Oh crap. We’re back at the office, without a public holiday in sight for the foreseeable future. What are we going to do? Work? No way. We haven’t done any real work since the floods, which were conveniently followed by Christmas, New Year’s, Yingluck’s holiday extension and a massive hangover. Sure we’ve sent the odd email, answered a few phone calls saying we’d get in touch early Jan (shit, that’s now, right?). But truth be told, much, much more time was spent watching how many things Sek Loso can smoke (our favorite is a coconut), episodes of Tei Tiew Thai and Shit Girls Say. We admit it. We haven’t actually produced anything substantial in over three months; and we’re pretty sure you haven’t either. But with Songkran four months away, how are we going to pull through? We can’t just pretend to be alive at our keyboard for another 120 days—can we?Of course you can! Just look at the government. They’ve been “working” since last July. And during their time in office they’ve developed some work-friendly survival techniques we can all copy. The most basic is called the Smoke Screen. Say you over promised in 2011 (tablets for every child, B300 minimum wage or, in your case, tripling your sales figures): you now need to replace those expectations with something equally exciting, but a lot less difficult to achieve. In the government’s case, that would be the new Lese Majeste Strike Force Alpha: a super computer and team of experts that can detect who clicked “like” on a Facebook post with more accuracy than a GT200 bomb sniffer. Imagine how impressed management will be when you reveal this incredible new feature: “Boss, we can now track who ‘likes’ us on Facebook!”Another important technique perfected by our cabinet is to cry. Sales are dismal? Join Kittiratt Na-Ranong (our Deputy Prime Minister) and the PM in shedding a few tears, as they did on their tours of flood-affected areas. There just isn’t much the boss can do while you’re bawling.Finally, and this tip comes from our MPs, there’s always the no-show. Call in sick. Say you’re stuck in traffic, that your home is still flooded, that someone just found 18 million baht stuffed in garbage bags in your living room... It’s about time management realize you are way too important to actually be at your desk getting shit done.