According to an ABAC poll, 80 percent of Thais would be disappointed if the 4.6 sq km around Preah Vihear was managed by Cambodia under a plan to make the temple a World Heritage Site.

“Disappointed”? The two other options available were “moderately disappointed” and “not very disappointed.” What about “super disappointed”? What about “crushed”? What about “I’ll chew on my fingers until my hands are bloody little stumps, and then I’ll punch walls while singing a sad song”? Disappointment doesn’t even begin to describe the depth of our rage.

You see, in Thailand, we just adore old temples, culture, all that sort of stuff. In fact, Bangkok is now officially the World Book Capital. All around the BACC, you’ll have noticed sculptures of books since last Tuesday. That’s because we revere books so highly, that we avoid touching them if at all possible, preferring instead to worship their likeness in sculpture form.

Similarly, we’re just mad about 12th century temples even if 99.99% of us have never set foot at Phimai, Phanom Rung or Preah Vihear (unless taken at gunpoint by some crazy old teacher in high school). But that’s because we’re a shy bunch. Our love for old stones can’t simply by expressed by visiting them. We like to caress maps where they appear within our boundaries, softly pressing the rough paper to our bodies, tracing the voluptuous contours of the pre-1962 demarcation until… Well, you get the idea.

Let Cambodia be warned, we are ready to send every young man in Thailand to die for this cause. (Well, with the exception of those who paid to dodge the draft, which means just about everyone we know.) But wait! There’s still a chance for peace. The one thing everyone in Asia loves more than heritage sites is shopping. Can’t we just raze the damn thing and turn it into a mall? Surely, no one would dare protest against that.
 

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