Hi! We’re here to milk the Ferrari crash for just one more week. Oh come on, it’s not old news just yet. They’re coming up with new stuff every day. First it was a hit and run. (Well, that’s just how we do things in Thailand.) Then they said he was drunk. (Who isn’t at 5am on a Monday?) Then Vorayuth and the mom went to the funeral. (Nice glasses. Prada?) Then they said he was speeding at 200kph. (Holy crap! In a soi that small? Italian engineering is really quite something.)But, seriously, this story is getting stale as fast as a patongko. We need a new celebrity scandal and we need one fast. If nothing happens this week, we will be reduced to talking about the Southern insurgency. “Oh! No! Not the Southern insurgency!” you scream. Well it’s either that, the cabinet reshuffles, iPhone 5 or floods in the boonies. And y’all well know that you don’t really care about the floods until you can smell it bubbling up through your toilets.So this is a cri de coeur going out to all celebrities. Please, we need one of you to do something really arrogant and stupid to make us feel better about ourselves. It can be a video of you slapping a maid, clerk, or intern. It can be you doing drugs. It can be a sex tape (preferred option). It’s your call, but time is of the essence.If no one comes forth, we will resort to introspection. This is not an empty threat. We will actually take a long hard look at ourselves, with our clothes off, in the mirror. (At home, alone.) Maybe the mirror won’t send back the image of a drunk cop killer, but given the amount of new restaurants we’ve been reviewing (and drinking at) lately, it won’t be a pretty sight.In fact, it’s started already. People have been sharing this video of a taxi driver handing over a bribe to a cop and it got over 160,000 views with over 900 likes versus 31 dislikes. Could that be a signal that a few people think we all have a part to play in keeping our roads safe? That we can’t just sit on the sidelines and rubberneck while they cart off the bodies? That… Oh crap, that’s it. We’re getting all introspective already. Ananda, Mario, could you guys please do meth together while speeding in a stolen car, having sex and discussing tax evasion (just have Sunny film the action with his phone)? Please? We could really use the help right now.