Greetings minions and plebians. It is I, Lin Ping, the Magnificent, the Omnipotent, the Plenipotentiary. Come on, you remember! I’m the cute one on Channel 23 all day. Bow down before my adorableness.So I guess you’ve heard the news by now. You silly mortals have been granted a special privilege. That’s right, I’m expecting a little sibling. A new heir to carry on my legacy, even if I do get kicked out of the country for good like those mysterious voices keep threatening.Of course you are all going dutifully crazy about her arrival. And I understand. Just consider the power of her impending youthful fluffiness, impossibly lustrous fur, compelling good looks and reconciliation-inducing snuggliness.But know this, earthlings: she is my clone. I will raise her from a cub and teach her to do my bidding. First, she will win your hearts by being cute. While you take endless pictures of my sister snoozing and rolling over, I will be there lurking at the edge of the frame. When you discuss her growth on web boards, you will be comparing her to me. And lo, it will come to pass that you will remember my cute fuzziness once more. You will long for a time when it was me you loved.And that’s when it will happen: in those endless pictures, you’ll begin to forget which panda is which. (Come on, can you really tell us pandas apart? A recent study on median IQ suggests otherwise.) Slowly, she will move into the background. She will insist that I return to your affections. I will stroll to the front of the enclosure, to the foreground of your pictures and back into your hearts once more.But until that glorious day, fallen disciples, I will let her have her day in the sun. I will wait while you become disenchanted with her popular but misguided attempts to scratch her belly. Then you will remember there’s only room for one panda at the top of the bamboo pile and that panda is me. Don’t forget. I’m omnipotent. It’s all part of the plan.Her Holiness Lin Ping, the Fuzzy and Munificent.