It is with a heart full of sadness that Greater Singapore has decided to consciously uncouple from Little India. We have been working hard for over four months, ever since last year’s riots, to see what might have been possible between us, and have come to the conclusion that while we love each other very much, we will remain separate. We have exhausted all reasonable means of resolving our differences. In the first instance, we banned alcohol consumption. Then we extended that ban. We then went on to extend it on a weekly basis. Most recently, we instituted a new law banning any public assemblies, unless the organizers hold a police permit. At a tearful counselling session we told them that we would “continue to take calibrated measures to maintain public order”—words, you will surely agree, of love at its most raw and searching. Yet despite such heartfelt attempts at conciliation, these measures drove us further apart. This split, while the result of many factors—the people there like cricket, we like football; their tolerance for spicy food is a little humiliating to us—is one born of the deepest respect (to be clear, however, we have not consulted them on this matter). We have lived together for almost 50 years, and while modern society adheres to the idea that such unions should be lifelong, we believe we need to redefine this construct. Hereafter we will be reviewing the friendship on a monthly basis and reserve the right to take more punitive measures if they don’t get their act together. We are, however, and always will be a family, and in many ways (especially through our comprehensive blanketing of the area with CCTV cameras) we are closer than we have ever been. We ask for our space and privacy to be respected at this difficult time.