(Bangkok, Thailand) Amid the hundreds of road deaths and countless damaged livers this Songkran, three young women showed off their bare breasts in Silom, creating a storm of reprobation. “It hurts the image of Thailand, in particular Silom,” roared Bangrak District Office director Surakiat Limcharern.Silom, a popular destination for sex tourists, is well-known for its raunchy shows featuring boys engaging in anal penetration while swinging from monkey bars and women shooting ping pong balls from their vaginas. Why the outrage, then? Most saw the exposure of some bare breasts during the three-day party as a worrying sign that the neighborhood’s idea of fun was becoming dangerously mainstream.“Our reputation has been built through decades of hard work,” one sex worker from Soi Patpong said. “Then these three sluts come along and show off their boobs. What’s next? Wet t-shirt contests? I can shoot darts from my c***, for crying out loud!”The Ministry of Communication and Magic, too, was unanimous in its condemnation. “If Thailand gets mentioned in a Hollywood movie, it’s usually as the butt—hehe—of a joke on our hookers. This is our number one cultural export,” said the Ministry’s spokesperson. “Titty flashes in broad daylight might be shocking for drunk university students in the US, but this is Thailand. We have much higher standards.”Still reeling from the shock of this tame display of titillation, Silom business owners gathered on Monday to discuss solutions. “We need to reclaim our crown as the filthiest neighborhood on the planet,” the Silom Traders Association president declared, inviting everyone to partake in a campaign for 2012 tentatively titled Silom’s Sleazy Songkran. Rather than bare breasts, female participants will be encouraged to join workshops on how to smoke a cigar without the risk of lung cancer or, for men, ribbon dancing, a delicate Silom tradition where men produce ribbons from their bottoms while twirling like dervishes.“Silom is about so much more than just flashing your tits,” one mama san declared. “People have become pretty blasé about sex with the internet and all. But I think we can still blow their minds—and other things. It’s time to remind the world that Thailand has definitely not cleaned up its act.”