There’s a special place in hell for this person. You know the one we’re talking about: he leans his entire body, butt-first, onto the pole and has a perfectly enjoyable BTS ride to the other side of town. Meanwhile, the rest of us are forced to divide into two groups: those attempting to claw onto any tiny bit of pole left available, and those forced to live life on the edge and stand hands-free for the rest of the journey, haunted by the sight of his parted butt cheeks.
While us locals are trying desperately to avoid being pushed closer and closer to the sweaty stranger with bad breath next to us, these two backpackers are far too happy to be plastered onto each other. They don’t even need to worry about being able to reach a pole because they’ve got each other to hold onto. They’re so busy making out that they remain totally oblivious to the evil glares from the judgemental auntie next to them.
The Human in Quarantine
The BTS is a germ-filled, disease-ridden tube full of sicklings, and anyone who dares step into it unprotected is a fool. Well, according to this lady anyway, who walks in fully prepared each day with a face mask, protective shawl and finely tuned skill of avoiding human contact at all costs. Sneeze in her face. We dare you.
The Amused Tourist
In case you can’t already tell that it’s this guy’s first time in Thailand based off his elephant pants and worryingly bad sunburn, there’s also the fact that he feels the need to repeat every station name to his friend and laugh at how strange it sounds. Yes, we know Mo Chit and On Nut are really hilarious sounding syllables. You’re the first one to ever make that joke. Look, everyone on the train is in hysterics, too.
We don’t know where this person is going, or who they’re meeting, or if this is some sort of fancy-dress costume, but dear god, he should not be wearing those pants. We don’t even want to begin to think about the sweaty legs (and other things) beneath those skin-tight jeans. Please, please, please don’t drop that Rabbit card.
The One With Loud Music
Being able to listen to someone else’s music without them realizing is like secretly having X-Ray vision: you get to look deep into their soul and find out things they’d rather keep private. In this city, that’s too often a fondness for The 1975 with the occasional bit of Tattoo Colour in between.
The Line-Cutting Auntie
This mean old lady is everywhere—at the ticket machine, the ticket gates and on the platform. She’s small yet savage; a woman/beast who you probably won’t notice till she steps on your toe to push through for the last spot on the train, leaving you stranded on the platform in utter shock, anger and pain.
The Guy Who’s Definitely Getting off at Nana
He’s overweight, wearing a Chang T-shirt, cargo shorts (and maybe even a fanny pack in extreme cases), and you can tell from his face how ready he is for night out at the plaza. Eww.
The Self-Appointed #BTScuteboy
He's the one taking up two seats to himself for some serious selfie action—just in case the people over at BTS Cute Guys
don't spot him themselves.