Freedom of speech is once more a hot topic. For one, we got a crap ranking in the yearly Press Freedom Index. And then the Democrats tried to shut Yingluck up for saying their government was not democratic. Yingluck followed suit by suing everyone who called her a female dog and prostitute, be they hackers or cartoonists from Thai Rath. And finally the Red Shirts tried to shut up Thai Rath by throwing petanque balls at the newspaper’s windows. And this is where we draw the line.

Petanque may be regarded as French, but that’s its only fault, really. It’s mostly just a lovely sport. It’s played by throwing a heavy metal ball as close as possible to a little wooden one, the cochonnet. And if that sounds too exerting, you need to realize the cochonnet is only a few yards away, and you only get two balls. In fact, you can also play bocce, where the ball is rolled, a variation we owe to Italy, a nation well steeped in avoiding any kind of effort outside the kitchen or bedroom. In short, it’s a global, peaceful sport that smells of olive oil and pine trees and is usually played while drinking copious amounts of anise-flavored spirits.

So why did the Red Shirts have to drag petanque into this? Or if the Red Shirts didn’t, what kind of sick mind would throw a petanque ball to make it look like Lao—or at least Isaan—terrorism is on the rise. Seriously, who the heck plays petanque in Bangkok anyway? Those notorious Singhtarua Football Club fans? Why, yes, there is a petanque pitch across from the stadium now that you mention it. Or maybe the retirees at Lumpini did it, after a heated argument between the chess club (“freedom of expression does not mean freedom to insult”), the tai qi club (“what is the sound of freedom of expression clapping with one hand?”) and the boules club (“Yingluck is the hottest prime minister we’ve ever had”).

In any case, you know a nation has hit rock bottom when sport turns violent. So we beg you, Thai sisters and brothers, to put down your balls, pull up a chair and rediscover the art of conversation. The first round of pastis is on us.

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