CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): Happy Holy Daze, Capricorn! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What items might inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? And the answer is: anything that makes you laugh harder, deeper, faster, and more often. For me that would be something like DVDs by comedians Margaret Cho, Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle, and Sarah Silverman, but you might need different stimuli. The point is, you’ve got to significantly raise your Laugh Quotient in the coming months. The astrological omens say it’s the only strategy that’s guaranteed to make you an expert problem solver, increase your intelligence, and keep you in peak health.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): Happy Holy Daze, Aquarius! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic item might inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? I’ve decided it would be a fortune cookie inside of which was an oracle based on an old Sufi saying: “I was a hidden treasure and I longed to be known.” This would serve as your motto and mantra in the coming months, a reminder that it’s high time for you to come out of every closet, throw off all your disguises, and reveal the curious beautiful truths about yourself. Even if you don’t do that, I bet you’ll still become better known in 2006; not necessarily famous, but certainly more accurately perceived and more deeply understood.
PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20): Happy Holy Daze, Pisces! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What would best get you ready for 2006? What symbolic offer might motivate you to take maximum advantage of the astrological opportunities ahead? And the answer is: a roundtrip plane ticket to the mysterious frontier or thrilling sanctuary or provocative paradise you’ve been fantasizing about off and on for a long time. Why? Because this is the year you really need to escape the insidious comforts that have been sapping your ability to be the brave dreamer you were born to be.
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19): Happy Holy Daze, Aries! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic item might inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? And the answer is: “The Daughter of Jacob Meyer,” one of Vincent van Gogh’s first drawings. He did it when he was 27. That’s right: The celebrated painter didn’t even begin his life’s work until then, having failed in his careers as an art dealer and preacher. In recommending this as a present for you, I hope you’ll be inspired to realize that no matter what you’ve done up until this point, the coming year will give you a chance to start fresh on a new quest—maybe even a calling that will sustain you for decades.
TAURUS (Apr 20-May 20): Happy Holy Daze, Taurus! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What symbolic items might inspire you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? And the answer is: several full-length mirrors that you can arrange in such a way so as to study what you look like from behind and from the side as well as from the front. What’s my reason? I believe you should get to know yourself much, much better in the coming months. You should gaze into your own mysteries far more frequently than you ever have before, and try to see yourself with as much compassionate objectivity as possible.
GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): Happy Holy Daze, Gemini! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What symbolic items might stimulate you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? The answer is: a lot of beautiful comfortable shoes suitable for a variety of moods, from hiking to working to traveling to dancing. I recommend this dramatic upgrade in footwear because I think it would help drive home the single most important task you have ahead of you, which is to come all the way down to earth. This is the year you’ve got to become as well-grounded as you’ve ever dared to be.
CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22): Happy Holy Daze, Cancerian! I’ve decided that the best possible gift you could give yourself this holiday season is this: a promise that you will love yourself with more wild abandon, reverent devotion, and unpredictable ingenuity in 2006.
If you agree with my idea, then I suggest you make a formal pledge to do just that, preferably written out on a piece of paper and placed in a prominent place in your home. To carry out your vow, you might want to commit to a regular schedule of thoughtful gestures, like buying yourself a dozen roses or getting a massage twice a month—or handing yourself a compliment and putting yourself in the presence of awesome beauty once a day.
LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22): Happy Holy Daze, Leo! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What symbolic items might stimulate you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? Here’s my answer: a skateboard or snowboard or bongo board. If you developed your proficiency on one of these, you’d be cultivating the same capacity you should build in your psyche: really good balance. In the coming months, I hope you will become a master of maintaining your equilibrium, seeing all sides of every story, and taking the middle path between two extremes.
VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22): Happy Holy Daze, Virgo! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What symbolic offers might inspire you to be in closest alignment with the cosmic currents in 2006? I’ve decided on a pair of binoculars, a microscope, and sunglasses with mirrors in the corner of each lens that allow you to gaze on the reflections of things behind you. These, I hope, would give you the message that you should try hard to see further, deeper, and more clearly; you should become more greedily eager to notice details you’ve been blind to in the past.
LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22): Happy Holy Daze, Libra! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gifts for you. What symbolic items might stimulate you to take maximum advantage of the cosmic currents in 2006? The first thing that comes to mind is a bar of gold bullion or a stack of gold coins. It might stir up your financial imagination and motivate you to take aggressive steps to increase your income, which would be right in line with the scenario that the astrological omens suggest is possible. What might be even more effective, though, is a photo or image or drawing that captures the invigorating experiences you’ll be able to buy yourself when you have more money.
SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21): Happy Holy Daze, Scorpio! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What symbolic offer might inspire you to be in closest alignment with the cosmic currents in 2006? I’ve decided on a magnesium firestarter, a metal tool with a striking rod that’s guaranteed to kindle a flame even when conditions are wet. This would, I hope, send you the message that your job in the coming months is to be constantly ablaze—to ignite passions, burn down obstacles, and be a source of intense light and warmth and energy wherever you go.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21): Happy Holy Daze, Sagittarius! I’ve been meditating on the perfect holiday gift for you. What would best get you ready for 2006? What symbolic offer might motivate you to take maximum advantage of the astrological opportunities? And the answer is: the biggest, baddest vacuum cleaner ever made—a sleek chic cleaning machine with turbocharged suction power, a hundred different attachments, and a very long reach. Such a gift would, I think, be an inspiring metaphor as you dive into the coming year’s most important project: to purge every last bit of messiness and chaos and karmic dirt that have accumulated in your life during the last ten years.