Dear Mr KIA,
One of my closest pals just got jail time for DUI (Driving Under the Influence). Eighteen whole months— can you believe it? While partying’s never fun without him, I don’t feel inclined to join him in the pen but I still want to drive my Volkswagen GT I to the clubs (how else am I going to score the chicks?). Is there anyone who’ll drive my car and take me home when I’m drunk?—Cruisin’ for a Boozin’
Dear CB,

Dear Mr KIA,
I’ve always been an angry person. When the office copy machine encountered problems last week, I punched it so hard that shrapnel from its shattered window injured seven colleagues. I’ve since been fired. I need to control my anger. Help. —Bruce Banner of the Scanner
Dear BBS,

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
I’m a black belt Taekwondo enthusiast and I would love to have a place where I can practice the sport. I’ve just moved to Hong Kong and I’m not particularly looking for a center that teaches, but rather, a place where I can practice with individuals that are on a similar level. - Black Belt Badass

Dear MR KIA,
Even squarish civil servants have cool Herman Miller chairs to sit in. I want a fancy throne of my own. My perfect chair would resemble the immaculate wing chairs seen in the 1962 film version of Lolita. The scene where rival pedophiles Quilty and Humbert sink into their respective chairs during their final sleazy face off has been on repeat loop on my plasma and never fails to give me a massive chairgasm. So tell me, where can I find one?—Wing Me One
Dear Wing Me One,

What is up with all my friends? They always seem to be attending these gigs and concerts featuring bands I have never heard of! I feel so left out; I want my friends back. My social life is suffering! Every time they talk about these obscure bands and make references to them in our daily conversations, I just want to sink right into the ground and pretend I’m invisible. However, since I can’t change them, I guess I’ll join them. How can I brush up on ‘cool indie music’ so that my friends will start talking to me again? —Sad & Blue
Dear SB,

Dear Mr. Know-It-All,
I’ve been in a serious, committed relationship for the last year and a half, and my boyfriend is really sweet to me. He’s very attentive and sensitive to my feelings and all, but things between the sheets leave something to be desired. I really love him but I want our sex life to be amazing. Please help.—Sexually frustrated and hopelessly in love

What am I to do with my life? I just graduated and I’m stuck in a tiny cubicle eight hours a day, five times a week. I procrastinate by changing my make-up look every two hours or by giving makeovers to my colleagues. I’ve got two wedding makeup gigs lined up next month; apparently everyone thinks I’m a genius! I’ve also been churning out make-up tutorials on YouTube and currently have 43,561 subscribers! You could even say I am Singapore’s Marie Digby of cosmetics … well, one can dream.

Dear Mr KIA,
My mother-in-law recently passed me a Corningware bowl full of buah keluak to bring home. I took it home, ate it, and washed and dried the dish and lid. While putting the dish and lid away, I dropped the lid and it shattered. My mother-in-law is dropping by my place on Saturday for dinner and I need to return the set then. Is there a place to buy a Corningware lid without the container? It's the second time I've done this in two months so I really don't have the points to spare. Help!—Butterfingers
Dear Butterfingers,

Dear Mr KIA,

Dear Mr KIA,