With the holiday season in full flow, Thailand has been spotted behaving erratically on multiple occasions, appearing to be worryingly intoxicated.

Thomas Fuller, of the New York Times, commented, “I saw her barreling down Silom the other day, screaming and whistling her head off, without the slightest sense of direction. Fearing for her safety, I stopped her and asked, ‘Aren’t you a bit off kilter, honey?’ Boy, did that piss her off. She was all like, “Eff you Fuller, you Faksin flave, I habn’t haba drink in years. I’m ferpectly fober!”

Bangkok Post’s Veera Prateepchaikul insisted Thailand has not been under any kind of influence during the festive season. “She’s been on the wagon ever since that time she got completely trashed and voted Pheu Thai. But now she knows exactly what she’s doing. The slurred speech and red nose is just down to the cold weather.”

Andrew MacGregor Marshall insisted he had proof that Thailand was back on Gold Label, since he’d heard it from very well placed people who he wasn’t allowed to name. A heated debate with Tony Cartalucci ensued, which lasted 256 replies and ended with MacGregor Marshall admitting he had created Cartalucci because he felt that, in the interest of fairness, the anti-government protesters also needed a rambling, incoherent mockery of journalism.

Academics attempted to offer a middle-ground, suggesting it was OK for Thailand to let her hair down a little during this holiday period, but that she try to sober up in time for Feb 2. “I think Suthep’s idea that Thailand just remain passed out drunk for eight to 18 months is pushing it,” a Thammasat political science professor observed. “My personal best is three days and I felt rough.”

Others admitted Thailand had been mildly inebriated of late but argued that she’d been doing much stronger stuff for the past two years and her current state was a noticeable improvement. “That dealer pimp from Dubai was just handing her free smack to get back in bed with her,” a close friend of Thailand told the Daily Mail. “He even had his sister chat her up so she’d lower her guard.”

This is the holiday season, after all, so if you see Thailand, or any of your friends, behaving erratically, cut them some slack. But if it goes on next year, you might want to have a little intervention once everyone’s back at their desks.

P.S. Oh and don’t you drink and drive so we can see you all back here on Jan 10, 2014 (no Jan 3 issue, sorry). Happy New Year!

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