In the very same week, the Thai Journalists Association came out and said that freedom of expression does not actually mean the right to criticize anyone, and that we should defend ASTV’s right to criticize generals. We’re a bit confused now as to the exact definition of freedom of expression and how it applies to the upcoming gubernatorial election. Is it OK to criticize the candidates or not? We’d like some clear guidelines on this to avoid upsetting people, hurting feelings and/or receiving decade-long prison sentences.

Example #1. The billboard of Pheu Thai candidate Phongsaphat playing an invisible trumpet. It’s very whimsical. It says that he’d likely be good with kids, as playing an imaginary trumpet usually gets a few laughs from toddlers and infants. On the other hand, it makes us wonder if imaginary trumpet skills are what this city really needs, as opposed to a clear vision and some serious urban planning. Did that sound a bit critical? Oops. We take it back.

Example #2. The billboard where Sukhumbhand is furiously brandishing a fist. Either he’s trying to get cozy with the harder fringe of the gay community (or vets), in which case we’d advise a latex glove and non-oil-based lubricant (Crisco will burn through latex faster than you can say, “Nice cheeks, big boy!”). Or he’s telling us he’s ready to kick some ass? But whose ass? Ours? Phongsaphat’s? Who would make a fair opponent for a pudgy 60-year-old? A Silpa-archa bro? (The one who is still alive, preferably.) Really, you tell us. We’re not being critical, just thinking out loud.

Example #3. The billboard where Seeripisut is rolling up his sleeves. Why do all these old men want to show us they’re good with their hands? Does it have to do with erectile dysfunction? Or does being governor really call for lots of manual labor? Not that we’re criticizing. Just asking.
In the meantime, to be on the safe side, we’d like to suggest a whole new star rating for our restaurant reviews to the Thai Journalists Association. From now on, one star means: “No criticism.” Two stars: “No criticism whatsoever.” Three stars: “A glorious meal.” Four stars: “A heavenly experience.” Five stars: “Uhaa, yes! YES! Ooh! Oh my god… that was amazing,” which is exactly how we feel about all of the gubernatorial candidates—particularly the one who’ll win.
 

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