AQUARIUS (Jan 20-Feb 18): Happy Valentine Daze, Aquarius! During this lover’s holiday, I’m praying for you to have mind-boggling communions with smart-mouthed, quick-thinking virtuosos who are at least as brilliant as you. To be frank, I don’t care whether or not these communions are with attractive members of your favorite gender. In accordance with the promises of your current astrological omens, I just want to see you stimulated to the point of spiritual and intellectual rapture by kaleidoscopic give-and-take sessions.
PISCES (Feb 19-Mar 20): Happy Valentine Daze, Pisces! My team of Prayer Warriors and I are sending you surges of the smartest love we can conjure up. Through the sweet fierce force of our high-tech magic, we’ve transformed our hearts into the equivalents of 100,000-watt broadcasting towers that are dosing you with wave after wave of primal adoration and appreciation. Open yourself to our gift, please. It’s as real as a thunderstorm, as potent as the Buddha’s libido. If you’ve felt that no one could ever see you for who you really are, let us prove you wrong. If you’ve fantasized that no one will ever be completely on your side, surrender to the overwhelming evidence that we are your shockingly friendly allies.
ARIES (Mar 21-Apr 19): Happy Valentine Daze, Aries! On this lover’s holiday, let’s see what we can do to purge some of your old romantic karma. With a cleaner slate, you’ll be freer to create the kind of love you really want in the future. To begin, write a list of the worst sins you’ve committed against your ex-intimates. Include behavior that was ignorant, cruel, or unconscious. Next, think of atonements you might make for the hurtful things you did. For instance, you could send your ex an “I’m sorry for the craziness our relationship caused you” letter. Finally, Aries, forgive yourself of your errors.
TAURUS (Apr 20-May 20): Happy Valentine Daze, Taurus! During this lover’s holiday, I encourage you to devote yourself full-time to acting like a person who’s in love. Even if you’re not currently in the throes of passion for a special someone, pretend you are. Everywhere you go, exude that charismatic blend of shell-shocked contentment and blissful turmoil that comes over you when you’re infatuated. Let everyone you meet soak up the delicious wisdom you exude. Dispense free blessings and extra slack like a rich saint high on natural endorphins. (I assure you that this assignment is in perfect accord with the astrological omens.)
GEMINI (May 21-Jun 20): Happy Valentine Daze, Gemini! I hope you’ll be very specific about what you want from intimacy and collaboration in the coming months. To get you in the mood, I’ve written a personal ad for you to use. Or create your own, borrowing from the spirit of mine. Here you go. Slapstick thinker with refined sensibilities seeks a saint-like sinner with insanely cool style for a long-distance joyride towards the outskirts of Nirvana. Established meditation practice and a good bedside manner are desirable. Would it be too much to ask that you might also have a high level of emotional intelligence without boring me to death with your maturity? Is it possible that you’ll be an entertaining talker who also knows how to listen with your wild heart turned up all the way? Let’s keep reinventing ourselves forever.
CANCER (Jun 21-Jul 22): Happy Valentine Daze, Cancerian! I sing a sly WOW toward the sky and murmur a resonant YOW toward the earth in rowdy reverent gratitude for the wonders that come your way from the special people in your life. I send out a special YAYA and GAGA to that Mysterious Other who has the power to challenge you, teach you, confound you, inspire you, and love you almost as well as you love yourself. Long may your story unfold in all of its enigmatic glory! Long may you liberate each other from your suffering!
LEO (Jul 23-Aug 22): Happy Valentine Daze, Leo! I predict that more love will flow into your life in the future. Why? Because beginning now, you will remove the obstructions that have been interfering with that flow. That’s not all. More love will flow into your life because you’ll decide that you are actually very lovable—more lovable than you’ve previously acknowledged. That’s not all. More love will flow into your life because you will vow to invoke in yourself a tremendous surge of willpower that will make you hungry to give love, to bestow blessings, and to extend favors. You’ll derive deep pleasure, a real libidinous thrill, from radiating generous emotions in all directions.
VIRGO (Aug 23-Sep 22): “You’ve been walking the ocean’s edge, holding up your robes to keep them dry,” writes Coleman Barks in his translation of the 13th-century poet Rumi. What he means is that you’ve been too tentative and inhibited in your relationship with the tidal forces of love; you’ve been holding back from giving your total devotion to the primal power that fuels the universe. “You must dive naked under and deeper under,” Barks and Rumi continue, “a thousand times deeper!” Consider taking the poets’ advice, Virgo. If you can’t manage diving a thousand times deeper, try to least make it a hundred times. Happy Valentine Daze!
LIBRA (Sep 23-Oct 22): Happy Valentine Daze, Libra! After careful meditation about what advice might help you expand your experience of intimacy, I’ve decided to offer you the following meditation. “Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly. It wants to rip to shreds all your erroneous notions of truth that make you fight within yourself, and with others.” So writes Daniel Ladinsky in his translation of a poem by Hafiz. Love, he continues, “sometimes wants to do us a great favor: hold us upside down and shake all the nonsense out.” That’s a pretty good description of where I think you are in your current relationship with love, Libra. I hope you’re brave enough to cooperate with its gift.
SCORPIO (Oct 23-Nov 21): Happy Valentine Daze, Scorpio! I dare you to up the ante in your relationship with a special someone who both frustrates and inspires you. One way to do that might be to say the following to that person: “We are pain and what cures pain, both. We are the sweet cold water and the jar that pours. I want to hold you close like a lute, so that we can cry out with loving. Would you rather throw stones at a mirror? I am your mirror and here are the stones.” (This passage was written by the 13th-century poet Rumi and translated by Coleman Barks.)
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22-Dec 21): “From studying the samurai art of kendo,” writes a reader named Amanda, “I’ve learned that some of history’s most fearsome warriors derived their great strength from sublime tenderness.” Your assignment during this season of love, Sagittarius, is to act on that advice in every way you can imagine. I want you to be a sensitive juggernaut of courage and daring in the coming months, and I believe the best way to do that is to intensify your commitment to mastering the art of ingenious intimacy. Happy Valentine Daze!
CAPRICORN (Dec 22-Jan 19): Happy Valentine Daze, Capricorn. I dare you to say the following to a special someone with whom you want to be closer: “Your face is true and your hair is perfect and I love you. You make boats in my dreams and you speak without words and I love you. Your fears unnerve me and your questions amuse me and I love you. I love you not only for who you are, but for the interesting person I become when I’m with you. I say I love you and love you and love you until the words become the constant song of your voice in my head and the original ache of memory in my soul. I love you more than life and death, more than everything that’s in between the light and the dark. Do you believe me? Try harder. Do you believe me now? I’m always with you, which is why I know you will never abandon yourself.”