The top honor was delivered this week at the annual Screw the Masses Day, a celebration of feudal power which was started by Gilgamesh, who ruled the Sumerians a couple of zillion years ago. The honor goes to the country with the highest numbers of politicians to have inherited political power from their families. As stated by the Bangkok Post, “In Thailand's most recent general election of July 3, 2011, 42% of MPs elected were replacing family members, compared with 40% in Mexico, 37% in the Philippines, 33% in Japan, 10% in Argentina, and a mere 6% in the United States.”

The ceremony is kept top secret, as many of the members on the voting panel are actually believed to be dead, yet continue to live on an island off the coast of Samui where an elixir made from the crushed bones of sea gypsies grants them eternal life. Due to numerous sightings, it is nearly certain John F. Kennedy, King Taksin the Great and the Grand Duchess Anastasia Nikolaevna of Russia are among the happy few.

As Prime Minister Yingluck Shinawatra was busy traveling to neighboring empires to strengthen the Great Asian Co-Prosperity Sphere, it is rumored that Panthongtae Shinawatra was sent to receive the prize, a rumor he forcibly denied. Panthongtae, who had earlier been tipped to replace Yingluck in the next election, replied that the only reason he was so vociferous about politics on his Facebook page was because he witnessed too much “injustice and incorrectness in society.”

An attendee of the Screw the Masses ceremony who wished to remain anonymous due to the organization’s secretive nature explained, “I think it’s part of the fun, saying how much you care about the plebs. It’s like this running gag. Our records indicate Gilgamesh would say the most heartwarming things about the plight of Sumerians before drinking a baby’s blood from a skull—which always got a big laugh out of his guests. So that’s kind of a tradition now.”

Somchai Sircha Arpa, a third generation MP, said Thailand shouldn’t rest on its laurels. “Forty-two percent is not bad, but what about those 58 percent of elected officials whose parents weren’t MPs? What’s up with that? If we’re really to consider ourselves a nepotism-driven medieval society, we need to make that number much closer to 100 percent. Still, it’s always good to be number one.“

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