Good morning, class.(A chorus of voices): “Good mor-ning, tea-cher!”It’s so nice to see so many familiar faces today—and such stylish headbands! You know I also “(heart) Thaksin.”Just to make sure none of you are in the wrong place, this is the songwriting class for Thai Rak Thai candidates and would-be members of the Constitution Court. Usually at least one of the students from the tax law seminar ends up here by mistake. Not today? Super.I am Khru Suparb—some of you already know me from the table manners courses I taught following your 19 million-vote mandate—and today we’re going to learn the fine art of songwriting. Specifically, we’re going to learn how to write lyrics like those in “Thaksin: Man of His Land”—because you-know-who was really pleased with it and has decided that every candidate should have his or her own ode to Thaksin to sing while on the campaign trail.Some of you look a bit nervous. Don’t be. If Arisman Pongruangrong can do it, so can you. Even when he’s meddling into professional sports or assisting with social order campaigns, Arisman still has time to squeeze out a catchy lyric or two between meetings. Besides, it’s not like you have to be a genius to be a pop singer.Tip number one: Start with an attention-grabbing title. “Man of His Land” is a perfect example. It’s short and simple. We could even improve on this. “Man of His Hand” works just as well.Tip number two: Know who your audience is. In this case, we all know who is payin’ da bills, don’t we? So no references to square faces or loopholes. Instead, do like Arisman: “He is before us today, devoted body and mind.” You could even jazz it up by substituting “hardbody” for “body.”Tip number three: The lyrics should be honest and heartfelt. I think we all agree that “This is Thaksin, who gives freely in thanks to the motherland” is pretty damn heartfelt. And honest, too.Tip number four: To attract a younger audience, set the lyrics to a Black Eyed Peas song. “My Humps” is my personal favorite.Final tip: The lyrics should stir the emotions of the listener. Sing this part with me: “Hang on, fight on, man of his land!” Can’t you just feel the stirring?Any questions? You all pass. Class dismissed!