This weekend, ASEAN finance ministers are playing golf in Cambodia. Our delegation will have much to discuss with our Khmer friends. In particular, now that Phreah Vihear is less of a touchy subject, Cambodia is asking if we could possibly help train their cheap-but-willing labor force by sending over some of our skilled workers. Who us? Really? Why yes, come to think of it, Thailand is home to some leading experts on tough topics. Sign up for one of these three seminars and unlock the power of our ancient Siamese wisdom.1. Seminar #1: Shut up, Pray, LoveIf your relationship (or country) is on the rocks, book yourself a session with Thailand’s leading reconciliation expert, General Sonthi Boonyaratkalin. Gen. Sonthi’s reveals that the only way to answer tricky questions like “Did you sleep with that whore?” or, “Did ‘he’ tell you to roll out your tanks?” is not “No.” Instead, promise to take your secret to the grave, creating an aura of mystery and tragedy that is bound to confuse everyone enough to smooth things over.2. Seminar #2: Drugs for DummiesIn Thailand, health officials are revolutionizing treatment for the common cold. By selling our cold pills to Burmese gangs, Thailand can then reimport a drug far more potent, thanks to additives such as lithium from camera batteries and toilet cleaner. This much improved version, called ya baa, can cure most symptoms (or at least the ability to perceive them) within minutes. Sign up for this seminar and find out to how to make your own without blowing up your bathroom (early bird registration gets you a starter kit with 200,000 cold pills).3. Seminar #3: They say we can’t drink. Fuck that! *burp*Thailand is blessed with some of the toughest anti-alcohol laws this side of prohibition: high taxes, limits on sale times and all-but-banned advertising. The result? We drink 7.1 liters of pure alcohol per person, per year, with no sign of slowing down. How are we so tough? How can we help others to drink more? Is there anything worse than a Sangsom hangover? This liquid lunch/seminar will reveal all these secrets.