We’ve never felt so body-conscious. First the Ministry of Culture and Boobies establishes new rules saying that only people who look great in a bikini can get religious tattoos beneath the waistline (or something like that). Then all those greedy fish eat the sugar from a sunken barge—and die. Then these children get caned for being fat. (Or was it bad grades? In any case, they deserved it.) And finally that Indian guru goes on a hunger strike to protest against corruption.That’s it. We’re going on a hunger strike of our own. If we start now, we can probably lose 10lbs by the time Kylie gets to Bangkok.It’s a big dream, but then again elections are the time for big dreams. We don’t want history to remember us as not being involved, as not caring. “Bangkok’s mentally-ill middle class,” snicker the kingdom’s academics. Really? Do they know how we felt when we spotted that Le Notre’s éclair is now B75? We very nearly had a heart attack at such rampant inflation.But before we embark on our fast, let us clarify a few ground rules relating to our hunger strike:1. Dessert is processed by a different stomach and therefore isn’t proper food. Hence, nothing in this week’s roundup of Bangkok’s yummiest treats (see page 6) counts as eating.2. Despite their name, pork barrel politics aren’t actual food either. If a representative offers to build a high-speed rail link in your backyard, you can still vote for them. Just make sure they buy you lunch at Bei Otto or Fuji first (see #3).3. With the radiation scare in Japan and the E.coli outbreak in Germany, those countries’ hard-hit fishermen and farmers need some support. As such, sushi and sauerkraut are permitted during this hunger strike.As you can see, it’s a pretty hardcore hunger strike with a high protein streak. (Cakes have eggs in them, you know.) But enough is enough, it’s time to make a stand. If we can do it, so can you.