You heard they banned that debate on Article 112 on Thai PBS? And thank goodness they did. You understand, television is sacred in our country. We have it turned on all the time, in every room. Even at work—and we don’t just mean in the guard hut out front. We mean the offices of architectural firms, ministries, medical labs. Serious places. TV is everything to us and any interruption to our daily feed of lakorn and wacky game shows is seen as a life-threatening event.

Now here’s the problem. Of all these millions of TV sets, like stars twinkling in a night of ignorance, not a single one is tuned in to Thai PBS. Even at Thai PBS they don’t watch Thai PBS. We tried putting on Thai PBS at the local ahan tam san restaurant the other day, as an experiment, and we got punched by the owner. We tried at the gym, and the auntie walking at a breakneck 4kph on her treadmill started screaming so loud we thought she was going to have a seizure.

So when we heard they were going to debate article 112 on Thai PBS, a subject which is so dear to everyone’s heart, we were terrified at the horrible conflicts that would arise. How could one possibly choose between Buang Barb and hearing a frank debate on this important topic? Would everyone rush out to buy a second television, causing mayhem at Big C and PowerMall? Would families fight to the death over the remote control?

It’s not that Thailand can’t deal with dissent or have civilized debates. It’s just that we’ve got more important things to watch on television. That’s why this discussion would have caused irreparable national disunity. It has nothing to do with our incapacity to have an educated conversation about lese majeste. Now if you’ll excuse us the commercial break is over and Koh Tee is wearing a tight jumpsuit and a blonde wig! 555. Isn’t TV just plain awesome?
 

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