stop replying to them? Though it’s tough to be on the receiving end, sometimes this technique can come in handy.  

“I went on a date with this cute Spanish boy I met on Tinder. He didn’t look anything like his pictures but he wasn’t bad looking and people often don’t look like their pictures anyway. The date was bad, the guy had bad hygiene and kept trying to touch me inappropriately, so I ran to the bathroom and asked my friend to fake an ‘emergency’ call. That’s how I exited that date and I never looked back. When you don’t feel the chemistry, you just don’t feel the chemistry, you know?” - Dararat, 24


F*ckboys


The term “player” is so 2010—2019 is all about f*ckboys (or f*ckgirls). What is the difference, you ask? While a player would be upfront about their antics, a fuckboy will act like you’re the most special thing in his life, while simultaneously never introducing you to any of his friends and only calling you at 3am after he’s been out drinking with the boys. And we deal with it, because sometimes even toxic affection seems better than nothing. 

“Exclusivity is out! It’s hard to find someone who is into commitment these days.”- Duangporn, 35


Creeps


If you’ve seen Netflix’s new series You, and thought that sort of stalky behavior would never happen in real life, try reading these stories.

“I was talking to this nice Portuguese guy on Tinder then we met up and it turned out that he was a catfish [he used fake pics]. I was shocked but I kept calm, though my heart was drumming. I gave him five minutes to explain himself but he kept lying, saying that he went to the beach and gained weight. Finally, I confronted him and said you are a different person. Then, he tried to accuse me of the same thing. I asked to go to the police station together and he got very angry, said, ‘you’re too old for me anyway,’ then ran away.” - Somying, 32

“I met this guy off Tinder who didn’t look anything like his pictures, but OK, that often happens. He was pretty awkward and nerdy. I normally love nerdy guys, but there was something a little off about him. We went to a bar and he sat awfully close to me. After the first sip of our first drinks, his hand was immediately on my knee stroking upwards. I told him off and he apologized but it was too late, I was already repulsed—we hadn’t even had a second drink yet! I asked for the check, paid my share then got up to leave, but he asked if we could ‘go for a walk’—we all know what that means. I excused myself and left his ass behind. I don’t even remember his first name.” - Sarah, 24 
 

Fresh off the Boat


We did a little experiment. After swiping on 100 different guys on Tinder, we found 32 percent of them were from outside Thailand. That’s one-third of the people on the Tinder dating scene! These out of towners can also have some weird misconceptions about themselves—as any woman who’s evesdropped on a group of foreign bros can probably attest.

“There’s a massive lack of quality men in Bangkok. Generally, ‘international men’ are my type, but in Bangkok many of them are new to Asia and feeling like a boss because they have Asian girls chasing after them. I often overhear them boasting about how easy it is to get girls in Bangkok, ‘every girl I swipe right on Tinder, I match,’ or, ‘every chick here wants to suck my dick.’ It’s disgusting. Their ego levels are so high, they think they’re the king, when in fact they’ve lowered their standards to despicable levels and completely lost respect for women.” - Jittima, 24