International relations are a lot like interpersonal relationships (and not just because there is a lot of overlap in their spelling). In both love and politics, the two (or more) parties know what the right thing to do is and usually do the right thing guided by generally understood rules— “The Girl Code,” “The Guy Code,” UN resolutions—as opposed to strictly defined laws.In fact, political guidelines are nearly the same as the equivalent human codes of conduct. This is why we’re so mad at Singapore. Some things you just don’t do, man! Like hang out with a friend’s ex soon after their breakup—especially if the separation was nasty. The rules say that it’s fine if you run into the ex in Starbucks in a neutral third country or something. You can even exchange a few civil words; it’s not necessary to defend your friend’s honor by being nasty. But having a private meeting with the ex is just not cool. You may say that it’s “casual,” but if he tells you in advance that he’s coming and you’re there waiting for him, well, don’t expect us to be friends anymore, lah.Singaporeans seem to have forgotten about all the things we’ve discussed at ASEAN meetings over the years. “Your enemy is my enemy.” “You watch my back and I’ll watch yours.” “Your embargo is my embargo.” “Constructive engagement.” What about our little pinky shake?Well we remember, Lion-Boy. This is how you pay us back for our ASEAN loyalty? Next thing you know Japan and China will be building soapboxes for the ex, and he’ll be on not just CNN but also CCTV, BBC, Fox and Al Jazeera.Sorry about all the “eavesdropping” talk, but you started it. We didn’t want it to be you, Singapore, but Malaysia and Burma have been quiet lately and we’re in desperate need of an enemy to rally against.Everyone knows how productive we are when we’re mad. First we’ll focus our energies on making Suvarnabhumi a real aviation hub and put Changi out of business. After that we’ll buy up land in Indonesia and set the forests on fire when the wind is blowing in your direction. And then we’ll legalize casinos.