There’s certainly been plenty to celebrate in the last couple of weeks, as Thais can bask in the glow of knowing that their country and their capital, Bangkok, really are the very best in the world.

Just ask Travel + Leisure magazine who named the City of Angels the world’s number one for the gazillionth-time in a row and kindly gave Governor Sukhumbhand a good excuse to visit New York this week and get in some shopping at Barneys. “Manhattan is so charming in the sunshine and these New Yorkers are so much nicer than those smartphone-wielding heathens I have to deal with,” the governor was definitely not heard to mutter under his breath at the awards ceremony.

Heck, we’re so great that the world’s leading football teams are currently falling over themselves to come and play here—some even let us win! Who cares if it cost almost B100 Billion, that’s the kind of money we embezzle for breakfast in this town. Transport schemes, rice pledges, tablet programs, new cars—one
thing that’s clear is we’re very good at splashing the cash.

On top of us being the best, it seems we’re also making a bid to be the biggest—or at least our young fellas are. That’s the news from the Ministry of Public Health, who reckon our modern diet of Hoegaarden and honey toast, and the government’s iodine campaign, has left young Thai men in desperate need of bigger condoms thanks to the swelling size of their members. If only Nen Kham had a supply of these jumbo-size johnnies—he might not have had that son who helped get him defrocked.

Of course, not everyone shares our utopian vision of Bangkok. Only God Forgives is the latest nasty Hollywood film to try and cast Bangkok in a less than positive light. Fortunately, it’s terrible just like the last hatchet job so we can ignore any kind of social commentary it’s trying to make. We all know why these big-shot directors and A-listers keep knocking us, anyway. They’re just jealous—pining for LA to be a little bit more like Lad Phrao.
 

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