Hi everyone, it’s Tippy. Your favorite fashion correspondent. I want to chat to our new readers today. Yes, you soggy people who floated downriver, or maybe the lucky few who were carried 200 miles in the arms of a young soldier, your bare wet flesh pressed against his bare wet flesh. Ooh, sorry, goosebump moment! WE WELCOME YOU! Yes! Welcome to Bangkok! We are all really touched by what you’ve done for us, na ka, letting your huts flood and your wagons fill with mud so we could keep our Manolos dry. And we would really like you to FEEL AT HOME! JING JING! (Sorry if I’m talking a bit loud but I’m just not sure if you can catch Central Thai. What’s the main dialect in Ayutthaya? Never mind.)So congrats, you finally made it to the Big Mango. Rule number one: walk fast. We do super important things here. The new Ikea, tons of spaghetti mentaiko, lakorn: that’s all made right here, in Krungthep Mahanakorn. That’s why YOU had to be flooded. I’m so, so sorry, jing jing, but what we do here is just too critical to the country’s economy. Even the minister said it. And if your rice is ruined, well, I hate to be the one telling you this, honey, but everyone eats mashed potatoes these days. Yeah. I know: when it rains, it pours.Can you believe then that I’ve heard a few of you complaining about how your province was flooded to save Bangkok? I know that’s not the general feeling. I know we’re only talking about a very small number of highly dangerous terrorists, hell-bent on sinking the capital so Cambodia can invade. But let me tell you this. We will find you. And we will ban you and your family from getting a tax cut on your new pickups. And we will make sure you never get to taste the delicious wonder that is honey toast.His Graciousness Governor Sukhumbhand has made it very clear: Bangkok is on its own. He’s told everyone to back off. “Help the provinces, first,” HGG said. We will stand our ground. We will survive (Oh my god—favorite song, ever). We will… Hey, are you eyeing our fancy mobile water pumps? No please don’t touch that. We’re fine on our own, really. No! Let go! Aaaeeeee! That’s my inflatable dinghy, you peasant! Kamoi! Chuay duay! Terrorists!