“V for Thailand.” Really? Can this Guy Fawkes thing get any more entertaining? Look, we went to an actual Guy Fawkes rally on Silom, and it’s pretty clear that these fabulous uncles and aunties in masks—all 12 of them—are basically yellow shirts. And, well, we hope we won’t cause any heart palpitations by saying this, but, uhm, Guy Fawkes, he was, uhm—well, this is in the history books, you know. Oh darn it, it was a long time ago and in the UK so we’ll just come out and say it, Guy Fawkes wasn’t just trying to blow up parliament and the King of England… Guy Fawkes was gay!
Before we even try to understand why the Yellows and the Reds are trying to out-Fawkes each other, allow us to blow any doubts you may have regarding Guy’s sexuality. First, his name is Guy—that’s one tight A short of gay. Second, his last name sort of sounds like the f-word, which we all know heterosexuals just don’t do (they procreate, we’re told). And my God, the outfit! Have you seen Guy Fawkes in full drag? The tights, the frilly neck-thingy, the feathered hat, the Fawkes-me boots. Finally, Guy was raised by Catholic priests, whose dresses are the number one cause of homosexuality in the Western world (Glee is a close second).
Now we have nothing against straight people. Here at BK Magazine, we even keep a few straight men in the basement to keep the printing presses running while sexually fluid women and gay men handle the creative stuff. But we are worried that Thailand’s earnest political protesters have no idea of the sick manipulation at play here. Those poor red and yellow shirts think they’re fighting for justice and freedom but they’re really part of a global ad campaign.
Who is behind our Guy Fawkes protests? The Tourism Authority of Thailand, of course, who has finally woken up to the power of the pink dollar. Their latest campaign at gothaibefree.com shows off gay couples frolicking about in the Land of Smiles. And what better way to attract middle-aged, double-income nancy pants than a carnival! Wise to the power of social media and the fascination for politics in our lovely country, the TAT has tapped into both with its Guy as FawkesTM campaign to get ordinary Thais to parade around in masks. Our protests now look so fabulous, gay cruises are fully booked with Parisian hairdressers and Texan decorators on their way to see our colorful costumed crowds. Well played, TAT. We doff our feathered hats to you.
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