Seventy new items have been added to the Culture Ministry’s list of Thai cultural icons. Newcomers included somtam, pla ra (fermented fish) and buffalo racing. Our lovely culture minister expressed concern that there are more children who know the dance moves to “Gangnam Style” than those who can play mak keb (jackstones). She also said that their registration would provide these cultural treasures with “immunity” against the ravages of foreign culture. As a show of support, BK would like to suggest a few other such treasures in need of protection.

Exiling ex-PMs. When some countries are done with their prime ministers, they simply let them go on speaking tours. Thai tradition is a little different. Pridi and Pibun both lived out their days in exile. Thaksin has followed in their footsteps. And by the look of things, Abhisit might want to catch a plane ASAP. This tradition isn’t quite as entertaining as the days of Sukhothai and Ayutthaya, when rulers were simply poisoned or stabbed, but it remains a great cultural asset of Siam.

Dual-pricing. Due to the callous attacks of a bunch of farang and their Thai wives, Asiatique and the Dutch operators of their Ferris wheel were forced to do away with their dual-pricing (where Thais paid B200 and foreigners B250). Dual pricing has been practiced by the people of Thailand since the Bang Chiang prehistoric era, as evidenced in sculpted sea shells stamped B100 / B๕๐

Drunk driving. With the holiday season approaching, there will be renewed calls for designated drivers and all that foreign nonsense. We have been driving drunk since someone left some rice and water out in the sun. In fact, the recent B30 billion blimp accident was described by the army as an “emergency landing due to turbulence.” What a lovely way of putting it! We’d like to go even further and recommend the word “accident” be banned from the Thai language altogether.

Drinking on pavements. The Public Health Ministry has asked the government to ban selling liquor on sidewalks. It’s going to be that much harder to get into our vehicles if we have to stumble all the way from a bar to said vehicle. Surely being able to drink just next to your ride reduces the chance of injury. Moreover, finding a yaa dong stall these days is already hard enough, but this would be the final nail in our indigenous drinking culture.

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